Happiness IS The Forgotten Ingredient In Life

If you've been reading my blogs you know my focus is happiness.  Not their happiness - YOUR happiness.  Why do I say it's the forgotten ingredient in life - because it is.  let's break down what I believe is important in your life.  If I missed anything, please comment back to me.

Money

In my earlier blog I stated:  "If you're happy, you'll have all the money you need.  If you're unhappy,  you never have enough money."  Sooo, why are so many people willing to trade off their happiness to get more money?  The answer is simple.  Most people value money more than they value their happiness.

You might say: "I'd be happier if I had more money." Or, "don't give me that bullshit, everybody wants more money." Or, "I need more money to pay for all the things that make me happy."  Or, I don't value money more than happiness. I want more because money makes me happy." Or, "more money will make me feel secure."

None of the statements above are true. On the other hand, "money is NOT the root of all evil."  People who will compromise their moral compass, take advantage of other people, lie, cheat, steal and put their happiness in second position are the root of all evil.

Even the very poor can be happy if they appreciate friends, family, the beauty around them (yes even in poor neighbors you can find beauty if you look at your environment with positive energy eyes instead of negative energy eyes).  If the very poor can be happy without a lot of money, think about living your life with a positive attitude.  More money is not the source of positive energy - YOU and your appreciation of life is what creates a positive attitude.

There is nothing wrong with having money.  What's wrong is having the feeling you have to have more money to be happy.  Therefore, stop making money the ingredient in life - make happiness the ingredient in life


Stuff

We are a society that accumulates lots of stuff.  How many times have you cleaned out the garage or your closets of stuff.  Do you say things like: "when did I buy that?"  "I didn't even know I had that."  "What was I thinking when I brought that."  "I have to make more room because I'm going to buy more stuff."  "These clothes are out of date, I need new ones."  "I no longer fit into these pants, so I'm getting rid of them and get ones that fit."

Happiness IS the forgotten ingredient in life because we value "stuff" more than happiness.  More stuff creates the need for more money.  It becomes a vicious circle of wants verses need. Could you be happy with what you have instead of getting caught up in a catch 22 of wants where happiness is taking a lower priority?  

Too many people are caught up in this situation and have forgotten that happiness is their main goal not more stuff.  Their friends and family keep getting more stuff so they believe they should have more stuff.  Before they know it, they have a lot of stuff, but it hasn't made them happier.  

Somehow they believe if they just had even more stuff that would make them happier.  It just doesn't work because happiness doesn't come from stuff.  Happiness comes from appreciating the stuff you already have and feeling good that you you can still be happy even though others have more.


Ego

One reason to have more stuff is to look good to others.  Many say: " I don't buy expensive things for them, I buy it because it makes me feel good and that makes me happy."  That statement is mucho, mucho  bullshit.  Too many people don't even realize what that statement means.  First, it states you don't love yourself just the way you are.  Second, it states the only way you can feel good about yourself is if you're wearing a Louis Vuitton bag, shirt and shoes.

The other part of that statement which is so not true is, you do care what others think about how you look.  Too many care so much about how they look, they are willing to make happiness a second thought.  Buying expensive things means you accumulating more stuff and that makes you spend more money.  If doing so doesn't really enhance your happiness, what good is it - absolutely nothing!

Happiness IS the forgotten ingredient in life because too many people value ego more than happiness. They believe they're not good enough unless that look good to others or to themselves.  They don't feel beautiful inside so they believe they need a beautiful facade.  Then they realize they need more stuff and more money to get the expensive stuff.  This vicious negative circle get's them caught up on a focus where there is no room for happiness taking first position in their life.


Security

The need to feel secure has been drilled into all of us by our parents and their parents before them.  Nothing wrong with making security a priority.  However, happiness winds up being the forgotten ingredient in life when people will make security a higher priority.  "If you're addicted to security you will never have enough.  If you prefer being secure you will be able to balance your need for happiness with your need for security."

"I need more money to feel secure."  I need more stuff to feel secure."  I need the outside world see me as successful (ego) to feel secure."  If you're making any one of those three statements you're addicted to security, you're insecure and you will trade your happiness to get more and more and more security.

Worrying about security is negative energy.  It can make you become depressed.  Depression is not a happy state.  Worrying about the security things you can't control (war, Iran, terrorist attack, earthquakes, stock market or just a negative future, will never make you happy.  

If you focus on the security things you can control (how much money you need to have food to eat, air to breath and shelter, how much insurance you need to protect your house, car, health, etc or believing the future will be positive not negative), will enable to you to make happiness your first choice not security.

Happiness IS The Forgotten Ingredient In Life because we make it so.  If you really want to change your life, make a poster, put it into an beautiful frame and place it somewhere in you house or workplace where you'll have to see it every day.  The poster should say:

"I Will Make Happiness The Most Important Focus Of My Life!"

Beauty IS Only Skin Deep

The 1973 oil crisis started in October 1973, when the members of Organization of Arab Petroleum Exporting Countries or the OAPEC (consisting of the Arab members of OPEC, plus Egypt, Syria and Tunisia) proclaimed an oil embargo. This was in response to the U.S. decision to re-supply the Israeli military during the Yom Kippur war. It lasted until March 1974.

In Pennsylvania you could only get five dollars worth of gas every other day.  One way of beating the system was to get on the national turnpike.  There you could ride the turnpike and stop at every station to fill up.  The problem was you had to use gas to get to the turnpike and pay the turnpike toll.  If you had a job and needed your car to get to work, money was not an issue.

Even after it was over, people were saying this crisis was going to happen again and again.  General Motors saw an opportunity to make money by building diesel engine cars.  Mercedes had been building diesel cars for many years before the crisis.  

When I came to California in 1976, my first wife and I decided to get a diesel car because they got more miles per gallon and when gas was limited diesel was always available.

Not knowing what I know now, prestige was important to both my wife and I.  I decided to get a low end Mercedes diesel.  I went to the Orange County Mercedes dealer and test rode the car.  The car was very under powered and struggled to get up a steep hill.  

My wife and I agreed it was not worth the money to buy a low power Mercedes.  General Motors had just come out with a Cadillac Eldorado  Beritz diesel.  It was gorgeous and that was important to both of us.  The test drive went great.  The car had lots of power and was priced the same as the Mercedes.  We bought it on the spot.

Three month after my purchase I was driving on the freeway and the car stopped.  It didn't just come to a slow stop - it came to a giant thud stop.  The dealer had to replace the engine because it froze up.  A few months later I was driving around town and guess what, the engine froze up again.  I was so happy it didn't happen on the freeway.

The dealer service manager told me this was happening to other Cadillac diesel cars.  He explained this was happening because diesel fuel was dirty and had much more moisture than gas cars.  Big trucks and, by the way, Mercedes had and have water separators connected to the fuel line to filter out the dirt and water.  General Motors didn't build their diesel cars with a water separator.  Their position was I should get diesel from a filling station that had cleaner diesel.

After replacing another engine, I realized the problem did not occur when I got diesel fuel from a station close to my home.  This was good except I was paranoid to get fuel from anywhere else.  I could live with that because the car was so beautiful.

Around the seventh or eighth month I was on the freeway again and the car made an sound I hadn't heard before and came to a stop.  When Triple A (AAA) came out and looked under the hood they said my fan belt had come off.  They got me to the dealer - again.

The service manager told me Cadillac had taken the standard gas engine and made it into a diesel.  The good news was the engine was very powerful.  The bad news was a diesel engine vibrates three times as much as a gas engine which was the cause of the fan belt flying off.

He gave me three extra belts and a wrench.  He then showed me how to put the belt on should it come off again.  Even though I was scared to drive on the freeway, I could live with this problem because the car was so beautiful.

Ten months into this disaster the car was running fine (except for the two new belts I had to put on) when I heard a loud rattling sound coming from the engine area.  I immediately went to the dealer.  The service manager, who was as frustrated as I, said the reason this was happening was because a diesel engine runs much hotter than a gas engine and the noise I was hearing was the pan under the engine to protect the drive train from the heat.

The pan was just fine, however the bolts holding the pan in place had melted from the engine heat which cause the pan to rattle.  He said the pan would not cause a problem, but if I wanted to stop the rattling I needed to leave the car for two days.  I couldn't leave it because I had a dinner business meeting at an expensive restaurant in downtown Los Angeles. 

So there I am, holding my breath while driving on the freeway with a car whose engine might freeze, a fan belt that might fly off and a rattling noise that could be heard from a hundred feet away.  I was so embarrassed giving my keys to the valet while he was asking if my beautiful Cadillac Eldorado  Beritz diesel was working OK.  I told him the rattling noise was not a problem, however I showed him where I put the fan belts in case they were needed.

The day my one year warranty was over I traded in my beautiful car for an ugly, boxy Volvo 240 that had the best reliability rating by Consumer Reports.  I was so happy the Volvo dealer took my beautiful Cadillac Eldorado  Beritz diesel I hugged him (which he thought was strange).

BTW, I had the Volvo for five years and it never had a problem.  It was ugly, but I smiled every time I got on the freeway.  Two years after I traded in my Cadillac, General Motors stopped producing diesel cars for the American market.  Two years later, they were sued in a class action suit.  

I shouldn't have to give you the moral to this story, but I will.  Beauty IS only skin deep.  Shinny objects can confuse you.  Beautiful design does not mean great craftsmanship.  A pretty face doesn't mean a good heart and soul.  

Make sure you look under the hood before you buy, make friends or marry.  Don't dive into anything because of a beautiful facade. 

It's what's inside that will make you happy.    

Hatred Caused The Death Of An Ambassador Not YouTube

I don't know much about the Muslim religion, but  I'm sure hatred of the United States and other Western Countries caused the death of Ambassador Christopher Stevens not a YouTube video by a few radical, prejudiced and just mean-spirited people.  This hatred has festered over many, many years.  The video was and is just an excuse to express their hatred using violence. 

To think that two or three fanatical people, who have no standing in the United States Of America, could make a video so insulting to the Muslim people that they would rise up and become murders is ridiculous.  

The truth is the vast majority of the Muslim people know the video was made by people the United States Government and its people think of as radical outsiders.  The vast majority of Muslims hate the video message, but they would not resort to violence and murder to show their displeasure.  

Therefore, I can only assume this violence and murder was done by other radical, prejudiced (to all non-Muslims) and just mean-spirited Muslim people.  By doing so, they showed that in their anger and hatred they are no better than the people who made the video.

One might say they have every right to hate the West.  Agreeing or disagreeing is not the issue.  The issue is:

• Is violence and murder the way to show your hatred?
  
• Is causing violence and murder making the video and it's hateful message go away?
  
• Will the destruction of property and the killing of innocent people stop ignorant people from making another disgusting video or book?
  
• Has violence and murder served the Muslim people?
  
• Will hatred so strong that you are willing to kill innocent people make you happier?

The fact of the matter is hatred never solves anything.  Hatred just begets more hatred.  Hatred is negative energy and eats you up inside.  If you can feel good after killing an innocent person you're dead inside.  You have lost all faith in your religion, your country, your people and yourself.

The not so amusing thing about this is that the violence and murder was justified by the defense of their religious faith.  Most of them believe their god appreciates their mayhem.  People who are dead inside, because of their hatred, need to feel they are supported by a higher being.  That's the way the people who made the video feel so why not the people who are doing the killing.

If you've been reading my blogs, you know how I feel about believing you can take action (good or bad) because an entity nobody can see, touch, feel, smell or hear say's it's OK.  The fact is the "Devil" didn't make them do it nor did "God" make them do it.  What made both of these radical uncaring people do it was hatred.

Am I angry with the people who made the video - you bet!  They don't represent my thinking nor that of the American people.  Will I use my anger of them to go out and kill them - absolutely NOT!  In America everyone has the right to free speech.  I don't ever want to change that no matter how disgusting their views are.  I will use my free speech to denounce them not do violence unto them.

Am I angry with the radicals who are using violence and murder to show their frustration and hatred - you bet!  Do I want the United States to seek violence and murder upon them - absolutely NOT!  Violence, murder and hatred is what created these people (on both sides) in the first place.  We and they have been doing it for hundreds of years.  What has it gotten any of us?  Security - bullshit.  Happiness - NO!

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Are we insane?  Will we ever learn?  Probably not in my lifetime.  However, I can't control what "they" do, but I can control what I do.  By taking hatred out of my life I've made a better life for myself.  

I can get angry, but when you hold on to anger for a long time it grows into hatred.  Hatred creates negative energy which will take away the most important thing you have in your life - LOVE!!!

Remember the old saying: "I'm a lover not a fighter."  I like this one better:

"I'm A Lover Not A Hater"

If You Want To Do Something, Find A Way

 If You Don't Want To Do Something, Find An Excuse

I'm not sure where I read that statement, but I somewhat agree with the first statement and disagree with the second.  Let's take them apart:

"If you want to do something, find a way."  

I can agree with that statement as long as the "something" is doable.  I want to be a National Football League Quarterback, but I don't have the skills, the physical attributes nor the experience to find a way.  

I wanted to retire at sixty two so I had to find a way.  My wife and I saved our money.  We didn't buy cars, houses or stuff we couldn't afford.  We stayed in the same home for over twenty years.  We agreed to tighten our belt and spend less after I retired.  That's what I call finding a way.

If I wanted to be a Rocket Scientist, I could have found a way.  I have the brains.  I spent my career in computers.  What I don't have is the knowledge and the experience.  Knowledge comes from reading, teaching and experience.  I could spend my available hours reading and going to school.  I could take a low paying job getting coffee for a real Rocket Scientist.  Picking his brain, as I learn, could get me a little higher job in the field.  Years later I would get an even higher job and after many years I would be a Rocket Scientist.

You see, there is a difference in finding a way to do something and wanting to do something.  I believe I could be a Rocket Scientist, but I don't want it enough to spend the years I have left in my life getting there.  Also, I'm loving retirement, my guitar, the people I mentor, my wife, my dog, my time with my friends and my blogging.

If you decide you want to do something, you will find a way if:

• You have the skills.
  
• You have the mental capacity.
  
• You have the physical attributes necessary to make it happen.
  
• Most importantly, you have the strong desire to get what you want because getting it will improve your life, make you happier and put positive energy into your life.

"If you decide you don't want to do something, find an excuse."

I really don't agree with that statement.  My statement would be: "If you don't want to do something, don't do it."  If you really don't want to take your grandchildren for the weekend, don't do it.  That's right, tell your son or daughter you don't want to do it.  If they really want to have some private time without their kids, they "will find a way."  Also, they will be upset because you said no, but they'll still love you.

Making up some bullshit excuse is the wrong course.  "We have other plans that weekend" won't work.  What if they say: "that's OK dad, we can do it the next weekend."  Now you're trapped.  Are you going to say to them you also have plans for the following weekend?  They're not stupid.  It will hurt them more if you give them an excuse they know is bullshit then if you tell them the truth.

Don't cop out.  Just tell them the truth which is you really don't want to do it.

If you don't want to lend money to a friend or family member, don't do it.  If they get pissed off at you because you said no, so be it.  A true friend will understand.  A true friend will not ask for money because they know it might negatively impact their relationship with you.

Making up excuses to soften the blow is chickening out.  Excuses like: "I'd have to ask my wife and I'm sure she wouldn't go for it," I'll try to get the money - call me next week,"  "things are tight right now - maybe I can help you a month from now" will all be thought of as dishonest excuses.

Don't cop out.  Just tell them the truth which is you're not going to give them the money because you worked hard to get it and you know lending money is the best way to screw up a friendship.

People use excuses because they fear if they just say no they won't be liked.  Thinking you're doing it so you don't hurt the other person's feeling is bullshit and doesn't work.  They'll know your just making up an excuse.  Real people want the truth.  Real friends will respect you more if you tell them the truth.

Making up excuses so you won't feel guilty is not a way to run your life.  You're not guilty.  You're not doing anything wrong.  You know who you are and like yourself just the way you are.  Therefore, if they don't like you telling them your real feelings they're not the people you want in your life.

Lastly, never make excuses for yourself.  What I mean by that is, if you and others feel you should take that promotion, but you really don't want the stress, don't make up some internal bullshit excuse to yourself.  "I can't take it now because I'll disappoint my current manager,"  "I can't leave this project just now, I'm sure I'll get another chance later," "the people who work with me now will have to work harder if I leave."  These are just bad excuses for something you really don't want to do.

Don't cop out.  Tell yourself, your spouse and your family, I love my current job and I don't want the stress of the new job even if it give us more money.  

Please believe me, any decision you make for your happiness is a great decision.  Bullshit excuses are always bad decisions.

Happy New Year

Resolutions are both a good thing and a not so good thing.  If you have to wait for the New Year to make a resolution you're not real serious about the resolution in the first place.  For example, if you say: "my New Year resolution is to stop smoking," I believe your odds of accomplishing that resolution is less than twenty percent.  If you want to stop smoking, take the steps to do so now.  This might be the hardest thing you've ever accomplished So, don't believe waiting for New Year will make it easier.

The good part of making resolutions is you have an idea of what you have to improve upon in your life.  The goal of your resolutions should be ones that will make you happier. Improving your health is a great resolution.  Stop being angry at someone who has done you wrong is a great resolution.  Getting rid of the things and/or the people in your life that have made you unhappy is a great resolution.  Deciding to get more out of life is a great resolution.

Getting a dog, buying a car, getting a new home, paying your bill on time, saving money, going out more, seeing your children, etc. etc. are not resolutions.  These are the everyday things you should be doing as a way of life.

Getting revenge is a bad resolution.  Doing something you really don't want to do, but it will make you more money is a bad resolution. Buying a car or house you really can't afford is a bad resolution.  Leaving the job you love and are great at doing for a promotion to one that has more stress, less fun, but more money and more power is a bad resolution.  Stop taking risks is a bad resolution.  

I don't make resolutions.  They can be restricting.  They can make me unhappy if they don't happen.  My goal is to get the most out of the life that is available to me.  I don't want to make a resolution I have to do because one day later my priorities might change. I don't want to make a resolution that requires the outside world to reach my goal.  I don't want to make a resolution where things I can't control could make me unhappy.

I want to live life doing the things that make me happy.  I want to appreciate the things that I have accomplished.  I want to pat myself on the back for the problems I've overcome.  I want to believe I have control of my happiness.

I want to love myself unconditionally.  Now that's a fabulous resolution!

You Are What You Were Given And What You Decide To Be

"You Are What You Were Given And What You Decide To Be"  Kenny Felderstein

California people are lazy summer hummers.  Minnesota people are the salt of the earth.  New York people are loud and abrasive.  People in the deep south of America are uneducated and stupid.  People in New England are rich and stuck-up.

People in Mexico are lazy and stupid.  People in Japan are uptight.  People in Korea are behind the times.  People in England don't smile and are too formal.  People in Russia are gangsters and nasty.  People in France are abrupt and won't talk to you unless you speak French.  People in Italy are lazy, non-business like and never get anything done.  Women in Spain and some Latin America countries love sex.  People in Holland are big and friendly.  Women in Sweden are big, blond and beautiful. 

How many of the statements above are true?  From my US and International experience the women in Sweden are big, blond and beautiful and the people in Holland are big. All the other statements are stereotypes. 

"You Are What You Were Given."  People in California, Mexico and Italy aren't lazy it's just the pace is slower than places like New York City.  People whose parents, their parents etc. grew up in a place where things got done when they got done.  Where life was slower.  Where options were limited. Where money, ego and power were not the driving force in their life, these people will probably live the way their parents lived unless "What You Decide To Be" is something different.

The statement, New York people are loud and abrasive is both true and not true.  "You Are What You Were Given." New York city is small (based upon the number of people), loud (because of the traffic) and congested.  People have to dance around many, many people just to get where they're going.  You get frustrated because everyone is in a hurry.  You get desensitized to the people around you because someone will always be in your way.  

If you and your parents grew up in New York City or the other New York congested cities you probably are loud and abrasive unless "What You Decide To Be" is something different. 

If you grew up in others cities of New York life was very different.  I lived one year one month and four hours in Rochester New York (I guess I didn't like the weather).  I came from congested Philadelphia.  I was loud and sometimes abrasive.  That attitude didn't work in Rochester.  I decided to be something different.

Women in Spain and some Latin America countries love sex.  Just because they live in a warm clement and wear short, tight, colorful and sexy skirts doesn't make them sex maniacs.   I'm not saying they don't like sex (how would I know - right sweetheart), but I'm sure their sexual habits are no different than women in other countries.  

"You Are What You Were Given."  If your DNA and your upbringing pointed to being more sexual than you probably like sex more than someone with different DNA and different upbringing.  However, if "What You Decide To Be" is someone that gives sexual favors to get money, security or power, you're probably a hooker or someone that's married to a Sugar Daddy.  

People in France are abrupt and won't talk to you unless you speak French - flat out Bullshit!! I just came from France and the people were so nice.  I speak almost no French and yet I was able to do everything I wanted to do in Paris and the rest of France because the people were patient with me and tried to help.  

"You Are What You Were Given."  If you grew up with family that treated foreigners with disrespect you probably would treat others with disrespect unless "What You Decide To Be" is someone who loves life and gives respect to all the people they ever met in their life.  The more worldly you become, the more people you meet from different countries and cultures, the better chance you have to love and respect all the people in your life.

You know I could go on and on, but I won't because I believe you get my point.  If not, here it is:

We all have been given a specific DNA.  We all have been brought in a specific environment.  That's why  "You Are What You Were Given."  We all could just live the way our parents brought us up or the way our DNA makes us.  If you can have a happy and positive energy life with those two things - fabulous don't change a thing.  

However, if life is not a bowl of cherries for you, if what you were given isn't working for you, then you have to believe you have the power to create:

 "What You Decide To Be."