Respect

 Respect

You can't have true love without respect. You can't have true friendship without respect. In my opinion respect comes first before love even though many people believe love comes first. Here are a few of my things that should be respected.

*  Money. At a young age, I had an advantage in respecting money because we didn't have much. Money was our lifeline and could not be misused. IMO, younger people today don't respect money. They spend all their money when they get it.

Gambling is spending money you can't afford to lose. Buying more "stuff" even if you absolutely don't need it, is a lack of respect for your hard earned money. I'm not saying you should be a Miser or a cheap shit, but at least, put some of your hard earned dollars in an investment account. Old age is coming faster than you think.

Joyce and I asked each other: "what would we do with the money if we hit the Lotto"? We both said that after we secure our future, we would make sure the people we love never have to worry about money ever again.

* Respect for friends and family. Respect goes both ways. I would never respect anyone that didn't respect me. On the other hand, I give my respect to the people I first meet. However, should they not respect me back, they are no longer in my thoughts, my clan, and anyone I would want to do business with or call a friend.

*  Respect for one's life. How can you respect your life if you smoke two packs of cigarettes a day? How can you respect your life if you misuse drugs and alcohol? How can you respect your life if you don't care about what you put into your body?

Life is good. Life is not guaranteed. If you respect life, you'll respect yourself. If you respect yourself then you'll want to get the most out of your life that's available to you.

Getting respect should be important in your life. Giving respect should be important in your life.

Respect For Yourself Is The Most Important Part Of Your Life

What Is It Like To Be 79

 What Is It Like To Be 79

Nobody wants to get old. Sooo, I thought I'd give you the negatives and positives about old age.

Negatives about being 79

You get out of bed in the morning and get a sharp pain. You say; "where the hell did that come from." You slightly bump your arm on a chair and a red bruise the size of an orange shows up. Your skin is so thin, you can see large veins in your hands.

Your bowels get clogged up. Stool softeners, Senokot, and suppositories are your daily ritual. You see an ad on TV for a prescription drug. At the end of the ad they state the side affects include diarrhea. You think about calling your doctor and asking for that drug. You go into the garage and wonder why you went in there. 

The Positives about being 79

If you were smart about your finances, you have enough to retire on. The stress of working is diminished or gone. The whole purpose of retirement is taking back your life. Having control of what you do every day is a great positive.

Everything slows down. You're not pressed for time. Things that had to be done right away can be put off until you're ready. That 500 page book you always wanted to read can now be read. Spending quality time with friends and family is now your choice.

Spur of the moment decisions are available to you. Let's drive to XXX and have a fun day and night is something you can decide in the morning of that day. Doing nothing all day is your choice. Having time to clean the garage ,you've put off for years, can now be accomplished.

At 79, your life clock is ticking. Everything you are able to do should be appreciated. Having dinner with good friends used to be something you had plenty of time to do. At 79 you should appreciate the time you have with friends and family. You should appreciate your spouse. Since time is not on your side, kissing, hugging, and telling your spouse you appreciate and love her/him should be done now not sometime later. 

My favorite is life. At 79 loving life should be your top priority. Smell the roses. Watch the sunset. Life is good even with the negatives of being 79. BTW, this is me. I'm 79.

I Will Not Regret The Past Or Wish To Shut The Door On It

 I Will Not Regret The Past Or Wish To Shut The Door On It

If you have been reading my blogs, you know I've had a rough past. Divorce twice, my Ellen's death, not speaking to my two boys and grandchildren. Losing all my money twice because of the divorces. Major stress because of my bad marriages and managing many people at work. Being insecure caused me to lash out when my "not good enough" was challenged, and my many buttons that were pressed to hurt and control me.

With all that going on, you would think I would turn out to be a very negative person. The opposite is true. I got help with my insecurities and buttons. I still have a few buttons, but I don't react negatively if they should be pressed. One reason I love my wife Joyce is because she isn't a button pusher. 

Bob, helped me get over my insecurities by loving myself more than anything and anyone else. I'm much more emotionally bullet proof now than ever before. I've accepted the loss of my kids and built my happiness around my friends, family, a loving wife, and most importantly, loving myself. I recovered financially and this time I kept it. 

Do I regret my past - NO. I choose to believe that all the shit that has happened to me in the past has given me the appreciation of life I have today. Recovering from the past has given me the happiness I deserve. Knowledge of the past has helped me make better social and financial choices.

Self-help writers write: "the past is the past - live in the now."  I believe the now is the now because of what you learned from the past. By ignoring the past or shutting the door on the past, means you never learned a thing from the past. If you completely ignore the past, you may make the same mistakes in your now.

I know, for some of you, the past is too painful to remember. I suggest to you: "Pat yourself on the back" because lived through the past and are the great person you are now.

Regrets In The Past Or The Future Will Never Make You A Happy Person

Are You A Great Parent

 Are You A Great Parent

School teaches us many things. Books tell us many things. However, where do we learn about parenting - from our parents? Where do we learn about ourselves when we're in our 20s, probably not from school or others. Neither of these two learning experiences do much for becoming a great parent. We are pretty much on our own.

NOTE: I believe every 20+ person should spend time with a therapist to learn more about themselves.

I'm a good person. I don't lie (ever). I love life. I care about people and are there for the ones I love. I'm affectionate (I love to hug). I'm just one of the good guys. Sooo, was I a great parent - NO.

My first marriage was a disaster. I had lots of buttons and my wife pressed every one of them. I didn't handle it well and there was a lot of yelling by both of us. I was managing people at a very young age (my 20s) and the stress of work added to my problems at home.

With Bob's help, I got rid of my buttons at forty, but I didn't have a Bob in my 20s. So with the yelling and the work stress, I didn't do a good job parenting my two boys. By my 30s the stress and the yelling got so bad I thought I was going to have a nerves breakdown. I had to leave the marriage or I would never have a happy life.

At the time, I didn't realize the major impact my decision had on my two teenage boys. My oldest decided that the only way to live peacefully in the house was to get on his mother's good side. My youngest hated his mother and she made his life miserable. 

I moved an hour away and visited with the kids on weekends. I thought everything was going to be ok - I was wrong. My oldest only wanted to see me when he needed money. When I stopped giving him money, he stopped seeing me. My youngest always seemed angry with me but I didn't know why.

The bomb hit much later in life when my youngest told me he never wanted to talk to me ever again. He blamed me for leaving him to fend off with his mother. He was right. I chose my freedom from his mother over being there for him. I tried to connect, but his pain and anger was too much to change the situation.

Today, that freedom has cost me my two sons, my great daughter-in - law, and my two grandkids (they haven't contacted me in many years). I thought long and hard about what I could have done differently back then. 

I know I could have spent more time with the kids, but, at the time, I didn't have the emotional strength to stay in the marriage. I believe that if I stayed, the negative situation in the home would have had a major negative impact on the kids anyway. However, deep down, I still feel guilty for not staying. I know, should my youngest or the grandkids need me, I would be there for them. 

What Bob taught me at 40 was to forgive myself. By forgiving myself for my bad parenting in the past, I have used all my energy to love and be there for others in the future. My wife, my family and my friends have given me a wonderful life now and I appreciate all of them.

Is anybody a great parent? Have any of you struggled with raising your kids? Do your kids respect you? Do your kids really care about what's going on in your life? Have you made mistakes that affected your kids?

I hope everyone who read my blogs have a fabulous relationship with your children. If not, remember, you are a good person and if necessary, forgive them and yourself.