Make 2016 Your Year To Remember

Make 2016 Your Year To Remember

First, happy New Year to everyone. I truly appreciate all of you reading my blogs and my books.

Most of us haven't thought about 2016. Most of us believe it will be what it will be. However, some of us (like me) believe 2016 will be what we make it to be. 

Some of us believe we have control over the path 2016 will take us. Some of us believe the things we can't control will not make 2016 a shitty year. Some of us believe we can accept anything bad that happens to us and find a way to make something good out of something bad.

Tonight as I watch the ball drop bringing in the New Year I'll have a smile on my face thinking how much I appreciate my life. Tonight as I watch the ball drop bringing in the New Year I'll be next to the person I love, cherish and adore. Tonight as I watch the ball drop bringing in the New Year I'll be thinking about all the good times I'm going to have in 2016.

Even if the world crumbles around me (which I predict it will not), I'll still have the friendships I hold in high esteem. Even if the world crumbles around me (which I predict it will not), I will still have food to eat, air to breathe and shelter - everything else is cosmetic. Even if the world crumbles around me (which I predict it will not), 

I will love and respect myself and appreciate the positive energy I bring to the Universe

Bold Predictions For 2016

Bold Predictions For 2016

India and Pakistan will sign a peace plan and start commerce between them

Russia will settle the Ukraine situation and get some of their sanctions removed

Iran will meet their obligations under the nuclear treaty because their economy will get worse and their people will start major protests

Seattle will win the Superbowl

The Dodgers will win the World Series

The Syrian government and the rebels will sign a peace plan and Assad will leave office by the end of the year.

ISIS will be diminished, but will still be the number one terrorist organization

Donald Trump will say more erratic statements costing him the Republican vote.

Jeb Bush will drop out in May for lack of funds

Ted Cruz will run against Hillary

Hillary will win and Joe Biden will be her Vice President. 

The death toll from using guns will rise significantly and the public majority will finally get their way with some additional gun controls

The Global economy will have its best year since 2008

A few major breakthroughs in medicine will get us closer to solving some major diseases

The degree people use technology in their everyday life will double 

Ellen and Kenny will have the happiest and healthiest 2016

The Holidays Are Here Again

The Holidays Are Here Again

It's that time of year everyone. First I wish all of you the happiest and healthiest Holiday. 

Christmas is a few days away and the ball at Times Square will be ringing in the New Year a few days after. If there ever was a time to have a smile on your face, it's now. If there was ever a time to enhance your happiness, it's now. If there ever was a time to think about all the good stuff in your life it's now.

If there ever was a time to cherish your good friends and family, it's now. If there ever was a time to let go of past differences, it's now. If there ever was a time to love unconditionally even if you don't get what you want, it's now.

If there ever was a time to appreciate, it's now. If there ever was a time to be social, it's now. If there ever was a time to treat yourself to something special, it's now. If there ever was a time to tell the people you love - I Love You, it's now.

If there ever was a time to get a little tipsy:

A Toast To You And Your Fabulous Life This Holiday And The New Year

Have Fun Kenny

My Destiny

My Destiny

Do you believe in Destiny? If you do than why even try living your life. Just sit back and let destiny happen. I believe in making my destiny. I believe the actions I take will create the destiny I hope for. 

I know I can't control everything in my life (like Cancer, car accident or just old age), but what I can control is what I do with my life even if the worst happens.

I live my life by following my dreams. No one can live for me. No one can see the things I see. No one can tell me how to be because it's My Destiny.

There is magic in my heart. There is love in my heart. I believe there is love in the Universe. I deserve all the good that comes to me. I deserve all the love that comes back to me. I'm not just living my life, I'm creating:

My Destiny

Hi all, My new book "Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient" is now available on Kindle for $9.95.

Hi all, My new book "Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient" is now available on Kindle for $9.95. If you want to enhance your happiness this book will get you there at a great price.

The book is also available in stores and all on-line book stores at $14.95

Hi all, The response to my new book has been great. If you are ordering my new book "Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient - Book 2" (which is very much appreciated), please take a moment to give the book a review on the Amazon website. Thank you for your support. You will be rewarded because this book will enhance your life and your happiness.

Hi all, The response to my new book has been great. If you are ordering my new book "Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient - Book 2" (which is very much appreciated), please take a moment to give the book a review on the Amazon website. 

Thank you for your support. You will be rewarded because this book will enhance your life and your happiness.

Hi all, I am proud to announce the availability of my latest book “Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient Book 2.”

Hi all, I am proud to announce the availability of my latest book “Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient Book 2.”  

My new book is available on Amazon today for $14.95. It will be available in stores and all other on-line book stores in two weeks to three weeks for the same price. On or before December 30^th it will also be available as an e-book on Kindle for $9.95.

Below is some additional information about the book.

Kenny Felderstein truly believes happiness is the forgotten ingredient in life. His prior book, “Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient,” has received tremendous feedback from his readers that the book made a huge difference in their lives. Therefore, he has published this follow-on book “Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient Book 2.”

Kenny began blogging on the subject of Happiness because he realized he could reach a large multinational audience.  He has a dedicated following in eleven countries. This book, like the last one, is done in blog format.  There are one hundred new blogs - each standing on their own merits.  All of his blogs are from personal experiences in his life.  Some are funny.  Some are serious.  Some are emotional. Some are controversial. However, all of them will help the readers realize that they have control of their happiness.

Kenny is dedicated to assisting the reader of this book in taking charge of their career and their life and finding the happiness they deserve.  He is not a doctor or therapist.  The information he gives the reader comes from many years of executive management in business and personal life experiences - not just from books. He has come from meager roots to achieve Vice President and President level positions in both small and very large corporations. 

He has changed careers and taken demotions for the sole purpose of enhancing his happiness.  He has made changes and taken risks for happiness, not for money, power or ego. He has overcome divorce, family tragedy, the loss of a son, near financial bankruptcy, never feeling good enough, never feeling he had control of his happiness and nonproductive anger and frustration.  By overcoming these difficult times, Kenny has created a rewarding and happy life.

Kenny Felderstein has published four successful books entitled “Never Buy a Hat if Your Feet Are Cold — Taking Charge of Your Career and Your Life,” “The Year of My Death,” "A True Leader Has Presence - The Six Building Blocks To Presence," and “Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient.” He lectures to and mentors people on the reasons people don’t take charge of their careers and their happiness.

Kenny Felderstein is a graduate of Saint Joseph’s University in Pennsylvania and currently lives in Marina Del Rey, California with his beautiful wife Ellen.

A Toast To Your Health

A Toast To Our Health

As a young man I never toasted to my or any of my friends health. Good health was a given. Yes there were people we knew that had bad health at a young age, but that was considered the vast minority.

We did things nobody should ever do because we never considered our health. I played football even though I was only five foot eight, one hundred and fifty pounds. They broke my shoulder, broke my ankle, two toes and two fingers. I considered those broken bones as something I would recover quickly from and get back at it.

I never got sick enough to miss work or any other activity. Doing anything to maintain good health was never in my mind. Those of you who are in your twenties and thirties probably are living the way I did. However, this is a false sense of immortality. What you do for your health today (good or bad) will eventually catch up to you.

All the pounding I received from sports created my bad back and major surgery on my neck. Eating a lot of bad shit raised my sugar level, my cholesterol level and my high blood pressure. Oh sure, my Doctor Feel Good has me on medication to control all those things, but wouldn't it be great to not have to take all those pills every day?

At sixty I decided to take better care of myself. I go to the gym four days a week, I eat healthy and I have cut down my sweets significantly. I still need all the pills because I'm older and I started too late.

However, the most important thing I changed regarding my health is my attitude.

Good health IS happiness. It's a lot harder to get all the happiness you deserve when you're in bad health. However, you can focus on the happiness that's available to you even if your health is not the best.

My bad back and neck are things I've lived with for a long time. They will be with me the rest of my life. I've decided to make they part of my life, not a burden on my life and happiness. So what if I have to take a few pills. I'm focused to having my health under control, not feeling angry or frustrated because of all the bad shit I did when I thought good health was not important.

As you know from my previous blogs and books, we should never live life with shouldas or couldas. Whatever cards we were dealt or whatever we did when we were stupid is the past. Today is the day we need to focus on. Doing everything we can to either make our health better or just not letting it get worse should be our mantra.

No matter what age you are now, when you raise your glass with your friends or loved ones make sure you say these words:

A Toast To Our Health.

The Only Thing That's Certain Is That Everything Will Change

The Only Thing That's Certain Is That Everything Will Change

We've all heard that saying in one way or another. I first heard it in a song by Bob Seger. Throughout my life I've calculate that 20% of people would prefer nothing would change in their life, 20% not only expect change, but will make decisions and take actions to make changes and 60% expect changes, but don't look forward to it happening.

I'm more in the class that accepts changes and have many times in my life made changes because the current situation was not making me happy or a change would make me even happier. Where are you on this subject? BTW, there is no right answer. However, there are a few wrong answers.

The wrong answer is: "I don't want anything to change because I'm concerned it will make my unhappy life worse." The wrong answer is: "I don't want to make a change because I have no confidence that I'll get it right." The wrong answer is: "I accept my life as it is even if I know it could be better." The wrong answer is: "I'm going to keep my life very, very simple so any change will not affect me."

The problem with these wrong answers is that we don't have control of change. As the saying goes, "the only thing that's certain is that everything will change." The only way I know of that will guarantee nothing will change your life is to put a gun to your head and pull the trigger.

Shit happens. Mother Nature can force a change in your life. Terrorists can force a change in your life - just ask the people in New York or Boston. A spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend can change your life for the negative or the positive. The lottery can change your life. Illness or accident can change your life. An old parent can change your life for the negative or for the positive.

We don't have control over these events so we should just accept that it's certain something at some time in your life will change your life. The right answer is do you have enough love of life to turn a negative into a positive. Do you want happiness so much that the negative change, that's certain to happen, will not steal the happiness from you?

Do you want happiness so much that the positive change, that's certain to happen, will be embraced and shared with everyone else.

I'm Proud Of Myself

I'm Proud Of Myself

I'm proud of getting out of my "go nowhere" neighborhood and making something of myself. I'm proud of what I accomplished in business. Not only did I make my companies a lot of money, I'm also very proud of the positive impact I've had on the people I worked with.

I'm proud that I love life so much that I took many chances in life some of which worked out and some of which that didn't. The main point is that even in defeat, I kept being positive and plowing ahead. I'm proud that I had the guts to marry my third wife. Thirty years later, she is still the love of my life.

I'm proud of staying productive in my retirement. I didn't just lie around or play golf; I used my brain and my creativity to publish four books (the fifth, "Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient - Book 2" is coming out at the end of this year). I'm proud of my almost three hundred blogs that are being read in eleven countries. I sometimes reread those blogs and think how proud I am that I was able to create something that has enriched some people's lives. They've certainly enriched my life.

I'm proud that I've given my time to the people I mentor. Seeing them get through some of the things that were holding them back is very rewarding. Seeing them create a happier life for themselves is even more rewarding. I'm proud of the friendships I've made and the respect they have given me.

Most of all, I'm proud that I love myself. I love that I'm a good person. I'm proud that I try my best to always do the right thing. I'm proud that I don't lie. I'm proud that I don't cheat. I'm proud that I have positive energy inside me. I'm proud that I cherish my happiness.


Are you proud of yourself? Do you even take the time to think about or better yet write down all the things you should be proud of. It's easy to remember all your failures. It's easy to think about all the things that are wrong with your life. It's easy to absorb negative energy from others.

However, if you take a step back and truly look at your life, it will be just as easy to be:

Proud Of Yourself

The Scotts Got It Right

The Scotts Got It Right

It's hot all over - "how hot is it?' "It's so hot my boys are sweating to death." This leads me to the question; "why do men wear pants?" The romans wore togas that were open at the bottom so their boys could breathe. Even in cold weather places like Scotland, the Scotts wore and wear kilts. Why kilts - because hot or cold the boys want to be free.

On the other hand women, who don't have to deal with a bat and balls, wear dresses. Where did we men go wrong? Somewhere along the line of evolution a man wearing a dress was deemed to be homosexual. Now, not that there's anything wrong with that, but even gay guys don't want to wear dresses. That type of outfit is reserved for Transgender people.

Men are so insecure about their gender that they are willing to suffer their prize positions wrapped up in tight jockey shorts and tight pants just so they look good and aren't perceived gay. Women, on the other hand, not only get to wear a dress on a very hot day, they leave themselves even more room for air by wearing thongs.

I say: I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm a man (or even a gay man). I know what I am and my clothes don't define me. Sooo, on the next very hot day, I'm going to try to get into one of my wife's thongs and wear a moo-moo dress.

My boys are tired of sweating while women are airing. What's the worst that can happen? Well, first I have to learn to cross my legs every time I sit down. Sounds easy, but when you haven't done it your entire life, you're probably going to unconsciously flash the good stuff every once in a while.

Then I have to be careful how I adjust myself. In pants it's easy. Just take your thumb and slightly push the boys to the left. In a dress, that movement will look very strange. Grabbing the whole package makes more sense.

Probably the worst that can happen is my wife won't go out with me, I'll have to sit down when I pee, I might not be allowed to enter the men's room and I could do significant damage to the things I'm trying so hard to protect when riding on the spin bicycle at the gym.

Sooo, even though the Scotts have it right, I guess I'm going to have to adhere to the norm and sweat it out until winter.

However, since I believe in a positive future, some male macho movie/recording star will start wearing a dress and start a trend. I just hope it happens in my lifetime.

The Greatest Love Of All

The Greatest Love Of All

Sometimes I listen to a song and it says everything I believe in. There isn't anything I can say to make it better so I'm just hoping you will read the lyrics of this fabulous song and accept that it's true.

BTW, it took me until forty years old to believe and accept the truth of this song.


"Greatest Love Of All"

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me
[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
[Chorus]

And if, by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

Do You Believe In Magic

Do You Believe In Magic

As a young boy my father took me to a magic store twice a month. I loved magic and loved even more getting my friends and the elders to laugh and applaud when I did a trick. The magic tricks we could afford never cost more than a few dollars, but the principles of the most basic magic tricks are used today in places like Las Vegas when a magician makes a truck disappear.

Real magic is sleight of hand magic. It takes many years of hard work and training to be able to fool a group of people who are looking straight at you from just a few feet away. Magic using props are physical tricks created by some of the brightest and creative people you'll ever meet.

The thing I find so funny are the people who believe magic is real. I love those people because they are true believers. They want so hard to believe they become putty in the hands of the magician. The problem is these same people become putty in the hands of con artists, pick pockets, crooks and even religious charlatans.

A great salesman once told me that the easiest person to sell something to is another salesperson. Why, because to sell the crap they're selling they have to become true believers.  

True believers fall in love easily. They fall in love with a car that looks great even though Consumer Reports says the car is a disaster (can you spell FIAT - we used to call it Fix It Again Tony).  They fall in love with anything that is bright and shiny. Put a too much money fake diamond watch in their hands and they go GA-GA.

The worst thing about true believers is they fall in love with the wrong people. One date and they're in love. One encounter with someone of authority and they're in love. They too easily fall in step with a group of other believers (can you spell Jim Jones). Drinking the poison Cool Aid is not a problem for them.

Believing they are going to a better place when they die is their mantra. Believing we are being watched and inspected by aliens from another planet is something they worry about. Sadly, they more often believe in negative things than positive things. They absolutely believed the world, as we know it, was going to end at the end of century (2000). It just didn't happen, but it didn't stop them from believing the end is still coming.

It's not all bad being a true believer. Believing in people can be a good thing. Believing people can make a positive impact on this world is a good thing. Believing the future will get even better and better, is a good thing. Being positive about what happens to us after we die might or might not be right, but believing puts a smile on your face while you're living.

And yes, believing in friendly aliens who are here to make life better for us can be a good thing. The point is that magic is a trick, but even so:

I Believe In Magic

Sports And Happiness

Sports And Happiness

Baseball is happening now. Football is upon us. Basketball is coming in October. For those of you that don't give a shit, think again. Major league sports can be a slice of your happiness. You don't have to play sports. You don't even have to understand the game. However, just getting involved will give you an extra piece of happiness you don't have now.

If you like ice skating or gymnastics, you'll love major league sports. The main reason you like ice skating and/or gymnastics is because they are beautiful to watch. The men and women doing those sports are great athletes.  They move so gracefully you want to see them do things us mere mortals can't ever do. 

Well, guess what, major league sports men and women are just as athletic. Take football for instance. For those who don't know what to look for, it seems like they are a bunch of big guys smashing into one another. It couldn't be further from the truth. These athletes do things that are both graceful and beautiful. You just have to know what to look for. Seeing some of the athletic things happening on the field is unbelievable.

Also, the competition between two teams is so intense, you get a real sense of the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Getting involved in that competition will give you that thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Watching my wife screaming happiness when her team makes a great play makes me happy. Watching my wife cursing at the TV when her team does something stupid makes me happy. 

The bottom line is that her energy level shows me she has forgotten all the negative things going on in her life for the three plus hours she is watching her team. She gets even more intense when there's money on the line. It may be only a five dollar bet with me or the chance to win hundreds of dollars with the betting pool she's in. The money is not the issue - it's the winning that floats her happiness boat.

Sooo, don't just watch mind numbing TV when you could be watching a beautiful, graceful and competitive major league sport. It's a great way to get closer to your spouse or friend(s). It's a lot of fun being at a bar or in a stadium when everyone is screaming bullshit when their team sucks or cheering when their team is doing great. 

Remember, you don't have to know what's going on. 

All you need to know is that you're having fun and the people around you are having fun.

WMD - Weapons of Mass Destruction

WMD - Weapons of Mass Destruction

You probably think this blog is about all the insanity that's going on in the world today. Well, guess what, you're wrong. The WMDs I'm talking about are women and men. We have been mass destructing each other since the day the first humans appeared on this earth.

In the past there was a hierarchy. Men dominated women. Men chose women who could push a plow and have babies. Women chose men who could protect them and provide for the family. Men abused women and there was nothing they could do about it - mass destruction.

In the last fifty years all that has changed. Women decided this hierarchy idea was bullshit. Women decided that they were as equal as men. Women decided what kind of man they wanted and men decided what kind of woman they wanted. This was the start of using WMDs.

BTW, just to be clear, this blog is not just about men with women. Everything said goes for men with men, women with women and whatever floats your boat.

Women decided they wanted a man with a great body and big hands. Women made up this idea that big hands meant big junk in the trunk. Women made up they phrase, "size matters." Men didn't make that up because 99% of men think they're not big enough and would like to be bigger. Therefore, men made up the phrase, "it's not how big you are it's how you use it." Men decided they wanted women with a great body and big boobs. 

To get the handsome, muscular, big hand man, women made their breasts bigger and started wearing less and less clothes. To look good in a bikini or a thong, women removed their hair down under. Some of the women decided removing all of their hair was not a good idea because the big hunk they desired was so stupid they left a landing strip so the hunk would know where to go.

By choosing a partner based upon physical attributes made those attributes Weapons of Mass Description (WMDs). Once the eye got its fill, men and women realized this was not what they really wanted. This realization created bad break-ups, divorce, anger and frustration - mass destruction.

How many times have you destroyed a relationship? How many times have your relationship been destroyed by the other person? How many times have you divorced or been divorced? Even if you haven't done any of those things, how many of you are happy with each other? To be optimistic, I say 50%. To be realistic, I say only 25% are happy with each other.

The morel to this story is, don't choose your partner based upon physical attributes (WMDs) unless you're only interested in a one night stand. Choose the one who you think will make the best friend. After choosing, never stay in a relationship that's not working. 

You Deserve Better.

OH Shit

OH Shit

When was the last time you had an "OH Shit" moment - probably not too long ago. "OH Shit" moments come in two flavors - good shit and bad shit. A good "OH Shit" moment is when you hit the lottery. "OH Shit, I can't believe I hit the lottery." A bad "OH Shit" moment is when you lose your wallet. "OH Shit my wallet must have dropped out of my bag."

In life, the more good shit moments you have the happier your life becomes. However, in life, the more bad shit moments you have the more negative your life becomes. Sooo, how do you create more good shit moments? 

One simple answer is DON'T DO BAD SHIT! Don't we all wish it was as simple as that? Take it from me, life is never that simple. Shit happens no matter how hard we try to avoid bad shit. A wallet falling out of your pocket is only the tip of the iceberg. Someone backing into your car is a bad "OH Shit" moment. The doctor telling you the dot on your lungs is cancer is a really bad "OH Shit" moment.

Sooo, unless you do stupid things like driving high on crack and smashing your car into a pole, you can't completely stop bad shit from happening. Therefore, that leaves us with only one solution - your happiness depends on how you react and then act on the bad shit.

This may be hard to accept, but it's your actions that will determine if a bad "OH Shit" moment will ruin your happiness. Believe it or not, you are in control to never say "OH Shit" when bad shit happens. Someone hits your car, get it fixed. Someone steals your wallet, replace it. Someone cheats you out of money, live with it and never put yourself in that position again.

On the other hand, you are also in control when good shit happens. Don't just think how lucky you are when you experience a good "OH Shit" moment - believe you deserve it. Never forget a good shit moment especially when you go through a bad shit moment. Pile up all your good shit moments in your brain so you can focus yourself on all the good shit that has happened in your life.  

Now, that's the real secret of a happy life.

If you haven't noticed, by the time this blog is finished, I will have said "shit" thirty two times. That a lot of shit.

Sooo, make sure you deal with the bad shit and focus your life on the good shit.

I Always Thought That If You Have Your Health You will have everything

I Always Thought That If You Have Your Health You will have everything

Now I'm seventy and have bad knees, a bad back, my shoulder hurts and a neck that will only turn thirty degrees. Sooo, you might assume that I don't have everything. That's not true. My heart is in great shape, my brain is fantastic (although I sometimes have CRS (Can't Remember Shit) and my mental outlook on life is the best it's ever been.

I know way too many people who have great health and are not happy with their life. Sooo, it takes much more than fantastic health to have everything. If you're not enjoying your life now, good health won't make it better. However, if life sucks now, bad health will only make it worse.

On the other hand, if you love your life now and you have good health, you have the best of both worlds. Some of us are easily disrupted when our good health turns to shit. You forget all the good stuff in your life and begin to focus on the aches and pains. That's a death spiral toward an unhappy life.

You can't keep getting older and avoid some health problems. It's how you handle them that will determine if you can live with them and still have a happy life or let them bring them down. 

Getting Cancer is no longer a death issue (unless you're already in stage four). You can let the Cancer make you miserable or you can live the best life you can while fighting to the death to prevent the Cancer from taking you away.

Let me restate a story I wrote in my first book "Never Buy A Hat If Your Feet Are Cold - Taking Charge Of Your Career And Your Life:"

"A guy, in Africa, is being chased by tigers. He's running like hell to get away from the tigers when he finds himself at the edge of a cliff. The tigers are coming at him. He looks down the cliff and sees a vine that goes from the top to the bottom. He starts to shimmy his way down the vine. He gets half way down, looks up and there are those tigers sitting there waiting for him. Then he looks down and, guess what, more tigers down below.

There he is, mid-way down the cliff. He has tigers up above and more tigers down below. He looks straight ahead and sees a strawberry bush growing right out of the cliff. He plucks one of the strawberries and eats it. It is the best strawberry he has ever had."

If your life is tigers up above and tigers down below, always remember there are strawberries right in front of you that are delicious."

Your health should never determine your happiness. Your health should never determine your love of life. It's great when it's good, but life can still be great even if your health is bad. Remember:

There Are Many, Many Great Tasting Strawberries In Your Life. Make The Time To Enjoy Them Today.

Handicapped - The End Of A Life??

Handicapped - The End Of A Life?? 

I'm not talking about handicapping a horse race - I'm talking about being handicapped or disabled and how it affects your life. Describing a handicapped or disabled person is not straight forward. Someone who has lost a body part(s) is obvious. However, people can be handicapped via mental illness, phobias, weight (obese or too thin), fears, problems with anger and major problems with insecurity or dyslexia. 

I'm sure everyone who reads my blogs is either handicapped in some way or knows someone who is handicapped. Is this the end of your or their life? It depends on how you or they look at it.

My wife's uncle was extremely handicapped because he had Muscular Dis-trophy. However, his brain was intact and he was brilliant. He was interesting to talk to because he had past and current knowledge about many, many subjects. The thing I was shocked to see was the control he had over the people that loved and supported him. He got what he wanted even though he had limited use of his limbs.

Was he unhappy about his situation - YES! Was he depressed about his situation -NO! He loved life and found a way to get the most out of life even with his limitations.

We read so many stories about handicapped people who have made a great life for themselves - can you spell Stephen Hawking. These stories are heartwarming, powerful and should remind us that life is worth living even if things aren't perfect.

What I refuse to understand why people, who are not handicapped in any way, believe life is not worth living or are just going through the motions of life unhappy. Life is never perfect, but it has to be better than the alternative. Handicapped people are just happy to be alive. How could we believe they must be happier than us non-handicapped people?

The bottom line is that handicapped people are focused on what they can do to get as much out of life as they can. Too many of us are focused on what's wrong with our life and why those things are making us unhappy. To stop this negative way of living your life:

Try, For One Day, Reading Or Viewing Handicapped People And Their Quest For A Better Life Without Thinking About Your Life. Maybe Some Of That Positive Energy Will Rub Off On You.

Dirty Laundry

Dirty Laundry

Gossip (general)

1-Idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others

2- A person given to tattling or idle talk

Yenta (Jewish)

1- A person, especially a woman, who is a busybody or gossip

I only picked those two definitions because I don't know what the words are in other cultures. If you do, please let me know. The interesting thing to me is that the people I know who are either a Gossip or a Yenta never have anything good to say. They love Dirty Laundry.

The press, TV and all other media are the same - they love Dirty Laundry. The reason they love it so much is because WE love it so much. Dirty Laundry gets your attention. Dirty Laundry makes you feel your life isn't so bad. Dirty Laundry makes you feel you are getting information that nobody else knows (which is bullshit). The bottom line is - Dirty Laundry is FUN.

Tell me is "John is such a loving husband" more fun than "John is making in-and-out with Joan his administrator." The answer isn't no, the answer is HELL NO!  We love it even more when we get Dirty Laundry about rich people, powerful people and/or famous people.

Dirty Laundry is much different than negative energy. The media spewing out negative news is not fun. Friends, family or any other person or group giving you negative energy is depressing. Depressing is NOT FUN! 

Some of us don't like people who Gossip or don't like a Yenta. I say, bring them on. Even if the Dirty Laundry coming out of their mouth is bullshit - it still FUN. We all know the crap information being written in rag sheets like The Star, National Inquirer, The New York Daily News, etc. etc. are at most fifty percent accurate, however, most of us look at the front page on our way to the check-out counter.  

Why Do We Look? Because Dirty Laundry IS FUN!!

The Love Of Your Life

The Love Of Your Life

Remember when you were absolutely in love with someone. I'm not talking about lust, I'm talking about IN LOVE. Wow it felt so good. Come a birthday or anniversary you had to go through a hundred cards to fine the one that said everything you wanted to say to the one you love.

I'm one of the lucky ones who after thirty years am still absolutely in love with my wife Ellen. If you're one of the lucky ones that are currently madly in love, don't look for a card, just send this blog to the one you love or download The Commodores 20th Century Album and play it for her (or him). Believe me you'll get all that love back.

Just To Be Close To You 
By The Commodores

Just to be close to you girl
Just for a moment, well just for an hour
Just to be close to you girl
Oh well ah baby aw

You know I've been thru so many changes in my life girl
Aw I've been up real high where I thought I didn't need anybody
Aw and then again I've been down real low where
There was no one in my life who needed me
Aw and I found that material things I thought had so much value
Aw girl didn't really have any value at all

There was a lonely man
A man with no direction, with no purpose
With no one to love and no one to love me for, for me
Aw girl then you, then you came into my life
You made my jagged edges smooth
You made my direction so clear and you aw woman
You became my purpose my reason for livin' girl

You see you're my heart, you're soul
You're my stone inspiration
Baby oh that's why I'm standin' here singin'
And opening my arms to you
I wanna say child why don't you
Take my hand and we'll live in love forever
Yeah take my hand ooh, we'll be alone you and me yeah

Take my hand girl
We'll live our lives together yeah together
Together yeah together
Just to be close to you girl
Just for the moment baby, just for an hour
Just to be close to you girl, hey, ooh

I've been out there searchin' so very long baby
Searchin' to find somebody just like you
And for some folks it takes a lifetime sugar
To find in this world a dream come true
Why don't you take my hand
Oh, we'll live in love forever yeah
Take my hand girl, we'll be alone you and me
Take my hand we'll spend our lives together,
Together, together, together
Just to be close to you girl
Just for the moment just for the hour
Just to be close to you girl
I need you baby

To make love to be loved by you baby
To have your warm body close to mine
To whisper words that make you feel like a woman
Girl I know our love will stand the test of time
Just to be close to you girl

For the moment baby, for the moment baby
For the moment baby
For the sugar, sugar, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Ooh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
My arms are still burnin' girl
Ya got me yearnin' for your love
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

No Better Way To Find Happiness Than Being In Love

How Do I Deal With A Bully

How Do I Deal With A Bully

Bully: a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

When we think of a bully we usually think of a young person bullying another young person. However, there are more adult people that use bullying tactics to get what they want - can you spell Donald Trump.

Bullies usually become the way they are by being bullied by their family members. Bullies are usually insecure, unhappy, don't feel good enough and believe the only way they can get what they want is by blustering, being quarrelsome, intimidating and badgering others.

Bullies come in all flavors. Husbands, wives, friends, family members, bosses and leaders (not true leaders - read my book "A True Leader Has Presence"). I would guess that everyone reading my blogs has dealt with a bully in their life.

The fact is we should feel sad, sympathetic and empathetic toward the unhappy bully. The more we hate the bully the more the bully will bully. The more we fear the bully the more the bully will bully. The more we cave in to the bully the more the bully will bully.

The most hurtful tactic the bully uses is finding your weakness and pressing your weakness buttons. The bully pushes you to respond which you usually do by defending yourself. Many times we just give in to the bully because we can't handle the stress. The more we resist the more the bully will insist. 

Losing an argument is a crushing blow to the insecure bully. Not getting what the bully wants makes them angry, frustrated and sometimes physically aggressive. Sooo, How Do We Deal With A Bully?

The obvious answer is to get rid of your buttons (see my blog called “Buttons, Buttons Please Stop Pressing My Buttons”). That’s very hard to do, but should you ever reach that level of self-love, you will never be bullied again. If you haven't reached that stage, I have the following suggestions:

Don't Respond

Don't React

Never Defend

When getting bullied hold back a response, take a deep breath and think before you react and never, yes never, defend yourself. If you become defensive the bully will become more defensive. If you try to defend yourself the bully will find every way possible to disavow your defense. No good will come from this ta to ta with the bully.

During that deep breath you have to consider the consequences of not giving the bully what he wants. Feeling badly, feeling stressed, feeling insecure, feeling overpowered are NOT consequences you should consider.

Knowing (not feeling) you WILL get fired might be a good reason to give the bully what he wants. However, even then, it's your decision to give in which enables you to feel you're in power of the situation. Ninety percent of the time the consequences are so minor you need to find better language to respond to the bully. Here are some of my suggestions:

"I understand where you're coming from"

"Let me think about that"

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

"Can I get back to you on that"

"Can we stay friends and just agree to disagree"

"I understand your point and will seriously take that into consideration"

You might say: "it's just not worth dealing with a bully." I say: 

"You'll never be happy, you'll never feel good enough and you'll never get rid of the bully if you don't deal with him."

 

Why Do We Worry

Why Do We Worry

Show me someone that says they never worry and I'm calling a BIG bullshit. We evolved to worry. If we didn't worry about anything we would be easily taken advantage of. If we didn't worry about anything we would get robbed or worse. If we didn't worry about anything we would never realize that some of our friends were not really good friends. If we didn't worry about anything we would let a cold or a physical problem turn into something much worse. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Worrying about something we can take action on is a good thing. Worrying about something we have no control of is a bad thing. Worrying about what might happen in the future can be a good thing if you do things today to prevent or accept what might happen. However, in general, worrying about what might happen in the future is usually a bad thing.

We mostly worry about actions we don't have control of. "It's been two months and I haven't gotten my tax refund. I'm worried it got lost in the mail." "This up and down stock market has me worried that I will lose all my investments." "My back has been killing me for weeks. I'm worried I might need an operation."

All of this worry stress is just making things worse for you. None of the statements above will destroy your life. You (or your accountant) can fix the possible problem even if your check did get lost in the mail. The absolute worst that might happen is the check is lost and the IRS won't give you the refund money. The possibility of that is so small, but even if that happened, you WILL survive without the money. You have less chance of surviving if you let the stress of worrying about it make you very sick.

The stock market has been going up and down for all the years it's been in business. If worrying about it is making you very unhappy put your money under your bed. OOPS, then you'll worry someone will steal it. Putting yourself in this "catch 22" will never make you happy. Just be smart about your investments and STOP WORRYING!

The stress from worrying about your bad back is probably making your bad back bad. Go to a doctor. If you need an operation, get it done. You will only survive if you stop worrying about it. I could give you many, many more examples, but you're the one who's worrying. 

Stress and anxiety are happiness killers. Stress and anxiety create many health (including mental health) related problems. Therefore, what the hell good is worrying? Well, like I said above, a little worrying might get you off your ass and take action on the thing you're worried about. However, in general, worrying does not serve you. 

Sooo, when you start to worry about anything, take a deep breath and say to yourself "is worrying about this doing me any good? Is worrying about this going to solve what I'm worried about? If I don't have any control over what I'm worried about, why should I worry about it now? I'll just see what happens and then deal with it." 

The most important thing you have to convince yourself about is:

Why Am I Worrying? I Know I Will Survive!

Is There Anything More Important Than Family

Is There Anything More Important Than Family

Five million years ago when the first humans came on the scene family was critical in securing their living conditions. Kids had to grow up quickly and be able to protect the family unit. Hunting and gathering was second to protection. Nobody left the family to explore. Exploration was done as a family. Sticking together was critical and anybody that didn't stay with the plan was sent out on their own. Most of them died.

500 BC the Roman Empire began. By 100 BC the Empire became a dictatorship. In 476 AD the Roman Empire fell. There were many reasons for the collapse; however some believe the disintegration of the family unit played a part. 

Everybody were screwing everybody. The kids were treated like shit. Poverty forced everyone to fight for their own self-preservation. The family moral code stopped existing. Even the very rich families fought each other to gain wealth and a higher position in life.

One hundred years ago the family unit was critical again. Everyone had to do their part or the family would fall apart. That could lead to starvation, financial disaster, in-fighting and/or a lot more negative things. The family name meant something. Families traveled together. Spouses stayed together even if they didn't get along with each other. Their kids were the most important thing in their lives.

This family bond got even stronger during the Second World War and lasted through the fifties and early sixties. Then the seventies happened.

The Vietnam War pulled apart the family unit. The government took kids from their families. Husbands and boyfriends were drafted. The younger generations were pissed at the older generation because they didn't want to fight a war they didn't believe in. Teenagers and college students rebelled. The family unit was no longer important to them. They openly spoke out against their parents and their government.

This dramatic change in the family unit is happening today. Kids are more mobile and independent. Parents are working, traveling and having fun without their teenagers and the teenagers are glad to see them go. Their kids' family unit now consists of friends, gangs, cults, etc. Mothers and fathers are there for shelter, money and food. Very few families work to support each other anymore. Mom and dad do their thing and we do our thing.

Spouses don't stick together if they don't like each other. Grown-up kids live in distant locations from their parents. They have their own life to deal with and only occasionally do they call, email, text or see (rarely) their parents. 

The ones in their twenties and thirties that are still living with their parents are consider losers. They usually don't like their parents and don't appreciate what they are doing for them. The parents are bombarded by friends and relatives telling them to force the kids out of the house so they can make their own life. The parents are too weak and/or afraid to send them packing.

Sooo, is any of this situation a good thing? Kids living at home in their twenties and thirties - NO!! Families that stay in touch even if they are separated by many miles - YES!

The family unit living, breathing, eating and shitting together is no longer necessary. Except for a few counties in America and around the world, most families are apart by the time the kids are twenty. Independence is a good thing. Having the kids out of the house so the parents can do the things they couldn't do when the kids were around is a good thing. A Kid making their own life for themselves is a good thing.

Sooo, is there anything more important than family - YES! Loving life, being happy, being loved, being trustworthy and always doing the right thing (family or no family) are more important.

However, is there great value in families caring about each other - Yes! Is there great happiness when the spouses like each other, stay together and always hear from their kids - YES! YES! YES!