Everybody Wants Me To Be What They Want Me To Be

Everybody Wants Me To Be What They Want Me To Be. 

I've spent the first fifty years trying to be what everybody wanted me to be. In business everybody wanted me to be a manager. I accepted because I wanted more money and the pride of telling everyone I was a manager. My parents were proud because their son was a manager.

The truth is that at twenty years old I didn't want to be a manager. I was a great computer programmer and could no longer enjoy my creative art of programming because I had to manage six other people. There's a line in the song "Easy" by the Commodores that goes "I'm not happy when I try to fake it." I faked it for all the wrong reasons.

Everybody wanted me to become a father. There's a line in the Broadway show "Come Blow Your Horn" where the Mother says to her successful son: "you're a bum." The son asks back: "Mom, why am I a bum when I'm a successful business man?" The Mom says: "have you given me grandchildren?" The son says "no." The Mother says: then you're a bum."

I grew up with that kind of mentality in my family and the families of my friends. My friends were older, married and had children. Everybody wanted me to be what they wanted me to be - a parent. Sooo, I did what they wanted me to do. I got married and had children.

The truth is, I don't like kids. I wasn't a great father. I choose my career over becoming a nurturing parent. I choose making money over spending quality time with my kids. I became what they wanted me to be, but I wasn't happy about it. I consider myself very lucky that my kids turned out OK. I don't have a relationship with my oldest son, but I have a great relationship with my youngest son, his fabulous wife and my two grandkids.

In my thirties and forties everybody wanted me to be a senior executive. My bosses kept promoting me because I was a great executive and made their business life easier. I liked the responsibility and the power that came with being an executive, but as I got near fifty that became much less important to me.

At fifty, I decided I was no longer going to be what they wanted me to be. I was going to be what I wanted me to be.  I realized: "I'm not happy when I try to fake it." I now love what I've become and the people around me love what I've become.

Sooo, what's your story? Are you still trying to be what they want you to be? Do you continue to fake it? They will never stop. Everybody will always want you to be what they believe you should be. It's on you to turn the action around and say:

I Want To Be What I Always Wanted To Be - That's My Primary Goal!

Time May Change Me, But I Can't Change Time

Time May Change Me, But I Can't Change Time

Over the many years of my life I've experienced significant change. Some for the better - some for the worst. However, it wasn't until I realized and accepted that time will change me no matter how hard I didn't want to become the person I became or how hard I want time to change me to become the person I always wanted to become.

As a kid I hated time. It was going so fast and I wasn't able to slow it down. I didn't want it to change me, but the events of my childhood made it almost impossible to stop. I had to grow up much faster than I wanted. I had to become the man of my family much sooner than I wanted. Why couldn't I just go to school and play games with my friends instead of working with my father and mother so we could keep a roof over our head?

I got married way too soon and had children way too soon. Time changed me from being a fun loving bachelor to a stressed out parent. I wanted to change what time was doing to me, but I couldn't change time.

As time went on many good things were happening in my life. The problem was I didn't take as much time appreciating them as I did focusing on the stress of the negative things. At thirty five I was in fight or flight mode where flight was winning out. Time was changing me, but I wasn't sure it was going to be for the better. The one thing I did realize was that I couldn't change what time had already done to me. 

Then in my forties, time was changing me in ways I hoped for when I was in my twenties. I was more confident. I appreciated life and living more. I trusted and respected myself more. I accepted the world around me more. I loved unconditionally even when I didn't get what I wanted. My words were positive. My actions were positive. I was giving positive energy out to the Universe and getting back as much as I was giving.

When my sixties showed up, time was again moving too fast. I was having so much fun and I wanted time to slow down. I loved the way time was changing me and I looked forward to how time would change me in the future. I knew I couldn't change time from the past, but I no longer focused on the bad stuff it did to me. I knew time would continue to change me in the future, but I also knew that change would be a positive one.

Sooo, where are you on the timeline of your life? Are you taking time to look forward or are you using time to hate the past. Have you realized and accepted that;

Time Will Change You, But You Can't Change Time?

 

Hurts So Good

Hurts So Good

I just got back from the gym where my trainer worked on my legs and my core. I know tomorrow I'm going to be sore as hell, but as they say; "Hurts So Good."

Having someone break-up with you - sucks. However, if you stop focusing on the break-up and start immediately focusing on good stuff that lies ahead, you'll meet someone that will be a better fit than the asshole who dumped you. Sooo, in the end, the hurt of a break-up will: "Hurt So Good." 

You know that going to a fabulous party with your good friends and getting smashed while dancing and laughing all night is going to make you pay the next day. Your whole body aches. Your head is pounding and your stomach feels like shit, but if you focus on the great time you had at the party, your brain will say; "Hurts So Good."

Breaking a leg hurts a lot, but if you focus on all the good stuff that comes with a broken leg, then the leg; "Hurts So Good." Sooo, you say; "what good stuff comes with a broken leg?" First, your friends feel bad for you and do everything they can to make you feel comfortable. Second, you get out of doing a whole lot of things you never wanted to do in the first place. Third, a broken leg won't stop you from doing most fun things if you focus on your happiness and not your leg.

Therefore, focus on the good stuff and not on the "woe is me." By doing so, the pain in your leg will; "Hurts So Good."

Life can be full of; "Hurts So Good" if you love life and want to get the most out of it. I've lived a life of pain and pleasure. I've had and have physical pain. I've had emotional pain. Now I have a great life and look forward to a wonderful future. I know I will have pain in the future, but I also know I will make it feel like;

Hurts So Good

Time For Clothes Off

Time For Clothes Off

With all the bad stuff going on in the world, I thought it's time for a lighthearted blog. My wife and I watch TV from eight o'clock to ten o'clock (sometimes eleven o'clock) most nights. Even when we go out for dinner or just happy hour, by around seven thirty we look at each other and say; "time for clothes off."

One of the pluses of being seniors is we don't have to stay all night at a boring party or go out drinking until the wee hours of the night. If the party is going great, we stay. If the party sucks - "time for clothes off." If the restaurant is something special, we eat late. If the restaurant is casual or we're going just for happy hour - "time for clothes off."

Now that I'm retired, we don't have to go to any business parties or dinners. However, even when we had to attend business parties or dinners the same rules applied. Good party we stay, bad party - "time for clothes off." Good dinner we stay, bad dinner - "time for clothes off."

What do I mean when I say; "time for clothes off?" It means just that. When we get home we take our clothes off and get into something that we would never wear in public. The clothes are so comfortable we could stay in them for the rest of our lives. No tight waistbands. No tight shirts. No underwear - my boys need to breathe. 

We don't look very sexy, but, since we've been together for twenty nine years, who gives a shit. I get horny for Ellen just looking into her eyes. The knowledge that she's not wearing underwear brings a smile to my one eyed monster. OK, it's not a monster, but would you believe it's a Dodger Dog - OK, would you believe it's a cocktail frank.

What about you? Does your routine include "time for clothes off?" Do you stay at parties that suck because you don't want to hurt the host's feelings? Do you go to dinner with people that are boring because it will enhance your social or business situation? Do you stay up real late with friends because you want to feel young again? Do you and your spouse or friend have a signal that says; "time for clothes off?"

If you say yes to the first four questions, you're not focused on your happiness. If you say yes to the fifth question, you have matured to a level where you've put your happiness in first position.

Here is the most important question; "when you get home, do you take your clothes off and get comfortably ugly? Are you afraid to let your spouse or friend see you with clothes that don't match, but are super comfortable? How do you feel about swing in the wind without underwear? 

Trust me, you'll never really get to know your spouse or friend until you see them ugly. Hugging in comfortable clothes is much better than hugging in party or business clothes. Hugging someone who isn't wearing any underwear is more thrilling than hugging someone who has layers protecting the good stuff. 

Sooo, say it loud and say it proud:

"TIME FOR CLOTHES OFF"