The Death Of An Old Friend

The Death Of An old Friend

I was in Las Vegas this week having a great time when I received a text and emails from my back east friends. One of the friends I grew up with had died. It was heart breaking to get the news, however, he had been ill and in pain for a long time. At least now his suffering had stopped. Most of us expected something bad would happen to him because he smoked and didn't do a lot to maintain his health. Even so, his death was a big loss.


When I was growing up, he took me under his wing and treated me like his brother. Since I never had a brother, he filled that role for me. We did everything together and really enjoyed each other's company. As you know, I always say that I value my life by the number of times I laugh. He and I had many years of laughter.


Sadly, after the death of his oldest son and my divorce from my first wife, we stopped talking to each other. The last time we talked was over 30 years ago and now he was dead.


His fantastic wife and I stayed in touch from time to time. Only she came to my 60th birthday party and it felt so good to see and hug her. She was as beautiful as ever. Not just on the outside, but inside also.


I admired her strength. She raised her fabulous children, went from being a housewife to a professional business person (when money became tight), dealt with her personal illness by never complaining and was there for her husband through many hard times.


When I received the news about her husband, I realized I felt bad for him and worse for her. However, after I had some time to think things over, I realized how strong a person she is and truly believe she will go on to make a positive energy and happy life for herself. She has so many friends that love and support her so I know she realizes she will never have to go through life alone.


Through this process, I also feel unhappy with myself because I could have done more. Even though he wasn't talking to me, I could have taken upon myself to make contact with him. We had a great past and I should have tried harder to bring us closer together. I should have spent more time being in contact with his wife so I could make her feel there was another person in her life that cared for her.


We take so much for granted. We feel our day is a long time off. We feel we have time to mend past break-ups. Then we get a shock to our system and realize life is too short. That's when the shouldas and couldas come out. I'm in that stage right now.


I have stayed in touch with some of my past back east friends, but not as much as I could with many other friends. I hate shouldas and couldas so I decided to be more diligent in staying in touch. I have the power to do so, therefore, I shouldn't wait for them to contact me - I need to be the one who contacts them. I'm going to do this not just for them, but for me.


Knowing they're well, knowing what's going on in their life, knowing what's happening with their family is my reward. Life is too short to wait for them to acknowledge me. Friends are hard to come by, sooo, we all should be the source of positive energy. We all should be the ones that become dedicated to mending old fences.

Your life will change for the better if you take the action first.

Are you a "glass half-full" or a "glass half-empty" kind of person?

 

 

Yesterday I found an article on the web called "This Personality Type Is Linked to Success and Happiness" By Tia Ghose, Staff Writer | LiveScience.com. It's a cool article and everyone should read the entire thing. Below are excerpts from the article that I have embellished with my own thoughts.  

 

 

Are you a "glass half-full" or a "glass half-empty" kind of person? As it turns out, some people can be both. So-called realistic optimists combine the positive outlook of optimists with the clear-eyed perspective of pessimists, new research has found.

These realistic optimists may get the best of both worlds, using their realism to perform better at work and elsewhere, but aren't getting bogged down by unhappiness, said Sophia Chou, an organizational psychology researcher at National Taiwan University, who presented her findings at a meeting of the American Psychological Association in Honolulu, Hawaii.


 

Optimists and pessimists

Past research has shown that optimists' value thoughts that make them feel good about themselves, whereas pessimists prize a more truthful vision of themselves. But a clear-eyed view can be bad for pessimists' well-being, as they tend to be more prone to depression. In my years of knowing, working with and managing people, I agree with Chou's statement. Optimists sometimes can be a little out there and not realistic, but even if they live in a fantasy word some of the time; they at least don't allow themselves to fall into the trap of a downward spiral. 


Being too optimistic might get them to make bad business or life decisions, but because they're optimistic they believe even in failure they will recover and survive. A pessimist's vision of the truth might get them to make better decisions, but should any one of them go bad, they believe they will never recover. That attitude leads to depression and stops them from taking action to make things right.


Optimists tend to live longer and be healthier overall. After several years working in business, Chou noticed there were some people who were both optimistic and realistic, and that they tended to be very successful. She wondered whether realism and optimism were really diametrically opposed.



So Chou administered a battery of personality surveys to about 200 college and graduate students in Taiwan. The surveys tested how many "positive illusions" the students held, as well as whether they were more motivated by self-enhancement or reality.



Realistic views

The optimists sorted into two camps: the realists and the idealists. "Realistic optimists tend to choose accuracy over self-enhancement; the unrealistic optimists tend to choose self-enhancement." Interestingly, the realistic optimists also got better grades, on average, than their less grounded peers probably because they didn't delude themselves into thinking they would do well without studying or working hard.

Traditionally, a more realistic outlook is paired with poorer well-being and greater depression, yet the realistic optimists managed to be happy. To understand why, she dug deeper into the personality assessments.


 

Self-control key

She found that realistic optimists believed they had more self-control and control over their interpersonal relationships. "Every time they face an issue or a challenge or a problem, they won't say 'I have no choice and this is the only thing I can do.' They will be creative; they will have a plan A, plan B and plan C."


That allows them to stay cheery and upbeat about the future, even if they recognize the challenges of the present. Being a realistic optimist does have one downside, however: They are more prone to anxiety than their completely unrealistic peers. That's likely because they recognize the possibility of failure, whereas their counterparts use positive illusions to ease their anxiety.


The findings suggest that realistic and unrealistic optimists may actually be very different personality types. In order to cultivate a rosy-but-realistic outlook, people should maintain a clear-eyed view of reality, but emphasize what they can control in most situations.


This article states in more technical terms what I've been telling all of you in my blogs. That is; YOU HAVE MORE CONTROL OF YOUR HAPPINESS THAN YOU THINK. A pure pessimist never believes he has control of his happiness. A pure optimist doesn't think she needs control of her happiness. It's the realistic optimist that understands what they can control and what they can't. The realistic optimist then figures out how to find happiness from only the things they can control.


What I have also found in my many years of observation is that people can be optimistic about some things and pessimistic about other things. For example, people tend to be pessimistic about all the bad stuff that's going on in the world yet optimistic about America. A realistic optimist knows how to ignore the world's problems and focus on the good stuff that's going on around them today.


Sooo, which one are you? The one whose glass is always empty, the one whose glass is always full or the one who believes they can take a half empty glass and find a way to get more good stuff into it? If you're the former, you need to read my blogs and books and maybe talk to a mentor. If you're the glass full person, you need to take a step back and try to see what is real around you.

If you're the realistic optimist (like me), then you're currently having a happy and positive energy life because you finally figured out that you deserve it.

Mary, What A Beautiful Brain You Have

Mary, What A Beautiful Brain You Have

The brain is a beautiful thing. All the things it can do is amazing. Most people think of the brain as something that looks like a deep sea sponge. But, just think about all the capabilities it does every day. Mechanical engineers have been trying to build a robot that can easily walk up and down stairs. We humans can walk up and down stairs while singing a song and thinking what to have for lunch. The brain is a beautiful thing.


A brain the size of a cantaloupe can store more still pictures and video than a very large super computer. The brain can smell something that will bring up a 30 year old memory. The brain can make decisions in sub nanoseconds. No super computer can match the brain's capability of all the decision making it takes to hit a 95 mile per hour baseball with a bat. The coordination between the brain and the eyes to see the ball and then tell the arms holding the bat as to where and when to swing at the ball is amazing.  The brain is a beautiful thing.


The brain can be creative and mathematical at the same time. Think about some of the great Master's work. The Sistine Chapel ceiling, painted by Michelangelo was a work of art that required his brain to have both mathematical skills as well as his artistic skills.


Claude Monet used an impressionist style of art to paint his famous paintings. If you've ever seen his art you realize his brain had to be able to see what his paintings would look like from five or more feet away. Up close his paintings look like small splashes of colorful paint. However, five feet away, you see the beauty of the Water Lilies that surround the Villa he lived in.  My wife has this kind of brain. She can walk into a room and visualize what it could look like if she changed things around. She always gets it right. The brain is a beautiful thing.


The most controversial thing about the brain is can it remember past lives and does the brain have a soul?  A section of the brain has a fear response. This capability was developed by early animals and then humans. It was created to protect the species. Without it then and today, we would not be able to live a long life. Therefore we know the brain can pass down from generation to generation a fear response created millions of years ago.


What if some brain memory cells were passed down from mothers, mothers, mother etc.? If we could stimulate those third, fourth, fifth, etc. generation cells via hypnotherapy or drugs, could we see or hear what our great ancestors were doing many, many years before we were born? There have been experiments on people that have unexplained visions of generations past. Could it be that the brain has these memories, but only a few people can get to them? It's possible because the brain is a beautiful thing.


The most controversial subject is does the brain contain a soul? Nothing has ever been proven, but many people believe it does. I'm not into religion nor am I big on this Supreme Being idea; however, I did have an out of body experience.


Once a year, In my neighborhood, we had a July forth fireworks celebration. The fireworks show was happening across a large neighborhood pool. The kids (I was 10 at the time) would sit at the edge of the pool with our feet dangling in the 6 feet of water below. My parents were behind me. During the fireworks, a kid on a bicycle brushed so close to me that I fell into the water. I was under water for some time when I realized I was seeing my father and other people reaching down under the water to bring me up. To be clear, I was under water, but I was also watching from above the frantic people trying to save me from drowning. It wasn't a haze, I could see them clearly.  


I mentioned my experience to my father, but he was so happy I was OK; he didn't pay any attention to what I was telling him. To this day I remember that incident as if it happened yesterday. Was that my soul looking down or was it just my brain tricking me. It sure was real to me. You see, we only use 25 percent of the brain in our head. Therefore, I could not discount anything the brain is capable of because the brain is a beautiful thing.


We know the brain can send electric signals outside our body. In the future, will we be able to read other's thoughts? Will we be able to move objects? The fact of the matter is that if we evolve in a way where we use 50 percent or more of our brain, nothing should be taken off the table as to the power of the brain. The brain is truly a beautiful thing.


Now comes the part of this blog I'm going to try to make you realize. This beautiful brain has a basic flaw. With all its power, it can't appreciate another brain. For example if you're looking for a date, did you ever say to your friends: "I really want to meet Mary because she has a beautiful brain?" Hell No! You probably will say: "I have to meet this woman Mary because she has a fantastic body." If you're dating someone and want to describe her to your friends, do you tell them about her beautiful brain. Again, Hell No! You tell them about her big t..s.


When women go to a striptease place, are they looking at the guy's brain or are they getting hot and bothered by his muscles and can't take their eyes off his package? When women talk about a guy, do they tell their friends how big his brain is or how big his you know what is? Most men and women are very shallow when meeting someone and rarely take enough time exploring the beautiful brain.


I believe generations from now will evolve to a point that the brain will be more interesting than the human body. But, if you want to be happy for a long time with someone special, I suggest you look deeper into their eyes so you can see their brain. The firm hot body is not what is sexy about a person. It's the brain. The brain controls a person's sex drive. The brain is the thing giving and getting an orgasm.


The brain is what makes someone interesting. The brain is what makes someone kind and caring. The brain is what can make someone rich or famous. The brain is what can make someone creative. The brain is what can make someone monogamous. The brain is what you're really looking for in a committed relationship. The body can't do shit without the brain.

Sooo, change your attitude and start looking for the most beautiful brain in your search for happiness.

Entertainment can change your mood

Entertainment can change your mood

I always cry for happy when I watch "Sleepless In Seattle." I don't know why, but the ending just presses a button inside me that has that effect on me. Even if I'm in a downer mood before I see the movie, after my good cry at the ending I feel great. I must love that movie because I've seen it over 10 times.


To some, a positive mood change comes from a very funny comedy. To others it's a deeply interesting drama with great acting. Another favorite of mine are horror movies that scare the crap out of me or just a popcorn movie where a bunch of people are blowing a lot of shit up after a fabulous car chase. It's doesn't matter what the venue. Some get the same experience from books, museums, car shows or music.


Whatever kind of entertainment that floats your boat, make it something you can do on your own to help change your mood. Happy people rarely go to a movie that's depressing. If they do so, it's either because they their happiness meter is so high they can withstand the downer of the subject or they don't care enough about their happiness and just like being depressed all the time.


In many Woody Allen movies he plays a character that is always depressed and goes to depressing movies. Negative energy begets negative energy. I hope it's not you. I hope you're the kind of person who is generally happy, but gets a little down sometimes. If that's you, take the time to enjoy some entertainment that will change your mood.


Stealing away for a few hours to use something created by some brilliant people whose entertainment puts a smile on your face, is a big building block toward happiness. Allowing yourself to fall deep inside your being, while watching great entertainment is very rewarding. Don't watch a movie or read a book or look at beautiful art while thinking about work or other negative distractions in your life. Engross yourself into the entertainment like you're one of the characters.


I realize that entertainment might represent only a few hours of your life, but better to enjoy and be happy for a few hours than be sad the whole day.


I've always said that happiness is in your control. You have the opportunity to make decisions for your happiness. There are many, many ways to find happiness. Entertainment is a mood changer and can be just the thing you need to be happy most of the time.


Now comes the hard part. How do you entertain yourself when you're caught up in a negative situation? Yes, you can go to a movie or do something else for a few hours, but the most effective mood changer is being able to entertain yourself. Here are a few suggestions:

• Close your eyes and remember a time in your life when you were the happiest. It could be when you were young or it could be something that happen last year. It has to be a time when you felt loved, respected and confident. For me it was the time I was presented with a reward for being the best regional sales group in the country. I hugged my people for making the reward a reality and they hugged me back. Every time, when I close my eyes and think about that moment, I feel like I'm king of the world.
• Find a quiet place and envision hitting the lottery. Think of all the good you can do with the money. Think about all the positive choices you can make with the money. Even though it's not realistic, fantasizing just puts you into a feel good mood. It doesn't have to be the lottery. It can be anything that you know is a fantasy, but would be fabulous if it ever happened. For me, it's being a professional football star. Fantasying can be a positive mood changer so try doing it when you're feeling blue.
• One of the best gifts you can give yourself is taking up meditation and/or yoga. These two relaxing actions can change your life. All kinds of great things can come from these exercises. My 20 minutes of meditation once or twice a day has changed my mood for the better and enables me to come up with interesting stuff. Some of my blogs enter my mind while I meditate. My novel was born from my meditation.  Even if you're in a happy state, meditation or yoga can be the icing on the cake. Do yourself a big favor and give it a try.

Make entertainment a part of your life. Try to get entertained every day. It could be something at work. It could be a movie or other forms of entertainment. It could come from within you. The goal is happiness. Entertainment, even if it's only for a few hours can get your mood on the right track.

Try it now. What do you have to lose - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Summer Vacation

Summer Vacation

It's August the last few days of the summer vacation for many. In the middle of June I was running down the hall way of my high school celebrating the last class before summer vacation. During the run I was jumping up and down and raising my arms like I just scored a touchdown because school was over and my vacation had begun. I was free from taking tests, memorizing historical events and trying to learn proper English. The only thing I enjoyed at school was math, science and my friends. The rest of school was not fun for me. Summer vacation was the high point of my year.

Then came August and it was almost over - UGH!!!!


I appreciated every moment of those last few summer days. When in high school, my current wife saw summer vacation differently. When August came she couldn't wait until the time off from school was over because she could spend time with all her high school girlfriends who she missed during the summer. She liked school because it was fun for her.


Being an executive made vacations less desirable. I was concerned about what I would be coming back to when I returned to work. My Boss often called me while on vacation which made me feel I was still working. It also didn't help spending my little time off with a wife who I was not getting along with and two small children who were needy all the time.


Getting older has many benefits. One big benefit is you can take vacations without kids and with the person you either love or are great friends. If you both like to do the same things on vacation, that's a big plus. However, it's also OK to go somewhere together, but do different things each day. Some married and unmarried couples like to take separate vacations. If it makes them happy they should do so because individual happiness is the purpose of any vacation.


One of the other important elements of vacation is breaking from your daily routine. My routine is getting up and having my cheerios, walking and feeding the dog, going to the gym, write a Blog or a Manuscript, watch sports on TV, walk and feed the dog again, eat dinner home or go out, watch more TV and go to sleep. It's a full day and I enjoy it, but it's nice to have a change.


When I go to Las Vegas, my routine is whatever the hell I feel like doing. No Blog, no dog, no gym (unless I feel up to it) and just a little TV. My wife and I decide what we are going to do when we wake up that morning (if we wake up in the morning in Vegas time has no time frame). Some days all we do is eat, get drunk and gamble. That's a great happy vacation for Ellen and me.


In January we are going on a boat cruse with a few friends. Most of them have already booked their excursions. Ellen and I haven't booked anything because we don't know what we want to do each day until that day starts. If we miss something, we know we'll find something else that we'll enjoy. We like vacations to be as spontaneous as possible. We like our everyday life to be spontaneous, but with daily responsibilities it's not always possible.


When I was working, I preferred to take my vacation in the fall or spring. Summer vacations are filled with tourists and people who don't know where the hell they're going. Taking a vacation when nobody else at work is taking one is more fun. It breaks up the year better. You know you have a full staff to keep the business going and it makes you feel you have more control of your vacation.


The main objective of any vacation is a change of scenery, doing something you don't do at home or work, eliminate as much stress as possible and having fun. It doesn't have to be a big trip to a foreign country to meet those criteria. A friend of mine took his wife to the Ritz Carlton, a ten minute ride from their house. They stayed in a suite overlooking the boats in the jetty. They relaxed in the pool, ate fabulous meals and walked around the Marina. Their four day vacation, without kids, dogs or any other pressures from home, was one of their best vacations.


Sooo, if you're taking time off in these last days of summer start by being grateful you have the time and the means to take a vacation in the first place. There are many, many people in America and around the world that never get the opportunity to take a vacation. Therefore;

I hope you realize that vacation is for you not your spouse, boyfriend, kids or relatives. This is your time to get away from it all and have as much fun as possible. YOU DESERVE IT!!!!  

Alien Invasion

Alien Invasion

First, let me start out by saying this is NOT a blog about immigration. This is a blog about the real Aliens. You know the ones from outer space.


95 percent of the movies and TV shows project aliens as either people like us humans doing no good, robots out to replace us or monsters who just can't wait to kill everyone and everything on Earth. Do you know why movie and TV people depict Aliens as such - I do!


Except for the obvious, that bad Aliens make movie people a shit load of money, the people who make movies and TV are smart. They bring in scientists, astronomers and NASA people to help create their movies. These brilliant people know that any Alien race that has the technology to travel through space beyond the speed of light (that's what it would take to get here) would not do so to replace or save our sorry ass race.


Let's get real; we here on earth are already destroying ourselves. We have Arabs killing Arabs, Africans killing Africans, religious groups killing other religious groups, Americans killing Americans and everybody sucking all of our limited natural resources like it will last forever. So why would any Alien race travel millions and millions of miles to either destroy or save this stupid race of people?


Even in a few movies where the Aliens are good guys, they're not here to save us from ourselves. Take the Spielberg movies "ET" and "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind." In "ET," all that cute little Alien wants to do is call home so he can get the hell out of here. In "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind," the Aliens were nice enough to take a few of us back to their planet because they knew this one sucks.


Why do you think we are exploring Mars? Oh sure, some of us want to know if life exists somewhere other than Earth, but, I believe there are people who hope someday to build colonies somewhere other than our blue planet. I'm not being paranoid. Today, there is research going on to determine how we could create an atmosphere on another planet. If Mars turns out to have water, that's the place we will go first.


And guess what, do you really think you and I are going to live on one of these colonies? Hell no! Rich people will be the only ones who will be able to afford to go. Why would the builders of these colonies want to take people who will only create the same stupid shit that's going on around this world today? It will be for a few select people who want to get out of here before we completely fuck everything up.


Sooo, what's the message of this blog? It's simple, either we find a way to stop the craziness in the world today or we find happiness in ourselves and the life we have left or we go down with this sinking ship.


Aliens are not coming to destroy us nor are Aliens coming to save us. We have to save ourselves. I know we can't do it alone, but;

There is no excuse for us to spend our limited time on this Earth unhappy, angry, frustrated, hating or not giving a shit.

 

 

 

 

What The Hell Are You Thinking

What The Hell Are You Thinking

Do you smoke? Do you eat fast food more than once a week? Do you know what foods are good for you and which are not? Do you take a walk around the block at least 4 times a week? Do you get blood test at least every six months? Do you sit at a computer, do stuff on your tablet, read or watch TV more than 8 hours a day? Are you way underweight? Are you way overweight? Do you drink at least one bottle of wine every day? Do you drink at least a half a bottle of hard liquor every day? Do you think about being healthy? Do you believe your health has anything to do with your happiness?


If you answer NO to 2 of these 12 questions, you're probably in decent health. If you answer NO to 5 of these questions, you're circling the drain. If you answer NO to 8 or more of these questions, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!!!


When you're young health is not your highest priority. You think you're indestructible. You eat whatever taste good and can afford. Most young people don't exercise. Instead they're texting on their cell phones. They rarely if at all get yearly check-up with their doctor. Most don't even have a doctor. They don't worry about their weight and don't believe their health has anything to do with their level of happiness.

30 and 40 year olds are engrossed in their career and their social life. As long as they're feeling good, health takes a back seat to their everyday life. I'm not saying these people are not happy. Some are and some are not. However, neither group believes health has anything to do with their happiness. Nor would these 30/40 year olds trade off eating that great juicy hamburger or exercising unless it has a negative effect on their career or their after work activities.

 
I'm not saying it's bad to have that fabulous burger, But in excess it will catch up to you. And when it does your happiness will be diminished by your lack of health.


When we get to 50 and beyond health starts to take on a more serious role in our lives and our happiness. Many of us who wind up with health problems around this time, wish they were more diligent with their health when they were younger. However, it's too late. That ship has sailed.


When I was young the main conversation with my friends was about work and the next party we all were going to. Once 50/60/70 years old, all we talk about is health issues. Friends having heart attacks, family having cancer, friends and family having emphysema, High cholesterol, hip replacement, all the drugs we are taking to make our health a little better, when is our next colonoscopy, The cost of health insurance, what is that mole on my back and why am I feeling tired all the time.


Could these entire health problem been eliminated if we did all the things we should have done when we were younger? No all, but a few. If we didn't smoke when we were younger, if we exercised more, if we had yearly check-ups and/or if we ate healthy at least 3 times a week, some of these problems would be lessened or not happen at all.


Would we be happier if we didn't have these health problems - YOU BET! Just ask a 60 year old who is breathing through an oxygen mask if he would be happier if he could walk around the block without running out of breath. Ask someone who has a stent in their arteries if she would be happier knowing her heart was as healthy as a 30 year old. Just ask someone who is having trouble paying for their prescription drugs if they would be happier if they didn't need most of them.


I'm writing this blog for my young readers so they might realize how heath is critical to their happiness. We older readers have to realize they got themselves into this fine mess and they have to do everything they can to create a happy life even though they have health problems.


That's right, just because you have health problems is no excuse for making health a reason to become an unhappy person. There is still a lot of life left in us and we can decide to focus on our lack of health and become a "woe is me" or accept our situation and focus on all the good stuff that's going on around us.


Health is important to happiness, but if lost, there are many, many other ways to see the world through happy eyes. I've always said that as long as my brain is in good working order I can enjoy life. Even if my lungs have failed me, even if my heart has failed me, even if I'm in a wheelchair I can still do so many fun things with my brain and my speech. And even if I lose my speech, technology will allow me to communicate my ideas, infect people with my sense of humor and love the life I still have left with everything I've got.
 
Please, pretty please make a commitment to make health a priority. Please, pretty please make a commitment to find happiness in your life. Those of you who have given up I have only one thing I can say to you:

What The Hell Are You Thinking

Presence

Presence

Did you ever play a sport and could tell almost immediately who was the leader of the team?  Was that leader the coach?

Did you ever go to a party or join a group and could tell almost immediately who was the leader of the group?  Was he or she the life of the party or the designated group leader?

Did you ever join a new department in your company and could tell almost immediately who was the leader of the department? Was that leader the department head?

 
The answer to the first question in each paragraph is usually yes.  The answer to the second question in each paragraph is many times no. How could it be that the identified leader might not be the coach, group leader or the department head?  The answer is "Presence” — not who has the big stick or title of authority. 


There are many different definitions of presence in many different dictionaries. I like the definition I created: “Something the person who has it knows they have it deep inside their being.  The person who is in the presence (the other definition) of someone who has it can sense the presence in that individual.”  Kenny Felderstein

 
Not everyone can be a leader. Many don't want to become a leader. However, most people would like to think of themselves as someone who has a presence. Most people believe presence only comes from having the right kind of DNA or being brought up with parents who had a presence. I agree these traits can help, but they are not mandatory. Individual presence can be created.

 
My wife is one of the very few people who have a natural presence. Put her in a room full of people and everyone will flock to her. When we first starting dating I was waiting at the airport gate for her to arrive back from New Jersey where she was visiting her mother. In those days airport security was minimal and anyone could go straight to the gate to see their friends and loved ones coming off the plane.

 
When Ellen arrived, she was surrounded by the six people who were sitting close to her. They were talking and laughing with Ellen. They knew all about her and she knew all about them. In that five hour flight, these people treated Ellen like they had been friends for many, many years. Ellen has natural Presence! 

 
We all can't be like Ellen, but in my book "A True Leader Has Presence - The Six Building Blocks To Presence," I go into detail as to how anyone can create more presence than they already have. Below are a few actions you can take:

 
The more knowledge you have the better chance you will be perceived as a person with presence. To get that knowledge you first have to have life experiences. Just going through the motions of life will not give you the life experiences you will need to create a presence.  Just reading about life will not work either.  Life experiences come from living life to the fullest.

 
You have to attack life. You can't let life pass you by. Get out there and meet new people and learn from their experiences. Travel to different countries and learn about different cultures. Appreciate, absorb and use these life experiences to enhance your presence. Just having these life experiences won't do a thing unless you're willing to share them with others. The information you're sharing has to be real, not semi-real made-up bullshit. Bullshit is a presence killer.

 
The person in the room who has the most interesting life experiences will be thought of as someone who has a presence. 

 
Making mistakes is a building block toward presence. The more mistakes you overcome in your life the more knowledge you get and therefore the more presence you obtain. By overcoming mistakes you get to know yourself better. You get to trust yourself more. You get the feeling you can help others who make mistakes. These others will see you as someone with presence.

 
The better you listen the more knowledge you will gain.  “What counts is in the mind of the listener.  It doesn’t matter what you say — what matters is what they hear.” That's one of my few original quotes and comes from a realization I had in my early years of not being a good listener or a good communicator. 


Listening takes patience.  Listening requires you to be open minded.  Listening means you don’t shut the speaker out.  Listening means you don’t finish the sentence for them because you’re too impatient and you believe you know what they are going to say next.  Listening means you pay attention to all speakers even if you believe they aren’t as smart as you.  Accept that the least knowledgeable people sometimes say the smartest things and ask the best questions. 


Time is never on our side.  It’s hard to listen when the speaker is babbling.  Try to sift through the babble and get to the good stuff without shutting the speaker out.  Ask questions that might lead to the bottom line quicker.  Don’t say, “Stop talking and tell me what the bottom line is.” Instead say, “Your information is interesting, but I’m not sure I’m getting your point.”


After you think you know what the person is saying, test for understanding.  As I stated, “What counts is what is in the mind of the listener.” You’re the listener.  Therefore, testing for understanding is required because you might hear something different than what the speaker is trying to communicate.  The best way to do this is to repeat what you just heard, in your own words, back to the speaker.  Then you ask the speaker, “Is that the point you wanted to make?”


Your goal in listening is to find that golden nugget of information you might not have thought of yourself.  Every tiny golden nugget is information that will enhance your knowledge. Again, the more knowledge you can impart to others the more those people will see you as someone with a presence.


In my book about presence I list many building blocks that will enable anyone to have a presence. I just gave you one of those building blocks - Knowledge. Below are two of the other six building blocks that are critical to presence.


Confidence plays a significant role in presence.  People are attracted to people who have confidence.  Confident people like being with other confident people.  Less confident people want to be associated with confident people because they hope some of it will rub off on them. 


Boastful confidence doesn’t work.  You can say you’re confident all you want, but saying it doesn’t attract people.  People are attracted to internal confidence.  They can sense you believe in yourself. They can sense you know deep inside that you will get the task or project done on time with excellent quality.


When a confident person enters a room the people around him or her feel their confidence and therefore feel their presence. 


Personal presentation is another building block on the stairway to presence.  Personal presentation is about how you look, how you carry yourself and your physical presence.  I like to think of personal presentation as the outer shell or protective covering over the other building blocks of presence. 

Packaging knowledge, confidence and the well-made box of personal presentation will give you presence.  Adding a little DNA will take you from very good presence to outstanding presence. 


Your body can show how serious you are about a subject or task.  Your body can show happiness or sadness.  Your body can show anger and disappointment.  Your body can show your resolve and commitment. Your body can show confidence.  Make sure you use your body to show your presence.


Good posture is not only good for your health it’s important to your presence.  If you’re not born with good posture you have to work on it.  Ellen has to always remind me about my posture.  I have to think about it when I communicate to others — especially to a large audience.


Weight control is important to presence.  You don’t have to be a body builder.  You don’t have to be thin.  A little pot in your belly is OK.  A large pot in your belly is not OK.  If you have a bad body shape people will think, “If he or she can’t take care of their body why should I listen to them.” Having people focused on your poorly shaped body will make it tougher for them to let your presence through.


How you dress will have an impact on the way you are perceived.  People who are sloppy dressers will be looked upon by others as people who don’t take the time to care about themselves.  They will think, “If they don’t care about themselves, why should I respect them?”  If a sloppy dresser enters a room, people will be focused on his dress not on his presence.


I realize this is a lot to read and absorb. However, it is worth the time and energy to enhance your presence for one simple reason:

Happy people have the best chance of being thought of as someone with a presence. Unhappy people don't have any chance of being thought of as someone with a presence

Men Need A Man Cave - Women Need To Shop

Men Need A Man Cave - Women Need To Shop

I'm not an authority on how men and women think, but I do have 68 years of observation. Below are my observations only. I didn't get any of my opinions from books, movies or newspapers/magazines. My opinions are from my experiences.  Your comments are appreciated.


We all know that men and women are different in many ways. One of those ways is how they relax. Men need a private place of their own. It's called a Man Cave. In that cave a man has all the things that help him relax. For some, it's a TV, a bar with their favorite booze and a computer. For some others it's a library full of their favorite books. For some others it's a workbench full of tools so they can build stuff.


It's critical that a man has this private place away from the wife, girlfriend and the rest of the outside world. Even if he's in the Man Cave for only a few hours a day, the relaxation he gets from being there helps his physical and mental health. It also gives him a sense of being the master of his universe.


Most women relax when they shop.  It's not about spending money. It's about the relaxation they get from walking around the stores, touching everything in sight and once in a while buying something that's a "have to have."


Women don't have to shop alone. It's as enjoyable and relaxing for them to shop with friends.  It's just as enjoyable watching their friends buy stuff. Seeing a friend getting a great deal is just as rewarding as getting that deal for themselves. It's the companionship of being together during a luncheon or a shopping spree.


Some women want alone time while shopping. It's relaxing for them to not have to listen to other opinions or have to compromise on where to go. Just getting out and looking at beautiful things for a few hours is all they need to make it a happy day. My wife calls this retail therapy.


Most men hate shopping. If they need a few pairs of underpants, they go to a store and buy it. When that's done, they go home. I hate shopping; however, if I do need something, I want to take my wife with me. She knows what looks good on me. She knows what will match with the other clothes I have in my closet. The bottom line is she is fun to be with even if we're not shopping.


She gets a kick out of buying things for me. Even without me she loves a day when she can shop for something she believes I must have. Ninety percent of the time she gets me stuff I love. This works well for the both of us. She gets to do retail therapy and I get a few hours alone in my Man Cave.


At night before dinner I'm in my Man Cave sipping on my glass of scotch while blogging, writing, watching TV or watching Netflix shows on my tablet. My wife is in another room in the house playing slots machines on her tablet while watching her cooking shows. We love each other madly, but that relax time alone enhances our individual happiness.


It's critical to find relax time for yourself every day. It might be time in a Man Cave or time in a retail store. Whatever floats your boat. It's easy for Ellen and me to find the time because we're retired. However, even if you have to work all day, you have to make time (at least three times a week) to relax in your own individual way.


Having control of your time is mandatory if you're going to find happiness. The feeling of doing something just for yourself and not for anybody else is uplifting. Stop looking at the barriers that are stopping you from creating your relax time.

Blast through those barriers and do what your body needs - relax. You deserve it.

What The Hell Is In That Petri Dish

What The Hell Is In That Petri Dish

August 5, 2013 LONDON (Reuters) - The world's first laboratory-grown beef burger was flipped out of a petri dish and into a frying pan on Monday, with food tasters declaring it tasted "close to meat".

This is not a joke. Scientists are working on a way to create meat by using cells from an animal not the animal itself.


They are doing so because the world has reached the capacity of meat (cows, chickens, etc.) it has available for the world population. In the not so far future, the cost of meat will rise to a point where only the upper-middle class and beyond will be able to eat a delicious steak. It's already reached the point where a working family of four can't afford to serve a prime steak for dinner.


Although this science is far away, it is critical work. Many people are opposed to science creating anything from, food in a petri dish, grains that can survive in harsh clients or disease, human organs or anything to do with cloning.  I believe these people are short sited.


Science has been creating things to make our lives better for hundreds of years. Edison was a scientist not a mechanic.  Where would we be now without his creations? Einstein was a scientist not a doctor. The discoveries that have enriched our lives would never have happened without his theories. Ancient scientists cured deadly diseases that had the potential to wipe out the human race. 


Ancient scientists were able to map out the universe and create theories as to how the Earth and the planets revolved around a sun. This enabled us to realize the world was round which enabled us to discovered new worlds. I could go on and on, however, the bottom line is like it or not, the human race is always going to move forward through science.


Now scientists are using the human genome DNA, stem cells and other methods to create cures for Cancer, Alzheimer's, heart failure, Parkinson, and other major diseases. They're doing this in petri dishes. If they're successful we all will greatly benefit by living longer, having better quality of life and lower medical costs. Won't that be a big help in our goal of happiness?


The day when scientists will be able to create human parts in a petri dish as replacements for ones we have lost is probably within our lifetime. If you lost an ear, your doctor will be able to create an ear that exactly matches the ear you lost. The same will be true of feet, hands, etc. How happy would a person be if he can take off his prosthetic and replace it with a real human hand that works just like the real thing?


Now comes the harder part, creating living internal organs in a petri dish. A new liver, a new lung would be a blessing. How about a new heart? Most would say that would be the best gift anyone could ever receive. However, there are some who believe the heart possesses something more than just another organ. They believe the heart has a soul and if you replace it with a heart from a petri dish you will have lost your soul. I'm calling bullshit, but there are people who would not allow a dying son or daughter receive such a major gift.


The biggest controversy will come when we can create the human brain in a petri dish. Will that brain have all the memories of the old brain? Will that brain change who we are and who we want to be? Will that brain have all the good stuff or the bad stuff created by our upbringing? Today we don't have answers to those questions.


I believe scientists will first create specific sections of the brain to replace ones that are damaged by birth, tumor or accident,then they will be able to see how that new part works in regard to all the questions listed above.


Are their risks - you bet! In the hands of the wrong people, human cloning could be used to create a superior race. Cloning could be used for military purposes. We all have seen movies that depict both the good and the bad of human cloning. Most of those movies state something bad will come of it.


What if someone puts the petri dish brain in the wrong person? In the movie Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks, Igor is asked to get a brain for Doctor Frankenstein's creation. Doctor Frankenstein wanted Igor to get the brain of a famous scientist, Hans Belbrook. He goes to a place that houses petri dish brains. Igor, not being the brightest bulb in the room, drops Hans's brain and decides instead to take the brain "Abnormal." He thinks it's the brain of Abby Normal. We all know that brain causes Doctor Frankenstein to create a monster not a scientist.


Yes there will be risks in the new and upcoming science.  But, as we've seen through the generations, in the long run this work will turn out for the good not the bad. The people who make movies might not think so, but I choose to see the future through positive eyes not negative eyes.


I can't wait to try that petri dish burger covered with lettuce, tomato, onions and a shit load of secret sauce. With enough crap on it, how bad could it be. Worrying about the petri dish future is never going to make you a happy person. Why create negative energy in your mind when none of us have a clue what the future will bring.

If you see the future as positive NOW, you'll be happy NOW.