IT JUST SUCKS!!!

IT JUST SUCKS!!

To anybody that has been treated poorly by a loved one, I feel very sorry for you. It IS a horrible feeling. It makes you feel you're the bad one. It makes you feel you're not good enough. It makes you feel you're not loved by the person you love the most.  IT JUST SUCKS!!!

You do your best to please the person you love. You do your best to love the person you love unconditionally.  You do your best to acknowledge the person by praising him or her. You do your best to share your most intimate feelings. You do your best to ignore any of their faults because their good attributes far outweigh their less than good attributes. You love them and when they don't love you back - IT JUST SUCKS!!

How do you deal with that situation? One way is to get depressed. One way is to get angry. One way is to say to yourself they are ass-holes and don't deserve you, but that never works because you feel you don't deserve their love. One way is to remove them from your life. That doesn't work either because you love them too much.

One way is to accept they just don't love you as much as you love them. That way makes you angry at them and most importantly yourself.  One way is to try to let them SEE how much their actions affect your well-being. That will work if you believe there must have been a time when they did love you as much as you loved them.

I know that in my blogs I try to convince you that the most important person you have to love first is yourself. I still want you to believe that, but that's really hard when the other person doesn't love you for who you are.  

It's easy for me to say: "Just get that person out of your life." I had to do that twice before I met my love - Ellen. Divorce sucks the big one. It's painful and in the short term nobody wins. In the short term IT JUST SUCKS. However, in the long term it can become a big plus. It was for my first wife and it is for me.

If you ever find yourself in the situation stated above, do your best to talk it through with your love one. Don't give up easily. Maybe the other person doesn't realize the impact they are having on you.

You have to get closure on this situation with the other person. If you don't get that closure:

IT JUST REALLY SUCKS

Who Loves You Pretty Baby

Who Loves You Pretty Baby

When it comes to my wife - it's me. I love everything about her - well, maybe not her sarcastic sense of humor, but everything else. She's beautiful, loves to laugh (with a very distinctive laugh like her mother), smart, creative, very sexy, great chef, fabulous heart and the first time anyone meets her they love her. The most important thing is I know she loves me pretty baby.

What about you? Who loves you pretty baby? I can't tell from the people I know because I don't live with them day in and day out. If I were to guess, I would say my friends from back east who have stayed married for many, many years love each other, care for one another and would be there for each other.

My California friends are newer to me so I wouldn't try a guess. Some of them act like they don't like each other, but I think that's a ruse. I believe they enjoy each other's company, care for one another and would be there for each other. I want to believe that because love is so important in life.

I also love my dog and she loves me back - unconditionally. She's getting older now and has bad hips. I know there will be a day when she will leave me. When that day happens, I will be as sad as I would be with any anyone I love except my wife because I can't love anyone or anything as much as I love her.

I know you like a lot of things, but who do you love and who loves you pretty baby? If you don't have that in your life, you need to make it a priority. The first love of your life has got to be YOU. If you don't love yourself you won't be lovable.

If you do love yourself, spread that love to as many people and things as possible. The more you love them, the longer the list of living breathing things you'll be able to answer the question when someone asks;

Who Loves You Pretty Baby

A wise man speaks when he has something to say. A fool speaks when he has to say something.

A wise man speaks when he has something to say. A fool speaks when he has to say something.

Plato said: A wise man speaks when he has something to say. A fool speaks when he has to say something. I know Plato was right, but what the hell does that saying mean? I guess it means something different to everybody who reads it. Sooo, here is what I think it means.

The wise person thinks before saying something. The fool is just flapping his gums to fill the space in the pregnant pause. Some of us think it's wrong to pause when asked a question. Those people are either really bright and can process the question and come up with a wise answer in milliseconds or a fool who will make shit up just to answer the question without the pause it takes to think it through.

What's wrong with the pause? Are you afraid they will think you're not smart enough to answer immediately? They won't think you're stupid if you can make them believe the pause is because you really want to get the right answer.

How do you do that - body language? If you stare straight ahead at the questioner with glass filled eyes, he will believe there is nothing going on inside your head. If you look down, again, he will believe there is nothing going on inside your head. However, if you look up and point one finger upward, he will be sure you are thinking of the right answer. He will also give you all the time you need to answer the question.

After thinking the answer through, what's wrong with saying: "Jill, I don't know the answer to your question?" I can tell you that's a lot better than making shit up just so Jill will think you're wise. The fool speaks when he has to say something.

I keep saying "he" because men are more macho and were brought up to believe it's a man's job to be considered wise (and we all know that's only 50% true). In my experience, women are more likely to say: "I don't know" than men.

On the other hand, women are more likely to answer the question with a question. It all comes down to attitude, ego or just trying please the questioner. I say, get rid of the attitude, the ego and the pleasing stuff and just answer the question the best you can even if you have to say:

"I Don't Know Shit"

Patience - I Have None

Patience - I Have None

I've always liked the joke of two vultures watching a guy struggling in the desert taking his last sit of water from his canteen. He eventually falls down exhausted. The vultures start circling the man waiting for him to die. After thirty minutes the vultures go back to their post and one says to the other: "patience hell I'm going down there and kill the son of a bitch."

When I came out to LA from Philly I noticed California's would wait on line while the check-out person was having a conversation with the customer in front. "did I ever show you the pictures of my Grandchildren?" Being five customers back I was thinking: "did I ever show you the knuckles on my fist?" Patience - I have none.

Do California drivers buy cars that don't have horns? I ask because they never use them. I'm waiting in traffic when the light changes to green and the person in the car in front of me is on his phone and not paying attention to the traffic that has moved in front of him. I try my best to be a good Californian, but after a few pregnant pauses, I blast my horn to wake the son of a bitch up. The funny thing is the other Californian in their cars look at me like I did something wrong. Patience - I have none.

I have a reservation at a Chinese restaurant. My wife and our two other friends arrive exactly on time. I ask the Chinese host how long a wait. He says: "five minutes." fifteen minutes later I go up to the host again and ask the same question. He says: "five minutes." Ten minutes later I go up to the host and say: "we drove a long time to get here on time. We've been waiting almost thirty minutes and you keep telling me five minutes. There are many open tables. WE are going to sit down at one of them NOW, no discussion. Patience - I have none.

Some say patience is a virtue. I say bullshit. I realize impatience has a few draw backs. Impatient people are more stressed, more frustrated, you make more wrong decisions and are not as happy. However, being too patient will also make you too stressed, frustrated, you make more wrong decision and become unhappy.

Sooo, where is the balance? For me, there is none. Honking my horn at an idiot is stress relieving. Yelling at a check-out counter person to move faster than a dead turtle relieves my frustration and when the line starts to move faster I get a smile on my face (even though the other people on line think I'm a jerk). To those people I say:

Patience Hell - I have none.

Religion's Effect On Young People

Religion's Effect On Young People

I'm not religious sooo, you probably feel I have no right to discuss Religion's effects on young people. You also feel that I don't know what I'm talking about or that I'm just making shit up. On all accounts, you're probably right. However, the purpose of this blog is to give you some food for thought (whether you agree or not).

Ninety percent of us can't remember what life effects happened to us when we were five years old. I know I don't. However, what do you think is going on a small child's forming brain when he or she sees a guy in anguish, bleeding from both hands and feet, because they were nailed to a cross? Even though I don't know shit, I don't think that could be a good thing.

What do you think a young child believes when he or she confronted by a religious adult man who says gay people are sinners or worst less that human. Even though I don't know shit, if that bigoted point of view is also coming from that child's parents, that small vulnerable child will probably live life with bigoted feelings inside.

What do you think a five or eight year old believes when he or she is told over and over again that GOD (any GOD - Jewish, Christian, Muslim, etc.) will set their path. That GOD's will is why things good or bad happen. That everything you do must be in the name of GOD. That what's in the Bible, Torah, Koran, etc. is the truth and must be followed without question. Even though I don't know shit, I do know that nobody has seen, touched or heard this GOD and he only exists because a human being says he exists.

Even though I don't know shit, I'm sure a human being or beings a long, long time ago wrote the words that are in these books. Their attitudes and prejudices were the attitudes and prejudices of that time not what's really going on today.

Even though I don't know shit, I can't believe those attitudes and prejudices should be brainwashed into a five or eight year old.

You religious people probably hate me by now, but do you really want some religion to tell your children what they must believe in, how they must act and what path they have to follow? 

I have no business telling anyone how to raise their children. However, all I'm asking is that, as parents, don't let a beautiful forming young brain be created by others. Tell your children that the religion you follow is not the only religion. Tell your children that the attitudes and prejudices of that religion are not the attitudes and prejudices of many other people. Tell your children that most importantly;

When they grow up, they have the right and the need to choose their path to happiness.

The Devil's In The Details

The Devil's In The Details

"Will you marry me?" "Yes, but what date do you have in mind?" "Also, your Mother hates me - will she have to come to the wedding?" "Lastly, who's going to pay for the wedding?" The devil's in the details.

"Pop, you said you would buy me a car when I became 18." "Yes son, I did say that, however, it's going to be a used car that has a lot of safety features." "Also, I expect you to learn how to do basic maintenance like change the oil." "Lastly, I expect you to get a job and pay for the insurance." The devil's in the details.

"John, let's agree to split the bill 50/50." "OK Sara, but you drink martinis and I drink cheap wine." "Also, it's not fair if you order your favorite - lobster and I eat my favorite a cheeseburger." "Lastly, you love desert and I don't." The devil's in the details.

I've spent 42 years of my life in business. There are two things I've learned in that time. First, the devils in the details. I have spent months working out a deal only to find that when we both put it in writing, what I thought the deal specifics were the other party had a very different view of the deal.

My relationships seemed easy. I thought we agreed on almost everything. However, when it came time to do the things I thought we agreed upon the opposite was true. 

When I was young buying a car was like going to war. Even after the salesman and I agreed on a price, by the time the finance guy got done with me the deal was a lot more expensive than the deal I thought we had. BTW, things are different now. Because of the internet I have all the bullets in my gun and the dealership winds up doing what I tell them the deal will be.

Before I tell you the second thing I've learned, I strongly suggest you never make a verbal contract with anyone. Get it in writing because the devil's in the details. I'm talking about your spouse, your best friend or your Mother or Father. If you want to be happy the rest of your life - get it in writing.

Now the second and most important thing I've learned in my many, many years is that no matter how detailed your agreement is, in time:

The Only Thing That's Curtain Is That Everything Will Change