Compassion and Happiness

My friend Kenny sent me this today:
Dalai Lama (@DalaiLama)2/24/12 1:58 AM
If we seek happiness for ourselves, we should practice compassion: and if we seek happiness for others, we should also practice compassion.

It's hard to have compassion for someone you dislike - and why should you?  It's hard to have compassion for someone you don't know - and why should you?  It's hard to have compassion for yourself if you don't think you're good enough - and why should you?

The answer is simple - happiness!  Not their happiness - your happiness!  When you ask a question: "why should I."  I would say:  "why not."  What is the alternative?  The answer is holding a grudge, pissed off, angry, indifference and depression.  If you think those alternatives will make you happier - YOU'RE NUTS!!!

Telling someone you feel bad about their situation, is not compassion.  Feeling sad inside about what you or others are going through, is not compassion.  The reason I say this is because those two things are negative energy.  Negative energy does not create compassion.

Compassion is forgiving someone who has done you wrong.  Compassion is getting involved in bad things that are happening to people you don't know.  For example, feeling sad about people you know or don't know that have cancer is not compassion.  Getting involved in doing what you can to rid this world of this horrible disease is compassion.

Forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made, is compassion.  Loving yourself just the way you are, is compassion.  Loving others just the way they are, is compassion.  Giving someone your positive energy, is compassion.

How can you have compassion for someone who hates you?  It's easy, don't hate them back.  If you really want to make them crazy, show them compassion instead of indifference or throwing a negative energy snow ball back at them.  How can you have compassion for someone who has made your life miserable?  It's easy, love them instead of hate them and move on with your life by doing the things that makes you happy.

Please believe me (because I've lived it) loving will help you move on to a happier life faster than holding on to that negative bone for the rest of your life.  Have compassion for them and yourself. Do it for you - you deserve it.

I Love My Car

I have a 2006 350Z.  I bought it as one of the presents I gave myself after I retired.  Having spinal desease, I knew there would come a day when I would not be able to get into a sports car.  Sooo, I thought that the longer I waited the less likely I would be able to have one.

I researched sports cars in my price bracket.  The Z was rated as the best car and it has lived up to the Consumer Reports' ratings.  Today, while nursing a cold, I took a step back and thought about why I loved my car.

In the five years I've had my car I have only changed the oil.  This is the most reliable car I've had.  That makes me happy.  Reliability is critical to me because of a bad experience I had with a beautiful Caddy I purchased in the late seventies.

A gas crisis was going on.  It wasn't just the price of gas was high. You could only get ten gallons every other day.  The Cadillac Biritz was the best looking car I had ever seen.  On top of that, it was a Cadillac.  At that time, an ego boast was important to me (I've learned later that ego was one of the things holding me back from happiness).

The big mistake I made was, because of the gas crisis, I bought the Cadillac Biritz Diesel - UGH.  Cadillac thru together a diesel car to compete with the Mercedes diesel.  They didn't have any experience with a USA diesel car.  The first mistake they made was the car did not have a water separator.  Diesel runs dirty and needs a water separator.  The Mercedes had two.

The lack of a water separator caused my car's engine to freeze up twice.  It was under warranty, but I had two engines replaced in the eighteen months I had the car.  Each time they replaced the engine, I had to rent a Chevy that, by the way, ran great.

The second thing Cadillac didn't realize was a diesel engine vibrates much more than a non-diesel.  The vibration would make my fan belt fly off while I was driving.  This happened to me three times.  Twice when I was on the freeway.  I had to carry replacement fan belts in my trunk so I could be assured I would be able to make a thirty mile trip.

The third thing Cadillac didn't take care of was that fact that a diesel engine runs much hotter than a non-diesel.  They knew it would run hotter.  Their solution was to put a metal pan under the engine.  It would have been a good idea if the bolts they used to secure the pan were larger.  Because they didn't,  the heat of the engine would melt the bolts and the pan would rattle so loud people inside and outside would think the car was going to explode at any minute.

Can you image ego me in my beautiful Cadillac Biritz pulling up to a expensive restaurant valet with everybody looking at a car that might explode.  I hated my beautiful car.  It goes without saying, reliability is the most important benefit I must have in a car.

My car hugs the road and therefore, I feel safe.  My car has only the features I need.  It doesn't have all the bells and whistles of today's cars.  To me that's a good thing because there is less things to break.  My car is a color that looks clean when it's dirty.  I wax my car every six months.  I wash my car every four months.  Less washing makes me happy.

Lastly, my car gets me from one place to another (without changing a fan belt).  Isn't that the reason we have a car?  Everything else is cosmetic.  Turning on the engine and knowing I'm going to get from one location to another makes me happy.

Think about your car.  Does it make you happy?  Do you appreciate it?  Are you in a car that makes you unhappy because it looks beautiful?  Are in a car that makes you unhappy because it is a fake status symbol?

My car gives me positive energy.  I appreciate it.  It is just one of the things in my life that brings me happiness.  Take a step back and appreciate all the things in your life (big or little) that makes you happy.  You can start with your car.

The Light At The End Of The Darkness

Just when I thought life could not get worse, I found myself dealing with an ex wife who was convincing my oldest boy I was a monster, people who I thought were my friends stopped supporting me and going from having money to living day to day.

Losing a son because I could no longer live a false life with a woman I did not love, really hurts.  He was my first and we had so much in common.  We were so close.  I was crushed when he rejected me.

Losing friends that I grew up with because they thought I should be miserable for the sake of the children, was a blow I did not expect.  I felt so alone.  I kept saying to myself: "I'm a good person.  Why would they do this to me.  I didn't divorce them, I divorced someone they knew was making me so unhappy.  Why me God."

Financially, I had to live with a roommate.  Here I am an executive at Xerox Corporation living in a small two room apartment with a sloppy smelly roommate - UGH!!  I had a beat-up old Oldsmobile with less than two thousand dollars to my name - triple UGH!!!

Bottom line, I did not see any light at the end of the tunnel.

After a few months of "woe is me," I took a step back and thought: "I could stay in this depressed state for life or I could think about what I could do to generate a light through all this darkness.  Once I put the burden of happiness on my shoulders, things started to turn around.

First, I started to look carefully at the things that were right with my life.  I made a difficult decision leaving an unhappy situation.  I had to pay the price for that.  If I stayed in the marriage, I would have been unhappy, angry and frustrated.  I would not have any positive energy to give to my spouse or my kids.  I was sure that had I not made this decision, things would have gotten worse not better.  My friends were all wrong.  I truly believed this painful decision was for the good of not only me, but for all involved.

Having this strong belief opened a crack of light.  I stopped punishing myself and started loving myself.  I was able to tell the kids that I was not the best father, but I had forgiven myself.  If they decided to have a crappy life so they could blame it on me, that was their choice.  I was no longer responsible for their happiness.

My youngest boy got the message.  He knew what I was dealing with at home and decided to support me.  Every hug he gave me opened more light at the end of the darkness.  I had to accept my oldest boy would not come around.  However, I allowed myself to be Ok with it because he was protected by his mother (in some ways too much so).

Then to my surprise, people I knew who weren't considered my "best" friends, came to me and said that although they did not want to get in the middle of our problems, they would support and care for me through the divorce.  What a relief.  I felt loved.  I no longer felt alone.  I appreciated friendship even more.  Months and years later many if my so called "best" friends realized how hurt I was and nourished me even more.  The light was getting brighter by the day.

Lastly, I decided to leave my roommate and move into a tiny apartment by the beach.  The best way I can describe how small the apartment was is that when I sat at the end of my single bed to tie my shoes, I hit my head on the wall in front of me.  It was small, but it was mine.  Although I had to stand up to eat in my so called kitchen, it was my kitchen with my food in it.  Apples and peanut butter taste really good when you're happy.

I had a great job.  My employees really liked working with me.  The other executives respected me.  Some became true friends.  I was great at my jobs.  I knew I was good enough when it came to work.  I knew I would make back all the money I had lost.  I was happy with what I had.  Any additional benefits that came my way were gravy on a delicious roast.

In a short few months I went from "woe is me" to "I love life again."  It happened because I decided to accept what was happening to me and do my part in creating the bright light at the end of the darkness.

Politics and Happiness

I don't know about you, but I'm have a blast watching the republican candidates going after each other.  It's not because I'm a pure democrat - it's because the ads and the debates are hysterical.

I'm very sad that Bachman, Perry and 999 Cane are no longer running.  They were a hoot.  I really wanted Palin to run because she always made me laugh when she was running for Vice President.  I love to laugh.  It's a great release from the negative energy around us all the time.

I am and always have been a fiscal republican and a social democrat.  I don't always agree with Obama, however he does not scare me.  Some of these republican candidates scare the hell out of me.  I can't trust anything one of them says.  Can you imagine having a President that says one thing one day and another the next day.  Will America's supporters around the globe, trust what he says?

Another of them really does not understand the Constitution's rule separating Church and State.  He makes it sound like I don't fit into his America because I believe in the social positions of the democratic party. 

Then there is a guy that wants to build colonies on the Moon.  Who the hell wants to live on the Moon.  Why can't we spend that money on a cure for Cancer, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's (I already have CRS (Can't Remember Shit)), etc. etc.  I believe a world free of those diseases will be a happier world than a world with colonies on the Moon.

I truly believe in the two party system. I would be happier if there was a third party.  I'm OK with a Republican winning the Presidency.  Where is Regan when we need him - dead.  Is this the best the Republicans can offer us.  There are millions of Republicans.  Isn't there one out there that will tell us how he or she will make America better instead of making us laugh at their childish attacks on each other.

Well, I guess I'll just have to go with the flow and enjoy the banter.  Saturday Night Live does skits about these guys.  The funny thing is, the real guys are funnier than the Comedians. 

I wanted to be serious about all of this, but I can't.  These guys are fun.  Fun makes me happy.  Happy is positive energy.  Positive energy begets more positive energy.

Therefore, I'm going to enjoy the show until the Republicans pick one of these guys. Then I'll stop watching the ads and debates and watch Saturday Night Live, the Daily Show, etc. instead.

Sex and Happiness

Orgasms make me happy.  I wish every person could have one or more orgasms.  Some people think an orgasm is over-rated.  I say, have two and call me in the morning.  Some say hugging and kissing is more important than having an orgasm.  I say, hugging and kissing someone, you are really into, needs to lead to a conclusion.  The orgasm is the conclusion.  Without it you usually feel unfulfilled.  You can end the session without the conclusion, but don't try to convince yourself it wouldn't be a lot better if you ended it with an orgasm.

Some say foreplay is more enjoyable than the orgasm.  I agree as long as the foreplay is more than hugging and kissing.  The body has many erotic points.  Foreplay that explores as many of those points as possible is a wonderful thing.  However, erotic foreplay with someone you care about, has to lead to a conclusion.  Orgasm is the conclusion.  It might not be as important as the foreplay, but without the conclusion of an orgasm, the body aches for a release.

Do you have to be in love to have sex - absolutely not!  Do you have to be in love to have great sex - absolute not!  That is a myth put into our heads by our parents and/or church.  Sex can just be a happy and fun time with a person you care about.  Making it more than it has to be, can ruin a great time. 

I love Ellen with all my heart for the reasons I've discussed in my previous blogs.  I also love having sex with Ellen.  It's fun and feels really good.  Loving and sex can be different.  The goal is happiness.  We want to make each other happy.  Loving each other makes us happy.  having sex with each other also makes us happy. 

If you are not having great sex it is either because you are with someone you don't care for or you are putting so much pressure on the fact that the sex has to mean something big.  Stop believing sex has to be a deep emotional love event.  Just go with the flow and enjoy it for what it is - fun and happiness.  If it includes love great, but don't make it mandatory.

What makes me even happier than my own orgasm, is when the person I'm with has an orgasm.  I believe it is the responsibility of each partner to find a way to please the other.  Being willing to explore the person's entire body to give them the pleasure they deserve, is being the source of positive energy. 

Slam bam thank you mam is not enjoyable for either person.  Racing to see who finishes first, is not happiness.  Yes, an orgasm feels good, but if you don't care about the person you are with, you might just as well masturbate.  At least that way you will never frustrate the other person and have to worry about safe sex.

There are many reasons why pleasing the other person makes sex very enjoyable to me.  Here are a few:

First, the negative energy person inside me and many others tries very hard to convince me I'm not good enough.  Even though I've taking control of him, it still feel great when the person I'm having sex with feels satisfied.  That makes me feel good enough.

Second, I'm the source of positive energy.  I do all I can do to help people put positive energy into their life.  My mentoring and blogging are just one way I do so.  Pleasing another person is giving them positive energy.  There are many ways to please another person (unconditional love, true friendship, etc.).  Great sex is one where both parties get a lot of positive energy.

Third, foreplay and afterplay is so much more fun when both parties are enjoying it equally.

Sooo, if you want to get all the happiness you deserve, add sex to your agenda.  Don't get too emotional about it, just enjoy it.  Sex should be fun.  Fun leads to happiness.  Happiness leads to positive energy.  Positive energy leads to more happiness - so on and so on.

Why Negative Energy Sells

I wish I knew the exact reason negative energy sells.  If I did, I would do everything in my power to change it.  I have some ideas that I'll share, but they are only my reasons.  I would greatly appreciate you writing a comment on my blog to give me your thoughts.

"Today, at six, NBC Evening News will be covering the train crash that killed forty people, a murder in downtown Los Angeles, the teacher who molested ten students and a dog who was saved in a fire."

Does that sound familiar to you - it does to me.  Even the saved dog was in a fire.  Negative, negative, negative.  Every once in a while the news stations have a heartfelt story at the end of the broadcast.  All of two minutes in a thirty minute broadcast.  The imbalance is ridiculous.

BTW, did you notice that pharmaceutical companies are one of the larger advertisers on the daily news.  They even have commercials asking people if they are depressed and if they are, call this 800 number.

Another BTW, I stopped watching negative news a long time ago.

Why do the news stations focus on negative energy?  It's simple, it sells.  They believe they will get a larger audience with negative news than positive news.  Bigger audience - more advertisers - more money.  You can't blame the stations for wanting to make a profit.  However, I always had hope that one brave news channel would start a "Good News Network."  If I hit the Mega Millions I will start the show.  Who knows, it might be a hit and profitable.  The fact of the matter is, nobody has tried it so we don't know.

Sooo, if we can't blame the network, who is responsible for all this negative news - The people who watch it.  If you want to change the balance, stop watching.  When I'm mentoring a person who is not happy with his/her life, the first thing I ask that person to do is to take negative energy out of their life.  That means, stop watching negative news, stop allowing yourself to be in negative situations and replace your negative energy friends and family with positive energy people.

When a person's life is not going the way they want, negative news has two affects.  One, they think that watching some other person's problems will make their problems seem not so bad.  This is so not true.  I know this because they keep watching the negative news.  If it were true, they would not need to watch more than once or twice.

Two, there is a negative person inside all of us.  That person was created in the past.  It could be from a trauma or family problems that happened when we were young.  It could have also been created by loving parents that made us feel not good enough by protecting us.  Simple statements like: "don't cross the street you will get hurt, don't go near fire you will get burned, etc, etc." made many of us to feel inadequate and not good enough.  Feeling not good enough creates that negative person inside of us.

For some of us that negative person does not control our life.  However, for many, that negative person inside of us makes us unhappy.  I have that negative person inside me.  Over the years and with some mentoring, I have realized what that person is doing to me and have been able to take control from him.  One thing that helped was to remove negative news, events and people from my life.

The main thing I learned about that negative person is that he feeds on negative energy.  By absorbing negative energy it makes him stronger.  It helps him control us.  It helps him convince us that we are not good enough.  It enables him to not allow us to make decisions or take risks that will lead to our happiness.  The fact is, the stronger he is the less happy we are.

It's not easy taking control from him.  It took me years.  The people I mentor usually need six to twelve months before they see the what he is doing to them and start making changes to overcome his affect on them.  He never goes away, but the more positive energy in your life will slow him down.

Start today!  You have the control to not watch negative news.  You have control to avoid and change a negative job.  You have control to change your negative friends and family to positive people.  It's not easy.  you will have to make some uncomfortable choices, but if you want to be happy, it's worth the short term pain for the long term gain.

I've said it many times in my blogs and I'm going to say it again: "NEGATIVE ENERGY BEGETS NEGATIVE ENERGY - POSITIVE ENERGY BEGETS POSITIVE ENERGY." 

SCREW THAT NEGATIVE PERSON INSIDE YOU.  TAKE CONTROL AND BECOME THE SOURCE OF POSITIVE ENERGY.  YOU DESERVE IT!!!!

Exercise and Happiness

Everybody agrees that exercise is good for your health.  What most people don't realize is that exercise is good for your happiness.  Some believe that exercise has to happen at a gym.  I believe exercise is a goal you set that uses your body or your mind.

By opening up the definition of exercise, you don't have to feel bad because you're not in a gym every day.  By opening up the definition you can define exercise as you wish and be proud that you accomplished it.  Being proud that you accomplished something makes you happier.

Taking a walk on a sunny day is exercise, reading is exercise, doing fifty push-ups is exercise, blogging is exercise, Working out an hour a day is exercise, cleaning the house is exercise, Vegging out watching mindless TV is not exercising. However, watching something that enhances your knowledge is exercise.  These are just a few of my definition of exercise. 

The key is in feeling good that you set a goal and you accomplished that goal.  It's critical that you like yourself if you want to be a happy and positive energy person.  Accomplishing a goal will make you feel good about yourself.

Too many people feel upset with themselves because they don't take the time to exercise.  Much of that is because their definition of exercise is working out at a gym.  Some of that is because they don't feel good about themselves period.  The negative energy inside them enables them to blame everything for their plight.

"I'm not good enough because I don't exercise."  "I want to lose weight, but I don't have the time."  "I don't believe I have the desire to stay with a routine."  "What's the use - I am what I am."  Negative - Negative - Negative.

Do you have to exercise to be a positive energy person - NO!  Do you have to be thin to be a positive energy person - NO!  Do you have to be healthy to be a positive energy person - MAYBE!

Why Maybe?  In general, healthy people are happier than unhealthy people.  However, your health does not have to define your happiness.  I have spinal decease and I'm a happy positive energy person.  You can have cancer and still have a positive outlook on life.  The more positive you are the better chance you will beat it.  The more positive you are the more you will enjoy the life you have left.

Sooo, what am I saying here?  Find the time every day to exercise (my definition).  Take thirty minutes of your day and walk.  Appreciate the things you see while you walk.  Every day appreciate the thirty minute goal you set and accomplished it.  Do the same with mind exercise.  The bigger the exercise goal the bigger the appreciation.  The bigger the appreciation the happier you will be. 

Starting out with a huge unrealistic exercise goal does not work.  You will probably fail and then feel bad about yourself.  You won't have that sense of accomplishment.  Start with the lowest exercise goal you are sure you will accomplish.  Then, as you feel good about what you accomplished, you can create a higher goal and then a higher goal.  More accomplishment - more appreciation - more happiness.

Accomplishment leads to liking yourself.  Liking yourself leads to positive energy.  Positive energy leads to happiness.  Remember, the goal of my blogs is get people to realize that "Happiness is the Forgotten Ingredient to Life."  There are many things you can do to bring more happiness into your life - exercise is just one of them.

Read and reread my blogs to get other tools that will make you happy.

Rainy Day Happiness

It's raining today.  In Southern California (SoCal) that's a rarity.  When I lived in Philly and New York it rained or snowed most days in the winter and some days in the summer.  I now live in Southern California where it rains a few days in the winter and no days in the summer.  Because it rains so little, a cold rainy day makes me happy.

When I worked, I loved it when it rained on a Sunday.  I could cuddle with my blankie and watch football all day long.  I didn't have to walk the dog because it's raining (she has her own pee pee pad outside).  I could turn on my fireplace for the first time in a year.  I could stop my hectic life and just veg out.  Vegging out a few times a year makes me happy.

Some people feel sad on a rainy day.  My son worked in Portland for a year and had to quit and come back to SoCal because the rainy and cloudy days made him depressed.  I knew he had enough when he sent me an email with the subject: "it just doesn't stop."  However, I spent many rainy days in Portland and lived for a year in Amsterdam where I was happy.

In case you don't know, it rains almost all winter in Amsterdam.  You see the sun only a very few days.  Sooo, how come the Dutch are a happy people?

The answer is simple, when you are happy inside it doesn't matter what the weather is.  Some of the nicest and happiest people live in Minnesota where it snows all winter long.

When you live in a bad weather city, you realize that everybody is in the same boat with you.  You realize that if it makes you happy living in that city (because of family, friends, job, etc.) the weather is not a significant factor to your happiness.

The people who live in SoCal are blessed with great weather. However, in general, SoCal people are not happier than people in Portland, Minnesota, Amsterdam, etc.

One reason is that SoCal people are spoiled.  They see the sun so often that when a rainy day happens, they get sad.  If they lived in a bad weather city and came to SoCal, they are so appreciative of the good weather that they don't get sad when the weather is bad.

The second reason is the most important.  People that live in SoCal and get sad when the weather is bad are people who are sad when the sun is out.  People that live in the bad weather in Amsterdam who are sad are people who are sad when the weather in Amsterdam is great.  I could go on, but I believe you get the message.

Positive energy begets positive energy.  negative energy begets negative energy.  If you truly believe that saying, then you know that the people who get sad during bad weather are the source of negative energy and the people who are happy on a cold rainy day are the source of positive energy.

WHICH ONE ARE YOU!!! 

Valentine Day - Happy Day?

For many people February 14th is a happy day.  For some people February 14th is a not so happy day.  The reality is, February 14th is just another day in your life.

The card and gift companies made it an important day.  Spacing is critical for their sales.  They would never allow Valentine's day to fall on the same day as Easter, Mother's day, Father's day, Christmas, Chanukah or Thanksgiving.

Sooo, Valentine's day is just another day unless you want it to be special.  I love my Ellen everyday - not just on Valentine's day.  We do things together all the time - not just on one special day.  I love her and she loves me.  However, as the blogger who is allowed to speak out of both sides of my mouth, I do get Ellen a few Valentine's day cards.

Two cards from me and one card from my dog Zita.  I have to get the card for Zita because she is a lousy card shopper.  On Zita's card, she tells Ellen how much she loves her (almost as much as she loved food).  Zita's speech is limited (duh, she's a dog).  So she has to write it down. 

Writing it down is important because words on paper (or digital) last forever.  Never say something in writing unless you truly mean it.  However, with that said, words said or written are today's words - not forever words.

The two cards I get Ellen have a purpose.  One is a funny card to celebrate Ellen's great sense of humor.  The other card is a serious card.  I look at a hundred cards to find one that has a saying or a poem that represents how I feel about her (hay, I'm a story teller - not a poet).

At the bottom of each card, I write: "your the best thing that has happened to me" and I sign the card: "love you today and forever."  Even though words are today not forever, words on paper (or digital) last forever.  With Ellen, I want them to last forever because I will always and forever love her.

Don't make Valentine's day a special day - make every day a special day to your love one.  Don't send a mixed message on Valentine's day.  A person will take your writings and your gifts as special.  They assume you mean what you write.  Don't make Valentine's day a special day unless you truly mean it.  Don't make Valentine's day a special day unless you plan to make the days after special.


For some people, Valentine's day is not a happy day.  It could be because they lost a love one, never had a love one, getting rid of a love one, being dumped by a love one or just going through a bad time in their life and Valentine's day reminds them how much their life sucks.

The solution to those people is to remember that February 14th is just another day in your life.  If you've lost a love one, you will get over it and find a new love.  If you never had a love one, think about the other people in your life who either love you or wish you well.  Send those people a Valentine's card to tell them you appreciate them in your life.  Who knows, maybe next year you will get a card from them.

If you are (or have) getting rid of a love one - celebrate.  You had the courage to take control of your life and seek a better relationship.  If you were dumped by a love one - celebrate.  Better know now than in the future.  Moving on is self healing.  Not hating that person is self healing. You will be with someone who cares for you more than the dirt bag who dumped you on next years Valentine day.

Lastly, if Valentine's day is just a reminder of how bad your life is today.  Do two things.  One, find a mentor who can help you put positive energy back into your life.  Two, spend Valentine's day reading all my blogs.  Read and reread them.  They will change your life for the better if you really want it and believe you deserve it.

Religion and Happiness

This blog is going to be controversial.  Some of you might not agree with what I'm writing, however please have an open mind.  All of my writings are my opinion. My purpose is to get you to look at your life, job and happiness through different eyes. My purpose is not to get all of you to agree with me. Remember the goal is happiness.

First, let me start by giving you my definition of religion.  Religion, in my opinion, is any organization that is organized, has a set of rules or requests, has followers that, for the most part, follow those rules or requests, take in money to support the religion, have a single leader with sub leaders, might or might not worship an entity that only exists in the mind of the followers (God is an example, but not the only example), and their purpose is to give a better life for their members.

The reason I added that a religion may or may not worship an entity is because some true religions do not worship a supreme being.

Being religious, again, in my opinion, is someone who follows the religion, supports the religion, follows the rules or requests and makes religion a significant part of their life.

If you think about my definition of religion, take away the non tangible entity (non tangible because you can't see or touch the entity with our limited five senses.  Therefore, they only exist in our minds and heart),  almost any organization can be a religion. 

If you take away the non tangible entity, could a corporation be a religion?  A corporation is organized, has a set of rules and requests, has followers that follow those rules, takes in money (from profits) to support the corporation, has a single leader (CEO) and sub leaders (VPs, directors, managers).  However, the corporation's purpose is not to give a better life for its employees.  Its purpose is to make money which may or may not make the employees happy.

Under my definition, a Union could be a religion. However, nobody sees it as such because it does not have a spiritual nature to it.  I have no idea what "a spiritual nature" means because I'm too logical and can't put my arms around it.  Therefore, I can only assume that "a spiritual nature" is something a person feels inside.

I believe you can't really be a religious person unless you have a "spiritual nature" inside you.

OK, what the hell does all this have to do with happiness?  Again, in my humble opinion (IMHO, yes, I'm a texter), being part of a religion is a good thing.  What I have a problem with (here comes the controversy) is being religious can retard your happiness.

The reason is because, making one thing a big part of your life is restricting.  Religion's rules are restricting.  Having those rules as a significant part of your life means you are not creating your own rules of life.  Not creating your own rules of life will not allow you to get all the happiness you deserve. 

It's OK to believe in a non tangible entity, however believing that entity will guide your life, believing that entity is making decisions for you, believing that entity will give you a better life, believing that entity will allow you to join him or her in the afterlife and that will make you happier now and believing that if something good or bad happens to you or anybody else it is the entity's will, is putting the entity in control of your happiness.

If you are reading my blogs, you know I believe that if you give control of your life to the outside world, you will never get all the happiness you deserve.  You are the master of your happiness not them.

If you join a religion for the purpose of community you will get a lot out of it.  If you join a religion because you want to be guided by someone or something other than you, you will be missing a big chance to control your life.  Some people think being controlled by something else is a good thing.  I don't.

I'm a spiritual being not a religious being.  I believe in giving positive energy out to the universe because I believe the more you give the more you get back.  I'm not giving myself to the universe and being controlled by its whims.  I'm making the universe a better place because I'm giving it my positive energy. lastly, I believe being the source of positive energy to others will make my life happier.

If it makes you happy, join a religion.  Just don't let the religion control your life and your happiness.  Being spiritual will give you all positive energy you need.  Sooo, be spiritual not religious.

Again, this is my opinion.  I hope you will be open minded to what I've written and not reject it out of hand because it is not the way you were brought up.  My only goal is your happiness.  If your way makes you happy, do your thing - as long it's your decision not theirs.

Taking Charge of Your Career and Your Life

Part five

Below is a questionnaire I developed when I was lecturing to a night school group.  The group included students, people starting their career, professionals, executives and seniors.

I asked the group to do the questionnaire after I lectured them for weeks on the subject, "Taking Charge of Your Career and Your Life."  If you have been reading my blogs on this subject, you are ready to do the questionnaire. 

Please do so.  It will enable you to evaluate where you are and where you can go on your personal happiness level.

If you have not read the four other blogs, please read them first.  Remember all my blogs are listed on the right side of the blog page.

Taking Charge of Your Career and Your Life

Questionnaire

The Five Steps to

Taking Charge of Your Career and Your Life

Step I:  Taking Charge:  Finding the Real You

Step II:  The Decision

Step III:  The Implementation

Step IV:  The Evaluation

Step V:  Happiness

Step I:  Taking Charge

Finding the Real You

Objective – To prepare yourself so that you are capable of making an effective career and life decisions by:

• Clearing away all of your negative baggage
• Gaining an understanding of who you are and how you feel about things
• Gaining an understanding of how your decisions are affected by:
• Not knowing what you want
• Your fear of failure
• Your additions to security, money, power and ego
• Pressures and expectations created by the outside world (your spouse, your friends, your boss, your commitments, etc.)

All of this should lead you to selecting alternative career choice or personal life choices based entirely upon your happiness

1. Complete your personal Happiness Evaluation chart (next page) and then answer the following questions:

• How do you feel about the results of your personal Happiness Evaluation chart?

Personal Happiness Evaluation Chart

Divide your age into four segments (quadrants).  Enter the age range into each quadrant on the chart below (i.e. if your are 39, enter 1 - 9 years into quadrant one, 10 - 19 into quadrant two, 20 - 29 into quadrant three and 30 – 39 into quadrant four).  Fill in the chart below by placing a number of points into each quadrant for every year there is a significant change in your happiness.  This could be career/job happiness or life happiness.  Connect the points to create a happiness plot.

  Quadrant 1 (yrs x – y)      Quadrant 2 (yrs x – y)      Quadrant 3 (yrs x – y)      Quadrant 4 (yrs x – y)

Happiness              10             9 Mostly Happy             8            7            6 Sometimes Happy                       5            4            3 Mostly Unhappy                      2           1					Happiness 10 9         Mostly         Happy 8
					7 6         Sometimes           Happy 5
					4 3          Mostly            Unhappy 2 1

Example

Personal Happiness Evaluation Chart

Divide your age into four segments (quadrants).  Enter the age range into each quadrant on the chart below (i.e. if your are 39, enter 1 - 9 years into quadrant one, 10 - 19 into quadrant two, 20 - 29 into quadrant three and 30 – 39 into quadrant four).  Fill in the chart below by placing a number of points into each quadrant for every year there is a significant change in your happiness.  This could be career/job happiness or life happiness.  Connect the points to create a happiness plot.

  Quadrant 1 (yrs 1 – 9)     Quadrant 2 (yrs 10 – 19)    Quadrant 3 (yrs 20 – 29)  Quadrant 4 (yrs 30 – 39)

Happiness              10             9 Mostly Happy             8            7            6 Sometimes Happy                       5            4            3 Mostly Unhappy                       2           1	·        ·	.			Happiness 10 9         Mostly         Happy 8
		.	.         .	.	7 6         Sometimes           Happy 5
				.                      .	4 3          Mostly            Unhappy 2 1

Describe what has been happening in your career and/or your life for the last two years

Describe actions you can take to raise your “current point” on the Personal Happiness Evaluation chart

Step I  Taking Charge

Finding the Real You

Knowing what you want

Objective – To prepare yourself so that you are capable of making an effective career decision by:

• Clearing away all of your negative baggage
• Gaining an understanding of who you are and how you feel about things
• Gaining an understanding of how your decisions are affected by:
• Not knowing what you want
• Your fear of failure
• Your additions to security, money, power and ego
• Pressures and expectations created by the outside world (your spouse, your friends, your boss, your commitments, etc.)

All of this should lead you to selecting alternative career choice or personal life choices based entirely upon your happiness.

2.  Answer the following statements or questions by looking into yourself and stating how you feel NOW.  Do not answer these statements or questions based upon what you want the answer to be or what your answer might be in the future.  In addition, do not answer these questions or statements based upon what the outside world (spouse, parents, friends, etc.) thinks your answer should be.  The right answers are how you feel about these questions or statements right NOW.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            1A.  I am in tune with who I am and what I want ________

                        Do you know what tasks you are good at performing?  Do you know which tasks make you happy?  Are you realistic about your intellectual, emotional, and physical limitations in performing the job/task you would love?

            2A.  I am enjoying life today _______

                        Or are you waiting for your life to get better in the future?

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1.     I do not agree

2.     I sometimes agree

3.     I usually agree

4.     I strongly agree

3A.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                  “When you don’t realize how short life is you don’t enjoy the path, you only think about the destination.”

      4A.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                  “Can you accept that life is a journey and like a safari there will be some problems and there will be some risks, but, you probably won’t get killed and you definitely will have fun.”

      5A.  I can visualize where I am going in my career and/or my life ______

                  Can you close your eyes and see yourself becoming the person you want to become?  Are your dreams of the perfect career and/or life realistic?

      6A.  I see myself successful ______

      7A.  I see myself happy _______

      8A.  I would change my career path if I knew that my current career direction will not lead to my happiness _______

      9A.  My personal life is not affecting my business life ______

      10A.  My school life is not affecting my personal life ______

      11A.  I’m sure I am not happy with my current situation ______

                  Or are you only looking at the negatives?

      12A.  I think in terms of what I do like not just what I don’t like ______

      13A.  I am using both sides of my brain ______

                  Everyone has a creative right side and a logical left side of their brain.  In your job/task or life are you using both of these hemispheres?  Do you see the importance in doing so?  Do you believe that you will never know all there is to know about yourself if you do not explore both your creative, visual and verbal capabilities (right side) along with your logical, mathematical and organizational capabilities (left side)?

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

      14A.  I have or I can create credibility through experience and

                      accomplishments ______

                  You can’t get what you want if you don’t have experience.  You can’t get what you want if you have not accomplished anything.  Are you willing to do all things necessary to gain the experience you need?  Are you willing to be patient and accept that you might not get promoted and/or have the life experience you want until you have the necessary experience?  Do you realize that experience without accomplishment will hold you back?  Do you realize how good you will feel when you accomplish something … no matter how small?

            15A.  I have presence ______

                        I have knowledge, strategic thinking, confidence, communication skills, good personal presentation and excellent leadership traits.  With all of these building blocks I can create a presence.

            16A.  I have resolve, commitment and focus ______

                        You have experience, accomplishment, resolve, commitment and focus.  Resolve means you are committed to your beliefs and are willing to take action on them. If you want the world to listen to you, deliver your experience and accomplishments with resolve and commitment.  Doing so will give you a presence.

            17A.  I am focused!  I can prioritize! ______

                        Focusing stops your thoughts from wondering.  It helps in decision making.  It helps you take action. Without focus, your career and/or your life will blur with you day to day actions.  You will find yourself handcuffed and unable to reach your daily and long term goals.

            18A.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “There is only one number one priority, one number two priority, One number three priority, etc.  If you try to make everything top priority you will fail.  Do you let others (wife, boss, etc.) convince or push you into accepting that more than one of your tasks are the number one priority, your output will not be acceptable.  This will make you and the people who are insisting everything get done at once unhappy.”

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

19A.  I can love myself even if nobody acknowledges my capabilities ______

                        Can you love yourself even if you don’t have the presence to make yourself look good to others (boss, wife, friends, etc.)?  Can you love yourself even if you are passed over for a promotion that was given to someone less capable than you?

            20A.  I have a mentor to help me with my career and/or my life ______

                        Do you have someone to talk to about your career and/or life?  Is that person a clear thinker?  Does that person have the experience to guide you? Is that person in a position to help you get what you want and deserve?

21A.  I am taking actions that will enable me to become the person I want to become ______

            22A.  I figure out how I can not why I can not ______

            23A.  I am willing to retrain myself ______

                        I am willing to go back to school and get training in a field that will make me happy.  I am willing to take a part time job in addition to my current one if it will lead to a career choice that will make me happy.

            24A.  I take the time to appreciate life ______

                        Do you understand what it means to “smell the roses?”  Can you accept that life is a bitch, but, everyday something happens that you can appreciate?  Are you looking at what is good about you career choice and/or your life or are you only looking at “what is wrong with this picture?”  If the only good thing that happened to you today was lunch, can you go home and tell your spouse about the great ham sandwich you had for lunch?  Can you appreciate the security you have created for yourself or do you believe it is holding you back?

            25A.  I am involved in what is happening to the world around me ______

                        Are you waiting or hoping that someone else will fix the problems?

            26A.  I am involved in what is happening to my school ______

                        Are you waiting or hoping that someone else will fix the problems?

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

27A.  I am involved in what is happening to my family or friends ______

                        Are you waiting or hoping that someone else will fix the problems?

            28A.  I involve myself in those things that make me happy ______

                        Do you subject yourself to things that make you unhappy?

Dealing with your fear of failure

Answer the following statements or questions by looking into yourself and stating how you feel NOW.  Do not answer these statements or questions based upon what you want the answer to be or what your answer might be in the future.  In addition, do not answer these questions or statements based upon what the outside world (spouse, parents, friends, etc.) thinks your answer should be.  The right answers are how you feel about these questions or statements right NOW.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

1B.  I am able to take risks ______

                        Can you accept that “life without problems means you don’t take many risks, but, life without taking risks is half a life?”  Can you accept that you will survive any risk you take?  Can you make risk taking fun?  Do you realize that taking risks is part of your growth?

            2B.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “Taking risks will not guarantee my happiness, but, I will have to take some risks to get what I want and all I deserve.”

            3B.  I believe I must take a risk on my own performance to convince others to do the same ______

            4B.  I am good at making decisions ______

            5B.  I want to be the one to decide ______

                        Would you rather someone else make the decision?

            6B.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “Saying I’m so confused when being asked for a decision is just another way of saying I don’t want to make a decision because I’m afraid I might make a wrong decision.”

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

7B.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “In business and in life you will be successful if you make more right decisions that wrong decisions.  However, not making any decision will usually turn out to be a wrong decision.”

            8B.  For one month, can you refrain from saying “I shouda done that” or “I coulda done that ______

            9B.  I believe I will survive any decision I may make ______

            10B.  I believe that realistically my worst fears will probably not occur if I take this risk or make this decision ______

            11B.  I believe I will always have enough food to eat, air to breath and shelter even if the risk I take or the decision I make turns out to be wrong ______

            12B.  I believe that the people who love me will love me even if the risk I take or the decision I make turns out to be wrong ______

Am I addicted to security, money, power and ego

Answer the following statements or questions by looking into yourself and stating how you feel NOW.  Do not answer these statements or questions based upon what you want the answer to be or what your answer might be in the future.  In addition, do not answer these questions or statements based upon what the outside world (spouse, parents, friends, etc.) thinks your answer should be.  The right answers are how you feel about these questions or statements right NOW.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            1C.  I am not addicted to security ______

                        Do you refrain from making career and life choices based upon security?  Will you avoid trading your happiness for security?  Are you sure you are not staying in your current job or life situation because it is more secure to do so?  Are you really willing to give up all this security to create a happier career and life for yourself?

2C.  I am involved in my current career choice or life situation for some other reason than security ______

If you usually or strongly agree (answer 3 or 4 above) than what is the reason:

            3C.  I am not addicted to money ______

                        Do you avoid making career and life choices based upon money?  Will you avoid trading your happiness for money?  Would you really turn down a job you didn’t think would make you happy if it offered you significantly more money?

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            4C.  I am involved in my current career choice or life situation for some other reason than money ______

If you usually or strongly agree (answer 3 or 4 above) than what is the reason:

            5C.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “The purpose of money is to give me the freedom of choice.  I will not let money control my life because I am willing to make less expensive choices if that will make me happy.”

            6C.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “I will always have all the money I require if I’m happy, but, I will never have enough money if I am unhappy.”

            7C.  I am not addicted to power and ego ______

                        I do not make career and life choices based upon how it affects my ego.  I will not trade my happiness for enhancing my ego.  Would you really ask for a demotion to a lower level job if by doing so it would make you happy?

            8C.  I am involved in my current career choice or life situation for some other reason than power and ego ______

                        If you usually or strongly agree (answer 3 or 4 above) than what is the reason:

Dealing with pressures and expectations from the outside world

Answer the following statements or questions by looking into yourself and stating how you feel NOW.  Do not answer these statements or questions based upon what you want the answer to be or what your answer might be in the future.  In addition, do not answer these questions or statements based upon what the outside world (spouse, parents, friends, etc.) thinks your answer should be.  The right answers are how you feel about these questions or statements right NOW.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

1D.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “The outside world (wife, boss, parents, friends, etc.) might be the cause of my problems, but, I must acknowledge ownership of the solutions.”

            2D.  I can be spontaneous in my career and/or my life ______

                        There is a difference between being spontaneous and being a flake.  Every commitment you make takes away some of your spontaneity.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you are married.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have children.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have a large mortgage payment.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have a large car payment.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have financial or emotional commitments to your parents, spouse or friends.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have financial or emotional commitments to yourself.

3D.  I accept I have given up some spontaneity to have the other things I want in my life ______

                        Or are you resenting the people or other commitments like you wife, children, mortgage payment, etc. for making you less spontaneous?

            4D.  In the future I will avoid any new commitments that don’t make me happy.  I will also avoid any new commitments that reduce my options to make myself happy.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            5D.  I accept my current plan ______

                        Or are you over planning your future?  Is your attitude “if it feels good today I’m going to go for it?  If it stops feeling good I will do something else tomorrow?”

            6D.  I have avoided becoming another “Peter Principal” statistic ______

                        The Peter Principal is a book written by Dr. Laurence Peter many years ago.  It states that a company will continue to promote a good employee until that employee reaches his/her level of incompetence.  Are you in a job that you are not really competent to perform?  Could you say no to a promotion that might make you another “Peter Principal” statistic?

            7D.  I am willing to take one step backward to take two steps forward ______

                        Would you really take what might be considered a demotion by others if that lower level job/task would make you happier?  Would you really take what might be considered a demotion by others if that lower level job would give you new experiences that might lead to a happier job/task?

            8D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Being confident, not acting confident will make me happy.”

            9D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Knowing inside I am right will stop me from being defensive.”

            10D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Asking without demanding is more satisfying and works better most of the time than winning through intimidation.”

            11D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Receiving without demanding will make me happier.”

            12D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Finding another way to get what I want, when the people I’m asking are not giving, will make me happier.”

            13D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Not being addicted to getting my own way will stop me from being miserable while I do something to change the negative situation.”

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            14D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “The people in my life love me just the way I am.  They will love me even if I fail.  They will love me even if I am not rich.  They will love me even if I don’t get that higher level job. They will love me even if I take a risk or make a decision that does not turn out positive.

Step I:  Taking Charge

Finding the Real You

Ratings

POINTS:  Add up your points from each section and enter                                  POINTS

        

            A.  Knowing what you want:                                                                      ________

            B.  Dealing with your fear of failure                                                         ________

            C.  Am I addicted to security, money, power or ego                                 ________

            D.  Dealing with pressures and expectations from the outside world        ________

            TOTAL POINTS                                                                                       ________

Ratings:  Compare your TOTAL POINTS to the following                                POINTS

• I am Taking Charge of my Career and ,my Life                                        217 - 248
  
  
• I have not taken charge yet, but I know what I need to do
  to get me there                                                                                                        186 - 216
  
  
• I have a great deal to think about                                                               124 - 185
  
  
• It’s not my fault!  If everyone would stop treating
  me so badly I would be perfect                                                                   62 – 123

Step II:  The Decision

Objective:  Using the information and insights you have learned in Step I, create realistic career choice and life alternatives that will make you happy today.  This may include new job opportunities, career paths and/or solutions toward happiness in your life.

1. List no more than five realistic career choice or life choices you are or could be good at performing.  These choices are detailed activities that will lead to specific career choice changes and/or specific personal life changes.

1
2
3
4
5

2. List no more than five realistic career choice and/or personal life changes you think will be fun and that you always wanted to do.

1
2
3
4
5

3. Combine list 1 and 2 placing the career choice and/or life choices that match both lists on top.

This now becomes your prioritized “Fun” list.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

4. List all the career choice and/or personal life current situations or potential future situations that do or could make you unhappy.

5. List all of the career choice and/or personal life functions or activities that you would love to do or change but, stretch beyond your intellectual, physical or emotional limitations. 
   For example, you may want to be a professional basketball player; however, you don’t have the physical makeup to do so.  You may want to be a world class chess player, but, don’t have the intellectual makeup to do so.  You may want to run a fortune 500 company, but, don’t have the emotional makeup to do so. 
   
   This exercise is about knowing you and being realistic with yourself.

6. Combine lists 4 and 5 placing the career choice and/or life functions or activities that match at the top of your list.

This now becomes your prioritized “No Fun” or “Not Realistic” list.

7. Remove from your prioritized “fun” list and career choice and/or personal life functions or activities that are similar to the prioritized “No Fun” and/or “Not Realistic” list.
   
   This now becomes your prioritized “Happy” list.

8. List all your current commitments that might negatively affect your career choice and/or personal life happiness.  Prioritize the commitments that you are sure would be too painful to eliminate, replace or change by putting them at the top of the list.
   
   Remember there is only one number one priority, one number two priority, one number three priority, etc.

9. List any fears of failure or fears of making decisions which you can not overcome. Also, list any addictions to security, money and/or power/ego which you can not overcome.  These fears or addictions are ones that are holding you back from making career choice and/or personal life choices that would lead to your happiness.

10. Combine lists 8 and 9 in the priority you believe most negatively affects your happiness.
    
    This now becomes your prioritized “Holding Me Back” list

11. Evaluate all the career choice and/or personal life functions/actions on your “Happy” list against the ones on your “Holding Me Back” list.  Subtract any career choice and/or personal life functions/actions on the “Happy” list that might be affected by any of the item on your “Holding Me Back” list.
    
    This now becomes your prioritized “Realistic Alternative” list.

NOTE:  you should have at least two “Realistic Alternatives” on your list.  If not, you are not ready to proceed to Step III.  We suggest you work on the things in Step I and Step II before you go on to Step III.

Step III  The Implementation

You now have at least two “Realistic Alternative” career choice and/or personal life functions/actions that will make you happy.

1. Research
1. Discuss possible implementations solutions of your “Realistic Alternatives” with people that have real world experience or detailed knowledge of the career choice and/or personal life functions/actions that will make you happy.  Make sure these “Mentors” are people you trust and have your best interest in their heart. 
   
   Friends and Family members might be OK, but, they tend to tell you what you want to hear or what they think is best for you based upon their personal choices.  Employment agencies usually have one thing in mind and that is how to “sell” you to one of their accounts.  They are not that interested in your hopes and dreams. Also, they have little interest in your personal life issues.
   
   We suggest you see a trained professional who is motivated in helping you make your own decisions that will lead to your happiness.  Their motivation might be financial.  They do a good job for you then you recommend them to someone then they recommend them to someone… on and on.  It’s a win win situation for both you and them.
   
   
2. Take a part time job, after your normal working day if necessary, that might be the career choice that will make you happy.  It probably will be one on your “Realistic Alternative” list. Don’t be focused on how much it pays.  You are doing this to get first hand experience.  You may find out that this is the career for me or that what you thought was going to be the job you always wanted is no better or maybe even worst than the one you have now.
   
   Let’s say you are currently in finance and you think a job in sales is the career path you want. Take a commission only part time sales job after work and try selling something.  You may love it and are great at it or you might find that you don’t have the emotional makeup to be a salesperson.
   
   A personal life example might be you asking for what you want. Not demanding it, just asking for it.  When your wife or friends ask you what restaurant you want to go to, do you say “I don’t know. Where do you want to go?”  Try saying, I want Italian.  If everybody else wants Chinese, you can go along, but at least you said what you wanted.  People like people that say what they want.  When my wife asks me which pork chop I want I say “the best one.”


3. Take career counseling classes or specific career choice function classes at your local Adult school, professional training school or on-line.
   
   

4. Go to a seminar or job fair that will give you insight into the career choice and/or personal life function/actions you think will make you happy.
   
   

5. Research on the web or in the library, everything that is written about the subject that you believe will make you happy. 
   
   Let’s say you want to be a Black Jack dealer.  There are many books and articles that will tell you what, where and how to get into that career.
   
   Let’s say you are having boyfriend problems.  There are many books and articles that might give you insight into how you might approach the problem.
   
   
6. Go to a Life Coach.  Pick one that feels right.  Trust yourself.  You know what feels right and what does not.
   
   

2. Implementation
1. Have conversations with your spouse and/or parents so they know what you believe will lead you to happiness and what you plan to do about it.
   
   
2. Have conversations with your current company’s’ Personal or Career Counselor department to determine if you can get what you want without leaving the company.  Any good standing company will keep these conversations private.
   
   
3. Have conversations with your boss only if you trust she/he is interested in your happiness.  This is a tough call because a boss is not motivated to help a good employee take a job outside their domain.  Also, once you let the boss know you are interested in a career choice change, he/she might not think you will be giving 100% to your current job.  There are bosses who will help you.  Bosses who feel good about seeing you get ahead and happy.  Make sure your boss is one of them.
   
   
4. Always be willing to take one step backward to get two steps forward toward you happiness.  Take a lesser – lower paying job if it will lead to the experience you will need to get the career you want.  Make the life choice you believe will lead to your happiness.  Remember, the people that love you will still love you.

Step IV:  The Evaluation

Objective:  By this time you have implemented one of your: Realistic Alternative” career choice and/or personal life choices.  You may have done this part time or full time.  You may have only gone back to school to retrain yourself.  You may have made the difficult personal life decision.  You may have seen a Life Coach.  It is now time to evaluate your new experience.  Remember the end goal is happiness.

How do you feel about the new career choice and/or personal life path you have implemented?

Step IV:  The Evaluation

Plus – Minus Chart

Objective:  The objective of the “Plus – Minus” chart is to determine how you feel about career choice and/or the personal life changes you have made or considering making.  Remember, the reason you are making this change is to increase your happiness.  The outcome of the “Plus – Minus” chart should help you determine if you have or are going to accomplish that goal. 

NOTE:  Don’t trick yourself into believing you are happier than you are.

How to use the “Plus – Minus” chart

1. Write in the plus column every element of this career choice and/or personal life change that is having a positive impact on your happiness.
   
   Example:  “this job is close to my home.”
   
   
2. Give this positive (Plus) element any value you believe it is worth.
   
   NOTE:  By choosing any value, you can have one element override all other elements.  For example, if having a lot of free time is more important to you than anything else, and this job is only four days a week, you may choose to give this element a higher value than all other elements in the “Minus” column.
   
   Don’t be so quick to do this.  Look at the finished chart before you make that decision.
   
   
3. Total the values in the “Plus” column.
   
   
4. Write, in the “Minus” column every element of this career choice and/or personal life change that is having a negative impact on your happiness.
   
   Example:  “I have to drive an hour to work and an hour back every day.”
   
   
5. Give this negative (Minus) element any value you believe it is worth.
   
   
6. Total the values in the “Minus” column
   
   NOTE:  After you complete the chart you may want to go back and change some of the values or either the “Plus” or “Minus” or both sides.  That is OK, but, make sure you are being realistic – not just trying to make the numbers come out the way you or others want them to be.

Step IV:  The Evaluation

Plus – Minus Chart

7. Compare the total values of your “Plus” elements and your “Minus” elements.  If the “Plus” value is significantly higher than the “Minus” value, you should feel you have made or are going to make the right decision/choices. 
   
   If the “Minus” value is significantly higher than the “Plus” value, you need to find out why before doing something radical (like leaving your current job, changing  your personal life situation, changing your mind about the career path you are considering or changing you mind about the personal life change you are considering).
   
   If the “Plus” and the “Minus” values are about even, ask yourself is you are happy most of the time.  If you are, that’s great.  Go to Step V.  If you are unhappy most of the time, try to find out why before you make any changes.
   
   NOTE:  We suggest you do the “Plus – Minus” chart about every three months.

Plus – Minus Chart

                        PLUS                    VALUE                             MINUS                 VALUE

TOTAL PLUS VALUE  _______

TOTAL MINUS VALUE  _______

Step IV:  The Evaluation

Objective:  By this time you have implemented one of your: Realistic Alternative” career choice and/or personal life choices.  You may have done this part time or full time.  You may have only gone back to school to retrain yourself.  You may have made the difficult personal life decision.  You may have seen a Life Coach.  It is now time to evaluate your new experience.  Remember the end goal is happiness.

Can you make some adjustments to your “Realistic Alternative” career choice and/or personal life actions you have taken or plan to take that would make your happiness even better?  If so, what adjustments would you make?

If this new path is working for you, HOO – RAY!  You are one of the lucky ones.  Try writing why you think this new path is working and then move on to Step V.

Step IV:  The Evaluation

Does your old career choice or personal life starting to look better than the “Realistic Alternative” you have chosen or are about to choose?  If so, describe why.

If this new path is still not working, do you know what you need to do next?  If you do, describe below.  If you don’t, try doing steps I thru IV over again or seek help from someone you trust.

Step V:  Happiness

Congratulations you are one of the few that have made it this far.

Making it this far assumes you are happy in your career choice and/or your personal life most of the time.  Most of the time does not mean all of the time.  Being happy all of the time is not realistic and, believe it or not, will not make you happy.

My wife likes to say “life is a bitch and then you die.”  Conflict, stress and aggravation are part of living.  Wants, desires and change is also part of living. If you got everything you wanted all of the time, living would stop being interesting.  Life being interesting plays a major role in being happy.

Getting everything you want all of the time would stop you from appreciating the world around you.  Think about the things you appreciate.  Do you think a very rich person appreciates those things?  Probably not. Filthy rich people can get those things at a snap for their fingers, so they need much much more than you to appreciate the things that make them happy.  If they get everything, they won’t have anything to appreciate.

There is one thing that can make you happy all of the time and you probably will never stop appreciating it – LOVE!!  Love for yourself, love for your family and friends and maybe even love for you career.

Enjoy your life…… YOU DESERVE IT!