Potpourri
It's holiday weekend and I decided to give you a few sentences from my favorite blogs. Some of them are funny, some serious, some controversial and some that just make sense.
BLOG "SEX"
Sooo, what am I saying here -
it's simple, SEX is FUN. No more thinking about it. No more stressing about it.
No more believing what others have put into your head. No more theories as to
why we have orgasms. STOP ALL THE HANG-UPS. Just go out and have as much SEX as
you can because:
It's a hell of a lot of FUN!
BLOG "Take My Wife.....Please"
Airline Jokes
Getting on a plane, I told the
ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles,
and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told
her, "You did it last week!"
The food on the plane was fit for a
king. "Here, King!"
Doctor Jokes
A doctor gave a man six months to
live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet
and said, "Cough!"
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying,
"Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did
my arthritis!"
BLOG "Time For Cloths Off"
Here is the most important
question; "when you get home, do you take your clothes off and get
comfortably ugly? Are you afraid to let your spouse or friend see you with
clothes that don't match, but are super comfortable? How do you feel about
swing in the wind without underwear?
Trust me, you'll never really
get to know your spouse or friend until you see them ugly. Hugging in
comfortable clothes is much better than hugging in party or business clothes.
Hugging someone who isn't wearing any underwear is more thrilling than hugging
someone who has layers protecting the good stuff.
Sooo, say it loud and say it
proud:
"TIME FOR CLOTHES OFF"
BLOG "Knock, Knock, Knocken On Heavens Door"
Who the hell wants to wait to die
before we can be rewarded with the greatness that some of us call heaven? I
want to be rewarded NOW. I do the right thing because it makes me proud of
myself NOW! I give unconditional love to myself and others because it feels so
good NOW.
This heaven and hell crap can hold you back from enjoying the goodness of
today. This heaven and hell bullshit is not going to make an evil person less
evil. If you focus on how you engage the world today you will be either
rewarded with positive energy or negative energy. It's your choice NOT some
religious teachings that was passed down to you by your parents or someone else
who used heaven and hell to set your path in life.
BLOG "Racism In America"
Racism is all about anger.
Why are we still so angry? Maybe our father's father (black or white,
Asian or Hispanic) had a reason to be angry, but what the hell does that have
to do with us? I realize anger can be passed down to other generations, but why
can't we take a step back and say: "my father's anger is not serving me.
My father's anger is not helping me become happier. Having racism in my heart
will only greatly reduce the chances of my kids having a happy life."
Racism in America has outlived
its usefulness. We need to just see people as people. It's their actions
we need to focus on not their color or their accent. It's not about who is
shooting who. It's about three things. Learning to live with everyone, getting
rid of the anger that a parent, friend or relative put into our heart and
realizing;
Racism In America - What Is It Good For -
Absolutely Nothing
BLOG " What Are They Afraid Of"
The facts are, gay people are just like us. They work just
like us. They worry about finances just like us.
They fall in love just like us. They have gay and not gay
friendships just like some of us. They have bad days and good days just like us.
They adopt children just like us. They love their children just like us.
They try their best to make a happy life for their children just like us.
Most of all, just like us, they want to have a happy life.
Do you really believe if they marry, your life will be worse?
Do you really believe if they marry, the Church will go under? Do
you really believe if they marry, your children and their children will grow up
in a demon world? Do you really believe if they marry the United States and
the rest of the world will fall apart? Come on, you know the answer to
these questions is NO!
Sooo, what the hell are they afraid of. I really don't know
and I'm not sure they know. I
have never heard anyone give me a specific reason as to why being gay is wrong.
Saying the Bible says so, is leaving all your decisions to a book.
Saying it's just not right, is not an intelligent answer.
Saying that's the way I was brought up, is giving control of your life to
the past. Saying it discuss me, is saying you have no incite as
to how you feel about things.
BLOG "Superstition, Horoscopes and Fortune Cookies"
The fact is that some people
are paranoid about some superstitions. They actually let them have an impact on
their lives and their happiness. Ask yourself, how the hell can a rabbit's foot
or a coin bring you good luck? Do you really believe if you break a mirror or
have a black cat run in front of you, you'll have bad luck? What the hell does
a mirror or a black cat have anything to do with luck? As a matter of fact what
the hell is luck? Believing in luck is probably the most insidious superstition
of them all.
You can't really believe that
the daily horoscope is correct for the tens of thousands of people (who are all
different and born in different years) who read and react on these bullshit
horoscopes. Do you realize these daily horoscopes are written by a news
writer who was delivering internal mail six months before he or she was asked,
by the editor, to write the daily horoscope. If you don’t, then I know
a surgeon who is a master at performing lobotomies.
Now for those of you who
believe in horoscopes, you must believe in the fortunes inside Fortune Cookies.
Sooo, let's take an example. Speaker of the House of Representatives in
Congress, John Boehner goes to Panda Express to get his Chinese lunch. He gets
back to his office in Congress and opens up his Fortune Cookie. It says:
"your personality will win over everybody." Speaker Boehner reads the
fortune, goes out of his office and runs through Congress waving his fortune
while screaming: "I have a personality, I have a personality, I have a
personality!!!
Get real people! These
cookies have fortunes written by a machine and then stuffed into a weird shaped
cookie. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! However, if your desperate for good
news (BTW, there is never bad news in a Fortune Cookie) hold off on getting the
lobotomy and allow the fortune to put a smile on your face.
The bottom line is that if
you believe in Superstitions, Horoscopes and Fortune Cookies and that helps you
get through the day, I'm all in favor of it. However, just make sure you say to
yourself,
I know its bullshit, but just in case...
BLOG "Alien Invasion"
Except for the obvious,
that bad Aliens make movie people a shit load of money, the people
who make movies and TV are smart. They bring in scientists, astronomers and
NASA people to help create their movies. These brilliant people know that any
Alien race that has the technology to travel through space beyond the speed of
light (that's what it would take to get here) would not do so to replace or
save our sorry ass race.
Let's get real; we here on
earth are already destroying ourselves. We have Arabs killing Arabs, Africans
killing Africans, religious groups killing other religious groups, Americans
killing Americans and everybody sucking all of our limited natural resources
like it will last forever. So why would any Alien race travel millions and
millions of miles to either destroy or save this stupid race of people?
Even in a few movies where
the Aliens are good guys, they're not here to save us from ourselves. Take the
Spielberg movies "ET" and "Close Encounters Of The Third
Kind." In "ET," all that cute little Alien wants to do is call
home so he can get the hell out of here. In "Close Encounters Of The Third
Kind," the Aliens were nice enough to take a few of us back to their
planet because they knew this one sucks.
BLOG "Button, Button, Please Stop Pressing My Buttons"
OK, enough about me,
what about you? Have you come to terms with your buttons? Do you realize
reacting poorly to the button pushers are never going to make you happy? Have
you done anything to find a way to either get rid of your buttons or at least
not get as angry, frustrated or depressed when someone is has his finger on
your button?
My blogs are about
happiness. Buttons are the antithesis of creating a happy life. We work hard to
make a living. We work hard to raise a family. We work hard to generate good
friends. We work hard to make us more attractive. We work hard at finding
something that will make us happy.
Now is the time to work even harder at minimizing the number and
the pain of those freak-en buttons
BLOG "I Love You"
I have a few dear man friends. I
never said "I love you" until I was sixty because it wasn't the macho
thing to do. After saying it a few times to them, they started saying it to me.
I meant it when I said it to them and I believe they meant it when they said it
to me. It really feels good to end a conversation with saying "I love
you" and have the other person come back with "I love you
too."
My dog Zita always says "I love
you" when I walk in the door. It's easy for her and it's easy for me to say
it back to her. Sooo, why is it so difficult to tell the people you truly love,
"I love you?"
Now that you have read this blog,
there are no more excuses for not telling the people (including the dog), your
car, etc. whom you truly love "I love you." Start today. You'll be
surprised how good it will make you feel and how often "they" will
say it back to you.
I
love you! I love you too!
Big
hug goodbye!
BLOG "Jewish Guilt"
Sooo, what is all this guilt
about? Giving guilt is a controlling action. It's done to get people to do what
you want them to do. When you don't have the facts or the proof - give them
guilt. When you don't believe you can convince them any other way - give them
guilt.
Feeling guilty is all about YOU!
Why would you feel guilty if you want to be a Plumber? Do you really think your
mother is going to lose all her friends? What does your mother's delivery pain
have to do with you wanting to skip college? Will the family disown you if you
don't drive the 100 miles to go to your Grandmother's funeral?
When are
you going to love yourself enough to stop feeling guilty?
BLOG "Domestic Abuse"
Growing up, people would
talk about women who everybody knew were getting beat-up by their husband or
boyfriend. However, nobody took action because it was believed it was none of
their business. At that time policemen were just that - MEN. They didn't give a
shit and considered domestic abuse was a man's right. They assumed the woman
deserved what she got.
We are making progress,
but we have a long, long way to go. Domestic abuse is a horrible problem in our
society and many other societies around the world. The odds are stacked in
favor of the abuser. For that reason, too many abused children, men and women
don't come forward. The horrible feeling of being violated and not being able
to get justice, leads to sever depression.
We do have women's
groups committed to helping abused women. We have made much more progress
regarding child abuse. We've made progress by the media exposing domestic
abuse. We've made progress with organization saying this is not acceptable.
But, until every American has in their heart that racism and
domestic abuse must never be tolerated, we will still be dealing with this
for many, many years to come.
I know what's in my heart. What's really in YOUR heart?
BLOG "Monsters"
Sooo, what should all of us get
out of this blog? One, like the movies, we will cheer when these evil monsters
are eradicated. However, just like the movies, when we get rid of these
monsters, more monsters will show up.
Two, stop believing there is
a better life after this one. Forget what your parents, your church, your
organization, etc. tells you - live your life NOW because you have no proof
that life after this one is better. The people who want you to believe in faith
are the ones who can't prove shit about the afterlife.
Third, don't get yourself too
upset about these monster ISIL Terrorists. They want us to believe
they are more evil than the movie monsters because they kill people by cutting
off their heads or burn them in a cage. Like the movies, they are just monsters,
who are going to be eliminated fifteen minutes before the movie is over, and
when they die,
They Are
Not Going To A Better Place
BLOG "Dance Your Ass Off"
When I was young, dancing was
a big part of my enjoyment. We always had parties where dancing was the
expected entertainment. We had slow dancing, jitterbug dancing, bumping and
grinding, disco dancing, dancing the twist and five different kinds of line dancing.
We danced all night and sweated like Sumo Wrestlers.
We ate and drank and sweated
it all out before the party was over. We marveled at the best dancers and
laughed at the ones who couldn't keep a beat. The music was infectious. The
songs from the best groups were created to be dance music not just listening
music. If the music had a great beat and was easy to dance to it sold well.
Nobody really cared what the words were as long as the beat was right. Very few
songs had deep intellectual messages.
The slow songs were love
songs and the fast songs had very few lyrics. New groups created songs
that would use different dance steps to make them popular. The Diamonds
created The Stroll. Chubby Checker created the twist. Some of the kids created their
own line dances and we would all follow their lead.
There were dance contests.
There were dance TV shows like Soul Train and Bandstand. In those shows the
kids on the show danced. They were the show. The best dancers were allowed to
stay from show to show. I had my brief stint on Bandstand. I had to take three
busses to get to the show after school, but, it was well worth it to be able to
dance on TV. I really loved to dance. All the bullshit going on in my life and
the world was gone while I was dancing my ass off.
Dancing was a big part of our
lives and our happiness. Then the seventies and eighties happened. People
stopped dancing and started listening to the words. It was a time in our
history where young people were angry at the establishment and our country's
politics. The Vietnam War was the catalyst for groups wanting to send a
message. Although, this was the most meaningful time of young people's
lives, it limited the number of songs that were just fun to dance to.
In the eighties and nineties,
young and old people stopped having dance parties in their homes. They went to
concerts where they just stood up and cheered. They went to venues (like Raves)
where the music was so loud you couldn't talk to the person next to you.
The crowd was so huge that all you could do was listen to the music and jump up
and down. No more line dancing. No more new dance steps. No more bumping and
grinding. Dancing was not the reason you got together - it was all about the
music. You had to go to a wedding or a special event to dance.
Today, dancing is almost a
lost art. Yes we have TV shows like "Dancing With The Stars," but
now we're watching not participating. I guess nobody wants to sweat like
Sumo Wrestlers anymore. Since I'm from the good old days, my wife and I have
parties with our friends and play oldies and dance our ass off. Everybody
has a fabulous time dancing.
I believe the kids today
would rather go to a party and just listen to very loud music while getting
stoned. The closeness you feel when slow dancing or even fast dancing
with your friends is gone. Getting laid has replaced slow intimate dancing. I'm
all for getting laid, but how about doing that after you had fun dancing your
ass off. You can do both.
Other than a party, where do
40 - 80 year old people go to dance? Very few places exist so we eat and drink
at bars while listening to a piano or piped in music. Sometimes my wife and I
get off our stool and find an open space, at the bar, where we can dance.
People like watching us because they see we're having fun. However, in a bar
with over a hundred people, two seniors and maybe one other couple are dancing.
Everybody else is watching.
Dancing is great
exercise, stimulating, embraces another human being and a shit lot of fun. We
need to find a way to put dancing back into our lives. We need to get our kids
to enjoy dancing. We need restaurants and bars to give some of their
eating and drinking space to enable at least four couples to dance.
We need to sweat like Sumo Wrestlers while
laughing and having fun Dancing Our Ass Off!
