Sex And Age - Sex And Marriage

Sex And Age - Sex And Marriage

We all know that sex will usually diminish with age. We all know that sex will usually diminish the longer people are married. BTW, this blog is not about love. Many times love increases with age and also many times love increases with a long term marriage. This blog is all about the quality and the quantity of the sexual act.

My favorite line by Woody Alan is: "it not the quantity of your sex that matters it's the quality. However, should the quantity drop to once every six months you better look into it."

Some people are OK without sex and some have given up trying. Let me remind you that in my previous blog called "SEX" my position was that sex should be thought of as fun. I recommended you drop all the barriers to a healthy sex life and just have fun.

With that said, why does sex diminish as we get older? Stress is one good answer. Stress at work, stress to make ends meet and stress with all the crap that's going on with you and the world. Younger people have much less stress and that's why they have lots and lots of sex.

Ageing creates physical problems that diminish the amount of sex. Guys lose testosterone and women lose estrogen as they age. Young people have loads of those two things and that's why they have sex like bunny rabbits. We have more physical ailments as we age. A really bad back is a barrier to fun sex.

Looking old does impact the amount of sex a person has. When you don't feel sexy you just aren't into having sex. When you look in the mirror and see this old person, it's hard to think about all the fun sexual positions you could be doing tonight.

The bottom line is sex and age is both mental and physical. Sooo, what do you do about it? I say, consider the other person. It can still be fun getting the other person off even if you're not into it. I say, fantasize the sexist person you would have a major organism with while you're making in-and-out with the person you're with now. 

I say, tell the person you're with to do the things you want them to do to get you off. I say, do everything you can do to mitigate your physical problems so you can continue to have lots of fun having sex. I say, look into the mirror and instead of seeing an ageing person, see a young, horny and sexy person who isn't done swinging from the rafters. 

Why Should You Do All These Things - Because Sex Is Something The Universe Gave Us So We Can Have A Shit Load Of Fun

Sex and Marriage comes with all the problems stated above plus the familiarity with having sex with the same person over and over again. 

I say, to continue having a fun sex life, do all the things I stated above plus at least once a week try something new. If it requires props use them. If it requires doing something you don't like doing (but your partner would really enjoy) get over yourself and do it. You won't die and maybe, just maybe you'll enjoy doing it.

Why Should You Do All These Things - Because Sex Is Something The Universe Gave Us So We Can Have A Shit Load Of Fun

Laughter Is A Gift From The Universe

 Laughter Is A Gift From The Universe

My father always said: "no matter what year it was said or who said it because funny is funny." Below are just a few lines from famous comedians who know funny.
 
'Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, 'Does he taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper (1921-1984)

Oliver Hardy: 'Didn't you once tell me that you had an uncle?'
Stan Laurel: 'Sure, I've got an uncle. Why?'
Oliver: 'Now we're getting somewhere. Is he living?'
Stanley: 'No. He fell through a trap door and broke his neck.'
Oliver: 'Was he building a house?'
Stanley: 'No, they were hanging him.'
 From The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case (1930). Stan Laurel (1890-1965), Oliver Hardy (1892-1957).

'My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is.'
Ellen DeGeneres (January 26 1958-)

'I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.'
George Carlin (1937-2008)

'Room service? Send up a larger room.'
Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

'Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.'

Chris Rock (February 7 1965-)

'I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm so indebted to her for.'

WC Fields (1880-1946)

'God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.'

Robin Williams (1951-2014)

'How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?'

Steven Wright (December 6 1955-)

'You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.'

George Burns (1896-1996)

'Where there's a will – there's a relative!'

Ricky Gervais (June 25 1961-)

'Two elderly women are at a Catskill restaurant. One of them says, "Boy, the food at this place is just terrible." The other one says, "Yeah I know. And such small portions."
Woody Allen (December 1 1935-)

'Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.'
Billy Crystal (March 14 1948-)

'A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.'

Jack Benny (1894-1974)

'I met a beautiful girl last night, but she was rather thin. I mean this is a skinny girl. You never saw anybody so thin. She turned sideways you didn’t see her. I took her to a restaurant and the maître‘d said to me, ‘Can I check your umbrella?’

Mel Brooks (June 28 1926-)

 'The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.' - Sid Caesar (1922-2014)

 Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends
less than my wife did.  Shecky Greene

 "This woman goes to a palm reader to have her palm read. The palm reader says, 'Your husband will die a violent death.' The woman says, 'Will I be acquitted?' " -- Mickey Freeman

 Jewish Jokes

Q: In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human? A: When it graduates from med school.

Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward? A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q: Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised? A: Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it's 20% off

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys... we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!  Redd Foxx 

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.   George Carlin 

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.  Alan King

"It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!'"   Jackie Mason

 

If These Jokes Don't Put A Smile On Your Face, Take Less Prozac  

Kenny Felderstein

I think that comedy really tells you how it is. The other thing about comedy is that - you don't even know if you're failing in drama, but you do know when you're failing in comedy. When you go to a comedy and you don't hear anybody laughing, you know that you've failed. Carl Reiner
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/carl_reiner.html

I think that comedy really tells you how it is. The other thing about comedy is that - you don't even know if you're failing in drama, but you do know when you're failing in comedy. When you go to a comedy and you don't hear anybody laughing, you know that you've failed. Carl Reiner
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/carl_reiner.html

I think that comedy really tells you how it is. The other thing about comedy is that - you don't even know if you're failing in drama, but you do know when you're failing in comedy. When you go to a comedy and you don't hear anybody laughing, you know that you've failed. Carl Reiner
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/carl_reiner.html

Bigotry And Racism - It's Not The Words You Use It's The Actions You Take

Bigotry And Racism -  It's Not The Words You Use It's The Actions You Take

I understand that being politically correct is very important because words can and do hurt. However, letting a politically incorrect word slip out doesn't necessarily make you a bigot.

I grew up in the fifties and sixties. We were low income people just trying to get through the day. The language almost everyone used, by today's standards, was politically incorrect. Jews called black people Shwartzas. Rednecks called black people Coons,Tree Huggers and a lot worse words. Even black people call other black people Niggers. 

Jews were called Kikes, JAPs (Jewish-American Princess), Shnozzle, Zionist and a lot worse words. Italians were called Dagos, Ginas, Grease Balls, WOP and a lot worse words. The Irish were called Paddy, Drunks and a lot worse words. Lastly, if you were not Jewish you were called a WASP.

I could go on and on, but in my day there were no Chinese, Japanese or Muslims in my neighborhood. If there were, I would have heard a lot of really bad words describing them. 

These were the words I grew up on. I still have friends who use those words. It's wrong, but it's the language they grew up with. However, if their actions toward someone were Racist they would not be my friends.

North Carolina's Congress, by the people and for the people, presented a racist law to their Governor. Only because of outside pressure from major Corporations, the Governor vetoed the law. South Carolina's Congress, by the people and for the people, presented a racist law to the Governor and because nobody yelled holly hell, he signed the bill into law.

The interesting thing about this and the point of this blog is that nowhere in those laws were the racist words Pansys, Queen, Dyke, Queer , Fag or Homo. You see it's not the words in the laws that are racists it's the actions the law allows to happen against Gay and Transgender people.  

Sooo, let us all be a little more tolerant to people who every once in a while slip out a word that's not political correct.  However:

Let Us NEVER Be Tolerant To People, Corporations, Groups Or Religious Entities Who Are Bigots And Live By Racist Rules And Actions.

Bernie - If Only It Were True

Bernie - If Only It Were True

As you know I never shy away from controversy, Sooo, I decided to talk politics. Bernie Sanders' (if you don't know who he is, stop reading this blog and don't come out of your basement) ideas on how to run the government as President sound good at the podium, but just won't work in real life.

Reduce taxes for the middle class and raise taxes significantly for the rich was tried and tried again and didn't work. In the Seventies rich people and corporations paid 50% Federal tax. Eventually, the economy started going downhill and the tax was lowered to 30%. Yes the rich got richer, but investment went up.

Free Health care for everyone. Free College tuition for everyone. Free chicken in every pot. This all sounds good, but it's Socialism not Capitalism. It just doesn't work. In a socialistic society instead of everyone sharing the wealth, everyone shares the poverty. 

Even China today is much more capitalistic than ever. When they took over Hong Kong, they accepted a one country two system rule. They did this because Hong Kong's system of capitalism works.

You might say that France does this today, but the French economy is nothing close to the American economy and their tax rate is 60%. England and France's health care is getting worse each year because of cutbacks. We already have Obamacare which I like a lot. The old saying: "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Bernie wants to make big changes to Wall Street and the big banks. Everybody hates Wall Street and the big banks until they look at their 401Ks. Do we need to make some prudent changes - sure! Do we need to stop them from making money - absolutely not. 

Wall Street and the big banks are not broken. We just have to stop them from cheating and ripping people off. In a capitalistic society everyone wins when the system allows everyone to make as much money as they can as long as they do it legitimately.  Our economy needs a healthy Wall Street and big banks. That's why Bernie's big ideas will never pass in Congress because both parties will never kill the golden goose.

Let me be very clear, I'm a strong Democrat when it comes to social issues. I'm a strong middle of the rode guy when it comes to fiscal issues. If I have to choose between parties, I just can't vote for any of the Republican Candidates because they are either too right wing or just crazy. 

Over my seventy one years I have learned that socialism just doesn't work.

Bernie, I love your passion. I even love all the things you stand for:

But, Your Big Ideas Will Never Happen Because Happily Congress Will Never Let Them Happen.

Papa's Got A Brand New Bag

Papa's Got A Brand New Bag

When was the last time you purchased a car? A few days ago I was sitting on the sofa with my tablet. I wondered if the 2016 version of my 2012 car had some of the electronic options I always wanted (like security options, automatic seats, navigation, etc.). 

When I realized it had all of them and more, I went on-line to determine what the new car should cost me and what my current car was worth. It only took a few minutes and I printed out the results. The next day I went to the dealer whom I purchased my 2012 car (I thought I would get a better deal because I was a previous customer).

The sales person was extremely friendly until the negotiations started. First he cried that he couldn't give me what the internet said my car was worth. We went back and forth on that for an hour. Each time he came back with a number (after seeing his manager) and each time the number was different. 

I felt like I was fighting a Sumo Wrestler. Telling him I'm walking away from the deal, we finally agreed on a price they would give me for my 2012 car. Then the fun started (not fun at all). He said he couldn't give me the price I wanted on the new car because he gave me such a good deal on my 2012 car.

I called bullshit. Another hour later and after him going back and forth to his manager. He gave me a price I could live with. I wasn't happy about it, but I really wanted the car with all the beeps and boops. 

BTW, the worst thing you can do in a negotiation is fall in love with the thing you're negotiating for. However, it was the car and the color I wanted and the final price was reasonable.

This is when things got ugly. Now that we agreed on the price of my trade in and the price of the new car, I told him I wanted monthly prices on a five year loan and monthly prices on a three year lease. I discounted the purchase option immediately because it was too much money. However, the lease price he presented me was acceptable.

Another hour later (we're up to three hours now (good thing my wife took her tablet with her so she could play "Words With Friends" while I was in negotiation hell)). Why did it take another hour? It's because the manager wouldn't accept the monthly lease rate the sales person presented me. We went back and forth, with him graveling trying to explain to me why the price kept changing. 

He was a wreck and I was a wreck. Was I really going to walk away after three hours for $30 more on the lease rate? Again, I really wanted my new car with leather seats that were adjustable in every direction, heated seats, a navigation system, a moon roof, safety features that would protect me from having an accident, a sound system that would blow you away if you turned it up past the middle volume, it had an automatic trunk door - just press a button and it goes up and down, large tires that gave the car a much more stable ride and a voice controlled system that lets you do everything the car does just by talking to it.  

I was hooked because my 2012 car didn't have any of these things. I accepted the offer. You probably think the situation was over and I'm going home with my new car - not yet. I had to sign a few papers with the leasing agent. Another hour later, after signing what seemed like three thousand papers. I and my wife could finally go home exhausted, confused, pissed off and never wanting to buy another car again.

A few days later I'm loving my new car.

                                        Papa's Got A Brand New Bag

Why Are We Attracted To Some And Not Others

Why Are We Attracted To Some And Not Others

I just got off the phone with my close friend Mohammad. He called me from Paris just to say hello. We haven't spoken for a few months and he just wanted to hear my voice and find out how I was doing. It was so great to hear from him and it got me wandering why someone so far away from me was such a close friend?

Mohammad had worked for me at my last company. I was his boss, but there was something about both of us that drew us close. That was over twelve years ago and we're still close friends (even though he moved to France). 

I had many other people who worked for me that I liked, cared for, respected and enjoyed their company. However, Mohammad was the only one who I befriended (and he befriended me) even after we were no longer working together.

I met my Ellen at the emotionally worst time of my life. I was going through a bad divorce and was not interested in getting involved with another woman. Then came Ellen! We were attracted to each other immediately. Why her?

Some scientists believe primates and humans give off something called Pheromones. This scent is picked up by others and if the scents are compatible with each other a bond is formed. Now, I'm not saying it's bullshit, but there has to be much more going on.

Then there is the other side of this blog. Why do some people put us off when we first meet them? You go to a party with thirty people and you start having conversations with some and ignoring or even repulsed by others. Why is this happening - I wish I knew?

Here is my list. If any of my readers think they know the answer please write me especially if I missed something on my list.

* Pheromones. I can't rule it out because scientists are very smart people. But, there must be other factors.

* Body language. When you first meet people you're sensitive to their body language. If it's inviting you're open. If it's standoffish you're closed.

*  Physical features. When you first meet people you can't help noticing there physical features. Do to the way you were brought up or the experiences you've had in life, certain physical features either attract you or make you want to run away. 

I've learned to not make a negative judgment until I have spoken to that person or seen them interact with others. Some people just can't do that. They won't take the time to listen or watch a person who has a physical feature that offends them. However, if there are physical features that attract us we want to at least see how they react to ourselves or others.

* The words that come out of their mouth. We are attracted to positive energy and we are not attracted to people who broadcast negative energy. We can tell by the words people use if they are kind, respectful, love life, self-aware, encouraging, engaging and hopeful.

We can tell by the words coming out of their mouth if they are boastful, hateful, not self-aware, need to always be right, see life as a challenge instead of an opportunity, love to complain, think others are out to get them, obnoxious and speak like they don't even like themselves.

* Their actions. Are they the life of the party or do they hide out in a corner and don't approach anybody? Do they talk to everybody or just trap someone in a corner and talk their head off. Do they embrace (high fives, hugs, etc.) the people they know at the party or just say a quick hello and go elsewhere.

Again I wish I knew the answer to the question:

Why Are We Attracted To Some And Not Others

Pot - Not The Thing You Cook In

 Pot - Not The Thing You Cook In

Like it or not legalized Pot will be in your state sooner rather than later. The reason is simple - it's a tremendous revenue generator.  Legalized Pot has saved some towns from going bankrupt. Legalized Pot has slowed down the cartels forcing them to move on to other drugs. Legalized Pot has allowed the Police to focus on much more important crimes.

What will happen if the country legalized Pot? The right answer is the same thing that happened when we legalized booze. Some people will become Potaholics, but the vast majority will not. Some people will drive under the influence and wreck their car or worse kill somebody. However, the reality is that less people under the influence of Pot do the things above than the people who are drunks.

How do I know all of this? The answer is I lived in Amsterdam for eighteen months. As a matter of fact my apartment was two stories above from a Bull Dog Cafe. I could get a contact high just by opening my window. Since Pot is legal in Amsterdam, there are many Cafes. The Bull Dog is the most popular chain in Amsterdam.

When I went to Amsterdam I thought there would streets and parks lined with potheads. Not True. Everybody was as normal as any of us in America. People mostly ride bikes in Holland. If everybody was stoned out of their mind do you really believe they could ride a bike in major traffic - no freaking way. Work productivity is at the same level as it is in the United States. Crime is down because nobody has to hurt somebody to get Pot. They just walk into a Bull Dog. 

Amsterdam takes drugs seriously. However, instead of punishing drug user (or prostitutes for that matter) the Government helps them. Yes, you can smoke Pot at a Cafe, but they are not allowed to serve you booze. Booze has to be sold at a non-pot owned store, cafe, or restaurant. You can take Pot home from a Cafe, but you can't smoke it in public surroundings. 

Growing Pot is controlled by the Government and taxed by the government. You have to control the growing part because Pot is a weed. Anybody can grow it. Just take a few good seeds throw them in good soil and with the right amount of water and sunshine you get Pot in about three to five months. This is why the cigarette and alcohol companies don't want Pot legalized because it's just a weed. No years of curing leaves or distilling alcohol.

The Dutch Government also has many treatment programs for Pot and other drugs (including booze). If you want to get off of Heroin all you need to do is go to a drugstore and get Methadone. Methadone will allow you to gradually decrease your dependency of Heroin.

If it works in Amsterdam, I'm sure it will work in America. Many would say: we already have an alcohol problem in this country why make it worse by Legalizing Pot. The answer is MONEY. If we can create a revenue source, we can use that money to help people instead of punishing them. 

We can lower crime. We can minimize underage kids from getting Pot if we take it off the streets and into stores forbidden to sell to kids. We can enable the millions and millions of Americans who already are smoking Pot to stop getting it from a crook who might be selling them Pot mixed with dangerous stuff. 

I'm telling everyone who hates this blog, Legalized Pot is coming like it or not. Prohibition sounds great, but we found out it just doesn't work. Give the people the freedom to choose. The vast majority will make the right choice. Help the people who make the wrong choice. 

Personally I don't like Pot. It changes my personality from being out there schmoozing with people to sitting on my sofa alone eating Twinkies. My choice is my glass of Scotch every day. 

Sooo, here is a toast to the responsible Alcohol and soon to be responsible Pot smokers of the world.