Who Are You

Who Are You

Who are you - I really want to know? How many people do you know - 20, 50 and 100+?  Of those people, how many do you really know - 1, 3, 5? What do I mean by "really know?" I mean that your relationship with them is so intimate that you not only know their actions, but you also know what's really going on inside them. 

A guy killed 150 people by smashing into a mountain in the Alps. How many people really knew this guy? You find out that a good friend (maybe even a best friend) has been abusing his wife and children. You probably believed you knew this person, but did you really know? Your longtime friend and business partner steals from you.  You probably believed you knew this person, but did you really know? 

I can say I really know my wife and she knows me. I believe so because we share every intimate detail of our lives. Some would say: "Kenny, you've been together for 30 years you have to really know a person by then."  That's bullshit. The number of year's means nothing if the other person doesn't let down their barriers and share everything that's going on inside them. Ellen and I shared intimate details of our life the first year we were together.

I have men friends who I've known for 10 to 50 years and to this day I can't say I really know them. We talk sports, business, travel and what happened that day or week, but we never talk about their feelings. How can I really know someone if he doesn't tell me he's feeling depressed? How can I really know someone if he never tells me about the problems he's having in his marriage? How can I really know someone if he doesn't tell me what's really going on at work? How can I really know someone if he or she doesn't share with me that they're gay?

Those of you who don't expose themselves (I'm not talking about Mooning - shit I'm old) to close friends or relatives probably believe it's none of their business. You may be right, but it's not about them - it's about you. The relief you get from sharing with someone else is amazing. The confidence you get when the other person says: "I love you and support whatever decision you make." The happiness you get when someone says: "thanks for sharing with me and if I can help in any way, just ask and I'm there."

One of the things I always say in my blogs is to ask yourself: "what's the worst that can happen?" If a spouse, friend or relative doesn't support the intimate details of your life, then I say get rid of the spouse and relatives and get better friends. You want to be with people that love you just the way you realty are. Don't do it for them - do it for you and your happiness.

If you want to be happy the rest of your life, tell the ones you really care about;

Who Are You

Jewish Guilt

Jewish Guilt

For centuries the Jews have been persecuted, hated and killed. For their survival Jews have evolved as owners. From owning financial institutions to neighborhood jewelry shops, from owning movie studios to media outlets and becoming doctors or lawyers. The thing Jews are the most proud of owning is being the superstars of Jewish guilt.

There isn't a Jew alive who hasn't had guilt put on them. There isn't a Jew alive who doesn't feel guilty about something. Family guilt is the worst. "You're not going to be a doctor because you want to be a Plumber? What will my Jewish girlfriends think of ME? Could you, at least, decide to be an Electrician?" "I know you've never seen or heard from your grandmother, but if you don't go to her funeral the family will be greatly disappointed in you."  "You're not going to college? Do you know how many hours I suffered in the delivery room getting you out of me? You could at least make me and your father proud by going to college."

And then there is my favorite. Alvy, in the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall was a troubled kid who worried about everything. His Jewish mother takes him to a Psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist asks Alvy: "what are you so worried about?" Abvy says: "the Universe is expending." Alvy's mother stands up and yells at him: "what's it your business?" Alvy grows up not only being a worry wart, but feeling guilty for worrying so much. 

No wonder Jews feel guilty about something almost every day. However, having the opportunity to meet people around the world, I feel confident I could rate people's guilt on a scale from 1 to 10 where 10 is the most guilty. The Jews reading this blog will be shocked that they are not the guiltiest.

     10- Italians

     9-   Jews

     8-   Catholics and Irish people

     7-   Black, gays and Hispanic people

     6-  Eastern European people (including the Northern Block)

     5-  French people

     4-   Arab people

     3-  Japanese people

     2-   Right wing ultra conservative bigoted Bible thumping Southern Rednecks

     1- Terrorists (they get a one because there has to be one or two that feel guilty)


I'm sure everybody reading this blog thinks their people give the most guilt. This is just my seventy years of observation. I would be very interested in your rankings.

Sooo, what is all this guilt about? Giving guilt is a controlling action. It's done to get people to do what you want them to do. When you don't have the facts or the proof - give them guilt. When you don't believe you can convince them any other way - give them guilt.

Feeling guilty is all about YOU! Why would you feel guilty if you want to be a Plumber? Do you really think your mother is going to lose all her friends? What does your mother's delivery pain have to do with you wanting to skip college? Will the family disown you if you don't drive the 100 miles to go to your Grandmother's funeral?

When are you going to love yourself enough to stop feeling guilty?

     

What The Hell Are You Worried About

What The Hell Are You Worried About

Let me list a few;

• Will I have enough money to retire?
  
• A younger person could do my job for less money.
  
• My health?
  
• I'm on the other side of fifty - how long do I have left?
  
• Is the IRS going to find something in my tax return they don't like?
  
• My dog is old - I don't know if she will last long.
  
• Did I make the right choice?
  
• Did he cheat me out of money?
  
• Is my favorite team going to be good this year?
  
• What will my parents say if I tell them I'm gay?
  
• If I lose my job, will I be able to afford healthcare?
  
• I hope my new car doesn't get dinged by the valet.
  
• I have cancer in my family - am I next?
  
• Will this package arrive on time?
  
• Did my check get lost in the mail?
  
• Why do I feel so unhappy?
  
• Am I going to get sued?
  
• Will anyone ever love me?

I bet if you took the time to write down everything you're worried about it would be a long list. However, if you wrote down everything you "should" be worried about, it would be a short list. Also, if you wrote down everything you worry about that you couldn't recover if it did happen, it probably would be a list of zero.

Sooo, what the hell are you worried about? How is worrying serving you? How is worrying making you happy? How is worrying solving the thing you're worried about? You know the answer - do I really have to say it?

Sooo, Stop worrying - be happy

When Is Enough Enough

When Is Enough Enough

Too many people put up with stuff they shouldn't be putting up with. A bad marriage, a bad family member, a bad boss, a bad client, a bad investment, a bad job, a bad friend, a bad mattress, a bad life - I could go on and on, but when is enough enough?

When are we going to holler the words from the movie Network: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore?" Putting up with shit you shouldn't be putting up with is a major reason some of us are unhappy. Putting up with shit you shouldn't be putting up with is a major reason some of us are not getting the life we deserve. Putting up with shit you shouldn't be putting up with is a major reason some of us are depressed.

Why do we do it? There are many reasons, but just to name a few, change avoidance, money and scared. That's right; some of us are just too dam scared to stop putting up with the stuff we shouldn't be putting up with.

The fear of the unknown holds us back from deciding enough is enough. The fear of losing money holds us back. The fear of being hated by others if we stop taking bullshit from a friend or family member. The fear of making another bad decision if we get out of a bad investment. The fear of being on our own if we get out of a bad relationship. 

Many of you don't like the word "fear." You say: "I'm not afraid of anything." Sooo, what would you like me to call it? Do you like "insecurity" better? Do you like "lack of confidence" better? Call it whatever you want, but whatever you call it, it's stopping you from hollering: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." It's stopping you from making the changes you know you have to make.

The problem with not saying: "enough is enough" is you're trading your well deserved-happiness because you're too afraid, insecure or confident enough to stop the madness. 

How much happiness are you willing to give up staying in a bad marriage? How much happiness are you willing to give up because you feel guilty? How much happiness are you willing to give up because you don't want to look stupid? How much happiness are you willing to give up because you don't want others to stop liking you? How much happiness are you willing to give up because you're too afraid to make a change? How much happiness are you willing to give up because of money or security?

The answer has to be NONE. Your mantra has to be:

 "I'm not willing to give up any of the happiness I deserve  enough is enough." 

Domestic Abuse

Domestic Abuse

The United States has finally realized there is a domestic abuse crisis. The United States has finally accepted that domestic abuse can no longer be tolerated. The people doing domestic abuse are finally being called out and punished. What the hell took so long!

Growing up, beating the shit out of children was an in-family personal issue and not anybody else's business. I was one of the lucky ones because my mother was a huger not a hitter. My father trusted me and my actions. He even laughed when I took the rubber tip off of my toy arrow and hit the wall behind the sofa (I was trying to hit a target on the sofa, but I missed). He thought that was funny and ignored the holes in the wall. Bottom line, my father was a mild mannered parent who never yelled or hit me.

Growing up, people would talk about women who everybody knew were getting beat-up by their husband or boyfriend. However, nobody took action because it was believed it was none of their business. At that time policemen were just that - MEN. They didn't give a shit and considered domestic abuse was a man's right. They assumed the woman deserved what she got.

In the last fifteen years we have seen progress regarding racism in America, but we are far, far from eliminating this issue - can you spell Ferguson and The University of Oklahoma. It's only been in the last few years that domestic abuse has become front page news. It's only been in the last few years that the police and the courts have taken action on abusers. 

However, it's only been in the last couple years that organizations have punished people in their organization who are accused of domestic abuse. No longer are organizations waiting for the abusers to be proven guilty. Today, organizations are firing or putting people in limbo without pay for just being accused of domestic abuse.

Some might say that we've gone too far. Why should we take action on an individual before proven guilty? To those people I say - bullshit. Let me acknowledge there are and will be a small few who will accuse someone of domestic abuse when actually nothing was done to them. This might be to get back at the person or for other reasons, but I believe those people will be exposed in time.

What I know is that waiting for the courts to decide guilty or not guilty is wrong. Proving domestic abuse is very difficult. The victim who was abused gets even more abused by defense lawyers. The victim gets more abuse by being exposed by the media. If the victim is a woman, she is up against a male dominated society that still believes she must have done something wrong and probably deserved the abuse.

We are making progress, but we have a long, long way to go. Domestic abuse is a horrible problem in our society and many other societies around the world. The odds are stacked in favor of the abuser. For that reason, too many abused children, men and women don't come forward. The horrible feeling of being violated and not being able to get justice, leads to sever depression.

We do have women's groups committed to helping abused women. We have made much more progress regarding child abuse. We've made progress by the media exposing domestic abuse. We've made progress with organization saying this is not acceptable. But, until every American has in their heart that racism and domestic abuse must never be tolerated, we will still be dealing with this for many, many years to come.

I know what's in my heart. What's really in YOUR heart?

Routine - A Good Thing?

Routine - A Good Thing?

It's Monday sometime after 8 AM. I roll to my right and spoon my Ellen for about 15 minutes. I then pet the dog on the head, go pee and walk down the stairs for breakfast. I feed the dog, eat my cheerios and banana while reading the newspaper. Then I take the dog out for a pee and go back upstairs to brush my teeth and poop.

Around 10 AM I take the dog for a walk, kiss my wife and leave for the gym. At 12:30 I eat my lunch (Mondays to Thursdays are luncheon meat days, Fridays are peanut butter days), take the dog for another pee and get to my computer. After reading what's going on in the world and my sports, I either run a bunch of errands or as I'm doing now, write a blog.

At around 4 PM I take the dog for a walk, shower and shave, eat a half of a protein bar, feed the dog, pour myself a glass of scotch and go to my man cave to watch TV or get on my tablet and watch Netflix.

Ellen calls me for dinner at 7PM. After dinner I take the dog for another pee and sit back to watch the many, many TV shows we've taped (we never watch commercials). Around 10 PM I take the dog for yet another pee (shit, she pees a lot), go upstairs and brush my teeth, watch TV or do the nasty with my wife (that one is my favorite routine) before falling asleep.

The only thing different on Tuesdays and Thursdays is I don't go to the gym. Wednesdays and Fridays we go to one of our many bars for happy hour drinks and food. We also meet with our happy hour friends and bartenders (yes, they all know us by now).

On the weekends we eat lunch out (Ellen does that during the week sometimes with her girlfriends), Go out for dinner either Saturday or Sunday with our friends, go to a friend's house or entertain them at our house.

To break things up, we travel every six to eight weeks. Our primary place is Las Vegas. However, even there we have a Vegas routine. Sleep, eat, drink, gamble (we're slot sluts) and every once in a while go to a show.

Just writing my routine down makes me think if my life is too routine? BTW, my routine was even less thrilling when I was working. Most of the time my routine consisted of work, eat, poop and sleep. I didn't even have the time to break things up by traveling every 6 to 8 weeks. One two week vacation was all I had and even then my boss or my staff would call me to make a decision.

Sooo, I guess I should be happy that I have more time to do things since retiring at 62. I could change things up all the time, but I kind of like my routine. The difference between working and retiring is that while working I didn't have much control of my routine. Being retired, I have almost complete control of my routine.

If everything I've shared with you seems too routine it's because I choose it to be that way. I suggest you write down your routine. After seeing it on paper, you should decide if your routine is not making you happy. If it is, write down what you could or should do to change things up. 

Remember NO shouldas or couldas. If you should or could do something to change things up for the better, DO IT