How To Get What You Want?

Ask For It!

How do you get what you want? Here are a few answers:

•  Ask for it
• Take action to get it (in my next blog)
• The reverse (in my next blog)

Ask For It

If it sounds so simple then why isn't it happening.  How many of you ask your spouse for sex - very very few.  How many of you ask your boss for a raise - not many.  How many of you ask your friends for help - very few.  How many of you tell your family what you truly think about their attitude and actions toward you - almost none.

None of us like being told NO.  However, too many of us are so insecure about getting a NO, we don't ask.  What if you ask your spouse for sex and he or she says not tonight.  How does that affect your standing as a human being - it doesn't.  You have a better chance of getting sex if you ask for it than if you wait for the other person to initiate it.  Many spouses would get excited if the other spouse asked for sex - I know I would.

Do you really believe your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or friend with benefits would be mad at you if you asked.  If you truly believe that, you are either with the wrong person or you're a wose.  Try it tonight - you really have nothing to lose.

Why not ask your boss for a raise?  He or she won't fire you.  She won't stop liking you.  Most likely he will respect you for asking. If you have done your homework and can present a good reason why you deserve a raise, the worse response you will get is: "not at this time."  That is not a NO.  Even if you get a NO, you will feel good about yourself for asking.

If you don't believe you deserve a raise, don't ask for one.  However, look into yourself as to why you don't think you deserve one.  If you realize that you're not that great at your job, that's being honest with yourself.  Don't feel bad your boss is not giving you a raise.  Just go about your job and look for one where you can excel and deserve a raise.

If you believe you are good at your job, but are too insecure to ask for a raise, read my blogs and get a positive energy mentor.  Do whatever you can to overcome your insecurity.  One way is to just walk into the bosses office, raise your head high and ask for the raise.  You might be shocked at the response.  Even if it doesn't go as you would like, you will feel better about yourself for asking.

Asking friends for help is a way to separate the true friends from the acquaintances.  Never ask friends for money.  Money screws up relationships.  However, asking friends for moral support when you are going through a tough time, is something you should consider.  If you get a NO or "don't have time right now," then reevaluate this friendship.  Don't refrain from asking for help because you don't want to lose a friend.  If you get a NO, this is not the friend you thought you had and it's time to move on.  You deserve true friends.  Hanging on to the bad ones will not make you happy and won't enable you to get what you want.

Family is a difficult situation.  My feelings are that family are just people you are related to - not people that are allowed to make you unhappy because of that relationship.  You need to ask them to stop treating you or other people in your life poorly.  They are not so special, that you have to put up with their crap.  You wouldn't let your friends treat you like that - or would you?  If you do, you don't think much about yourself. 

Losing a family member who doesn't love you just the way you are, is not like losing a limb.  If they don't want to exist in your positive energy - happy world, get rid of them.  However, before you let them go, ask them to be a better person toward you and others.  What's the worst that can happen - other family members will be mad at you.  If so, let them live with the idiot, but tell them you deserve better.

I'll cover the two other ways to get what you want in my next blog.

WAR - What Is It Good For

Today - Absolutely Nothing

If your expecting a left wing blog that war is never necessary - your wrong.  There have been wars that were necessary to preserve the life and freedom we Cherish today.

Without the civil war, minorities today would still not have freedom nor a voice.  The first and second World War needed fighting to stop evil from taking the entire western world's freedom and forcing us to live like the North Koreans live today.

However, once the atom bomb was developed and unleashed everything changed.  It was no longer about men and women fighting other men and women who have different ideologies.  It became who could destroy the earth we live on for reasons of ideologies, religious belief, holding on to sacred ground, past wars or other reasons that, I believe, they aren't sure of themselves.

It's not like they want our resources because the only way they can win a war is by blowing up all the resources.  It's not like they want slaves because the nuclear fallout will kill off not only the people they are fighting, but themselves.  It's not like they want power because there won't be anybody to have power over once we all drop the big one.

It's about saber rattling.  It's about, you have a big stick and now I have one also.  It's about fear not about future.  It's about status not about good living for all.

Does anybody think that any country who threatens the western world's way of life will be allowed to use a nuclear weapon?  Does anybody think that a country will risk their existence by using a nuclear bomb on another country?  If your answer is yes, you're a person who lives their life in fear and negative energy.

If your answer is no, then why are in Iraq, Afghanistan, etc.  These regional wars make no sense.  We are gaining nothing.  We are losing a lot.  These regions are going to do what they are going to do.  We have no control.  What are these wars good for - absolutely nothing!!

The best way to protect ourselves is the way Israel protects itself.  Israel may threaten war, but they are currently not in any war.  They don't have troops in countries that don't want them there.  They don't have troops fighting someone in a country (like the Taliban) that we are not sure are any better than the powers of the country they are supposedly defending.

What Israel's strategy is to use their resources to infiltrate countries that may do them harm.  They use covert operations to protect themselves.  Who do you think killed the Iranian scientists?  Instead of being visible with troops, they use their CIA like resources to stop people from gaining access to their country. 

Yes, they have a Homeland Security Agency like ours, but they use more of their resources to know what a potentially threatening group is planning and stopping it from doing harm before they can execute their plan.  If we had that kind of security we would have stopped the Twin Towers bombing.  If we had that kind of strategy, we would not need to be sending troops into harm's way. 

The world is a dangerous place.  We need to protect ourselves, but why can't we learn from our mistakes.  Did all the dying in Vietnam make our life better?  Did the war in Iraq make us happier?  Do we have more positive energy in our life because we are killing and being killed in Afghanistan?  If you're answering yes to these questions, please find a positive energy mentor. 

War had it's place in history, however it no longer does.  I can't live my life wanting to fight other people so I can feel safer.  I feel safe and will continue to feel safe until I know it's not safe (if that day ever comes).  I'm not putting my head in the sand. I just don't want to live a life worrying about something that might happen, but is not happening now.

I see a positive future not a negative future.  War is not in my positive future.

What's Love Got To Do With It

In a simple word - everything.

Love of life, love of spouse, love of girl/boyfriend, love of friends, love of family, love of job, love of health, love of food, love of animals, Love of weather (I love a good rain. some people love snow) and love of blogging (that's me).  How many more could you add.

I could change the word love for passion and it would mean the same.  It is critical to have love and passion in your life.  Your physical and mental health improve when you have love and passion in your life.  Your relationships with spouse, friends, family, etc. improves when you have love and passion in your life.  Your happiness improves when you have love and passion in your life. 

In my opinion it all has to start with a true love and passion for life.  Too many of us just go through the motions of life.  Some of us just want to get through the day.  How many of you wake up in the morning and feel like you're going to have a great day, a great month, a great year and a great life.

Unless people have a serious disorder (like being bipolar or manic), depression comes from not thinking that life is wonderful.  Thinking that there is a better life beyond this one means that this one is not good enough.  This is the one you know.  The other one is just heresy.  How passionate can you be about life if you're counting on a better one after your dead.

What does it mean to have a love and passion for life?  It means you want to get the most out of it.  You look forward to what life is about to give you every day.  You are willing to deal with the difficulties of life because you believe the good stuff will outweigh the bad.  You can't wait to try new things.  You are willing to take risks that will lead to a better life.  You are willing to make changes to create a better life.

Once you have a love and passion for life, you start having a passion for other things that life gives you.  New friends, new relationships, new jobs, new challenges, etc. 

What does life mean to you?  Are you bogged down by the weight of life or are you lifted up by the opportunities of life?  Don't you believe that loving life is important to your happiness?  If you do than why don't you have a passion for all the things I stated above?

Life is hard.  It's easy to give in to the negatives all around you.  It takes guts to say: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."  It takes guts to believe you have the power to create a better life.  However, it doesn't take guts to have love and passion in your heart. 

Take a step back and think about your life.  If you have the love and passion I'm discussing here, you are a happy person.  You are someone that others want to hang out with.  You are someone that others want to be like.  You are someone that wants to give positive energy to the people that have little.

If you are someone that doesn't love nor have a passion for the things I mentioned above, then immediately find the person who does.  The more of those people who are part of your life, the better chance you have to create the love and passion, I believe, we all want.

As I always say - You Deserve It!!!

What Are You Doing Today To Enhance Your Happiness

Today is today.  Tomorrow is tomorrow.  "Is what I'm doing today leading me to a happier life," should be your mantra.  "I'll deal with that tomorrow," is putting your head in the sand.  Making today the best day of your life should be your goal.

When you wake up in the morning do you think about what you could do that day to enhance your happiness?  Do you wake up in the morning and think about all the negative things that might happen that day?  If the answer is the former - you get it.  If the answer is the latter - read on.

If you think you have some or most control what is going to happen today - you get it.  If you think you have no control of what is going to happen today - you will never be a happy person.  The fact is you do have some or most control of what is going to happen today if you are willing to take the action required to control your day.

Here are just a few examples (please challenge yourself to think of examples that are real to you):

You wake up in the morning and think about your day.  "I'm not going to eat breakfast today because I think I'm gaining weight.  I have this no fun high stress job I have to spend eight hours enduring. I have no plans tonight so I'll go home get some take-out, watch some TV and go to bed."

Now, take that same situation and start out your day this way: 

"I going to eat a small breakfast today because I'm going out to a great lunch with one of my co-workers.  I'm gain a little weight, but I have it under control.  I never have and never will let it become a problem.  My job is not the best and it does have a lot of stress, but it does pay me a decent wage that I'm using to save for a new car.  I've been looking for a better job and I know that if I keep looking and speaking to people, something will pop up.  I don't have anything going tonight so I'm just going to look forward to pizza.  I treat myself to pizza once in awhile because it makes me happy.  After dinner I can't wait to watch my favorite TV shows.

In both examples it's the same day with the same issues, but one person sees this day as a negative and another sees that day as a positive.  It's like the pony story; "two kids go home from school.  When they get to the living room, they see a pile of shit in the middle of the floor.  One kid says: "Oh no, mom is going to think I put it here and she is going to ground me."  The other kids says: "wow, dad bought us a pony."  Which kid are you?

You have control of your thoughts.  You have more control of your actions than you think.  You can decide to think of today as a negative or a positive.  Positive thoughts will help you become a happier person. Negative thoughts will drag you deeper into the abyss. 

Be honest with yourself.  Look at the way you see your life.  Decide what kind of person you want to be.  Nobody who is sane wants to be unhappy.  Nobody who is sane wants to have a bad day.  believe it or not, your day can be a happy day if your mind sees the positive in that day instead of the negative.

Don't think you can do this any time you want.  "I'm going to think positive tomorrow doesn't work."  You must start today.  It's a brain exercise that must to be reinforced every day.  The more you think this way (every day) the easier it becomes.  Believe me when I say, by doing so, someday you will wake up and see the day as positive without thinking about it.

Please start today - you deserve it.

Two Old Jews

It's Wednesday and I'm going to Wolfgangs with my wife and my true friend Kenny.  We enjoy Wolfgangs because we love the bartenders, the manager, the food, the friends we know and the new friends we are about to meet.  However, the best part of my Wednesdays and Fridays at Wolfgangs is laughing with Kenny.

We consider ourselves two old Jews.  The reason is because we are two old Jews.  We both have that Mel Brooks - Carl Reiner sense of humor.  I say something and Kenny says something funny back - ba rump ba bomp bum.  he says something and I shoot something funny back - ba rump ba bomp bum.

We laugh about almost anything and everything.  Trouble taking a crap at our age is not out of bounds.   having CRS (can't remember shit) makes us laugh.  We meet people at the bar all the time, however five minutes after we meet a person, Kenny will say to me: "what was his name."  I'll think for a few seconds and say back: "I have no clue."  We both get hysterical.

Kenny loves to make shit up.  I love calling him on it.  He meets a new person and starts telling her he is a marathon runner.  Sometimes, he likes to tell them he's ZEN.  I get great pleasure telling the person he is bullshitting: "please don't believe a thing Kenny says."  This gets Kenny all worked up.  He immediately starts defending himself.  "I did run the marathon (he did, but who knows how long ago - he's old you know). 

Then he starts defending his ZENness.  Kenny does have ZEN like qualities, but he's far from a person who lives his entire life like a true ZEN person would live.  The fun for me is challenging him when he makes shit up.  I get hysterical listening to him defending himself to the person next to him that he only met ten minutes ago.

Kenny loves to be an instigator.  he gets great pleasure saying things that gets me in trouble with my wife or someone I meet at the bar.  We love making fun at each other in front of other people.  We get anybody in listening range to laugh at the both of us.

We embarrass each other.  We denigrate each other.  We yell at each other while we are laughing at each other.  When it's over we high five each other and remind ourselves we're just two old Jews.

What Would You Do If You Won The Lottery?

The chances of anyone winning the lottery is so remote that it is ridiculous to even think about what you would do if it happened.  However, your choices do have something to say about who you are, what you value, what is important in your life and what changes you think will make you happier.

In a capitalistic system money gives you freedom of choice.  Most people would use that money to choose the things they believe will make them happier.  The point is, are you sure you know what would make you happier?  Assuming there are things in your life today that don't make you happy, then your belief is the money will change those situations.

Therefore, it is important to take a step back and think about the things in your life that are making you unhappy.  If money would solve those problem - great.  However, most problems in life can't be solved with money.  Also, the chances of you hitting the lottery to get the happiness solving money is more than remote - it's no f-ing way.

I truly believe you can solve most of your happiness problems without a money windfall.  I did and write my blogs so you can also.

Sooo, assuming you can have a happy life without winning the lottery, then what would you do if you did.  It makes me feel good thinking about it so here are the first things I would like to do.

I have a housekeeper who has worked for us for many years.  She is getting older.  She has a bad back.  She's had two foot operations.  She is very religious and is happy she has the support of the church.  I would love to help her stop working and give all her energy to the things she loves most - her family and the church.

I have friends I grew up with that have been very good to me when I needed them the most.  They can live out the rest of their life without my help, but don't have the financial security I would love them to have.  I know not having money worries would make them very happy.  Their happiness would make me even happier.

I feel the same about my son, my wife and me.  I don't need to buy more stuff, but it would be nice to go to sleep knowing my wife and I are safe from financial disasters.  Security is probably the biggest thing most people want.  Security in your relationships is something you can control.  Security in your friendships is something you can control.  Security in your job is something you have some control over ( assuming it's a job you like). 

Financial security is something you have some control of if you've been prudent with your money.  You have to appreciate and respect money at a young age.  If you wait until you're older it may be too late.  It's critical to create financial security without preying you're going to hit the lottery. 

How much money you need to feel secure is the issue.  In my blogs I make it clear you will always have food to eat, air to breath and shelter.  Everything else is cosmetic.  Spending on stuff you don't need at the expense of feeling financially safe is not happiness.  Being addicted to financial security is not happiness because you will never have enough.  Preferring financial security is happiness.  If you prefer it than run your life in a way you will have it.  The lottery will not save you. 

I don't worry about my financial security because my wife and I planned for it.  However, as my father would say: "hitting the lottery wouldn't hurt."

I would love to be able to financially make a difference against the war on cancer.  I've lost too many loved ones to that horrible disease.  It pisses me off that this country spends billions to go to mars and almost nothing to cure cancer. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I like thinking about the things I would do if I had millions.  I would love to have a driver so I could go to see my friends at our bar and not worry about drinking too much.  My wife and I love to throw parties, but it's expensive and it would be better if we had more space.  We do it as often as we can, but dreaming about being able to throw more great parties makes me happy.

I don't need more cars, clothes, jewelry, etc.  I'm more than happy with what I have now.  My focus on hitting the lottery is helping the people I love, financial security for my family and friends, curing cancer, having a driver and throwing more parties.  Those are the things that would make me happier than I am right now.

What would you do?  Think about it because it might bring out things in your life that you could solve without hitting the lottery.

Thank You For Your Patronage

My first book, "Never Buy a Hat If Your Feet Are Cold - Taking Charge of Your Career and Your Life" was easy to write.  I was doing lectures on the subject and wanted to get a gig at UCLA.  The first thing the person responsible for booking lectures asked me was: "are you published."  I realized then that being a published author gave a person credibility.

In a few months I was able to transform my forty pages of notes into a one hundred and eighty page book.  I loved writing it and was very lucky to get it published.  The book didn't make me rich, but it felt great for many reasons. 

Having a sense of accomplishment is extremely rewarding.  It made me feel good enough.  At that time of my life ( going through a difficult divorce), I needed that.  I strongly suggest that everyone accomplish (finish) something as often as possible.

Having over twenty thousand people reading my book made me happy.  Some of them sent me comments of appreciation.  That made me believe I could write another book.  It got me lecture gigs.  Lecturing made me happy.  It helped me realize I could be a excellent mentor to people who were going through life not happy with their career and/or their life.

My second book, "The Year of My Death" took over a year to write and longer to publish.  This was a story inside me that had to come out.  Knowing what I wanted to say and putting it in writing are two different things.  Writing the story made me very happy, however the editing was tedious.  By the hundredth time I reedited the manuscript I was sick of reading the story. 

In the end, the book was finished and I was very proud of what I had written.  The people who I knew loved the story.  Some even realized that it was as much of a love story as it was a thriller.  That was my goal and getting that feedback made me feel I had a knack for writing.  Again, when I was done and it sold, I got all the accomplishment and goodness feelings I received from my first book.

My third book, A True Leader Has Presence - The Eight Building Blocks To Presence" took even longer to write and publish.  It was a culmination of all the things I learned about leadership in my thirty years of business.  I wrote it for anyone who wanted to become a leader.  I did not write it for me. 

My first book was written to help me.  The more positive energy I could put on the page, the more positive energy I got back.  I was going through a interesting life.  Some of it good and some of it bad.  helping people get through their downs was also helping me get through my downs.

My second book was a labor of love.  I loved that story.  It was inside me for many years.  I didn't care if anybody read it because it was a great story.  The fact that they did, was icing on the cake.

My third book was information I had and decided to give to anybody who would read it.  It was not a labor of love nor was it a positive energy reminder to me.  It's a great book on leadership and I'm proud I wrote it, but I won't do that again.  As a matter of fact, it taught me that writing has to be fun and fulfilling.  It takes a great deal of effort (especially through the editing process) and that energy has to have a positive return.  I will not write another book unless it will make me feel good.

Six months ago I wrote a treatment on a story that was burning inside me.  I showed it to a few friends and they loved it.  They wanted me to write it.  After thinking about the effort I would have to give to put this interesting story on the page, I decided to put it on the back burner.

Once I made that decision, I thought about blogging.  The thing I care about most is happiness.  I truly believe that happiness is the forgotten ingredient of life.  I wanted to tell as many people as possible what it means to put happiness into their life.  I wanted to help people get more positive energy into their life.  Blogging was going to be my vehicle.

The things I love most about blogging is I can accomplish something in a few hours not months or years.  I'm in control of the publishing process.  A blog needs to be edited a few times not a hundred.  I'm reaching a large audience.  I get feedback right away.  I'm encouraged to keep blogging because you keep reading my writings.  If I can help just one person to have a happier life, I'm the happiest guy on the planet.

I will write my other story.  It's too good to leave in my head.  However, for now, I'm very happy blogging because of you.  That's right, I'm blogging for you because I want the world to focus on happiness not anger and frustration.

Thank you all for giving me positive energy.

Who's Your Baby's Daddy

My friend Kenny laughs at me because I watch the Maury Povich show while I'm riding my spin bike.  If you've never watch the show, it is a reality show where, for the most part, has real people trying to find out who is the father of their child.  Sometimes, it's a woman who cheated on her husband or boyfriend and the child might not be his.  Sometimes, it's multiple women who are blaming one guy for fathering their children. Sometimes is a woman who brings on multiple guys to find out who's the baby daddy.

It's kind of fun waiting for Maury to read the DNA chart and saying: "John YOU ARE the father."  When that happens the woman jumps up and gets into the guy's face and yells: "I told you so."  The guy is usually depressed that he has a child and yells back: shut up bitch."  I guess these two are not going to be great parents.

When Maury says: "John YOU ARE NOT the father," the guy jumps for joy and yells at the woman: "I told you so and now get away from me you ho."  The woman cries and has to be consulted by Murry who is telling her he is willing to help her find the real father (on another show of course).

Today, in the wake of an insensitive, crude, uninformed and just not nice radio commentator, I took a step back and could not find the fun in the predicament these people find themselves in.  What a radio commentator should be talking about is the impact on the mother and father of the child.  Instead of the blame game, he should be telling them the importance of focusing on the child.  It's not important who's the baby's daddy.  What's important is are these people able to take care of a child.  Are these people willing to give up a lot of spontaneity (see my previous blog) to care for and love a child.

But no, this commentator is focused on why a woman should not have access to birth control if they can't afford it.  His ignorance blew me away when he called a woman who supported birth control a slut and a prostitute.  He said that a woman who wants to have sex all the time should not have access to free birth control.

Besides being against women's rights (he's had four wives), he has no clue that women use birth control for health reasons other than avoiding pregnancy.  Also, he has no clue that the pill is not like Viagra or a condom.  A woman does not feel like having sex today and takes a pill.  A woman takes a pill on a daily basis to prevent pregnancy and/or to minimize the affect of the pain when having their period. 

It's one thing for him to denounce birth control - it's another for him to say that women should not have a choice.  On top of that, he says that should a woman take that choice, she must be a slut or a prostitute.

Ok, so what does this have to do with the Maury show.  I strongly believe that if the men and women on his show were taught at home, school, friends, etc.  on the availability of birth control and the life changing effects on the parents who have a child, he would no longer have a show.

I feel bad that I can no longer enjoy Maury's show like I used to.  Now I have to find a show with positive energy.  Unfortunately, the state of TV today, that's not going to be easy.  I guess I'll be watching the NFL channel or UGH baseball while I'm spinning away.

I Love Las Vegas

Las Vegas gets a bad rap.  People call it "sin city."  Ads say: "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."  That statement leads to the thought that bad stuff is going on in Vegas.  If you go to Vegas you must be cheating on your spouse.  This attitude toward Vegas is not true.

I don't belong to the Las Vegas Chamber of Congress nor the Las Vegas Community.  I'm a transplanted Philly boy who lives and loves in California.  However, I've been going to Vegas for over twenty five years.  Since I've retired, I've been going to Vegas on average seven times a year.

Why Vegas?  separating the fact that I live only a hour away (by air) or four hours away (by car) from Vegas, there are many reasons I love Vegas.  When I was a business executive my life was meeting after meeting.  My ten to twelve hours a day was scheduled. I was run by the clock on the wall. 

There are no clocks in Vegas.  None of the hotels display a clock anywhere.  Even better, unless you go outside, you have no idea what time of day it is in Vegas.  The casinos make sure they tint the few windows so that the gaming, spa, lounges, bars, etc. areas look the same at eight AM and eight PM.

In Vegas I can eat dinner at Two in the afternoon or two in the morning.  I can get drunk at one in the afternoon or one in the morning.  I can just do what I want to do when I want to do it.  No scheduling - total control.  That makes me very happy.

Vegas is international. If you never have the chance to visit cities around the world or only have been to a few, Vegas has them all. Go to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower. Go to Italy and take a ride in a gondola. Go to Egypt and see the pyramids. Go to New York and enjoy the city. All of this is in walking distance or a short taxi ride around Vegas. I've had the great opportunity to have visited these cities, but seeing them again puts a big smile on my face.

Vegas can be inexpensive.  You can eat all day for $500 a day or  $19.95 a day.  You can see great shows for $300 or $25.  You can get a beautiful room for $500 a night or $19.95 a night.

The way to gamble and not lose your shirt is simple, but hard for some people.  Look at gambling as entertainment.  When you go on vacation you reserve enough money for airfare, hotel room, food and entertainment.  In New York you can't stay at a nice hotel for less than $200 - $300 a night.  Food is expensive.  Entertainment is expensive.  In Vegas, you get to decide.  You can stay at a nice hotel for little money and use the difference to gamble.  You can eat great for little money and use the difference for gambling.  You can spend less on entertainment or don't spend any money at all on entertainment and use that money on gambling.

I make those choices every time I'm in Vegas.  Do I want to see a show for $300 or play the penny machines for hours for $300.  Do I want to eat a $200 meal or play blackjack for $200.  The choice is yours - you are in control.  Control makes me happy.

The way I work this out is to reserve, per day, a certain amount of money for hotel, food, entertainment and gambling.  The trick is never spend more than that amount "per day."  If I lose that money on gambling on any given day, I go back to the room and watch TV or read or eat a hamburger instead of an expensive dinner. 

Never convince yourself you can spend more than your daily allotment because you will spend less the next day or worse yet, make it up on gambling the next day.  That attitude is how people lose more money than they can afford.  People that do that don't have fun in Vegas and think it's Vegas' fault - it must be because it's sin city. 

Remember, you are in control.  You decide your happiness.  Vegas is a way to enhance your happiness if YOU make it so.