Politics

Can politics affect your happiness?  It depends on how much you give a sh..  I'm a social Democrat and a fiscal Republican.  I'm your typical middle of the roader.  I have a big problem with the group that is strongly to the left and have the same problem with the group that is strongly to the right. 


I follow politics and care about their affect and effect on the country I love.  I vote my voice at the risk I will be called for jury duty.  However, I don't let what's happening politically effect my mood, my behavior, my love for life, my love for country and my happiness.


I'm watching the news today and can't believe the jubilation and the deep anger over the Supreme Court Decision on health care.  This ruling has brought out deep positive and negative feelings within some people.  I heard people say they want Chief Justice Roberts (who placed the deciding vote) dead.  I heard people say this decision is the best thing that has ever happened to them.


What if the decision went the other way?  What if the Democrats win the election?  What if the Republicans win the election?  Do you really believe America will go under?  Do you really believe your life will turn to euphoria or crap?  Do you really believe these decisions will make your children's lives a disaster?


America has been through a lot worse than the decisions stated above.  We as a people always find a way to make things right over time.  As bad as the system is, it's the best one available and it works over time.  No political decision will destroy you, your family, your friends, your children or your country.  It's a cycle.  When the country goes in the wrong direction to long, we change it.


If Obama wins and screws things up we will change it.  If Romney wins and screws things up we will change it.  If the health care law makes things worse, we will change it.  Everything in our country will eventually change for the good.  The reason is because, in the final analysis, both parties want the best for the country and the American people.  You may like or not like their politics, but that's the purpose of your vote.


Making yourself depressed, angry, frustrated and unhappy over political decisions is never going to help you find happiness (remember that's your goal).  Believe in the future.  Believe you and others have the power to change things for the better over time.  Accept what is happening for now and add your voice in the future.


There are so many things going on around us that affects our happiness if we let it happen.  Politics is just one of them.  Be involved, but not to the extent that you let it shape your happiness.  Feel good that you voiced your opinion, but don't demand others feel the same as you.  Feel good that you care, but take a step back if it doesn't go your way.  Focus on your happiness not your politics.


I have a friend that has very different political views than I.  We really go at each other when we have a political debate.   However, we hug each other when it's over because we care more for each other than our political differences.  No matter what political decisions politicians make we will still be friends.


Friendship is happiness.  Political decisions are just political decisions that will always change over time.  You have a choice.  

Focusing on your happiness is always the right choice.

Teach Best What You Most Need To Learn

Last night I was watching the mind numbing, intellectually empty, stupid and totally ridiculous new TV series Dallas.  Believe it or not, there was a line in the show that made sense.  It came from a teacher at a drug treatment center who said to another teacher "teach best what you most need to learn." 


That's me in spades.  My books, lectures, mentoring and these blogs are as much for me as they are for the people I'm relating to.  Everything I say on happiness is something I need to remember myself.  Many times I write something or say something that surprises me because it's something I never thought about myself.


I watch people acting out their problems and many times I see myself, years ago, playing the same tune.  Trying to make those people better has made me better and happier over the years.  Every day I think about what I'm going to blog about.  The answer comes when I look inside myself.  Where is my happiness coming from?  What could I do today to create a happier life for myself?  What's missing?  What's holding me back?


When I "see" the answers to those questions, I write a blog.  My hope is those blogs will not only make me feel better and happier, but will make the people who read my work will feel better and happier.  When I get positive feedback, I feel great.  Not because of my ego - that was lost a long time ago.  It's because someone benefited from my problem resolutions.


Some of you have learned from your mistakes in life.  Some of you have found a way to put some happiness in your life.  Some of you need others to help you put happiness in your life. Some of you are willing to share what you've learned in life with others.  Some of you are good at teaching and some of you are not.


I believe if you are willing to share your successes (not your negatives) with someone, remember the saying above "teach best what you most need to learn."  Before you speak, look inside at the things you've overcome.  Look inside at the things you're still struggling to overcome.  Giving someone your insight on what problems you had in life and how you overcame them, will reinforce your accomplishments to YOU.


Letting others "see" the issues you're working to overcome will help you stay in tune with the work you still have to do.  Keeping all this good stuff and not so good stuff to yourself will not help you become better and happier. 


Take a risk for your own good.  Communicate what you most need to learn.  You'll be shocked at the outcome.  You'll be better and happier and the person you are sharing with will be better and happier.

Never forget:  Happiness Is The forgotten Ingredient In Life.  That's your goal.   "Teaching best what you most need to learn,"  is one of many ways to reach that goal.

Security and Fear 

Security comes in different flavors.  Some of us are addicted to financial security.  Some of us are addicted to emotional security.  Some of us are addicted to physical security. Some of us are addicted to all three of those types of security.  


Some of us would say they are not addicted to any of these, however they prefer one or more of them.  So is it a matter of degree?  It depends on how security affects your life and your happiness.  It depends if your need for security is out of fear.  It depends if your need for security is because you believe you're not capable of protecting yourself.  It depends on the amount of security you feel you must have.


Needing security out of fear is the most insidious.   I can't leave my husband because I fear I won't be able to have my own life without him.  I can't leave my wife because she will take me for everything I've worked for.  I can't leave my wife because the kids might hate me.  I can't leave my husband because I'm too old to start over again.


I have to keep working because I need more money just in case I get ill.  I have money, but I need more just in case a disaster occurs - I could lose it all.  I'm not going to do the things I love because I must have that money for when I get old.


I'm getting a big dog and an expensive security system because someone might break into my house and rape or kill me.  I'm going to spend money I could use for things that make me happy, to buy a lot of insurance just in case there is an earthquake.  I'm going to spend money I could us for things that make me happy, to buy life insurance so my kids will have a lot of money when I die.


Security is practical.  It's important to have financial security, but how much?  I retired early to live a happier life.  I have enough money for my wife and I to live comfortably not extravagantly.  I didn't need to work longer to have more money that will just be left to others (including my kids) when we die.  The kids will make their own way like my wife and I have made our own way.  The stress of one more day of work was not worth me having more money in my savings account so I'll feel more secure.


It's important to have insurance for things like your car and your house, but do you really need to spend too much money on insurance for your jewelry?  What if you lose one of your rings - will your life change?  Will you be an unhappy person the rest of your life?  If the answer is yes - get help now!


What are the odds that someone will break into your house and kill you?  Do you really believe that an expensive security system will stop someone who is on drugs and crazy or a professional house burglar?   Forget the alarm system.  Just get a security sign and put it out front and in the back of the house.  That sign alone will get someone to look for another house.  Also, forget about what the burglar might take - the goal is to protect yourself not your stuff.  Therefore, get a security door in a place in your house where you can lock yourself in and in case of fire, get out of the house safely.  


What are the odds that an earthquake will destroy your house and everything in it?  Not high enough to protect everything.  It's practical to get enough earthquake insurance to replace your house, however all the other stuff can be replaced over time.  More insurance will not protect the things that have sentimental value.  In the rare case where an earthquake destroys all your stuff, life is still good and worth living.  It will be hard, but you can still have a happy life if you want to.


We all want security, but it should never stand in the way of your happiness.  Without it there is a risk, but you will survive.  Living in a bubble of security is not a great life.  Nobody can be completely safe emotionally, financially or physically.  Don't live like something bad is just around the corner.  

Live life like something good will happen even if something bad is happening right now.

Bucket List

What the hell is a bucket list?  It's a list of things you want to do before you die.  That's a good thing - right?  Not necessarily.  It depends if it's a list of thing you want to do or a list you have to do.  It depends if it's a list of things that makes you happy or a list that feeds your ego, gets you more money and/or enables you to control your outside world.


I don't have a bucket list.  The reasons are:

• I believe I'm going to live until the year 2038, but what if I'm wrong.  I could get hit by a bus right after I publish this blog.  What good is a bucket list if the bucket is going to be empty by the time you read this blog.
  
• I like living life hour by hour, day by day, year by year, etc.  My list starts when I wake up.  First, I'm thankful that I woke up and second, once I realize I'm alive, I decide what I want to do that day.
  
  You might believe there are things you have to do any given day, but it's not true.  You can do whatever you want to do as long as you're willing to deal with what might happen if you don't do what you believe you have to do.
  
  Do you have to go to work - no.  You can take the day off as long as you are willing to accept the risk (or the blessing) of getting fired.  You may prefer to go to work because you like your job or because you like the money it gives you so you can enjoy your after work life.
  
  Don't try to convince yourself there are things in life you have to do.  When you feel you have to do something, you lose control.  When you feel you have to do something, you will eventually begin to resent the things you have to do.   When you feel you have to do something, you will get angry and frustrated. 
  
  You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.  However, there might be a price to pay.  If you put yourself in first position, you should only be doing the things that make you happy or lead to your happiness.  You don't have to go to work, unless you like the things work gives.  You don't have to stay married as long as you are willing to deal with the emotional and financial problems that will occur.  You don't have to fix the plumbing as long as you are willing to deal with the leak.  You don't have to make your kids happy unless it make you happy to see that smile on their faces
  
  I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.
  
• I don't want a bucket list of wants or haves because, by definition, that list is things to do before I die.  When you have a bucket list you believe you have all the time in the world to get to the list.  That will stop you from doing those things NOW.  NOW is critical.  "I'm gonna do" doesn't work.  
  Not doing NOW makes you feel you missed something.  You could start feeling bad about yourself because you are procrastinating.  Time is not on your side, therefore the best way to not feel bad is to not have a bucket list.  Instead, have a today list.

If you are anal and have to have a bucket list, make sure it's a list of wants not haves.  Make sure it's a list of preferences not demands.  Make sure the items in the list are only things that will lead to your happiness.  

Make sure you will love yourself even if you don't complete the list before you die.

Emotional Rescue

What do you do when you realize a close friend, spouse or family member is an emotional wreck?  What do you want others to do when or if you are an emotional wreck?  The answer to the first question is the answer to the second question.


When I completed a year and a half of therapy/mentoring I felt like I had a gift.  I finally understood what was happening to me and the things I had to do and believe in to create a happier career and life for myself.  I was so happy I was on the right path, I wanted to help others to get on the same path.  It didn't work.


I knew what were the telltale signs of other people's problems with their happiness.  I could see it in their words, body language and outlook on life.  They were me before I had seen the light.  Their problems were my problems even though they acted them out differently than I.  All I wanted to do was give them the light I had received.  WOW was I wrong.


They didn't see me as a disinterested third party (like my mentor was to me).  They saw me as their friend, family or spouse.  They felt I was judging them.  They believed their problems were different then my problems.  They didn't believe I or anybody else could change their life.  They believed if the outside world would stop making them unhappy their life would be better.


Their position took me back.  I had something wonderful and wanted them to have the same.  Why would they feel this way?  I had to realize it didn't matter what I had or believed - what mattered was what they wanted out of life.  It didn't matter what I said - what mattered was what they heard.  It didn't matter that I wanted to help - what mattered was did they want help.


Once I came to this realization, I stopped trying to fix everybody.  Instead, I became a mentor to people who tried other solutions and still were not happy.  These people were not friends, family or spouse.  They saw me as a third party that only cared about their happiness.  I charged them a very small amount of money for the purpose of making sure they had a stake in their transformation.  The money was less than the cost of a tee shirt, but the act of writing me a check or handing me cash assured our relationship was professional.


After getting references from people I actually helped, the need to charge went away.  I decided I would only take on people who, I believed, I could help and who truly wanted to change the path they were on.  I also decided I didn't want this to become a business.  All I want to do is help people.  Seeing someone get it, overcome their problems and become a happier person puts a big smile on my face.  


I now realize that I'm doing this as much for my happiness as their happiness.  Listening to what they are going through is a clear reminder to what I went through.  They are actually helping me to never go back to the old Kenny.  


Watching them act out is extremely interesting to me.  No two peeps act out their unhappiness, frustration, anger and negative energy the same way.  However, what I have learned is the core of their problems is the same for all including me.  My focus is to get them to "see" the core issues that are holding them back.


If you know someone who is not happy with their life, don't talk - listen.  They need a shoulder to cry on.  They don't need anybody telling them what to do.  They don't need someone to judge them.  They don't need someone to say: "pull yourself man and just get over it."  They do need your positive energy.  They do need your understanding.  They do need you to tell them you love them just the way they are.


Pointing them to a disinterested third party when you believe they are ready to reach out for help, is a good thing.  My favorite place to go to is:

KenKenny.com

It's Not The End

        


I was reading my Townhome newsletter today and it started with the following saying:  

Everything will be all right in the end

                                        So if it’s not all right,

                                                            it’s not the end.

I love that saying.  I don't know who wrote it, but it says a lot.  What it means to me is, no matter how bad things are today, it's not the end and therefore, will get better in the future.  A negative person might read that same saying and think it says, everything is sh.. today and because it's not the end it will only get worse.  What do you think it says?


If you believe it's the former, you are reading my blogs and you get it.  You're probably happy most of the time.  You probably give positive energy out to the universe.  You probably are getting some mentoring or seeking it.  You probably hang out with happy people.  You probably make your friends happy.  


You probably get what you need and try to get what you want, but don't demand it.  You probably accept what's happening to you right now, but believe you can change for the better  it if it's not going in the right direction.  You probably believe life is great and want as much life as you can get.  You probably believe you deserve a happy life because you've paid your dues.  You probably love yourself just a little bit more than anyone and anything else in this world.


If you assume this saying means everything is sh.. today and because it's not the end it will only get worse, you probably are an unhappy person.  You probably hang out with unhappy people.  You probably don't believe life is a journey where some things that happen are good and some things that happen are bad, but either way you plan to enjoy the journey. You probably believe that what comes after this life has got to be better than this one.


What if a higher being told you this is as good as it gets?  What if a higher being told you after this you go to ashes or in the ground?  What if a higher being told you the end is near?  Would you just be miserable the remaining years of your life?


I want to believe there is something better after this.  However I have set my mind to believe this is as good as it gets and if something better happen after I'm gone that's a bonus.  I want to believe that my soul will still be alive after I'm dead and resurface in another life, but just in case, I believe I'm going to ashes.  I want to believe I will live forever, but I know I'm going to die in 2038.


Wanting life after death to be special is good, but that's no way to live life today.  Because I believe the end is near and there might be nothing after it ends, I focus on my happiness now.  I do the things I can do today to make me happy.  I attack life and try to get everything I can out of it.  I'm willing to risk everything to make me happy today.  


I say what I want to say and don't worry what others think.  I do what I want to do knowing that the people who care for me like what I'm doing, I believe money is freedom of choice not for showing off what I can buy (I currently have a $22000 Honda CRV and I love it), I buy less stuff (that I probably don't need), I eat, drink and be merry at low cost happy hour bars with my friends, I live in the same house for thirty years, I only hang out with the people I like, I make sure my needs are gotten, I root for happiness for the ones I care about, I do my part to make them happy and I believe I deserve all the good things that are happening to me. 


The bottom line is, I just don't want to be unhappy the rest of my life while counting on life will be better after I die. If today is not all right, It's OK because:

It's Not The End!!!!

                                                              

Night Moves

"Night Moves" By Bob Seger



I was a little too tall 
Could've used a few pounds 
Tight pants points hardly reknown 
She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes 
And points all her own sitting way up high 
Way up firm and high 

Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy 
Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy 
Workin' on mysteries without any clues 
Workin' on our night moves 
Trying' to make some front page drive-in news 
Workin' on our night moves in the summertime 
In the sweet sweet summertime 
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/bob+seger/night+moves_20021973.html ] 
We weren't in love oh no far from it 
We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit 
We were just young and restless and bored 
Living by the sword 
And we'd steal away every chance we could 
To the backroom, the alley, the trusty woods 
I used her she used me 
But neither one cared 
We were getting our share 

Workin' on our night moves 
Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues 
Workin' on out night moves 
In the summertime 
And oh the wonder 
Felt the lightning 
And we waited on the thunder 
Waited on the thunder 

I woke last night to the sound of thunder 
How far off I sat and wondered 
Started humming a song from 1962 
Ain't it funny how the night moves 
When you just don't seem to have as much to lose 
Strange how the night moves 
With autumn closing in




Do you remember those days or are you living those days today?  I remember those days - especially the part about "Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy, Workin' on mysteries without any clues, Workin' on our night moves."   The only difference, the car was a 62 Chevy owned by the butcher I worked for who let me use it.  At eighteen I didn't have a clue, but I was having a lot of fun trying to figure it out.


These were the fabulous days before serious work, marriage and family.  Two years later I was at the "End Of My Innocence."  However, I'm really lucky I had those days.  I look back on them with a huge smile on my face.  When I see an old Chevy, positive energy enters my brain. 


If you have never experienced those days talk to people who have.  Live those good times through the experiences of your friends and family.  Watch movies like "Ferris Buellers Day Off," "Breakfast Club" and "Risky Business."  The goal is to focus on a happier time even if it's through others. 


If you are having those days today, appreciate them.  Don't take them for granted because there will be a day when you will need to look back on them with a smile on your face.  


If you lived those days, take a step back and remember them.  That was a time when life was simpler, stress was a lot less, responsibilities were limited and "I woke last night to the sound of thunder,  How far off I sat and wondered,  Started humming a song from 1962,  Ain't it funny how the night moves,  When you just don't seem to have as much to lose, 
Strange how the night moves."         


The most important line in that song is: "When you just don't seem to have as much to lose."  Remember when you were a risk taker (or at least less risk adverse than today).  Remember when you didn't think before you acted.  Remember when you did things on a dare.  Remember when you fell in love (or at least in lust) every time you met someone new.  Remember the summers when you were free.  


The reason we don't have those days today (unless you're a teenager reading my blog) is because we believe we have too much to lose.  Holding on to things is our addiction.  Not willing to pay the price for taking risks is our addiction.  Not willing to fall in love because we were hurt before, is our addiction.  Not willing to tell people how you really feel is our addiction.  Not willing to cry is our addiction.


If you want a happier life you have to be willing to say "what the f...." I'm going to do what I want. What's the worst that can happen.  I'm willing to pay the price.  "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."  I'm not as happy as I deserve now so what do I have to lose.


The more you hold on to things the harder it is to be happy.  Back in the day we didn't know any better.  We were:

Workin' on our night moves 

Trying' to make some front page drive-in news 

Workin' on our night moves in the summertime 

In the sweet sweet summertime 

You Can't Always Get What You Want

"You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones:


"I saw her today at the reception 
A glass of wine in her hand 
I knew she would meet her connection 
At her feet was her footloose man 

No, you can't always get what you want 
You can't always get what you want 
You can't always get what you want 
But if you try sometime you find 
You get what you need 

We went down to the demonstration 
To get your fair share of abuse 
We're gonna vent our frustration 
If we don't we're gonna blow a fifty-amp fuse

You can't always get what you want 
You can't always get what you want 
You can't always get what you want 
But if you try sometimes well you just might find 
You get what you need 

I went down to the Chelsea drugstore 
To get your prescription filled 
I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy 
And man, did he look pretty ill 
We decided that we would have a soda 
My favorite flavor, cherry red 
I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy 
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was "dead" 
I said to him 

You can't always get what you want 
You can't always get what you want 
You can't always get what you want 
But if you try sometimes you just might find 
You get what you need 

I saw her today at the reception 
In her glass was a bleeding man 
She was practiced at the art of deception 
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands 

You can't always get what you want 
You can't always get what you want 
You can't always get what you want 
But if you try sometimes you just might find 
You get what you need" 




I love the chorus of that song because it states that you can't always get what you want, but if you try, you might get what you need.  I always say:  "ask for what you want, but don't demand it."  I also believe you should keep asking and not giving up if you don't get what you want the first time. 


I also, love the fact that The Stones wrote:  "But if you try sometimes you just might find 
you get what you need."  Most of the things we want are not the things we need.  To have a happy life you need to focus on the things you need first.  When you have gotten those need things accomplished then you can try to get the things you want.

Another way of saying the same thing is getting what you want should be the bonus to your happiness - getting what you need is required for your happiness.  The problem is most people define their needs as wants.  You need a car if your job requires one.  However, you don't need a fifty thousand dollar car.

You want love in your life, but you need to love yourself first.  You want bling, fancy clothes and expensive food, however, all you need is food to eat, air to breathe and shelter.   You want the outside world to say you are good enough, but you need to accept you are good enough no matter what the outside world says.

I just got back from Vegas.  I didn't get what I wanted (the million dollar jackpot).  However, I did get what what I needed for my happiness, which was a lot of fun. 

I love getting what I want.  I will never stop asking for what I want because of one important thing:

I deserve it!!!!

---

Ask The Lonely 

"Ask The Lonely" by The Four Tops


"When you feel that need
To make it all alone,
Remember no one is thinking of,
Going alone

Just ask the lonely...
They know the hurt and pain,
Of losing a love, you can never regain

Just ask the lonely

The young and foolish laugh at love
So they run away...
Confident and sure that fate
Will bring another love their way

But ask the lonely....
How vainly a heart can yearn,
For losing a love that will never return

Just ask the lonely....
They'll tell you

They'll tell you a story of sadness,
A story too hard to believe...
They'll tell you the loneliest one is me

Just ask the lonely
Ask me...
I'm the loneliest one you'll see"

During my first divorce those last three line were me: "Just ask the lonely, ask me, I'm the loneliest one you'll see."   My wife hated me.  My oldest son hated me.  My best friends were cold to me.  I lived almost an hour away from my kids.  I was new in LA and didn't have any friends - I just had a few business acquaintances.  


I felt really lonely.  Three things kept me glued together.  I was really good at my job and was respected by my employees and my management.  My job was my salvation because, at the time, I needed it to help me feel good enough. I believed everybody else thought I was a loser.


I met a woman who believed in me.  Juanita and I tried to have a sexual relationship, but when that didn't work, she stayed my friend.  She and I were really close and did many things together.  She loved me just the way I was (which was all screwed up) and that made me feel less lonely.


A friend and his wife reached out to me.  Mark and Patty were not my best friends then (we are now) and it surprised me that they were there for me.  Their attitude was, they were not going to choose sides, like my best friends did.  Their caring support let me know I was not alone.


If you are reading my blogs, you know I got through those lonely times and went on to a happy life.


Some people feel lonely even though that have many friends.  Loneliness is a form of depression.  If there are times you feel lonely talk to someone.  Don't let it linger because it could become a chronic problem if you procrastinate. That someone should not be your friends or family because they will not understand.  They will tell you they love you and you shouldn't feel this way.  Talking to someone who has been there and recovered will help.  Talking to someone who is trained to help you will also help.  I prefer someone who has been there.


The worst thing you can do is try to stop yourself from feeling lonely or blue.  Your body/brain is telling you something.  It could be a chemical problem or a physiological problem.  It could be minor or serious.  Don't try to ignore it - don't try to stop it - talk to someone.


That someone might help you focus on what you have, the people who love you, the good things you have done in your life, the things and people that bring you positive energy, help you to define a positive future and tell you to do things that are fun and make you laugh.


It could take you an hour, a week, a month or a year to get over that lonely/blue feeling.  The amount of time it takes is not important.  What is critical is that you don't give up.  What is critical is that you believe this too will pass.  What is critical is that you trust the person you are talking to and do what he or she says.


Life is great.  Living life is fabulous.  You have a lot of living life left.  During your life you will and already have had ups and downs.  If everything was perfect in life it would be a boring life.  


Going through thrill of victory and the agony of defeat and then coming out the other side a happy person, is a fantastic life. 

Weather Affects Emotions

A little known fact is that the suicide rate in Southern California goes up when it's rainy and or cloudy for two weeks or more.  Another fact is that the suicide rate in Minnesota and Rochester New York is less than Southern California and does not go up during the horrible winter weather.


I spent one year, one month, five days and four hours in Rochester New York.  Needless to say, I was extremely happy when I was promoted to a job in Philadelphia.  After staying in Rochester, Philadelphia seemed like Florida.  I started thinking about why weather can affect your emotions.  Why are people in Minnesota and Rochester more acclimated to lousy weather than other cities.  Could the old joke be true?


"A friend asks his buddy why he lets his wife hit him over the head every day.  The buddy responds: because it feels so good when she stops."  I know in the times I've spent in Philadelphia, Portland (it rains almost all the time) and Rochester New York that when the rain, snow or clouds stop, it feel so good.  People in Minnesota, Rochester, Philadelphia and Portland buy convertible cars.  What are they thinking?  The weather sucks, but when it gets better (even a little better) they leave their house or even work, get in their car, put down the top and ride baby ride.


After much thought, I don't think it's because of the old joke.  I think it's rooted inside people's emotions.  My son spent a year in Seattle.  At the time he was a surfer boy from Orange County California.  He left for a better job.  About six months into his new job, I got an email from him with the subject: "It just doesn't stop."  It was the clouds and the rain that were getting to him.  He started to get depressed.  After a year he, with my blessing, left his good job and the stock options he had accumulated to come back to Southern California. 


As it turns out, the weather was not his problem (although he blamed it on the weather).  His problem was he expected the job to make him happy and it didn't.  He thought that seeing the sun, the beach and the waves would make him happy - it didn't.  It wasn't easy, but thirteen years later, he began to love, trust and have confidence in himself. He realized he had accomplished a lot in his life and was a good person.  Most of all, he believed he was good enough.  


As he became more mature he realized and appreciated his life and the places he had been.  Seattle is a beautiful and great city. Today, he is married to a fabulous wife, two kids (seven and three) and is a Lawyer.  He has no problem with the weather no matter what city he visits.


If bad weather is making you blue, look inside at what's really going on.  If you are happy when the weather is great, look inside at what is really going on.  You can't count on the outside world to make you happy.  The weather is the outside world.


Nothing wrong with appreciating a beautiful day.  Appreciating anything and everything in life will make you happy.  However, that beautiful day is a bonus (not a need) to your happiness. Get all the bonuses you can get just don't demand them to be happy.


Rochester and Portland got me to appreciate where I live in California.  I would not want to live anywhere else.  However, I had fun in Portland.  I have a true friend in Portland.  I have family I love in Portland.  I had and have great food in Portland.  And, OH - YES, it feels so good when it stops.


I hated the weather in Rochester, but I made great friends.  We were all in the same boat.  Instead of going out all the time, we spent time together in each of our houses having parties.  The weather actually did a good thing - it brought us together.  The bad weather was expected and therefore, was not the focus on the people who were going to live there the rest of their lives.  If they were not happy it was not because of the weather and they knew it.


Happiness is the forgotten ingredient in life.  Happiness is your goal.  A good weather day should be a plus to your happiness.  A bad weather day will bring up emotions that you need to get in tune with.  Once you are in control of those emotions, once you are focused on positive emotions instead of negative emotions the weather will not rule your happiness.


PS.  It's cloudy today and has been for three days, but I'm still having fun.

Anger

Anger is an emotion related to one's psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied and a tendency to undo that by retaliation. DeFoore. describes anger as a pressure cooker; we can only apply pressure against our anger for a certain amount of time until it explodes. Anger may have physical correlates such as increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline.^[2] Some view anger as part of the fight or flight brain response.  Anger can have many physical and mental consequences.

The external expression of anger can be found in facial expressions, body language, physiological responses, and at times in public acts of aggression. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them," psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observably.  Modern psychologists, in contrast to the earlier writers, have also pointed out the possible harmful effects of suppression of anger.  Displays of anger can be used as a manipulation strategy for social influence.

Now we know what anger is, why we have it and how we display it.  So I guess it's OK to get angry - not always.  Anger has its downside.  Being angry screws up your chi. Being angry brings you negative energy.  Being angry affects you mental and physical health.  Being angry can make others angry.  Being angry doesn't make you happy.

Sooo, why get angry?  Many of us don't have a choice.  Someone hits your car - you get angry.  Getting angry won't fix your car nor will it change the person who hit your car.  What getting angry will do is upset you, depress you, slow you down from taking action needed to get the car fixed, make the other person react defensively instead of feeling sorry for what he has done and affect you physically.

You should not try to stop getting angry when someone does something bad to you, but you need to get over it quickly.  Not for them - get over it for YOU.  Staying angry over a single situation for a long time does not serve you or your happiness.  Remember, happiness is your goal.

What should be your "I'm in control of my happiness" response when someone hits your car or does something else to piss you off?  Get angry then take ten deep breaths and focus on what you have to do to fix what made you angry in the first place.  In the car situation, after your ten deep breaths, get the persons information, take pictures, call the police and focus on how you are going to FIX YOUR CAR!  Getting angry won't fix it - you have to get it fixed. 

If you're really enlightened and only care about your happiness, consider that the other person who made you angry didn't do it on purpose.  Maybe he or she is not a bad person.  Maybe he or she feels bad about what they did.  Maybe they had something bad happen to them that day and they didn't pay attention to what they were doing.  Maybe they are unhappy people filled with negative energy and hate themselves for what they did.  

The bottom line is that hating and being angry with them will not make you happier.  Believe it or not (I believe because it has changed my life), caring about them "will" make you happier. If you really want to be a happy person, be the one who cares not the one who hates. Then GET YOU CAR FIXED!

Sooo, why do we really get angry.  The answer is that when someone or something does something bad to you it presses a button inside you.  We all have these buttons.  These are negative energy buttons.  "You should have done this" presses the "I know I should have done that and I'm angry with myself" button.  "I hate your attitude" presses your I'm not good enough button."  This button usually makes you angry with yourself and the person who pressed that button.  You get defensive and show your anger to the other person to protect yourself.  Finding out someone cheated on you presses your I'm not worthy button.  This makes you angry with yourself and makes you depressed.

The answer to why we get angry is to get rid of your buttons.  The wrong answer is to be angry with the people or events that are pressing your buttons.  This is very hard to do.  Some of my blogs can help.  Loving yourself, being confident in yourself, accepting yourself just the way you are, knowing you are a good person that does the right things and accepting the outside world will always find a way to press your buttons, but you choose not react is your mantra.

Happiness is the forgotten ingredient in life.  You can choose to not allow anger to take you down.  You can choose to limit the amount of time you stay angry.  You can choose to accept (maybe even love) the people or events that are making you angry.  You can choose to love life more than you love being angry. You can choose to get the help necessary to minimize the affect your buttons have on you.

ANGER, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!

Listen To The Music

What's your favorite song?  I have many.  Some bring back good times and some bring back difficult times.  A favorite song should not be one that sounds great or has a great beat.  A favorite song should be one that stirs an emotion deep inside you.  A favorite song should be one that brings back a strong memory.  A favorite song should be one that states your feelings for someone else.  A favorite song should be one that when you are sad, hearing it played makes you happy.


One of my favorite songs is "The Rose" by Bette Middler.  It brings back strong emotions of a time when I was at my lowest point.  It gave me hope that the future would be brighter.  I could be that "rose" in the song.  Once I started believing in my future, I had the strength to take the actions necessary to make a better life for myself.  Here I am now because I took those actions and because I was lucky to listen to the words and the music of "The Rose."


Other favorite songs of mine is music from the fifties.  When I hear the Spinners, Temptations, Four Tops, The Cadillacs, The Coasters, The Delfonics, The Del-Vikings, The Flamingos, Frankie Lymon, Kool & The Gang, Lloyd Price, The O'Jays, Otis Redding, The Platters, Sam & Dave and Wilson Pickett, they all bring back a time in my life when things were more simple, less stressful and a whole lot of fun.


At Ten, I was poor, but I didn't know it - I was having fun.  That's a line in my first book "Never Buy A Hat If Your Feet Are Cold - Taking Charge Of Your Career And Your Life."  Everybody in my neighborhood were in the same financial boat.  We grew up together, played together, laughed together and when we were sixteen, sang together until I was nineteen.  The songs we sang were from the artists listed above.  Until I met my Ellen (at forty), they were the best years of my life and when I hear those songs it reminds me of those good times. 


I love the song, "You Are So Beautiful" by Joe Cocker.  It's a simple song and the one I gave to my Ellen:


"You are so beautiful to me - you are so beautiful to me - you're everything I hope for - you're everything I need - you are so beautiful to me."


Years after I met Ellen we were in Japan on business.  Our guests took us to a karaoke bar after our meetings.  Everyone was singing songs from the music box.  I decided to sing "You Are So Beautiful" to Ellen a cappella.  It was a big hit with my hosts and I could see the love in Ellen's eyes - that made me very happy.  Finding a simple song with limited words with or without background music can make you happy.  Sooo, what's stopping you?


The brain retains music and pictures better than events.  The brain does not remember physical pain. It knows you had pain, but you can't feel that pain after it's over.  Think about a time when you were in physical pain and got over it.  You can talk about that pain to others, but you don't "feel" that pain again.  The same thing is true about times when you were happy and laughing.  You can tell people about the good times, but you don't relive it physically.


However, when you hear music or see a picture that happened when you were happy and laughing you can physically have a smile on your face and laugh again.  Make music part of your life.  Every day, play the music that made and makes you happy.  Music can bring you positive energy.  Positive energy brings you happiness.

Music - happiness - positive energy - more happiness - more positive energy - more music.