Negotiating With Yourself

Negotiating With Yourself

We all know about negotiating with others. For two years I was in charge of finding companies to buy. Being a good negotiator was critical for me to do my job. Some people were easy to negotiate with and some were hard. 

The ones that were easy were the ones who believed with my philosophy - the best outcome was when it was a win - win for both parties. The hard ones were the ones who believed they had to win. I was even told by a negotiator: "Ken, I have to convince my boss that I got the better of you or he'll get another negotiator." BTW, the Japanese, Chinese and the Israelis were the hardest for me to negotiate. 

What we don't understand is that in many situations we are negotiating with ourselves. "Should I have another drink or not?" "Do I really want to break off this relationship?" "I'm trying to lose weight, but that fried chicken looks really good."

It's like there is a Devil on one shoulder and an Angel on the other. They rarely agree. Without a doubt, the Devil wants that drink, wants to end the relationship and for sure wants to eat that fried chicken. The Angel wants me to at least think before I act. 

The bottom line is it's my decision. Most of us are saying to ourselves: "what do I do - what do I do?" For some of us the Devil is much stronger than the Angel. A good negotiator knows when it time to walk away. They know when they have given as much as they are ever going to give. Now it's up to the other party.

The problem is we are both parties. We have to compromise with our self. Here is a compromise. If I'm the driver I don't give a shit what the Devil says, I'm not having another drink. If I'm not the driver than will that next drink make me feel bad the next day? If yes, the answer is no drink - if no, the answer is why not.

Here is another compromise. "I'm too fat so screw the Devil, I'm not eating that fried chicken." "I could lose a few pounds, but that fried chicken looks fantastic - I'll be good tomorrow."

My suggestion to you all is to step back from the Devil and the Angel and think about the negotiation between yourself. You know what's the right thing to do so:

Just Do The Right Thing For Yourself.

Screw Faith And Destiny Life Is Nothing But Timing

Screw Faith And Destiny Life Is Nothing But Timing

As you know I like watching movies and listening to music. To me, it's all about the words. "I listen to the writing." Two blogs ago I wrote about "If You Don't Have Feelings Are You Alive"? I got those words from a bad movie that had almost no lines in it that were note-worthy except " If You Don't Have Feelings Are You Alive"? 

Yesterday, I watched a pretty good comedy called "Stretch." The line I liked best was "Screw Faith And Destiny Life Is Nothing But Timing." Again, if you're reading my blogs (I'm getting close to 400 and read in twelve countries) you know I don't like people letting their life being defined or controlled by faith or destiny. However, is life really all about timing?

Was it timing when I met my third (and only) wife? Well, let me put it this way, had I met Ellen when I was twenty we would have never connected. I was so screwed up. I was insecure. My priorities were getting ahead in business. Happiness was a distant goal. Sooo, when it comes to my wife situation, timing was everything.

When I was miserable at my job, a friend had just interviewed for a job at an global internet company. It wasn't a good fit for her, so she recommended I interview for the job. I got the job and it was the best thirteen years of my career. 

Was that destiny or was it just great timing? The fact was my miserable job gave me the skills to win that job. Had I interviewed for that job years earlier I would have never been offered the job. Sooo, I think it was all about timing.

The problem I have with faith and destiny is that it takes me out of the equation. Therefore, I'm somewhat convinced that life is nothing but timing. However, I also believe:

Timing Is Nothing Unless You Take Advantage Of It

Things Happen For A Reason Or Do They

Things Happen For A Reason Or Do They

We all like to believe that things happen for a reason. For example, not getting that job you wanted probable means that the job wasn't as good as you expected or a better one is coming soon. A trip that was canceled probably means that I probably avoided something bad happening on that trip.

Maybe all that "things happen for a reason" thinking is pure bullshit. Maybe things just happen. Maybe there isn't any reason. It feels good to think that if something bad happens it's for a reason and a better outcome is in our future. However, the reality is - shit just happens.

Things don't have to happen for a reason. What has to take place is when bad things happen we need to make something good out of something bad. We have to believe we have the power to get a better job or go on a more fun trip.

If we sit back and just believe things happen for a reason, we might let life give us coal instead of strawberries. I could think that my not so great marriages, that led to divorce, happen for a reason. The fact is both divorces were the worst times of my life. The fact that I turned those bad times into finding the right person for me was my making not life making it for me.

Many religious people believe things happen for a reason and that a higher being will turn the not so good into good. To that I say: "I'm not waiting for a higher being to decide my destiny. I'm going to take actions to decide my destiny."

Political people like to think that if we get a wrong person or a great person in power it's because things happen for a reason. The fact is this good or bad politician is in power because he or she was voted in office by us. If we don't like what politicians are doing we have the power to vote them out.

Never give up your power to change your life. Never give up your power to have a happier life. Never give up your power to do your best to make this world a better place. Never give in to thinking that:

Things Happen For A Reason

If You don't Have Feelings Are You Alive

If You don't Have Feelings Are You Alive

You all know I love to watch movies. I even watch bad movies. Yesterday I was watching a "B" movie that was so bad I don't remember the title of the movie (oops, I looked it up on the web. It was called "Assassination Games" starring John Claude Van Damme. 

Out of all the bad writing (and acting) there was one line that got me. Van Damme was an assassin who killed for diamonds. One day he met a woman and treated her like she was nothing. She asked him " If You don't Have Feelings Are You Alive"?

That got him thinking, but it also got me thinking. A psychopath doesn't have feelings so is he or she really alive. If an artificial intelligent (AI) robot that is not programed to have feelings is it alive? What if it is programed to have feelings is it then alive?  

As Alexa, Google Home or other AI devices get smarter and smarter will they become alive. The answer is no until AI programmers figure out how to give these devices feelings. If you don't think it will never happen read this blog five years from now.

Most people believe that a robot/device that has feelings will make their life better. It will be like talking to a friend. However, beware, because as Stephen Hawking stated before he died "AI will be the end of mankind as we know it".

I choose to believe he might be right, but is that a bad thing? Mankind is doing its best to fuck-up this world as I'm writing this blog. I choose to believe that in the future an AI robot/device with feelings might make us humans wake up and realize that all these negative things that we are doing to each other and ourselves has to stop OR THEY WILL TAKE OVER.

What about us? If we don't have feelings for our fellow man are we alive? If we don't have feelings for what is happening to minorities, women, people of color or repression around the globe are WE alive? 

I'm sure you will say that no matter what your feelings are you still believe you are alive. I believe that when we stop caring, when we stop having feelings for all living things we are slowly losing our humanity. I contend:

When We Have Lost Our Humanity We are No Longer Alive

The Best Way To Create The Future Is To Invent It

The Best Way To Create The Future Is To Invent It

When we think of this statement we think High-Tech. Ninety percent of the future on how we communicate is the inventions of the High-Tech world. Word of mouth isn't High-Tech, but has a limited audience. The invention of the Teletype was a step closer and the land line phone was even a major step closer. However the creation of the internet opened up the world of communication.

Even the products themselves have evolved to make it easier and more fun to communicate around the world. We now live in a world where talking to a device will get us information in a second. We now live in a world where asking a device to help us communicate or do things to make our life better now exists.

The creators are working on giving us a world where we can fly from one end of the world to the other in one hour. The creators are creating a time when we could be living on another planet. The creators are working on creations that will help people who lost a limb (s) or can't move their legs or upper body. Those creations (that are not that far away) will get disabled people to be able to do things that people without those disabilities can do today. 

The creators are working on creating a world where the worst diseases will no longer kill us. The creators are working growing hair and an oil that is good and healthy for us so we can eat all the fried food we want. WOW, all the fried chicken you can eat - HOOO-RAY.

What about us nonscientists or non-High-Tech people (like almost all of us)? Can we be creators of the future? Well, let see. We can put money aside so we can live a good life for the length of time we are around this world. We can spend the money to insure we don't lose everything in a disaster, major illness or just when shit happens.

We can create a healthier body by eating well and working out. We can create a happier life by making future decisions (as painful as it might be) that will lead to our happiness.

The bottom line is, let's not wait for the High-Tech or other creators make our life better. Lets use what they create to enhance our living experience now.

Never Forget, We Have A Say In Our Future 

If You Can Shape It In Your Mind You Will Find It In Your Life

If You Can Shape It In Your Mind You Will Find It In Your Life

If you read my blog "Superstitions  Horoscopes  Fortune Cookies" (see below) you know I don't hold the fortunes in fortune cookies in high regard. However, I do open fortune cookies because I like to eat the cookie. 

Once you open a fortune cookie it's hard to not read the fortune. The other day I came across a fortune that got me to take a step back. 

"If You Can Shape It In Your Mind You Will Find It In Your Life"

Sayings like this are in your mind's eye to interpret. I've had many situations in my life where that saying became true. I shaped my career. I didn't just sit back and let happen, I shaped it. I left a technical management position to become a salesperson because I believed I needed sales experience to get higher up in the company - It worked and I found it in my life.

I took a demotion to move from an executive position in finance to get back to marking - I shaped my thinking to find a better life in the thing I loved - marketing. I knew my marriage was not going to lead me to happiness so I put in my mind a life without my marriage - It worked and I found it in my life.

At seventy-three I'm still shaping my life to create a better life. I hope you are doing the same.

Sooo, I guess all fortune cookie fortunes aren't bullshit. I'll probably keep reading them to find the one that can make a different in my life.

Superstitions  Horoscopes  Fortune Cookies

Superstition is a pejorative term for belief in supernatural causality: that one event leads to the cause of another without any natural process linking the two events

World Superstitions

The French believe that handling a loaf of bread upside-down or placing it upside-down on the table will brings hunger and bad luck to both the giver and the recipient.

Russia, There is a belief that unmarried people should avoid sitting at the corner of the table. They will find difficulties finding their life partner and will not get married.

One superstition held in Germany that if someone has difficulty dying, one may ease the process by lifting up three tiles on the roof.

In China, the color white is associated with death/mourning. It is best to avoid sending invitations or flowers in white, money in a white envelopes are called 'pak kum' usually given to the family of the deceased to help with the funeral cost

In Japan, it is believed that you'll have a short life if you sleep at night with your head facing north. It is customary that Japanese corpses are laid with their head facing north during 'wake' ceremony.

Common superstitions

Beginner's luck

Don't walk under that ladder

Black cats crossing your path

A rabbit's foot will bring you luck

Bad luck comes in threes

Careful with that mirror

666

Knock on wood

Make a wish on a wishbone

Cross your fingers

No umbrellas inside

Friday the 13th

I'm not superstitious because I don't buy into the idea that supernatural causality where one event leads to the cause of another without any natural process linking the two events. What about you? What are your superstitions? Do you believe in them so strongly that you would control your life around them?

When walking down the street do you go around that ladder in front of you? I know you know that superstition is bullshit, but just to be sure, you avoid walking under that ladder. Your attitude is "who knows what could happen - I just don't want to give myself bad Juju.

How many of you keep something in your pocket or wallet that you believe will bring you good luck? How many of you have a money tree in your house? How many of you do everything you can to not break a mirror because you believe you'll have bad luck. How many of you buy into this fung-shway crap?

When I was young there was a superstition that when you're walking down the street you have to avoid stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk. The saying goes "step on a crack, break your mother's back." Could that superstition be any more stupid. I could go on and on with these ridiculous superstitions, but many believe in them.

The fact is that some people are paranoid about some superstitions. They actually let them have an impact on their lives and their happiness. Ask yourself, how the hell can a rabbit's foot or a coin bring you good luck? Do you really believe if you break a mirror or have a black cat run in front of you, you'll have bad luck? What the hell does a mirror or a black cat have anything to do with luck? As a matter of fact what the hell is luck? Believing in luck is probably the most insidious superstition of them all.

Shit happens all the time. You can't control the future no matter how much you plan for it. Superstitions are statement in the future. Sooo, if you can't control the future then how can a superstition which is based on hundreds or thousands of years of folklore, actually have an impact on your future. Get with it people, you know it's bullshit. However, just in case, maybe you should knock on wood if something good happens to you.

You now know how I feel about superstitions, how do you think I feel about Horoscopes and Fortune Cookies. If you said "bullshit" then you know me. I'm not talking about people who read your horoscope by learning about the date and time you were born or in what moon you were born into. I believe that's as much bullshit as someone reading your cards and telling you what happened in the past and what's going to happen in the future.

However, many people put their faith in these Soothsayers. Who am I to judge. Oh, that's right, I'm a normal thinking individual who doesn't believe in faith in the first place (see my previous blog titled "Faith."

When it comes to horoscopes, I'm talking about the ones in the newspaper or other media. Do you really believe that today is not a good day to try something new? Who are these horoscope writers talking about anyway? Are they talking about my 89 year old mother who is nothing like a close friend of mine who just happens to be born on the same day?

You can't really believe that the daily horoscope is correct for the tens of thousands of people (who are all different and born in different years) who read and react on these bullshit horoscopes. Do you realize these daily horoscopes are written by a news writer who was delivering internal mail six months before he or she was asked, by the editor, to write the daily horoscope. If you do, then I know a surgeon who is a master at performing lobotomies.  

Now for those of you who believe in horoscopes, you must believe in the fortunes inside Fortune Cookies. Sooo, let's take an example. Speaker of the House of Representatives in Congress, John Boehner goes to Panda Express to get his Chinese lunch. He gets back to his office in Congress and opens up his Fortune Cookie. It says: "your personality will win over everybody." Speaker Boehner reads the fortune, goes out of his office and runs through Congress waving his fortune while screaming: "I have a personality, I have a personality, I have a personality!!!

Get real people! These cookies have fortunes written by a machine and then stuffed into a weird shaped cookie. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! However, if your desperate for good news (BTW, there is never bad news in a Fortune Cookie) hold off on getting the lobotomy and allow the fortune to put a smile on your face.

The bottom line is that if you believe in Superstitions, Horoscopes and Fortune Cookies and that helps you get through the day, I'm all in favor of it. However, just make sure you say to yourself,

I know its bullshit, but just in case...