There's So Many Things You Can't Do When Your Dead

There's So Many Things You Can't Do When Your Dead

Mel Brooks in the movie "Life Stinks"

Since I admit that I'm a dirty old man, missing sex is the first thing that comes to my mind if I'm dead. How about a completely unhealthy, but delicious burger at Smashburger? How about never seeing another football game? How about never writing another blog? I could go on and on, but the fact is:

There's So Many Things You Can't Do When Your Dead

When I hear a person has committed suicide, I have to wonder if: "doesn't this person have ONE thing in their life that's worth living for. As long as there is a Smashburger I'll never take my own life.

I realize that someone who is in so much pain because of illness might just want to end the pain. However, what about people who don't take care of themselves enough to live as long as they can - I can't get my head around that?   

There's So Many Things You Can't Do When Your Dead

What about people who are slowly killing themselves with drugs or alcohol? What about people who don't get the help they need when they're depressed? What about people who blow themselves and others up because a Fanatic told them they are going to a better place (BTW, the Fanatic never blows himself up). Don't these people realize:

There's So Many Things You Can't Do When Your Dead

What about most of us? Are we appreciating life? Are we seeing a beautiful site and pausing to take in its beauty? Do we have love in our heart for others? Are we really enjoying that Smashburger or are we eating it as fast as we can because we think it will have a lesser effect on our health? 

Again, I could go on and on, but maybe it's time we focus on the good stuff in our life and come to the realization:

There's So Many Things You Can't Do When Your Dead

Apologies Are Meaningless Unless You Mean It

Apologies Are Meaningless Unless You Mean It

Roseanne Barr: "I've lost everything" except her eighty million in net worth. Except she has many Trump supporters. In an interview yesterday, she cried and made an apology to anyone who was upset with her racist remarks calling a black woman a monkey. 

However, two statements after her wimpy apology she said: "I didn't know the woman was black." Then went on to say: I was on Ambien (inferring she wouldn't have said the racist thing if she were sober)." In my opinion, she should have just said: "the devil made me do it."

This is not the first racist thing she has said in her life and again, in my opinion, her apologies Are meaningless because I don't believe she really means it. Which leads me to try to understand why it's so hard to apologies and mean it?

Sometimes people fight over stupid things and after much back and forth one of the parties says: "OK, OK, I apologies." Then the other person says: "I don't think you mean it." Instead of then saying: "No, I really do mean it. I shouldn't have said what I said. Please forgive me and let's not fight anymore." WOW, wouldn't life be so much better if that really happened. However, it rarely happens and because it doesn't happen, the fight goes on and on.

Many of us were raised by parents who never said: I apologize (and mean it)." Most men (and a few women) were raised to never be weak. Saying: "I'm sorry" was viewed as weakness. Many times, we say: "I apologize just to stop the argument. I believe Apologies Are Meaningless Unless You Mean It. 

The reality is, that if you really screwed up, it's a great relief to say you're sorry. You know you're wrong. You know that holding on to that "I have to be right all the time BONE" is not helping you find happiness in your life. 

Sooo, if you want to be happy for the rest of your life just say:

I'm Sorry And Mean It

When Is It Ever About What's It's About

When Is It Ever About What It's About

There's a great show on Amazon Prime called Goliath. Series six had a line: "When Is It Ever About What It's About?" I love writers who can come up with these lines. Sometimes I do and I'm very proud of myself when I do.

The argument starts because someone said something the other does not like. After a heated back and forth both parties find themselves fighting over another subject then another subject and then another subject. Twenty minutes into the argument both parties forgot what started the disagreement in the first place - "When Is It Ever About What It's About?"

Does this sound like something that has happened to you - it does to me? When it's all said and done the original subject might not be what the real fight was about. One party might be frustrated about the bad things that happened to them that day. One party might be upset with their relationship. One party might want to get the better of the other because they feel they always get the short end of the stick. 

The bottom line is, what was said, probably had nothing to do with the fight in the first place - "When Is It Ever About What It's About?" 

We have wars going on and after many years both sides really aren't sure what started the war in the first place. The Vietnam war was one that comes to my mind. The war started because we were scared that the North Vietnamese Government was going to control Vietnam and keep in power a communist government. We said we had to fight because this would have a domino effect on all of southeast Asia. 

Well, after many, many years and thousands upon thousands of lives lost we finally realized that was not going to happen, but we kept on fighting. Sooo now, we found ourselves fighting to just save face and justify all the dead - "When Is It Ever About What It's About?" 

Thanks to the youth of this country we finally ended the war. Today we are friends with Vietnam and do business with them. As a matter of fact, Vietnam is more Democratic than some of the countries we kiss up to.

The war in Iraq was the same. We started it because someone said they have weapons of mass destruction that would destroy America. After years of fighting and more lives lost, we now know it was all about their oil - "When Is It Ever About What It's About?" 

Sooo, we left Iraq and had to go back because what the war should really have been about was bad eggs like ISIS trying to take control of what we left in Iraq. Now, that fight is justified because ISIS and others really do want to destroy America.

To me the issue is that we don't take a step back and think about what this fight is really about. Sometimes we should just say: "hay, I'm having a bad day, let's not fight over this simple thing." Sometimes we should just say: "let's not fight and agree to disagree." Sometimes we should just say: "we can fight about this, but I'm never going to stop loving you."

I agree that we are trying to deal with North Korea instead of fighting over who has the bigger dick - 

When Is It Ever About What It's About  

Losing A Child

Losing A Child

There are two ways to lose a child. The worst one is by death. The second one is by indifference. As a parent, losing a child by premature death must be a horrible experience. Children are supposed to outlast their parents. We all hope our children will be there for us when we get older. Not seeing their beautiful face when we are on our death bed is just so, so sad.

Losing a child by indifference also sucks. We try to create a happy family. We want to have a family where we all get together every Sunday (like the show "Blue Bloods"). For some of us that's just not in the cards. It could be because of divorce, having a major disagreement or for any unexplainable reason, the child doesn't care about you anymore.

I fall in the first and third category. After my first divorce, I lost my oldest son to his mother. My youngest son, who I had a good relationship for many, many years just decided to leave me in the cold. The part that frustrates me the most is I just don't know why.

When Father's Day comes you still hope for a card, a text or a call. However, when that doesn't happen, you tend to blame yourself for something you're not sure you did to make him or her indifferent to you.

I know this sounds awful, but is some way, losing a child to death is sometimes easier to deal with then losing a child to indifference when you just can't figure out why. 

Coming to grips with the death of a child takes a long time. However, if you still love life you carry on. If you still have a supportive family it can ease the pain. If you believe your child is going to a better place then you'll probably believe you will see that child in the future. If you have the internal strength to only focus on the good times you had with that child, you will be rewarded with positive energy for the rest of your life.

What do you do when you lose a child to indifference. Again, having a supportive family, or even just a supportive wife, makes it easier to deal with the situation. If you love life, you don't let that child stop you from living the best life you have left. You can also become indifferent to what's happening, but that's just not me.

My solution to losing a child to indifference is to realize that I'm a good person. Realize I did my best as a father and forgive myself for anything I might have done to create the situation. 

I have lost my two boys, but I haven't lost the great things I'm enjoying in life. I love my wife. I love my writing, I love my house. I love the neighborhood I live in. I love being retired. I love the great friends who I know love me. I even love the gym I go to three/four times a week.

What I can't do is let the loss of my sons take the happiness, I deserve in life, taken away from me. As painful as this may be, I suggest the people who have lost a child to death, feel the same about their happiness.

Happiness IS The Forgotten Ingredient In Life Even When Tragedy Happens

The Truth Is The Truth

The Truth Is The Truth

Global Warming is the Truth. Even the far right knows Climate Change is real and is doing bad things to our beautiful Earth. I know they don't want to believe it, but deep in their hearts they know it's a problem because "The Truth Is The Truth."

Making a false claim to an insurance company or cheating on your taxes is illegal - "The Truth Is The Truth." I know most of us think the insurance companies (especially medical insurance companies) are ripping us off. I know the government favors the rich over everyone else when it comes to taxes, but stealing is stealing. You can't make a case to justify doing illegal things because "The Truth Is The Truth."

The American system, with all its faults, is still the best system. America is great and that's the Truth. Life is great and that's the Truth. With all the physical problems some of us have, living is still much, much better than dead because the "The Truth Is The Truth."

Not wanting to accept that a relationship is dead is not the Truth. Not willing to do all you can do to get the most out of your life is not the Truth. Letting negative energy rule your life is not the Truth. Not being good to your fellow man/woman for personal gain is not the Truth. Ignoring the facts right in front of your face is not the Truth. 

What about your Truth. Each of us have a different opinion of what is the Truth and what is not the Truth. We many times want to believe something is not true because the Truth is not working for us. But, no matter how hard we try, we can't escape the fact that:

The Truth Is The Truth

What The Hell Was I Thinking?

What The Hell Was I Thinking?

It was the seventies and there was an oil crisis. I had a great job and made more money than I ever thought I would make. I was tired of driving my old gas guzzler car up and down the freeway to get some gas every odd day of the weak. Sooo, I started looking for a new car.

A diesel engine car got much more MPG than a conventual engine (there were only six and eight-cylinder engines at that time and no electric or hybrid engines or turbo four-cylinder engines). Sooo, I decided to get a diesel car.

I drove a Mercedes 240 diesel and it was a problem getting up a high hill. It was also not that great looking (that was important to the wife). Then I drove a beautiful fast Cadillac Eldorado Berlitz diesel. I bought it that day - "What The Hell Was I Thinking?"

To make a long story shorter, that beautiful car broke down every week. Once the engine froze on the freeway. I could tell you why that car sucked so much, but the bottom line was GM took a standard eight-cylinder engine and made it into a diesel - "What The Hell Were They Thinking?"

Also, during the oil crisis, I bought into a partnership to grow Jojoba beans - What The Hell Was I Thinking? The government thought they could replace oil and gave us a tax deduction to grow them. The problem was they took five years to grow. Three years later the government changed their mind and no longer gave the tax deduction. To make matters worse, they charged each of us $15,000 for the previous tax deduction (that was a lot of money back then) - UGH!

At around the same time, my accountant convinced me to buy land in Lancaster California - 

"What The Hell Was I Thinking?" There were rumors that the LAX airport was considering to put a second airport in Lancaster because LAX was getting over crowded. That never happened. Worse, I went to see my land in Lancaster and couldn't find it on the Lancaster map because it didn't exist. That's another $5,000 down the drain. BTW, the account was never locked up and my first wife kept him as her accountant - UGH. 

I married my second wife because she was the direct opposite of my first wife - "What The Hell Was I Thinking?" As you know from my blogs, that didn't work out and I lost all my money for a second time - double UGH!

Enough about me. What about you. How many "What The Hell Was I Thinking" moments have you had? They can be as simple as buying a Hawaiian shirt while visiting Hawaii only to realize that you looked stupid going out in that shirt in Philadelphia - UGH!

I still keep making "What The Hell Was I Thinking" mistakes, but I survived all of them and each one was and is a learning experience. Sooo, before you act on something try to not put yourself in position to say:

What The Hell Was I Thinking?

Your In My Heart

Your In My Heart

By Rod Stewart

I decided to take a day off from writing an original blog so I could send a love letter to my wife:

I didn't know what day it was
when you walked into the room
I said hello unnoticed
You said goodbye too soon

Breezing through the clientele
spinning yarns that were so lyrical
I really must confess right here
the attraction was purely physical

I took all those habits of yours
that in the beginning were hard to accept
Your fashion sense, Beardsly prints
I put down to experience

The big bosomed lady with the Dutch accent
who tried to change my point of view
Her ad lib lines were well rehearsed
but my heart cried out for you

Chorus:

You're in my heart, you're in my soul
You'll be my breath should I grow old
You are my lover, you're my best friend
You're in my soul

My love for you is immeasurable
My respect for you immense
You're ageless, timeless, lace and fineness
You're beauty and elegance

You're a rhapsody, a comedy
You're a symphony and a play
You're every love song ever written
But honey what do you see in me

(Chorus)

You're an essay in glamour
Please pardon the grammar
but you're every schoolboy's dream
You're Celtic, United, but baby I've decided
You're the best team I've ever seen

(Chorus) 

You're in my heart, you're in my soul
You'll be my breath should I grow old
You are my lover, you're my best friend
You're in my soul

I Love You El

Being Unhappy Is Just A State Of Mind

Being Unhappy Is Just A State Of Mind

There are people who are clinically depressed. This is a malfunction in the brain of certain individuals. It could come at birth and not realized until later in life. It could be caused by head trauma. Whatever the cause, these people need help.

Then there is the many, many, many people who are just unhappy. They're unhappy because they lost a loved one, hate their job, hate their spouse, hate that their friends have more than they do, get sad because the nation is so divided, get sad because there are so many negative things going on in the world, etc., etc., etc.

Many of you unhappy people won't agree with me, but I believe Being Unhappy Is Just A State Of Mind. A scene in the movie "Annie Hall" has a flashback where Alvy (Woody Allen) is ten years old and depressed. His mother takes him to a Psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist asks Alvy: "why are you so unhappy." Alvy says: "the universe is expanding." Alvy's Jewish mother then says: "WHAT'S IT YOUR BUSINESS."

To all you unhappy people I say: "WHAT'S IT YOUR BUSINESS." If you're not clinically depressed, you have the power to change your state of mind. When you think about the bad stuff that's going on in the world ask yourself "WHAT'S IT YOUR BUSINESS." Being unhappy because of this fucked up world is never going to help you become happy.

Even your job, your spouse, your station in life can be changed by changing your state of mind. Stop thinking about all the negative things your job has to offer and think about the money it gives you to pay the rent, the security of having a job and maybe the health care the job offer's you. If that isn't enough - go get a different job. The solution to a happy life is to accept what the job gives you not what it doesn't.

The same can be true about your spouse and/or your station in life. Change your mindset and focus on the things you have, not what you don't have. Even if you've lost a love one. Focus on the many years of good stuff and not the death.

Please believe you have the power to:

Change An Unhappy State Of Mind To A Happy State Of Mind