Have You Laughed Today?

I find something to make me laugh every day.  Not every minute of every day, but for sure every day.  My wife and my friends think I'm strange because I watch Jerry Springer while riding on my spin bike.  I know it's all made up bull....., but it makes me laugh.  When the audience starts screaming "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry" I'm raising my arms and screaming with them.


Am I stupid for watching the show - NO!  Why, because laughing makes me happy.  Laughing releasing endorphins in your frontal lobe that controls your mood.  When laughing, these endorphins release stress and create a positive attitude.  Endorphin release happens when you do other things (some positive and some negative).  Exercise releases endorphins, eating sweets releases endorphins, doing drugs releases endorphins, true love releases endorphins and great sex releases endorphins.


I vote for laughter, exercising, love and sex.  One of the reasons some people get addicted is because they crave the endorphin rush.  If I'm going to get addicted I want it to be because I'm laughing too much, exercising too much, loving too much and having too much sex.


Not all of us have control over how much we exercise.  Illness, broken bones, work and family, etc. etc. can limit the amount of exercise we get.  Not all of us have control over how much we love.  Growing up in a very bad situation makes some people put up so many barriers that they find it hard to love.  Not all of us have control over how much sex we get.  The reason is because it takes another person involved to have great sex.


Sooo, if we can't control how much exercise, love and sex we have, then why not focus on the thing we can control - laughter.  There is always enough time to laugh.  There is always enough things going on that can make you laugh.  The issue is, do you go looking for laughter or are you hoping it will just happen?  Do you view life as being so hard that there is no laughter out there?  Do you believe that laughing won't change a thing in your unhappy life?


I hope you are not one of those people.  I hope you realize that laughter will give you positive energy which will lead to a happier life.  I hope you seek out positive energy people that make you laugh.  I hope you become one of those people by laughing a lot.  I hope you start out each day looking for things to laugh about instead of waiting for the outside world to make you laugh.

It's easy if you don't make it hard.  Remember, if all else fails, you can always record Jerry Springer and laugh you ass off while cheering "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry." 

Relationships

I've been through many relationships.  Three wives, girlfriends, friends and family.  Each relationship is like fingerprints - all different.  The one thing I believe is critical is that relationships are critical to life.  Good relationships make you happy.  Bad relationships should create a learning experience so you won't make the same mistake twice.  If you take a positive attitude toward a bad relationship, you can appreciate the experience and turn a negative into a positive.


Good relationships take effort on your part.  Expecting the other person to make the relationship work just doesn't work over the long hull.  The best relationships are ones where both parties give at least half.  The best relationships are ones where both parties communicate their hopes, dreams, loves, happiness and sadness to each other.  The best relationships are ones where both parties root for the other party to succeed and find happiness.  


The best relationships are ones where both parties support and protect each other from the negative outside world.  The best relationships are ones where both parties accept the quirks of the other party and love them just the way they are.  The best relationships are ones where both parties don't expect the other party to run their life.  The best relationships are ones where both parties don't make loans to the other party.  The best relationships are ones where both parties find a way to have fun with each other.


If you are in a one way relationship, eventually you will resent it and when the slightest problem occurs, the relationship starts to fall apart.  If you are in a one way relationship and the dominate party disappoints the other, The relationship starts to fall apart.  If you are in a one way relationship you lose your identity - no identity - no happiness.  If you are in a one way relationship it's hard to be heard - no voice - no happiness.


The bottom line, one way relationships just don't work over time.  Some people take a long time to figure it out.  They don't want the relationship to end so they make themselves believe that things will change.  Some people figure it out and realize it will never change, but they stay in the relationship because they have no confidence that they will find a better one. Those people will never be happy positive energy people.


I was in such a relationship with a friend when my true friend Kenny (yes the other Kenny) said to me:  "Kenny, you have to divorce this friend."  I never thought of it as a divorce, but he was and is right.  I divorced two of my wives because the relationships stopped meeting the criteria of the "best relationships" stated above.  However, I never thought that ending a relationship with a friend or family member was a divorce.  The fact is, Kenny is right, it is a divorce and has all the heartache and headache of a divorce.


The goal of any relationship should be to try to make it work.  Good relationships are good for your soul and your happiness.  If the other party makes a mistake (even if it's a big one), don't give up on the relationship because you're angry.  Anger is negative energy and will only bring more negative energy to the relationship.  


You can be the one to forgive and forget.  Forgiving and forgetting is positive energy and will make you a happy person.  Obviously, if the other party continues to screw up, the relationship is over.  However, if you can end it without anger and frustration, you are the big winner.  Ending it with anger and frustration just so the other party should feel bad, does not serve you and your happiness.  Always remember:

HAPPINESS IS THE FORGOTTEN INGREDIENT IN LIFE.

IS WHAT I'M DOING OR ABOUT TO DO LEADING ME TO MY HAPPINESS.  IF NOT DO SOMETHING ELSE (LIKE FORGIVING AND FORGETTING)!!!

Word Of The Day - Frustration

One of the definitions of frustration is: "a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs."


I found it interesting that Webster relates frustration to insecurity.  After much thought, I can understand it on some level.  What I'm sure of is frustration leads to anger and anger leads to unhappiness.  Therefore, I was going to make this blog about why you should take frustration out of your life.  Simply said: less frustration - more happiness and more frustration - less happiness.


What I didn't plan on writing about was why some people get frustrated.  People who are happy in life don't expect the outside world to make them happy.  People who are unhappy in life are only happy when the outside world gives them what they want.  However, much of the reason some people live via the outside world is because they are insecure.  


When I first went to my mentor, he asked me: "why are you seeing me."  My answer was: "well, if everybody would stop treating me like this, I would not need to see you."  It took me a year to understand why that statement was supporting my frustration with life and making me unhappy.


If you get frustrated when your friends, spouse, family members, boss, co-workers, etc., etc. do things that frustrate you, think about why you are getting frustrated.  You don't want to get frustrated.  You know that being frustrated doesn't make you happy. Soooo, why not just stop getting frustrated?


The answer could be the root of your frustration in the first place.  Nobody wants to admit they are insecure.  They believe that if they are insecure there is something wrong with them.  They believe that if they are insecure they are not good enough.  The facts are that all of us are insecure to some degree.  To some degree our parents were insecure when we were young and they passed it down to us (as their parents passed it down to them).


When someone says to you: "you're insecure," do you get a pain in your gut?  If you do it's because your are insecure.  Do you try to defend yourself if they say: you're insecure?  The more you defend the more insecure you are. The more experience you get the more confidence you get.  The more confidence you get the more secure you get.  Don't hate your insecurity because the more you resist the more your insecurity will insist. Accept the level of insecurity you have and know that you will be more secure in the future. 


Insecurity makes it hard to stop getting frustrated.  People who have no patience get more frustrated than people who have more patience.  Maybe people who have less patience are more insecure.  I'm not sure, but when I was young, I had little patience and was frustrated a lot.  Now, I am much more patient and get frustrated a lot less.  I'm also much more secure within myself than I was when I was younger.


I get more frustrated with myself because I know I can do better.  I get much less frustrated with the outside world because I don't count on them making me happy and I now know that I will recover from anything they throw at me.  My security and confidence in myself has led to a happier life.  After reading the definition of frustration for the first time, I'm a believer that my security and confidence in myself has made me less frustrated in life.


My previous blog(s) deal with insecurity and the affect it has on your happiness.  Please reread them because if you can fix some of your insecurities you will probably be less frustrated.  

Less frustrated - more happiness!!! 

  

Word Of The Day - Patience

Maybe you've heard of the old joke:  "two vultures are sitting on a high mound in the desert looking at a person dying of thirst and exposure.  One vulture says to the other: "patience hell, I'm going to kill that sucker."

Patience when it comes to your happiness is a double edged sword.  If you are too patient life will pass you by.  If you have no patience at all, the stress will leave you unhappy.  Therefore, where is the balance?  Are you in balance?  Do you know yourself well enough evaluate your patience level?  Do you know situations well enough to know when to be patient and when not to be patient?

As you can see, I'm putting the patience meter on YOU!  I know my patience meter.  I know my patience balance.  I know the answer to the questions above - do YOU?  Happiness is the forgotten ingredient in life.  Patience plays a significant role in your happiness.

They say patience comes with age.  For me, that statement is true.  I didn't have any patience before thirty.  It affected my happiness in business and personal life.  Forty is when I started to understand that being impatient was not making me happy.  At thirty, I had little or no patience with my kids, my wife, car drivers, stupid people, incompetent service people, my bosses and my employees.  My impatience not only stressed me out, it also stressed out the people I was dealing with.  This made all of us unhappy.

Around forty I started to realize that the outside world will not always act or do what I wanted them to do.  Stupid people don't want to be stupid - it's just their DNA.  Hiring incompetent people is my fault.  Hire someone else.  Car drivers just don't care about other car drivers so what is the sense in being impatient with them - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!  Kids are just that - Kids.  Their impatience meter is off the chart.  Therefore, the more patient I became with them, the more patient they became.  The same is true with your spouse.

Being impatient with my bosses did not work.  I realized that I had two choices. One, accept that these bosses were not going to move at my pace and find ways to encourage them to move faster.  Two, realize that I can't live with their pace and knowing it will not change, move on to a different job that has different bosses or find another company that might have better bosses.

In my long career I did both.  I took different jobs within the company to work for people that were on par with my patient meter.  Some of these jobs were deemed a demotion by others. I saw them as a happier work environment which led to getting more done and getting promotions.  I left Xerox to go to a smaller more aggressive technical company because I could not live with the pace of Xerox's upper management. I gave up a lot of money and security, but I gained a lot more happiness.

You may say: "why do I have to be patient?  Why can't they stop treating me like this?  The answer is simple - happiness.  Not my happiness.  Not their happiness.  YOUR HAPPINESS!!

before you react, take a deep breath and consider if your impatience will lead to your happiness.  Impulsive reaction to situations or people usually leads to overreaction - which usually leads to impatience - which usually leads to unhappiness.

Now, because I'm the one writing this blog, I get to talk out of both sides of my mouth.  The side of the "patience" double edge sword is being too patient.  I would not have achieved senior level positions in business if I was too patient.  I would not have been able to get the most out of my employees if I was too patient.  I would have never left my first wife if I was too patient.  that would have led to years of unhappiness.

The bottom line is understand your patient meter.  try to get you patience/impatience in balance.  Not too much - not too little - just right.  Lastly, focus on your happiness.  Be patient if it makes you happy.  Be impatient if it makes you happy.  Don't be patient if it makes you unhappy.  Don't be impatient if it makes you unhappy.  Happiness is your goal because:

YOU DESERVE IT!!!

Word Of The Day - Negotiation

Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties, intended to reach an understanding, resolve point of difference, or gain advantage in outcome of dialogue, to produce an agreement upon courses of action, to bargain for individual or collective advantage, to craft outcomes to satisfy various interests of two people/parties involved in negotiation process. Negotiation is a process where each party involved in negotiating tries to gain an advantage for themselves by the end of the process. Negotiation is intended to aim at compromise.


MY TAKE:  After many years of successful negotiating, I agree with most of the definition above.  The part I don't agree with is "Negotiation is a process where each party involved in negotiating tries to gain an advantage for themselves by the end of the process."  I have found that the best result of a negotiation is when both parties end up even.  They may not have gotten all that they want or they may not have gotten more than the other party, but both parties can live with the outcome.


Most of us view negotiation as something between business people, labor unions and political parties (OH, if only Congress would understand the term negotiation instead of this term - "gridlock").  However, in fact, your life is a negotiation. 


While going through life you will find yourself negotiating with friends, family, spouse, children, others that in one way or another affect your life and even YOURSELF.


When you discuss with your friends what restaurant to have dinner, you are negotiating.  If you don't want to take charge of your life or care about your happiness, you don't negotiate with your friends - you just do what they want to do.  If you want to live a life of happiness, you will ask for what you want and negotiate from there. 


 If you want something from a friend (love, help, support, acknowledgment, etc.), you are negotiating. Don't expect all your friends to just give you what you want.  Don't expect the outside world to just give you what you want - even if you deserve it.  Most people put themselves in first position - as they should.  If you want to have happiness in your life, you should always love yourself just a little bit more than anybody or anything else in this world.  Therefore, for you and your friend to come out even (see MY TAKE above) requires a negotiation.


It's important (but, not mandatory) to be involved with and close with family.  Each person is as different as fingerprints.  We all have different wants and needs.  We all have different personalities. For some reason, family members don't see each other as they would see their friends.  They see themselves as people who hold the other family members to a higher degree then they do their friends.  You may prefer your friends to be good to you, but family members expect other family members to be good to them.  You may prefer your friends to give you what you want, but family members expect other family members to give them what they want.  Therefore, to be able to be involved with and close with family, you have to become an outstanding negotiator. As you get older you will realize It's worth the effort.


Do you negotiate with your spouse and children?  If not, they or you won't have a happy relationship.  Unhappy relationships (friends, family, spouse and children) leads to an unhappy life.  If you want to have a happy relationship with your spouse and children, you have to be willing to negotiate.  Remember, MY TAKE -  for your happiness, both parties need to come out even.  Tell them what you want, but be willing to negotiate the details.  Expect them to give up something they want, but be willing to bend on some of the things they believe are "show-stoppers."  Always remember, you want to have all the happiness you can get in your life.  The way to get it is to have a happy relationship with your spouse and children.  


The easiest one to understand is negotiating with "others that in one way or another affect your life."  Your contractor, your boss, your plumber, etc., etc. etc.  The only point I will make to you is to negotiate to "even" for both parties.  Don't hold on to the bone until you get what you want.  Don't try to feel superior because you got them to cave.  Don't go away from the negotiation knowing they are really unhappy with what they got out of the deal.  Please believe me you will lose in the long run - "what goes around - comes around."


It is not worth the stress to fight for every penny.  It is not worth it to make yourself unhappy just so you can say you won. It is not worth your happiness to know they wound up unhappy.  Happiness begets happiness - unhappiness begets unhappiness.  Be the source of happiness.


Lastly, you should be conscious of the negotiations that goes on inside yourself.  Yes, you do negotiate with yourself. Should I take this job, How much money should I ask for, should I tell my spouse I'm not happy with our relationship, should I try tough love with my son, who should I go to solve this problem.  I could go on and on.  The point is that having that negotiation with yourself is healthy.  The more you are in tune with yourself the better.  The goal is to end the negotiation with yourself knowing that you can live with the outcome. Ignoring the negotiation with yourself and just letting someone else make the decision will suck the happiness right out of you.


The bottom line is happiness.  The real goal of any negotiation is leaving with your happiness in tact or enhanced.  Remember the words I stated in a previous blog:

"IS WHAT I'M DOING OR ABOUT TO DO LEADING TO MY HAPPINESS!!!"

Word Of The Day - Action

Are you an action person or a stand by and watch person?  Are you the one that gets it done or do you wait for someone else to do it?  Are you the one who makes the decisions or do you prefer someone else decides?  Are you the one that takes responsibility or would you prefer to be the Teflon suit - nothing bad sticks to you?  Are you the one that says "I love you" or do you keep your feelings inside?  Are you the one that gets everybody together or are you one of the others that joins the group?  Are you the one that is full of positive energy or are you the one that absorbs positive energy?  Are you the one that is the life of the party or are you the one that stands back and just enjoys the party.  Are you the one that always wants to go out and mingle or are you the one that would prefer to stay home?  Are you he one that's looking for love or are you the one that waits for love to come to you?

Interesting questions - eh!  Take your time to think about your answers because it is important that you really get to know yourself.

You probably think I want you to be the one that takes action - not necessarily.  What I want, what everybody wants, what you want - is to be happy.  That's the forgotten ingredient in life.  Being an action person is great, but not for everyone.  Being a "follower" person might not be as much fun, but based on your personality, upbringing, environmental and conditioning, being the action person might not make you happy.

I do believe that action people get more out of life.  However, the definition of "getting more out of life" is a personal thing.  I'm an action person mainly because I watched my "follower" father get very little out of life.  I didn't want to be like him so I did and do push myself into action.

On the other hand, I can't say my father was an unhappy person.  Life was hard on him and his family.  Therefore, his expectation of what life was available to him was much different than mine.  He expected little while I expected a lot.  My father had a great sense of humor, told jokes all the time and liked to laugh.  In a earlier blog I stated that the way I value my life was the number of times I laugh.  Based on that definition, my father was a happy person.

My two uncles never did anything interesting.  It was rare they went out to dinner, to a movie or a social events.  They had little and expected little.  However, they were two happy guys.  My uncle Harry came over to see us every Sunday.  He and I laughed all day long.  I hugged him and he hugged me.  He made me happy and I made him happy.  He was a "follower" person and I was an action person.  I was a happy kid and he was a happy uncle.

It's great to be around action people.  My wife is an action person.  Many times it makes me happy to just follow her.  The bottom line is - "be all you can be."  That doesn't mean you have to be an "action" or a "follower" person.  It means to love who you are and be happy with who you are.

Finding The Real You

At the end of my lectures on "Taking Charge Of Your Career And Your Life" I give the participants the questionnaire below.  This questionnaire serves two purposes.  One, it enables you to test where you stand in finding the real you.  Second, it reminds you of the elements that will lead you to happiness.

If you really care about finding the real you and learning how to enhance your happiness, take the time to complete the questionnaire.  The test at the end will let you know where you stand.

Finding the Real You

Knowing what you want

Objective – To prepare yourself so that you are capable of making an effective career decision by:

• Clearing away all of your negative baggage
• Gaining an understanding of who you are and how you feel about things
• Gaining an understanding of how your decisions are affected by:
• Not knowing what you want
• Your fear of failure
• Your additions to security, money, power and ego
• Pressures and expectations created by the outside world (your spouse, your friends, your boss, your commitments, etc.)

All of this should lead you to selecting alternative career choice or personal life choices based entirely upon your happiness.

2.  Answer the following statements or questions by looking into yourself and stating how you feel NOW.  Do not answer these statements or questions based upon what you want the answer to be or what your answer might be in the future.  In addition, do not answer these questions or statements based upon what the outside world (spouse, parents, friends, etc.) thinks your answer should be.  The right answers are how you feel about these questions or statements right NOW.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            1A.  I am in tune with who I am and what I want ________

                        Do you know what tasks you are good at performing?  Do you know which tasks make you happy?  Are you realistic about your intellectual, emotional, and physical limitations in performing the job/task you would love?

            2A.  I am enjoying life today _______

                        Or are you waiting for your life to get better in the future?

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1.     I do not agree

2.     I sometimes agree

3.     I usually agree

4.     I strongly agree

3A.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                  “When you don’t realize how short life is you don’t enjoy the path, you only think about the destination.”

      4A.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                  “Can you accept that life is a journey and like a safari there will be some problems and there will be some risks, but, you probably won’t get killed and you definitely will have fun.”

      5A.  I can visualize where I am going in my career and/or my life ______

                  Can you close your eyes and see yourself becoming the person you want to become?  Are your dreams of the perfect career and/or life realistic?

      6A.  I see myself successful ______

      7A.  I see myself happy _______

      8A.  I would change my career path if I knew that my current career direction will not lead to my happiness _______

      9A.  My personal life is not affecting my business life ______

      10A.  My school life is not affecting my personal life ______

      11A.  I’m sure I am not happy with my current situation ______

                  Or are you only looking at the negatives?

      12A.  I think in terms of what I do like not just what I don’t like ______

      13A.  I am using both sides of my brain ______

                  Everyone has a creative right side and a logical left side of their brain.  In your job/task or life are you using both of these hemispheres?  Do you see the importance in doing so?  Do you believe that you will never know all there is to know about yourself if you do not explore both your creative, visual and verbal capabilities (right side) along with your logical, mathematical and organizational capabilities (left side)?

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

      14A.  I have or I can create credibility through experience and

                      accomplishments ______

                  You can’t get what you want if you don’t have experience.  You can’t get what you want if you have not accomplished anything.  Are you willing to do all things necessary to gain the experience you need?  Are you willing to be patient and accept that you might not get promoted and/or have the life experience you want until you have the necessary experience?  Do you realize that experience without accomplishment will hold you back?  Do you realize how good you will feel when you accomplish something … no matter how small?

            15A.  I have presence ______

                        I have knowledge, strategic thinking, confidence, communication skills, good personal presentation and excellent leadership traits.  With all of these building blocks I can create a presence.
 

            16A.  I have resolve, commitment and focus ______

                        You have experience, accomplishment, resolve, commitment and focus.  Resolve means you are committed to your beliefs and are willing to take action on them. If you want the world to listen to you, deliver your experience and accomplishments with resolve and commitment.  Doing so will give you a presence.

            17A.  I am focused!  I can prioritize! ______

                        Focusing stops your thoughts from wondering.  It helps in decision making.  It helps you take action. Without focus, your career and/or your life will blur with you day to day actions.  You will find yourself handcuffed and unable to reach your daily and long term goals.

            18A.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “There is only one number one priority, one number two priority, One number three priority, etc.  If you try to make everything top priority you will fail.  Do you let others (wife, boss, etc.) convince or push you into accepting that more than one of your tasks are the number one priority, your output will not be acceptable.  This will make you and the people who are insisting everything get done at once unhappy.”

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

19A.  I can love myself even if nobody acknowledges my capabilities ______

                        Can you love yourself even if you don’t have the presence to make yourself look good to others (boss, wife, friends, etc.)?  Can you love yourself even if you are passed over for a promotion that was given to someone less capable than you?

            20A.  I have a mentor to help me with my career and/or my life ______

                        Do you have someone to talk to about your career and/or life?  Is that person a clear thinker?  Does that person have the experience to guide you? Is that person in a position to help you get what you want and deserve?

21A.  I am taking actions that will enable me to become the person I want to become ______

            22A.  I figure out how I can not why I can not ______

            23A.  I am willing to retrain myself ______

                        I am willing to go back to school and get training in a field that will make me happy.  I am willing to take a part time job in addition to my current one if it will lead to a career choice that will make me happy.

            24A.  I take the time to appreciate life ______

                        Do you understand what it means to “smell the roses?”  Can you accept that life is a bitch, but, everyday something happens that you can appreciate?  Are you looking at what is good about you career choice and/or your life or are you only looking at “what is wrong with this picture?”  If the only good thing that happened to you today was lunch, can you go home and tell your spouse about the great ham sandwich you had for lunch?  Can you appreciate the security you have created for yourself or do you believe it is holding you back?

            25A.  I am involved in what is happening to the world around me ______

                        Are you waiting or hoping that someone else will fix the problems?

            26A.  I am involved in what is happening to my school ______

                        Are you waiting or hoping that someone else will fix the problems?

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

27A.  I am involved in what is happening to my family or friends ______

                        Are you waiting or hoping that someone else will fix the problems?

            28A.  I involve myself in those things that make me happy ______

                        Do you subject yourself to things that make you unhappy?

Dealing with your fear of failure

Answer the following statements or questions by looking into yourself and stating how you feel NOW.  Do not answer these statements or questions based upon what you want the answer to be or what your answer might be in the future.  In addition, do not answer these questions or statements based upon what the outside world (spouse, parents, friends, etc.) thinks your answer should be.  The right answers are how you feel about these questions or statements right NOW.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

1B.  I am able to take risks ______

                        Can you accept that “life without problems means you don’t take many risks, but, life without taking risks is half a life?”  Can you accept that you will survive any risk you take?  Can you make risk taking fun?  Do you realize that taking risks is part of your growth?

            2B.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “Taking risks will not guarantee my happiness, but, I will have to take some risks to get what I want and all I deserve.”

            3B.  I believe I must take a risk on my own performance to convince others to do the same ______

            4B.  I am good at making decisions ______

            5B.  I want to be the one to decide ______

                        Would you rather someone else make the decision?

            6B.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “Saying I’m so confused when being asked for a decision is just another way of saying I don’t want to make a decision because I’m afraid I might make a wrong decision.”

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

7B.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “In business and in life you will be successful if you make more right decisions that wrong decisions.  However, not making any decision will usually turn out to be a wrong decision.”

            8B.  For one month, can you refrain from saying “I shouda done that” or “I coulda done that ______

            9B.  I believe I will survive any decision I may make ______

            10B.  I believe that realistically my worst fears will probably not occur if I take this risk or make this decision ______

            11B.  I believe I will always have enough food to eat, air to breath and shelter even if the risk I take or the decision I make turns out to be wrong ______

            12B.  I believe that the people who love me will love me even if the risk I take or the decision I make turns out to be wrong ______

Am I addicted to security, money, power and ego

Answer the following statements or questions by looking into yourself and stating how you feel NOW.  Do not answer these statements or questions based upon what you want the answer to be or what your answer might be in the future.  In addition, do not answer these questions or statements based upon what the outside world (spouse, parents, friends, etc.) thinks your answer should be.  The right answers are how you feel about these questions or statements right NOW.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            1C.  I am not addicted to security ______

                        Do you refrain from making career and life choices based upon security?  Will you avoid trading your happiness for security?  Are you sure you are not staying in your current job or life situation because it is more secure to do so?  Are you really willing to give up all this security to create a happier career and life for yourself?

2C.  I am involved in my current career choice or life situation for some other reason than security ______

If you usually or strongly agree (answer 3 or 4 above) than what is the reason:

            3C.  I am not addicted to money ______

                        Do you avoid making career and life choices based upon money?  Will you avoid trading your happiness for money?  Would you really turn down a job you didn’t think would make you happy if it offered you significantly more money?

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            4C.  I am involved in my current career choice or life situation for some other reason than money ______

If you usually or strongly agree (answer 3 or 4 above) than what is the reason:

            5C.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “The purpose of money is to give me the freedom of choice.  I will not let money control my life because I am willing to make less expensive choices if that will make me happy.”

            6C.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “I will always have all the money I require if I’m happy, but, I will never have enough money if I am unhappy.”

            7C.  I am not addicted to power and ego ______

                        I do not make career and life choices based upon how it affects my ego.  I will not trade my happiness for enhancing my ego.  Would you really ask for a demotion to a lower level job if by doing so it would make you happy?

            8C.  I am involved in my current career choice or life situation for some other reason than power and ego ______

                        If you usually or strongly agree (answer 3 or 4 above) than what is the reason:

Dealing with pressures and expectations from the outside world

Answer the following statements or questions by looking into yourself and stating how you feel NOW.  Do not answer these statements or questions based upon what you want the answer to be or what your answer might be in the future.  In addition, do not answer these questions or statements based upon what the outside world (spouse, parents, friends, etc.) thinks your answer should be.  The right answers are how you feel about these questions or statements right NOW.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

1D.  How do you feel about this statement ______

                        “The outside world (wife, boss, parents, friends, etc.) might be the cause of my problems, but, I must acknowledge ownership of the solutions.”

            2D.  I can be spontaneous in my career and/or my life ______

                        There is a difference between being spontaneous and being a flake.  Every commitment you make takes away some of your spontaneity.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you are married.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have children.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have a large mortgage payment.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have a large car payment.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have financial or emotional commitments to your parents, spouse or friends.  You can’t be as spontaneous if you have financial or emotional commitments to yourself.

3D.  I accept I have given up some spontaneity to have the other things I want in my life ______

                        Or are you resenting the people or other commitments like you wife, children, mortgage payment, etc. for making you less spontaneous?

            4D.  In the future I will avoid any new commitments that don’t make me happy.  I will also avoid any new commitments that reduce my options to make myself happy.

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            5D.  I accept my current plan ______

                        Or are you over planning your future?  Is your attitude “if it feels good today I’m going to go for it?  If it stops feeling good I will do something else tomorrow?”

            6D.  I have avoided becoming another “Peter Principal” statistic ______

                        The Peter Principal is a book written by Dr. Laurence Peter many years ago.  It states that a company will continue to promote a good employee until that employee reaches his/her level of incompetence.  Are you in a job that you are not really competent to perform?  Could you say no to a promotion that might make you another “Peter Principal” statistic?

            7D.  I am willing to take one step backward to take two steps forward ______

                        Would you really take what might be considered a demotion by others if that lower level job/task would make you happier?  Would you really take what might be considered a demotion by others if that lower level job would give you new experiences that might lead to a happier job/task?

            8D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Being confident, not acting confident will make me happy.”

            9D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Knowing inside I am right will stop me from being defensive.”

            10D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Asking without demanding is more satisfying and works better most of the time than winning through intimidation.”

            11D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Receiving without demanding will make me happier.”

            12D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Finding another way to get what I want, when the people I’m asking are not giving, will make me happier.”

            13D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “Not being addicted to getting my own way will stop me from being miserable while I do something to change the negative situation.”

Answers:  The following are four possible answers to the questions or statements below.  Write the number that is most appropriate on the line provided.

1. I do not agree
2. I sometimes agree
3. I usually agree
4. I strongly agree

            14D.  How do you feel about the following statement ______

                        “The people in my life love me just the way I am.  They will love me even if I fail.  They will love me even if I am not rich.  They will love me even if I don’t get that higher level job. They will love me even if I take a risk or make a decision that does not turn out positive.

Finding the Real You

Ratings

POINTS:  Add up your points from each section and enter                                  POINTS

        

            A.  Knowing what you want:                                                                      ________

            B.  Dealing with your fear of failure                                                            ________

  

            C.  Am I addicted to security, money, power or ego                                     ________

            D.  Dealing with pressures and expectations from the outside world               ________

            TOTAL POINTS                                                                                     ________

Ratings:  Compare your TOTAL POINTS to the following                                POINTS

• I am Taking Charge of my Career and my Life                                           217 - 248
  
  
• I have not taken charge yet, but I know what I need to do
  to get me there                                                                                         186 - 216
  
  
• I have a great deal to think about                                                               124 - 185
  
  
• It’s not my fault!  If everyone would stop treating
  me so badly I would be perfect                                                                   62 – 123

I Believe I Can Fly

The winner of the TV show "The Voice" performed the song "I Believe I Can Fly."  It really got to me because it reminded me of a very down time in my life when I needed to believe I could fly to keep me glued together.  I needed to believe that I could get through this negative depressing time of my life by truly believing I could control my happiness and take actions to overcome the negative situation I was in.  I eventually believed I could fly.

My negative situation was many many years ago and the song "I Believe I Could Fly" was not yet written.  The song, at the time, that got me through was "The Rose" by Bette Midler:

"Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose."

I truly believed that in the spring I would become the rose.  I was a miserable soul, but had so much love for life that I believed the good times would return.  The second paragraph of the song gave me the strength to take the risks and make the tough decisions that were required to make me a happy and positive energy person again. 

I didn't want to be the heart afraid of breaking because I wanted to be the one that learns to dance.  I didn't want to be the dream afraid of waking because I wanted to be the one that takes the chance.  I didn't want to be the one who won't be taken because I wanted to be able to give.  I didn't want to be the soul afraid of dyin' because I wanted to be the one that learns to live.

Never let life take you down.  Always believe life is beautiful and worth living.  Never let the negatives in your life make you believe you are not good enough.  Always believe you are or will soon become "The Rose."  Never let others make you believe you can't do what you need to do to make yourself happy.  Always believe YOU CAN FLY.