Young People Have Power Unless We Screw Them Up

Young People Have Power Unless We Screw Them Up

Young people are already changing the landscape regarding sexual orientation and ethnic issues.  They don't have the same hatred and prejudice their parents, neighbors, uncles and aunts had/have. They date and marry people from different ethnic groups. Black and white, white and yellow, yellow and brown, Jew and Christian etc. etc. etc. They're more color blind than the generations before them. They're more willing to accept people who are different from them.


Young people have power. A young group of people developed the pilot for the TV show Modern Family. This show has characters that are openly gay and adopted a child. In this show the gay couple's parents have a loving relationship with them and their child. Young people not only created the show, young people watch the show. The networks love young people watching their shows because they are the preferred audience. The networks get lots of money from advertisers who want to sell to young people. Young people have power unless we screw them up.


The Pope - that's right THE POPE, has backed off when it comes to gay people by saying: "who am I to judge."  He didn't do this because GOD sent him a mandate. He did this because is one of the smartest and realistic Popes we've had in a long time. He knows some of his Priests are homosexuals. He knows some of the church's Sisters are lesbians. He knows the Christian religion must bring more young people into the religion for it to have a future. Young people have power unless we screw them up.


Young people are changing the way we communicate. It's young people who created Apple, Google, Yahoo, Netflix, Amazon, etc. etc. etc. It's young people who, in the majority, use their products. These products have changed the way we communicate and get information. Young people will drive the communication and information age into the future. Yes, young people have power unless we screw them up.


Young people hate war. Young people don't feel as threatened by the outside world as older people. Young people are not as paranoid as older people. Young people don't want another Vietnam like war.  Young people will fight for their country. Yes, young people are joining the military, however, mostly because they can't get work at home or they want a career with good pay and benefits or they truly believe the United States way of life is threatened.


Very few young people really want to shoot other people or risk being shot themselves. I believe in far future generations young people will have the power to stop this madness unless we screw them up.


Young people like the idea of robots. Today they see robots as toys. They like controlling robots on their game controllers. Young people are already controlling military drones like it's an Xbox. In the far future young people will create and control everyday robots. These robots will change the way we live our lives, the way we build products and the way we do medicine. I like to believe it will be for the better. Young people have the power to do this unless we screw them up.


You might say: "how can us elders screw them up?" I can give you a few examples:

• A very young person is a sponge. They get their clues from the elders. If these elders push fanatical religious beliefs down their throat, they could turn out to be fanatical. If the elders push hatred, fear, prejudice, etc. into these young minds, these young people could turn out full of negative energy. Worse yet, if they do turn out that way, they will do the same destruction to their kids.
  
  
• If elders fill the airways with negative news, young people could have a negative attitude toward life. The Vietnam War was an insidious example. Every day the TV stations showed the killings. Every day the media sent a message that the United States could be destroyed unless we kill all the Vietnam terrorists. Fortunately, young people started asking the elders tough questions. When they realized the premises of the war was bullshit and they were being asked to risk their lives because of the paranoia of the elders, they ended the war.
  
  
  
  That's right, the elders didn't end the war by beating the enemy, they ended the war because the young people rose up and told them enough is enough.  Young people have power unless we screw them up.
  
  
• If the government elders start to believe the internet, the way we communicate, the amount of information that's available and/or robots are a national security problem, they could make laws to stop (or at least slow down) the electronic/robotic age. I truly believe this will never happen because young people have the power of the vote. Eventually, the young people will enter government and change any laws that restrict progress. Young people have this power unless we screw them up.

I'm an elder who loves and trusts young people. I know they want a better life than their elders as I wanted a better life as compared to my elders. Young people will make mistakes, but they will learn from their mistakes and change the future for the better. I'm counting on my grand children to be these future leaders. My son and daughter-in-law are encouraging my grandchildren to be positive citizens who will build a better future. They don't see themselves as elders and won't do anything to screw their kids up.

Young People Have Power. Young People Will Create A Better Future. All We Have To Do Is Get The Hell Out Of Their Way!!!

Androgynous

Joan Jett (born Joan Marie Larkin; September 22, 1958) is an American rock guitarist, singer, songwriter, producer and occasional actress. She has been referred to as the "Queen of Rock 'n' Roll" and a feminist icon many times throughout her career. In addition to her popular songs, Joan wrote songs that touched on sexual subjects that were way ahead of her time. You don't have to be a Rocker to enjoy Joan Jett's lyrics. Buy her albums and listen to the words.


The two songs I like best are Androgynous and ACDC. If they were written and performed today they would still get many negative reactions from many religious people, but the good news is the world is changing its views on these touchy subjects. Kids today are more tolerant to people who are different.


Below are a few lines from each song:

Androgynous

Here comes Dick, he's wearing a skirt

 

Here comes Jane you know she's sportin' a chain

 

Same hair, a revolution

 

Same build, evolution

 

Tomorrow who's gonna fuss?

        

And they love each other so, androgynous

ACDC

She got girls

Girls all over the world

She got men

Every now and then

But she can't make up her mind

On just how to fill her time

An' the only way she can wind

A.C.D.C.
 

She got some other lover as well as me

A.C.D.C.
 

She got some other fella as well as me

She got some other lover as well as me

In my latest book "Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient" there is a blog call "What Are They Afraid Of."  I really wish you would read that blog. It tells the truth and debunks the bullshit unknowledgeable people who have something negative to say about people who have a different lifestyle. 


In my blog "Where Is The Love" I ask (almost beg) all of you to find love in yourself and the people you spend time with. The reason is because we need all the love we can get to help reduce the bad stuff that's going on in the world. Finding a way to love those who are different from us is a great start.


Attitudes are changing. Young people have already realized hatred of people that don't believe in what they believe, don't have the same color as they do and don't have the same sexual orientation as they do, does not serve them nor anyone else who wants to live in a world without prejudice.


Young people will eventually change the world's view of tolerance. How long that will take I don't know, but it's going to happen. It always has and it always will. Are we going to wait for them to grow up and lead or are we willing to change NOW?


I've changed from when I grew up. There was significant prejudice to different people in my neighborhood. I got caught up in it myself. However, the person who helped me most was my mother. She loved everyone. She was blind to color, religious beliefs and sexual orientation.


As I got older I realized that the negative attitudes of the people in my neighborhood were not making things any better. I also realized my mother attitude was serving her and her happiness. Therefore, I decided to try it her way and found love, tolerance and lack of prejudice worked better than hatred and ignorance.


Where do you stand on this issue? Maybe I'm naïve, but I strongly believe the youth today and in the future will win out and the world will reject the naysayers and the haters. It won't happen in our lifetime, but it will happen.


I see my Grandkids as a good start, but, I'm not waiting for them. I do my best to never hate. I do my best to encourage those around me to realize negative energy begets negative energy and positive energy begets positive energy.

Let's be the source of positive energy and start the process of changing the world by accepting people who are different than us.

Dance Your Ass Off

Dance Your Ass Off

When I was young, dancing was a big part of my enjoyment. We always had parties where dancing was the expected entertainment. We had slow dancing, jitterbug dancing, bumping and grinding, disco dancing, dancing the twist and five different kinds of line dancing. We danced all night and sweated like Sumo Wrestlers. 


We ate and drank and sweated it all out before the party was over. We marveled at the best dancers and laughed at the ones who couldn't keep a beat. The music was infectious. The songs from the best groups were created to be dance music not just listening music. If the music had a great beat and was easy to dance to it sold well. Nobody really cared what the words were as long as the beat was right. Very few songs had deep intellectual messages.


The slow songs were love songs and the fast songs had very few lyrics. New groups created songs that would use different dance steps to make them popular. The Diamonds created The Stroll. Chubby Checker created the twist. Some of the kids created their own line dances and we would all follow their lead.


There were dance contests. There were dance TV shows like Soul Train and Bandstand. In those shows the kids on the show danced. They were the show. The best dancers were allowed to stay from show to show. I had my brief stint on Bandstand. I had to take three busses to get to the show after school, but, it was well worth it to be able to dance on TV. I really loved to dance. All the bullshit going on in my life and the world was gone while I was dancing my ass off.


Dancing was a big part of our lives and our happiness. Then the seventies and eighties happened. People stopped dancing and started listening to the words. It was a time in our history where young people were angry at the establishment and our country's politics. The Vietnam War was the catalyst for groups wanting to send a message. Although, this was the most meaningful time of young people's lives, it limited the number of songs that were just fun to dance to.


In the eighties and nineties, young and old people stopped having dance parties in their homes. They went to concerts where they just stood up and cheered. They went to venues (like Raves) where the music was so loud you couldn't talk to the person next to you. The crowd was so huge that all you could do was listen to the music and jump up and down. No more line dancing. No more new dance steps. No more bumping and grinding. Dancing was not the reason you got together - it was all about the music. You had to go to a wedding or a special event to dance.


Today, dancing is almost a lost art. Yes we have TV shows like "Dancing With The Stars," but now we're watching not participating. I guess nobody wants to sweat like Sumo Wrestlers anymore. Since I'm from the good old days, my wife and I have parties with our friends and play oldies and dance our ass off.  Everybody has a fabulous time dancing.


I believe the kids today would rather go to a party and just listen to very loud music while getting stoned.  The closeness you feel when slow dancing or even fast dancing with your friends is gone. Getting laid has replaced slow intimate dancing. I'm all for getting laid, but how about doing that after you had fun dancing your ass off.  You can do both.


Other than a party, where do 40 - 80 year old people go to dance? Very few places exist so we eat and drink at bars while listening to a piano or piped in music. Sometimes my wife and I get off our stool and find an open space, at the bar, where we can dance. People like watching us because they see we're having fun. However, in a bar with over a hundred people, two seniors and maybe one other couple are dancing. Everybody else is watching.


Dancing is great exercise, stimulating, embraces another human being and a shit lot of fun. We need to find a way to put dancing back into our lives. We need to get our kids to enjoy dancing. We need restaurants and bars to give some of their eating and drinking space to enable at least four couples to dance.

We need to sweat like Sumo Wrestlers while laughing and having fun Dancing Our Ass Off!

Where Is The Love

Where Is The Love

"Where is The love" is a fantastic song by the Black Eyed Pees. The lyrics are so powerful I get choked up every time I read them or listen to the song. I almost never list song lyrics without editing them. However, The Black Eyed Pees have created a message that should not be tampered with. I realize this song may bring negative emotions to some of us, but, the truth is the truth. We have to learn to deal with it and do everything in our power to change it.

The Black Eyed Pees create songs to make the world better. They care. Sooo, please, pretty please, go online immediately and get this song and the rest of all their albums.  

What's wrong with the world, mama

People livin' like they ain't got no mamas

I think the whole world addicted to the drama

Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma

 

Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism

But we still got terrorists here livin'

In the USA, the big CIA

The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK

 

But if you only have love for your own race

Then you only leave space to discriminate

And to discriminate only generates hate

And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah

Badness is what you demonstrate

 

And that's exactly how anger works and operates

you gotta have love just to set it straight

Take control of your mind and meditate

Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

 

People killin', people dyin'

                                

Children hurt and you hear them cryin'

                           

Can you practice what you preach

                              

And would you turn the other cheek

                         

Father, Father, Father help us

                          

Send us some guidance from above

                                

'Cause people got me, got me questionin'

             

Where is the love (Love)

                     

Where is the love (The love)

                     

Where is the love (The love)

             

Where is the love

              

The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged

New days are strange, is the world insane

 

If love and peace is so strong

Why are there pieces of love that don't belong

 

Nations droppin' bombs

Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones

With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young

 

So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone

So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong

In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'

in

 

Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends

Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother

 

A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover

The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug

If you never know truth then you never know love

Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)

Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)

Where's the love, y'all

 

People killin', people dyin'

                                

Children hurt and you hear them cryin'

                           

Can you practice what you preach

                              

And would you turn the other cheek

                         

Father, Father, Father help us

                          

Send us some guidance from above

                                

'Cause people got me, got me questionin'

             

Where is the love (Love)

                     

Where is the love (The love)

                     

Where is the love (The love)

             

Where is the love

              

The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder

As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder

 

Most of us only care about money makin'

Selfishness got us followin' in the wrong direction

 

Wrong information always shown by the media

Negative images is the main criteria

Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria

Kids act like what they see in the cinema

 

Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity

Whatever happened to the fairness in equality

Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity

 

Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity

That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under

That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down

There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under

Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found

 

People killin', people dyin'

                                

Children hurt and you hear them cryin'

                           

Can you practice what you preach

                              

And would you turn the other cheek

                         

Father, Father, Father help us

                          

Send us some guidance from above

                                

'Cause people got me, got me questionin'

             

Where is the love (Love)

                     

Where is the love (The love)

                     

Where is the love (The love)

             

Where is the love 

The love, the love

Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)

 

 

 

Ask yourself "where is the love."  If it's not inside you, do something about it NOW! Tomorrow is too late. If it's not coming from your job, friends, kids, family, spouse, relationship or the people you meet every day, take the steps immediately to change it.

 

We need all the love we can get. I need every one of you to ask "where is the love" and make every attempt to find it. If you find it, pass it on to everyone who will accept your love. We need the world to change. We need the world to become more loving and less hating.

 

We need everyone in the world asking "Where Is The Love." Where can I find it. How can I get it and how can I share it.

 

 

 

 

  



What's The Rush

What's The Rush

I expect young people to be impatient. They want to get older faster. They want to get a car ASAP. They want to get out of school before the bell sounds. They want a career before they're ready. They want a girlfriend or boyfriend so they can show him or her off and maybe get sex. They want money, power and ego rewards to be given to them sooner than their peers get theirs. They just want it all as fast as they can get it. What's The Rush!


As we get older, we should be slowing down. Not because we physically can't do "it" anymore, but because we realize that faster might not be better. We should be more focused on quality instead of quantity. We should take a step back and appreciate the good stuff around us instead of rushing through it unconsciously. We should spend more time planning instead of diving in. We should go for the brass ring when it makes sense rather than before we're ready. We should be patient when it comes to relationships, jobs and getting the things we deserve.  What's The Rush!


This is what we should be doing, but too many of us don't. It blows me away when I see a senior driving too fast or being impatient waiting on line or being pissed off when service is slow or having road rage when the car in front of them is driving too slowly.  What's The Rush!


I get the idea of trying to get as much life as soon as possible. However, impatience causes stress. Stress kills. Sooo, while these seniors are trying to get it all in, they are taking years off their life because they don't have patience. What's The Rush!


I'm a little ADD. I feel I need to be productive every minute of every day. Until I met my wife at 40, I was bouncing around trying to get everything done as fast as I could. Ellen, likes getting things done on time with quality. However, she also can spend hours just relaxing. In the years seeing how she manages her time, I've become less ADD and more willing to just lay back and read, watch TV, blog, play my guitar and take in the beauty of the surroundings where I live. I still don't like to procrastinate, but, basically I've realized What's The Rush!


People who lay back all the time are not getting enough out of life. People who are never satisfied are also not getting enough out of life. There has to be a balance. Live life at a pace that makes you happy. Live life at a pace that gets the major things done on time and slow down on the things that can wait. What's The Rush!


As I have always said, life is a journey that should be enjoyed as it happens. Sometimes it's better to let life come to you and sometimes it's better to go after life. Happiness comes when you know when to enjoy the former and when to enjoy the latter. Pushing yourself to go after life all the time because your impatient or fear you could be missing something, might not be in your best interest. What's The Rush!


If you see life as a continuum of events never knowing what might come next, you will either be stressed by the lack knowing or happy that life is going to bring some very interesting stuff to you in the future. If you just use today's life span actuary you will live until your mid-eighties. Subtract your current age and that's how many years of interesting stuff that's going to happen to you. Therefore, What's The Rush!


I'm going to live to the year 2038. I'll be 94. That gives me a whopping 27 more years of happiness. That gives me 27 more years of good and maybe bad shit happening to me. That gives me 27 more years of learning. That gives me 27 more years of appreciating. That gives me 27 more years of laughing. That gives me 27 more years of seeing how this crazy world will turn out. That gives me 27 more years with the people I love. That gives me 27 more years to be loved by the people who love me.

WOW 27 More Years - What's The Rush!!!  

Media Gone Wild

Media Gone Wild

One thing about retirement is you have a lot of time on your hands to watch, listen and read media stuff.  Some of the stuff makes me believe the media has lost its mind.  For example ads have gone wild.  If you listen or read car ads, you get the impression all cars are the same except for price. Not one ad lists the features and benefits of the car. You're expected to buy one because two ferry animals are bobbing and weaving to a fun song. I like the animals and the song, but what's in the car that is so compelling I should buy one. Another car ad expects you to buy their car because the tag line is "Zoom Zoom."


Prescription drug ads are the craziest. I am so bombarded with erectile dysfunction ads that I have to have a heart to heart talk with my penis every few days to make sure he is OK. Also, these ads only show two older people holding hands and making go-go eyes at each other while serine music is going on in the background. How is that going to convince me that by taking this pill little Johnny is going to stand up and salute when I need him to do so.


In addition, after the singing and dancing is over, the ad has someone speaking faster than a New York minute about all the side effects the drug is going to do to me. Hell, in print ads the product's ad is on the left page and the entire right page is dedicated to listing all the side effects. 


Lastly, does every drug have constipation as a significant side effect? Almost every ad for a prescription drug has constipation as the outcome of using the drug. At 68 I already have enough problems in the bathroom. I don't want a drug that helps my high blood pressure drug bind me up more than I already am. As a matter of fact, the more I have to push in the bathroom the higher my blood pressure. That might mean I need a higher dose of the drug that might stop me from going altogether.


Of course there is a solution, take another drug to help me go. However, that drug has side effects that might make me take another drug. The circle goes on and on and the Pharmaceutical companies are laughing all the way to the bank.


Then there are ads that I have no freaking idea what the hell they're selling.  They have beautiful images, great sound effects and good looking people. But, the only way you can figure out what they're selling is if you can understand the meaning of their tag line or look to the bottom right side of the ad to see the company's name. That might work if you know what the company sells. If you don't, just enjoy the art of the ad because you're not going to buy something you don't know what the hell it is. 


I spent many years in marketing and sales. The first rule of selling is to get the listener to clearly understand the benefits of your product. There are so many ads that never even bother with benefits. They just want you to be entertained by their ad in the hopes that will get you to buy. I think the media people are tricking companies into thinking entertainment sells. The reason I believe this is because as a marketer we always wanted to do creative work. Just telling the customer what the product does and the benefits of such is not very creative.


Now on the dark side, the media is all about eyeballs. The more eyeballs that see listen to or read their stuff, the more money they make. Putting a mass murderer and terrorist picture on the front of a popular magazine just to get more eyeballs is disgusting.  This full of hate individual looks like a rock star and this magazine (who is all about rock stars) is encouraging other lunatics to try to do bad things so they can get their picture promoted.  This is media gone wild to the extreme.


Now, what the hell dos all this have to do with happiness. Nothing if you're not constipated (just joking). However, truth be told media does have a significant effect on our lives. It's all over us and as hard as we might try we can't get away from it. The happiness issue is how we respond to this bombardment.


If our core is mostly happy, we won't let the media affect us in a negative way. If our core is happy, we will sift through all the bullshit and find the stuff that enlightens, motivates, informs and puts a smile on our face. If our core is shaky when it comes to happiness, I suggest you take everything said or printed in the media as a grain of salt and skip through the ads (DVRs rule) and/or turn the page or change the channel if the media is throwing negative crap at you.

You are in control of the media. The media is not in control of you. Get the most positive stuff you can out of the wild and crazy media.

  

Sustained Happiness Only Happens When You Truly Believe The Future Is Happy

Sustained Happiness Only Happens When You Truly Believe The Future Is Happy

You can be happy today. You can be unhappy today. The goal is to have more happy days than unhappy days. Easy to say - hard to achieve. I believe if you follow the messages I put out there in my blogs, you will find the happiness you seek.


The trick is to be able to hold on to that happiness once you get there. Most of my clients eventually reach their goal of happiness. It takes a lot of time and work on their part. Some take a few months and some take almost a year. The difference is their starting point, how willing they are to change habits that have been ingrained in them for their entire life, the amount of risk they are willing to take, the strength to let anger, frustration and hatred leave their body and the effort to step back, before they act, and say to themselves: "is what I'm doing or about to do leading to my goal of happiness."


After my clients climb up that steep mountain and begin to "see" the happiness that's available to them, they begin to believe they deserve that happiness and that they are in control of their happiness. Once that happens, I've done my work for the moment. However, because the problems they started with are so deep routed and strong, all of my clients come back to me when shit happens and they forgot how to use all the tools I've give them. 


There is nothing wrong when that happens. I expected it and help them through it. After reinforcing the tools they have in their bag, they are able to go back to their happiness with more knowledge about themselves than they had before. The intervals get longer the more times they find themselves calling me. I have clients that I don't hear from for over a year. They keep getting stronger, are in control of their happiness and don't need me for reinforcements.


It's a fabulous feeling on my part to either never hear from them again or to get a call just to say hello and see how I'm doing.  Being a Mentor is very fulfilling for me for two reasons. One, it feels great when I've help someone find happiness. Two, by giving them tools, I'm reminding myself what it feels like to be struggling with the happiness that had past me by for many, many years.


Yes, I to fall off the turnip truck when shit happens and need to recharge. Helping my clients helps "ME" recharge. 


Sooo, how do you ever reach a point when happiness is constant in your life? I've given a lot of thought about this and here are the elements I've come up with:

"Sustained Happiness Only Happens When You Truly Believe The Future Is Happy."

"Sustained Happiness Only Happens When You Truly Believe That If Problem(s) Come Up In The Future, You will Have The Happiness Tools To Get Through The Problem(s) Quickly And Get Back To The Happiness You Deserve."


The operative words are "Truly Believe."  We all want to believe. We all hope the happiness will continue. We hope no barriers to happiness will get in our way. But, all of that is wishful thinking. It's not practical to think shit won't happen in the future. However, if you "Truly Believe" that should the shit happen you will recover quickly, then you can truly believe that the future is going to be a happy one.


I believe I'm at that stage in my life. I believe my wife is at that stage in her life. I believe some of my clients are at that stage in their life. The question you have to ask yourself is: "are "you" at that stage in your life." If the answer is yes, you will live longer, love longer, and get all the greatness the Universe has to offer you.


If your answer is no or I don't believe so, keep working at it. Keep reading my blogs. Read my books. See a Mentor. Take charge of your happiness by doing all you can do to get yourself to the point where you are able to sustain happiness in your life.

I wish the world would understand that until everyone has achieved this goal, negative energy will continue to rule. We might not be able to change the entire world, but we can change ourselves.

Does Size Matter

Does Size Matter

If some of you are expecting this blog to be about sex you'll be disappointed. However, sex is a very important element in the search for happiness. Sex can be emotional or casual. Either way, if done right, it feels good and makes you happy. I rate sex pretty high on my happiness meter (for you perverts, a meter is way too long. A Hebrew National is about right).


OK, back to the purpose of this blog. People who are very tall have some advantages and some disadvantages. It's easy to have a presence when you're 6'4" or above (get my book "A True Leader Has Presence - The Six Building To Presence and you'll understand). A tall person walks into a room and right away he has a presence. However, after he (or she) open their mouth and speak their presence might be justified or destroyed.


A very short person has presence. That right, when a very short person enters a room full of people he or she are noticed immediately. But, like the very tall person, after he (or she) open their mouth and speak their presence might be justified or destroyed.  Let me tell you a true story:


While I was an executive at Xerox Corporation I decided to have a big party, at my house, for all my managers and employees. My two administrators (they were called secretaries' back then) were in charge of making the party a success. Janet was a tall woman with a lot of presence. Karen was a beautiful 5 foot 2 very bright administrator. Janet didn't have a significant other and was coming alone to the party. Karen had a husband who I invited.

When I told Karen to bring her husband Sol she said he probably won't come. I later found out from Janet that Karen and Sol didn't want to have Sol come to the party because he was a short person. It wasn't that they were embarrassed; it was they didn't want the other people at the party to feel uncomfortable. I immediately went to Karen and said that I insist Sol come to the party and if anyone was uncomfortable that was their problem.

Karen appreciated my words and said Sol would come. The two administrators came to my house about an hour before anyone else so they could set things up. Knowing they would be there shortly, I reminded myself that Sol was a short person and I had to make sure I didn't act weird when I saw him.

The doorbell rang and I knew it was them. I created a poker face so I wouldn't show any reaction when I saw Sol. When I opened the door I first saw Janet. I hugged her and thanked her for coming and helping out with the party. Karen was next to Janet and I embraced and thanked her also. After the embrace and with a concerned face, I said to Karen: "where's Sol." Karen, using her right index finger pointed down. I looked down and there was Sol. He wasn't short, he was really small. My poker face crashed and with a very embarrassed semi-smile I reached down and said: "Sol I'm so glad you came.


In case you're wondering, Sol was a dwarf. His brother was a dwarf and married Karen's sister. They had two normal size children.


As it turned out, Sol was the life of the party. Everyone was able to look beyond his size and enjoy his presence which he had a lot of. He was a musician and played our piano to everyone's delight. I on the other hand, couldn't help myself trying to figure out how the two of them screwed. Before you think I'm a pervert, I'm a very practical person and this was more of a physical thing than a sexual thing.


At one point during the party Sol said he had a small round trampoline next to the bed so he could run up and bounce his way up on the bed. That got a big laugh from everyone (including Sol) and made us like him even more. You see, Sol was comfortable in his body. He liked himself and proud of what he had accomplished in his life while dealing with a handicap. He didn't mind that others look funny or strange at him. He knew he was good enough and he married the best looking woman at the party who loved him dearly.


Now, on the other hand, I have a friend who has a size rule before she will go out with someone. She is taller than most women and if he is not at least her size or preferably taller she will not go out with him. If he is average height (5'6"-8"), she won't even take the time to find out what he is all about. I always joking said that she must have been bitten by a small person when she was young.


In this crazy world, tall people and short people have an advantage in society. Us average height people have to work harder to get and deliver a presence. I have a presence. My wife has a big presence. I don't envy tall or short people because they have a lot of negative things to cope with in life because of their size. I also don't judge anyone by their height. I judge them by the life I see in their eyes, the goodness in their heart and the words that flows out of their mouth.


When it's about people, size should not matter. Positive energy can happen to people of all sizes. Negative energy can happen to people of all sizes. Prejudging a person when you first meet them is wrong no matter what their size. I can also say the same based upon a person's looks, but that's for another blog.

Most average size people wish they were taller. I say, get your shit together, create a presence (again read my book), put positive energy into your life and love, love, love.

Gandhi Gets It

Gandhi Gets It

Let me start out by saying I am not a Gandhi zealot. I like material things. I like my scotch. I do meditate sometimes, but I don't sit home or in a quiet place and hum six hours a day. The fact is I'm so non-Gandhi because I go to Las Vegas every six weeks and get drunk and gamble. 


However, some of the sayings that come out of his mouth are all about what I've been trying to communicate in my blogs on happiness. Below are just two:


"Freedom Isn't Worth Having If It Doesn't Include The Freedom To Make Mistakes."


There are countries that will fine or even put you in jail if you make a mistake. There are corporations that will demote or even fire you if you make a mistake. There are religions that will excommunicate you if you make a mistake. You are not free if you live in such a country, company or church. 


There are friends, family or acquaintances that will hate you or mentally/physically punish you or sue you or never speak to you again if you make a mistake. You are not free if you stay involved with these people. 


Freedom of choice is what freedom is all about. There is no way to go through life without making a mistake. Some are small mistakes and some are large mistakes. Freedom is the capability of fixing, ignoring or learning from your mistakes. You should not let the outside world take that freedom away from you. 


If you fear the repercussions from making a mistake, you are not free. If you can live with your mistakes, decide to find a way to overcome your mistakes or be serious about never making the same mistake twice, you are free.



"As I Walked Out The Door Toward My Freedom, I Knew That If I Did Not Leave All The Anger, Hatred And Bitterness Behind I Would Still Be In Prison."


This quote from Gandhi really hits home for me and it should hit home for you. I can say:

"As I Divorced My First And Second Wife, I Knew That If I Did Not Leave All The Anger, Hatred And Bitterness Behind I Would Still Be An Unhappy Person."


I have preached in so many of my blogs that anger, hatred and bitterness will never serve you. It will only hold you back. It will suck the happiness from your soul. It will destroy relationships. It will make you physically ill. It will get you to see a negative future. It will make you someone that others don't want to hang out with. The Universe will not be on your side.


No matter what someone, some group or something has done to you, it is not worth the problems stated above to hold on to your anger, hatred and bitterness. I know it's hard to let go when you've been wronged. I know it's hard to let go when the outside world has hurt you or your country or your religion, but not letting go will make a bad situation worse.


Like I said above, I'm not a Gandhi lifer, but he has his shit together when it comes to some things we should pay attention to regarding our happiness.

Read Gandhi's writings and choose for yourself which ones will enhance your happiness. You deserve it!

 

 

 

Marriage I do - I don't

Marriage, I do - I don't

 

If there is one thing I'm overqualified to talk about its marriage. Two failed and one that is the Mother of all marriages. I realize I was extremely lucky with my third marriage, however, that marriage might have never happened without the education I received from the first two.


Let me start by giving you my definition of marriage:


Two people (man and woman, man and man, woman and woman) who are best friends, have decided to be monogamous with each other (I know there are marriages where the couples agree to have outside the marriage relations, but I don't believe that will work over the long haul), have the highest of trust with each other, love each other, each knows that the other will always be there for them and agree to have all the benefits and protections the states and government give to married couples. One last input, If you need a pre-nuptial don't get married because a pre-nuptial means you don't have all of the elements I stated above and therefore it's not in my definition of marriage.


My first two marriages did not live up to my definition of marriage and I believe that's why they failed. However, the knowledge I received from those marriages and the fact that my third marriage to Ellen is the best thing that has ever happened to me has enabled me to create my definition.


Ellen and I were together for four years before we decided to get married. In that time all but one of the elements in my definition was there. The last element was the one that got me to decide to get married "we agree to have all the benefits and protections the states and government give to married couples."  Ellen deserved to have these protections and benefits because I believed her love for me was unconditional.


That last element is why some people want a pre-nuptial. However, the purpose of the pre-nuptial is to circumvent the marriage laws given to us by the state and government. If you don't want your partner to have those benefits and protections, then your marriage will be a sham.


That last element costs me two kids, two homes and a lot of money. Therefore, you should be very clear what you're risking to get married. Again, if in any way you don't want to take that risk - DON'T GET MARRIED!!!!


Having kids is not a reason to get married. You can have kids, love your kids, raise your kids to the best of your ability and accept all the commitments with having kids without getting married. I don't think kids grow-up any better because their parents are married. Many times married couples have kids to try to keep their marriage together. IT NEVER WORKS. In most cases the marriage crumbles because of the stress of the marriage, the stress of the kids, the loss of spontaneity because of the kids and the lack of the marriage pillars described in my definition of marriage.


The best chance a kid has of growing up happy and successful is when to two people meet all my definitions of marriage and actually get married. However, if all that is missing from getting married is the last element (benefits and protections), those single but together people can raise fabulous kids.


Getting married because one of the adults says: "either marry me or we're over" IS NOT GOING TO WORK!  It might be OK for a few years, but in the long run someone is going to feel they were forced into the marriage. If you think the relationship will last longer because you're married - YOU'RE NUTS!


I believe when two people decide NOT to get married they have a better chance of a long loving relationship than two people who get married for the wrong reasons. When it comes to relationships (see my previous blog) the only thing marriage adds to two people falling in love, becoming best friends, being there for each other and mutual trust is the legal document that comes with marriage.

If you don't need the legal document - DON'T GET MARRIED! Just love and have fun with each other for as long as the relationship will last.