Funny How The Brain Works

My wife once got a salmon stake bone caught in her throat. She never ate salmon again. My friend Kenny put a fast food burger in the trunk of his car on a hot summer day in Brooklyn. Five hours later he opened the trunk and the burger smelled so bad he stopped eating red meat forever. A friend got really drunk on tequila and never drank tequila again. A song from the past can put a smile or a frown on our face.

I was stuck in a Barcelona elevator with a woman doused in Angel perfume. Now, if I just come close to the smell of that perfume I get sick in my stomach. Most people bitten by a dog or cat at a very young age are afraid of pets. Most people, who saw their friend or family bitten by a dog, won't go near one. Many kids who grew up with parents who love animals, love animals.

Too many kids, who were physically abused by their parents become abusers themselves. Too many kids, who lived with parents that didn't respect money, wind up making wrong money decisions. Some kids, whose parents were never home, wind up being independent. Many kids who grew up with parents and family that hugged a lot, like to hug a lot.

Too many kids, whose parents were and are insecure, become insecure in their adult life. Too many kids, who were denigrated by their parents and made to feel incapable, feel not good enough all the time.

The brain is a fantastic instrument. It's amazing how many things it can do that we take for granted. For example, engineers and scientists have been working for years to get a robot to walk up steps without falling over. The human brain allows us to easily walk up steps while we're talking on the phone and thinking about what we're going to have for lunch.

However, this great brain of ours can be conditioned (especially at a young age) to make adult life difficult for us. The hard part is recognizing the life limitations our brain is taking away from us. If we can get to that realization (usually by working with a third party), it's really hard to reverse what was conditioned into us at a young age.

I don't know about you, but I have and still to this day work on eliminating my brain's negatives and focus on the positives. Many of the bad stuff that's inside my brain I can't eliminate so I just acknowledge that it's there and never going to go away. I accept the bad stuff and do my best to create a work around.

I can't avoid walking by someone who smells from Angel perfume, but I sure as hell can get out of the way as quickly as possible. If I were Kenny, I would give a great hamburger (not a fast food one) another try.  Who knows it could turn out to be the best lunch he ever had. I work hard to not let my insecurities or my not feeling good enough stop me from taking risks or making decisions.

You see, the brain can be reconditioned if you really want something. If you decide to get the most out of your life you will, over time, reverse the limitations built into the synapses of your brain.

Your Brain Is Not The Master Of You. You Are The Master Of Your Brain.

I miss my peanut butter




I've been having stomach problems for many months. My family doctor had me take a CT scan to make sure my liver and pancreas were normal. He then sent me to my gastro doctor (who is great). He checked me out and thought I could have an ulcer problem. A week later I had an endoscopy procedure where they give you great drugs and put a camera down my throat to see if anything was wrong. My stomach was free of problems and he let me continue my 5 O'clock Scotch. Now that my stomach was clean his assumed I had an IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) problem. He immediately put me on a FodMap diet.



This diet sucks. No Gluten (therefore no every day bread). No garlic or onions. Most of us don't realize that almost every tasty sauce (ketchup, barbecue sauce, red pasta sauce, etc. has garlic and onion as their base. Most greens are a no-no. All beans and nuts are a no-no. Most cheeses are a no-no. OH GOD I CAN"T HAVE Pizza. Life without pizza is half a life.



I started on the diet and four weeks later. I lost 8 pounds in the first three weeks. That's 10% weight loss in three months. I got scared and immediately went to my oncologists to make sure I didn't have cancer. ( since my youth I have always had CLL (chronic Lyophobic Lucama, but I'm in Stage zero) My dad had the same problem. After the tests everything came out normal. Just another worry gone.


Because my stomach was not much better, I went back to my gastro guy who immediately had me take a colonoscopy. If you never have taking a colonoscopy there is good news and bad news. The bad news is you spend the day before the procedure drinking the discussing liquid every 15 minutes and after doing so, a pint of water. three hours later you have to go through the same punishment for another thirty minutes plus a pint of water. The end result is that you can't leave the house because you're on the toilet through out the day and night getting rid of all the nasty, smelly and discussing waste that has accumulated in your upper and lower bowel,





Now, you might say WHAT THE HEL, IS THE GOOD NEWS!!! well, if you make it through the first day of clean-out, The actual colonoscopy is fantastic. They give you the same drug that Michael Jackson got hooked on and in a few minutes you are in La - La land having the best dreams of your life.


You wake up 45 minutes later feeling great. It's the best sleep you've every had and when the doctor comes in and says: everything is normal." You're one happy camper


I hated going through all these blood tests and procedures (thank you my American Government for Medicare"but it is so rewarding to know I've been tested for every serious disease that could have been going on within me. I still have a bad stomach and the doctors are working to find the cause, but whatever I have is not going to minimize my fabulous life that I so deserve. I'm mister )perfect



Now that I know I'm healthy even though I have some bad days with my stomach, I have the power to create and enjoy a happy live. I could stay home and feel sorry for myself because my stomach is just not right or I can accept that this stomach problem isn't going to kill me and I can have a great deal of fun with or without my stomach being all better.



I choose life. I choose accepting my stomach problem and getting the most happiness available to me. Life is so great even with an upset stomach, I truly believe this too will pass and I will be better for the experience.



Never let physical problems suck the fabulous life that is in front of you. Accept the frustration and the pain as part of your being and get the most of the good stuff that life brings.



When my stomach problem does away, I'm going to have the biggest peanut butter sandwich and love and enjoy it as thought it was my last meal in life!!!!

Happiness And Old Friends

Two months ago I was invited to my high school class reunion. I immediately started looking for my year book only to realize I never got any of my pictures or my year book in my first divorce.  I just left the family with $3000 and a beat-up old Oldsmobile.  I did remember some of my old classmates (hell, it was almost 50 years ago), but not enough to get me to travel six hours to the reunion.

When I thought back to those days I remembered one person who always put a smile on my face. His name was George (I won't tell you his last name because it's not your business and I'm sure you don't give a shit).

I tried my best to find George (Facebook, Google search, etc.) with no luck. I then asked the reunion organizer if he would help me find George. Three weeks later I got an email from George stating that he heard I was looking for him. We did short and brief emails together. Two weeks ago George emailed me that he was coming from his home in Alaska to Southern California.  We set up a time and place to meet.

I picked George up at 4pm and brought him back to our house.  We spent the first of three hours trying to remember our high school days. Since both of us have CRS (Can't Remember Shit) we couldn't remember much.

The next two hours was spent going over the last 50 years of our lives. Those three hours are absolutely in my top 20 best three hours of my life. I was laughing and smiling until my jaws hurt. George's life was so different than my life. It was really rewarding having him take me through year over year of his life since we left high school.

Some was happy and some was sad, but every year of it was amazingly interesting. I believe George felt the same about my crazy life. We both agreed that three hours was not long enough. I can't wait until we get together again.

I'm sure everyone reading my blogs has at least one friend you haven't seen or heard from in many-many-many years. One of the best things you can do for your happiness is to take the time to find him/her/them.

These old friends have stories you will cherish. These old friends will help you remember other old friends. These old friends will remind you that their life had many twists and turns just like your life. These old friends will remind you that life is worth living and you should do all you can to get the most out of it. These old friends will love hearing about your interesting life.

Most of all;

These Old Friends Will Put A Big Smile On Your Face Just Like George Has Done For Me!

Worried Sick About Your Child's Future? How to Stop the Anxiety

 
 

There is an article called “Worried Sick About Your Child's Future? How to Stop the Anxiety” by Debbie Pincus MS LMHC

 

In this article Ms Pincus talks about a misbehaving child and how we leapfrog ahead to the future, where we see him making exactly the same kinds of mistakes in his adult life—times 10. Or your preteen daughter seems unmotivated at school and fails Algebra, and you start wondering if she’ll be able to graduate high school, or even hold a job someday.

 

It's important to understand that anxiety leads our brains to play tricks on us. It fools us out of the now and into worrying about tomorrow. Ms Pincus calls this “futurizing.” She goes on to describe how dysfunctional and nonproductive it is to futurize.” The last part of her article gives the reader five things they can do today to stop worrying and start concentrating on who your child is right now.

 
This is a great article and I suggest any parent with children (at any age) read it. I also love the word "futurizing." However, the problem with too many of us is we see the future as negative not positive. In my writings I promote seeing the future as a positive because by doing so makes the NOW more positive.

 
The one thing this article doesn't talk about is being willing to let go of the son or daughter. At some point it is much better to focus on yourself and let the child figure it out by themselves. Yes, there is a risk they will choose the wrong direction, however, it can't always be your problem and it’s rarely your fault.

 
What a parent has to realize is they don't have control of how a child will turn out. What a parent does have control of is their happiness not their child’s happiness. They can choose to have a happy life even if they have a problem child. They can choose to have a happy life even if their son or daughter gets ill or even turns to drugs, alcohol or crime.

 
A parent has a better chance of their child having a positive future if the parent has a happy present and future. I'm not making this shit up - I lived it.

 
Sooo, why can’t we just let go? It’s because we feel guilty. Our parents and their parents before them lived with guilt. If we have a problem child (again at any age) we feel it’s our fault because we believe others will believe we are bad parents. An angry family home where yelling is the norm can create a problem child. Divorce can create an angry child that acts out by doing bad things. Again, I’m not making this shit up – I lived it!

 
However, when do we sit a child down and say to them: “son, I screwed up. Your mother and I never got along and I didn’t handle it properly. You are now at an age where you have to decide if you’re going to have an unhappy life or a happy life. You can spend your life being miserable and claim you’re the way you are because my dad screwed up. Or you can spend your life happy believing my screwed up dad is not my problem it’s his problem. Son, I have forgiven myself. I can only hope you will realize this is your life and your decision on how you want to live your life.

 
I had this exact conversation (almost word for word) with my two boys when they were in their mid-teens. Although one never forgave me, they both went on to have a productive and happy life.

 
Another reason we “futurize” is because we worry if we have a bad child it would be a negative on us. How many people say: I’m so proud my daughter is a doctor.” Nobody says: “I’m so proud my son is serving 5 to 10 in prison.

 
Some of us live through our children. I believe these people have low self-esteem and need the outside world to say they’re good. A great kid will make them look good. A bad kid will make them look like a loser. Not loving yourself just the way you are even if your child is in prison is how you must live your life if you want the happiness you deserve.

 
Please take it from someone who has lived it and through it. “futurizing” about your children (no matter what age) is the wrong strategy. By doing so, you’re not going to make them the great kids you want them to be. By doing so you’re not going to get the life you deserve.

 

Your kids are who they are and what they are going to be. You are who you are and what you’re going to be.

 

ALWAYS CHOOSE HAPPINESS

 

Subject: Kenny Felderstein announces the availability of his new book on Happiness

 

Hi all, I’m proud to announce the availability of my new book “Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient.”  My book can be ordered in either paperback or digitally from www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com  or any major on-line retailer.

This book is done in blog format.  I began blogging on the subject of Happiness because I realized I could reach a large multinational audience.  Today, I have a large dedicated following in over nine countries.

I selected one hundred of my reader’s most popular blogs. Each blog stands on its own merits.  All of my blogs are from personal experiences in my life.  Some are funny.  Some are serious.  Some are emotional and some are controversial.  However, all of them will help you realize you have control of your happiness.

 

I sincerely hope you will read “Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient” because I truly believe by doing so you will be able to take charge of The one thing that is most precious to all of us – OUR HAPPINESS!

 

Have Fun  Kenny

feldersteink@yahoo.com

310-920-0487

 

Gun Control

I like controversy so why not create a blog called "Gun Control." After reading, I would greatly appreciate your comments.

Let's look at both sides:

FOR GUNS

• I need to protect myself and my family
• The second amendment gives me the right to bear arms
• We need to be able to get the latest powerful guns on the market today because the bad people will be able to get them
• I like to hunt
• I like to entertain myself by shooting my gun
• Bad people kill people not guns
• There is no way to completely stop anyone from getting a gun
• I don't trust the police who would have too much power over me if I could no longer get a gun
• I've had guns in my family for hundreds of years and nobody got hurt

AGAINST GUNS

• The killings of adults and children would not happen if these people could not get a gun
• Having a gun is the best way to have an accident involving yourself and others
• We should be calling the police instead of taking action on our own
• If there were no guns the crime rate would greatly go down
• Why can't everyone have a Taser and/or a pepper spray 
• The second amendment should be removed. It was written at a time when having a gun was a necessary evil 

I'm sure I did not list all the FOR and AGAINST items, but I hope I got to the majority of them. I believe there is a middle ground to all of this. Let me first state that I believe in the second amendment. However, when it was written the only thing available was a hand gun and a rifle. The writers did not have a vision of the multitude of killing machines that are produced today and will get even more deadly in the future.

Therefore, the really at issue is the kind of guns we need and want and who should or should not be able to get them. The NRA does not want any laws preventing gun usage for several reasons:

• Selling guns makes the manufactures a shit load of money
• If some laws are passed now more laws might be passed in the future and then even more laws might be passed. The NRA doesn't want us to go down that slippery slope
• Most NRA members believe in a "pure" second amendment. They believe any gun control law is taking away a freedom that the Constitution guarantees them
• Some (not many) NRA members are paranoid that someday we will have a police state and they will need guns to stop the police from taking away their freedom
• Some (not many) NRA members believe we will need guns and other heavy equipment (like tanks) to protect ourselves from a foreign country attack  

Like I said, I believe having a gun is my right. Although it is my right, I don't have one because they scare the hell out of me. If I did want a gun, I can't see any reason to "need" an AK47 with a large bullet magazine to protect myself. Therefore, one of the real issues is where do we stop the level of killing machines people can obtain. The writers of the Constitution had hand guns and rifles. To me, that's a great place to stop.

The second real issue is who should be able to get a gun. To me, this is the number one issue. The checking system on who can get a gun is broken. There is no uniform system. There is no national database for checking a person's background. Most importantly there is no mental health test to determine if a person is sane enough to carry a gun.

I realize there is an issue with everyone's privacy. However, I believe, the right to privacy takes second place when allowing someone to be able to get a device that kills. We would be outraged if a known mental patient was allowed to drive a school bus, fly a commercial airplane or purchase an assault weapon.

I realize we can't stop everyone who should not have a gun from getting one. I also realize that the mentally unstable people who did these mass killings should have been reported to the authorities' way earlier by their parents, family and friends. These parents, family, etc. are, in my opinion, as guilty for letting these mentally unstable adults and children get a gun or even having a gun or assault weapon in their house. Again, in my opinion, prosecuting these parents, family, etc. when a known mentally unstable person kills will send the right message of intolerance.

Why is your "Happiness" messenger writing a blog about gun control? It's because, feeling safe is happiness. The right to have a gun to feel safe is your Constitutional right. The right to prevent the wrong people from getting a killing machine is also your right. A world with no guns is not logical or legal. However, a world with realistic gun laws, background checks and mental health checks would make us safer.

Safer Is Happiness!

Is What I'm Doing Or About To Do Getting Me Closer To My Objectives
Kenny Felderstein

When I was a sales executive I created this saying and put it on all my sales people's phone. I wanted them to focus on their objectives before they either took a call from a customer or made a call to their customer/prospect. They had two simple objectives:

• SELL SOMETHING
• GIVE GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE

Over time I realized that saying has a much broader benefit than just sales. It's a great way to live your life. Let's list some objectives (I'm sure you can come up with ones I never thought about). 

• HAPPINESS is my primary life objective. I hope it's your primary objective also. Every other objective should be a stepping stone toward your happiness.
• MONEY is not my primary objective. As a matter of fact it's not even in my top five objectives. However, I like having money because of the freedom of choice it gives me. More money more choices - less money less choices. More money does not mean more happiness (my primary objective) and I can be just as happy with less money. But, if I had a choice, I would choose more money. Only a hypocrite would disagree.
• SECURITY is in my top five objectives. Everyone on this planet wants to feel secure. Children who grow up in a secure environment usually have a happier life than children who grow up in an unsecure environment. I'm not talking about poverty. I grew up in a very poor (financially) neighborhood. In my first book, "Never Buy A Hat If Your Feet Are Cold" I stated: "at ten I was poor, but I was having fun."
  
  However, children who grow up in a neighborhood full of violence or with very unstable parents, usually have a hard time feeling safe and therefore seeing life as a positive. Growing up with negative energy caused by insecurity makes it difficult (but not impossible) to create a happy life.
  
  It's important for your happiness to make security an objective. Based on how you live, where you live, who your friends and family are and your economic situation, will determine what level of security you can achieve. However, security has to be balanced with your happiness.
  
  For example, you can decide that security is your number one objective and all other objectives don't matter. To meet that objective you could spend all you time locked up in your house protected by super high levels of security and spend most of your money on insurance and other resources to protect yourself. Doing these things might make you feel secure, but will create a life not much worth living.
• FRIENDSHIP is another objective in my top five. Seeking true friends should be a lifelong objective. Spending your life with a close group of friends is nice, but not a real happiness objective. Having friends from all over the world with different points of view about life is the best way to get all the happiness you deserve.
  
  I have a true friend that doesn't agree with 90% of my political views. Sometimes he wants to strangle me and I the same to him. But, I love the banter and I love getting another point of view. He is a good friend not because we agree about everything, but because he's bright, interesting and he likes me as much as I like him.
  
  If I only stayed with a small group of friends that always agree, I would never have let him into my life. By letting him into my life I've become a better and happier person. I also have friends who live in other states and other countries. They enhance my happiness because I get to learn about many different cultures.
  
  The only way to get all these friends is to seek them out. Get out of the house and go to places where potential friends exist. Meet the friends of your friends. Hell, if you like your friends it could be assumed that their friends are the kind of people you would like to meet.
• TRAVEL is not in my top five objectives, but is a way to enhance your happiness. Most think of traveling as going on vacation to a beautiful resort. I believe, if you want to get the most out of life, travel to places that will increase your knowledge, see things you never saw before and experience how other people live in other cities, states and/or countries.
  
  If you've never been to New York City - go immediately. The city, the people and the entertainment is an experience you will cherish. It may make you appreciate your home town more because the city is congested, noisy and the people can be rude, but if you go with a positive attitude to experience something different, you will love New York City.
  
  Portland, Chicago, New Orleans, Boston, Atlanta, Rome, Hong Kong, etc., etc., etc. are all different. They all have unique foods to eat. The people all have great stories to tell. They all have interesting things to see. Taking all that in with a positive attitude will add a whole lot to your happiness. Making TRAVEL as one of your objectives is a must if you want to get all the life you deserve.
• PRODUCTIVITY is an important objective and in my top five. You feel good about yourself when you feel productive. You may not like your job, but if you take the time to realize you're being productive (no matter how small it may be), you can leave after work with a smile on your face.
  
  If you try to play the guitar and suck at it (like me) you can feel productive with the little bit of music that comes out of the instrument. Reading is a productive action if you do so for your happiness. Learning from reading or watching is being productive especially if the subject interests you.
  
  What is critical to your happiness is to feel you are giving something back to the Universe. Giving your knowledge, love, building something, art, etc., etc., will make you happy if you take the effort to appreciate you are being productive in the giving. Thinking about at how you will be productive today is the best way to start your day. Patting yourself on the back when you accomplish something will make you feel great.
• LOVE is definitely in my top five objectives. I love to love and I love being loved. I love life. I love my wife. I love my friends. I love where I live. I love the places I go to eat and drink. I love my dog. I love my son, daughter-in-law and my grandkids. I love writing. I love mentoring. I love football. I love my walk-in shower. I love meeting new people. I love seeing others happy. I love seeing a Woody Alan movie. I love laughing. I love seeing beautiful sights, art, etc. I love rock and roll and country rock music. I love the smell of bacon. I love being able to use my mobile phone and my computer to talk and see people that don't live close to me. I love the internet. I love to touch my beautiful wife's face.
  
  If I spent days thinking about it I probably come up with many more things I love. Not included are the hundreds of things I like (not love). Loving is one of the most important things you can do for your happiness. I'm hoping you will take the time to write your list of the things you love. Happy people have a long list - unhappy people have a short list (or none at all).

Now is your time to write down your objectives in life. Now is you time to prioritize those objectives. Now is your time to step back and say to yourself:

Is What I'm Doing Or About To Do Getting Me Closer To My Objectives