OH Shit

OH Shit

When was the last time you had an "OH Shit" moment - probably not too long ago. "OH Shit" moments come in two flavors - good shit and bad shit. A good "OH Shit" moment is when you hit the lottery. "OH Shit, I can't believe I hit the lottery." A bad "OH Shit" moment is when you lose your wallet. "OH Shit my wallet must have dropped out of my bag."

In life, the more good shit moments you have the happier your life becomes. However, in life, the more bad shit moments you have the more negative your life becomes. Sooo, how do you create more good shit moments? 

One simple answer is DON'T DO BAD SHIT! Don't we all wish it was as simple as that? Take it from me, life is never that simple. Shit happens no matter how hard we try to avoid bad shit. A wallet falling out of your pocket is only the tip of the iceberg. Someone backing into your car is a bad "OH Shit" moment. The doctor telling you the dot on your lungs is cancer is a really bad "OH Shit" moment.

Sooo, unless you do stupid things like driving high on crack and smashing your car into a pole, you can't completely stop bad shit from happening. Therefore, that leaves us with only one solution - your happiness depends on how you react and then act on the bad shit.

This may be hard to accept, but it's your actions that will determine if a bad "OH Shit" moment will ruin your happiness. Believe it or not, you are in control to never say "OH Shit" when bad shit happens. Someone hits your car, get it fixed. Someone steals your wallet, replace it. Someone cheats you out of money, live with it and never put yourself in that position again.

On the other hand, you are also in control when good shit happens. Don't just think how lucky you are when you experience a good "OH Shit" moment - believe you deserve it. Never forget a good shit moment especially when you go through a bad shit moment. Pile up all your good shit moments in your brain so you can focus yourself on all the good shit that has happened in your life.  

Now, that's the real secret of a happy life.

If you haven't noticed, by the time this blog is finished, I will have said "shit" thirty two times. That a lot of shit.

Sooo, make sure you deal with the bad shit and focus your life on the good shit.

I Always Thought That If You Have Your Health You will have everything

I Always Thought That If You Have Your Health You will have everything

Now I'm seventy and have bad knees, a bad back, my shoulder hurts and a neck that will only turn thirty degrees. Sooo, you might assume that I don't have everything. That's not true. My heart is in great shape, my brain is fantastic (although I sometimes have CRS (Can't Remember Shit) and my mental outlook on life is the best it's ever been.

I know way too many people who have great health and are not happy with their life. Sooo, it takes much more than fantastic health to have everything. If you're not enjoying your life now, good health won't make it better. However, if life sucks now, bad health will only make it worse.

On the other hand, if you love your life now and you have good health, you have the best of both worlds. Some of us are easily disrupted when our good health turns to shit. You forget all the good stuff in your life and begin to focus on the aches and pains. That's a death spiral toward an unhappy life.

You can't keep getting older and avoid some health problems. It's how you handle them that will determine if you can live with them and still have a happy life or let them bring them down. 

Getting Cancer is no longer a death issue (unless you're already in stage four). You can let the Cancer make you miserable or you can live the best life you can while fighting to the death to prevent the Cancer from taking you away.

Let me restate a story I wrote in my first book "Never Buy A Hat If Your Feet Are Cold - Taking Charge Of Your Career And Your Life:"

"A guy, in Africa, is being chased by tigers. He's running like hell to get away from the tigers when he finds himself at the edge of a cliff. The tigers are coming at him. He looks down the cliff and sees a vine that goes from the top to the bottom. He starts to shimmy his way down the vine. He gets half way down, looks up and there are those tigers sitting there waiting for him. Then he looks down and, guess what, more tigers down below.

There he is, mid-way down the cliff. He has tigers up above and more tigers down below. He looks straight ahead and sees a strawberry bush growing right out of the cliff. He plucks one of the strawberries and eats it. It is the best strawberry he has ever had."

If your life is tigers up above and tigers down below, always remember there are strawberries right in front of you that are delicious."

Your health should never determine your happiness. Your health should never determine your love of life. It's great when it's good, but life can still be great even if your health is bad. Remember:

There Are Many, Many Great Tasting Strawberries In Your Life. Make The Time To Enjoy Them Today.

Handicapped - The End Of A Life??

Handicapped - The End Of A Life?? 

I'm not talking about handicapping a horse race - I'm talking about being handicapped or disabled and how it affects your life. Describing a handicapped or disabled person is not straight forward. Someone who has lost a body part(s) is obvious. However, people can be handicapped via mental illness, phobias, weight (obese or too thin), fears, problems with anger and major problems with insecurity or dyslexia. 

I'm sure everyone who reads my blogs is either handicapped in some way or knows someone who is handicapped. Is this the end of your or their life? It depends on how you or they look at it.

My wife's uncle was extremely handicapped because he had Muscular Dis-trophy. However, his brain was intact and he was brilliant. He was interesting to talk to because he had past and current knowledge about many, many subjects. The thing I was shocked to see was the control he had over the people that loved and supported him. He got what he wanted even though he had limited use of his limbs.

Was he unhappy about his situation - YES! Was he depressed about his situation -NO! He loved life and found a way to get the most out of life even with his limitations.

We read so many stories about handicapped people who have made a great life for themselves - can you spell Stephen Hawking. These stories are heartwarming, powerful and should remind us that life is worth living even if things aren't perfect.

What I refuse to understand why people, who are not handicapped in any way, believe life is not worth living or are just going through the motions of life unhappy. Life is never perfect, but it has to be better than the alternative. Handicapped people are just happy to be alive. How could we believe they must be happier than us non-handicapped people?

The bottom line is that handicapped people are focused on what they can do to get as much out of life as they can. Too many of us are focused on what's wrong with our life and why those things are making us unhappy. To stop this negative way of living your life:

Try, For One Day, Reading Or Viewing Handicapped People And Their Quest For A Better Life Without Thinking About Your Life. Maybe Some Of That Positive Energy Will Rub Off On You.

Dirty Laundry

Dirty Laundry

Gossip (general)

1-Idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others

2- A person given to tattling or idle talk

Yenta (Jewish)

1- A person, especially a woman, who is a busybody or gossip

I only picked those two definitions because I don't know what the words are in other cultures. If you do, please let me know. The interesting thing to me is that the people I know who are either a Gossip or a Yenta never have anything good to say. They love Dirty Laundry.

The press, TV and all other media are the same - they love Dirty Laundry. The reason they love it so much is because WE love it so much. Dirty Laundry gets your attention. Dirty Laundry makes you feel your life isn't so bad. Dirty Laundry makes you feel you are getting information that nobody else knows (which is bullshit). The bottom line is - Dirty Laundry is FUN.

Tell me is "John is such a loving husband" more fun than "John is making in-and-out with Joan his administrator." The answer isn't no, the answer is HELL NO!  We love it even more when we get Dirty Laundry about rich people, powerful people and/or famous people.

Dirty Laundry is much different than negative energy. The media spewing out negative news is not fun. Friends, family or any other person or group giving you negative energy is depressing. Depressing is NOT FUN! 

Some of us don't like people who Gossip or don't like a Yenta. I say, bring them on. Even if the Dirty Laundry coming out of their mouth is bullshit - it still FUN. We all know the crap information being written in rag sheets like The Star, National Inquirer, The New York Daily News, etc. etc. are at most fifty percent accurate, however, most of us look at the front page on our way to the check-out counter.  

Why Do We Look? Because Dirty Laundry IS FUN!!

The Love Of Your Life

The Love Of Your Life

Remember when you were absolutely in love with someone. I'm not talking about lust, I'm talking about IN LOVE. Wow it felt so good. Come a birthday or anniversary you had to go through a hundred cards to fine the one that said everything you wanted to say to the one you love.

I'm one of the lucky ones who after thirty years am still absolutely in love with my wife Ellen. If you're one of the lucky ones that are currently madly in love, don't look for a card, just send this blog to the one you love or download The Commodores 20th Century Album and play it for her (or him). Believe me you'll get all that love back.

Just To Be Close To You 
By The Commodores

Just to be close to you girl
Just for a moment, well just for an hour
Just to be close to you girl
Oh well ah baby aw

You know I've been thru so many changes in my life girl
Aw I've been up real high where I thought I didn't need anybody
Aw and then again I've been down real low where
There was no one in my life who needed me
Aw and I found that material things I thought had so much value
Aw girl didn't really have any value at all

There was a lonely man
A man with no direction, with no purpose
With no one to love and no one to love me for, for me
Aw girl then you, then you came into my life
You made my jagged edges smooth
You made my direction so clear and you aw woman
You became my purpose my reason for livin' girl

You see you're my heart, you're soul
You're my stone inspiration
Baby oh that's why I'm standin' here singin'
And opening my arms to you
I wanna say child why don't you
Take my hand and we'll live in love forever
Yeah take my hand ooh, we'll be alone you and me yeah

Take my hand girl
We'll live our lives together yeah together
Together yeah together
Just to be close to you girl
Just for the moment baby, just for an hour
Just to be close to you girl, hey, ooh

I've been out there searchin' so very long baby
Searchin' to find somebody just like you
And for some folks it takes a lifetime sugar
To find in this world a dream come true
Why don't you take my hand
Oh, we'll live in love forever yeah
Take my hand girl, we'll be alone you and me
Take my hand we'll spend our lives together,
Together, together, together
Just to be close to you girl
Just for the moment just for the hour
Just to be close to you girl
I need you baby

To make love to be loved by you baby
To have your warm body close to mine
To whisper words that make you feel like a woman
Girl I know our love will stand the test of time
Just to be close to you girl

For the moment baby, for the moment baby
For the moment baby
For the sugar, sugar, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Ooh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
My arms are still burnin' girl
Ya got me yearnin' for your love
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

No Better Way To Find Happiness Than Being In Love

How Do I Deal With A Bully

How Do I Deal With A Bully

Bully: a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

When we think of a bully we usually think of a young person bullying another young person. However, there are more adult people that use bullying tactics to get what they want - can you spell Donald Trump.

Bullies usually become the way they are by being bullied by their family members. Bullies are usually insecure, unhappy, don't feel good enough and believe the only way they can get what they want is by blustering, being quarrelsome, intimidating and badgering others.

Bullies come in all flavors. Husbands, wives, friends, family members, bosses and leaders (not true leaders - read my book "A True Leader Has Presence"). I would guess that everyone reading my blogs has dealt with a bully in their life.

The fact is we should feel sad, sympathetic and empathetic toward the unhappy bully. The more we hate the bully the more the bully will bully. The more we fear the bully the more the bully will bully. The more we cave in to the bully the more the bully will bully.

The most hurtful tactic the bully uses is finding your weakness and pressing your weakness buttons. The bully pushes you to respond which you usually do by defending yourself. Many times we just give in to the bully because we can't handle the stress. The more we resist the more the bully will insist. 

Losing an argument is a crushing blow to the insecure bully. Not getting what the bully wants makes them angry, frustrated and sometimes physically aggressive. Sooo, How Do We Deal With A Bully?

The obvious answer is to get rid of your buttons (see my blog called “Buttons, Buttons Please Stop Pressing My Buttons”). That’s very hard to do, but should you ever reach that level of self-love, you will never be bullied again. If you haven't reached that stage, I have the following suggestions:

Don't Respond

Don't React

Never Defend

When getting bullied hold back a response, take a deep breath and think before you react and never, yes never, defend yourself. If you become defensive the bully will become more defensive. If you try to defend yourself the bully will find every way possible to disavow your defense. No good will come from this ta to ta with the bully.

During that deep breath you have to consider the consequences of not giving the bully what he wants. Feeling badly, feeling stressed, feeling insecure, feeling overpowered are NOT consequences you should consider.

Knowing (not feeling) you WILL get fired might be a good reason to give the bully what he wants. However, even then, it's your decision to give in which enables you to feel you're in power of the situation. Ninety percent of the time the consequences are so minor you need to find better language to respond to the bully. Here are some of my suggestions:

"I understand where you're coming from"

"Let me think about that"

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

"Can I get back to you on that"

"Can we stay friends and just agree to disagree"

"I understand your point and will seriously take that into consideration"

You might say: "it's just not worth dealing with a bully." I say: 

"You'll never be happy, you'll never feel good enough and you'll never get rid of the bully if you don't deal with him."

 

Why Do We Worry

Why Do We Worry

Show me someone that says they never worry and I'm calling a BIG bullshit. We evolved to worry. If we didn't worry about anything we would be easily taken advantage of. If we didn't worry about anything we would get robbed or worse. If we didn't worry about anything we would never realize that some of our friends were not really good friends. If we didn't worry about anything we would let a cold or a physical problem turn into something much worse. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Worrying about something we can take action on is a good thing. Worrying about something we have no control of is a bad thing. Worrying about what might happen in the future can be a good thing if you do things today to prevent or accept what might happen. However, in general, worrying about what might happen in the future is usually a bad thing.

We mostly worry about actions we don't have control of. "It's been two months and I haven't gotten my tax refund. I'm worried it got lost in the mail." "This up and down stock market has me worried that I will lose all my investments." "My back has been killing me for weeks. I'm worried I might need an operation."

All of this worry stress is just making things worse for you. None of the statements above will destroy your life. You (or your accountant) can fix the possible problem even if your check did get lost in the mail. The absolute worst that might happen is the check is lost and the IRS won't give you the refund money. The possibility of that is so small, but even if that happened, you WILL survive without the money. You have less chance of surviving if you let the stress of worrying about it make you very sick.

The stock market has been going up and down for all the years it's been in business. If worrying about it is making you very unhappy put your money under your bed. OOPS, then you'll worry someone will steal it. Putting yourself in this "catch 22" will never make you happy. Just be smart about your investments and STOP WORRYING!

The stress from worrying about your bad back is probably making your bad back bad. Go to a doctor. If you need an operation, get it done. You will only survive if you stop worrying about it. I could give you many, many more examples, but you're the one who's worrying. 

Stress and anxiety are happiness killers. Stress and anxiety create many health (including mental health) related problems. Therefore, what the hell good is worrying? Well, like I said above, a little worrying might get you off your ass and take action on the thing you're worried about. However, in general, worrying does not serve you. 

Sooo, when you start to worry about anything, take a deep breath and say to yourself "is worrying about this doing me any good? Is worrying about this going to solve what I'm worried about? If I don't have any control over what I'm worried about, why should I worry about it now? I'll just see what happens and then deal with it." 

The most important thing you have to convince yourself about is:

Why Am I Worrying? I Know I Will Survive!

Is There Anything More Important Than Family

Is There Anything More Important Than Family

Five million years ago when the first humans came on the scene family was critical in securing their living conditions. Kids had to grow up quickly and be able to protect the family unit. Hunting and gathering was second to protection. Nobody left the family to explore. Exploration was done as a family. Sticking together was critical and anybody that didn't stay with the plan was sent out on their own. Most of them died.

500 BC the Roman Empire began. By 100 BC the Empire became a dictatorship. In 476 AD the Roman Empire fell. There were many reasons for the collapse; however some believe the disintegration of the family unit played a part. 

Everybody were screwing everybody. The kids were treated like shit. Poverty forced everyone to fight for their own self-preservation. The family moral code stopped existing. Even the very rich families fought each other to gain wealth and a higher position in life.

One hundred years ago the family unit was critical again. Everyone had to do their part or the family would fall apart. That could lead to starvation, financial disaster, in-fighting and/or a lot more negative things. The family name meant something. Families traveled together. Spouses stayed together even if they didn't get along with each other. Their kids were the most important thing in their lives.

This family bond got even stronger during the Second World War and lasted through the fifties and early sixties. Then the seventies happened.

The Vietnam War pulled apart the family unit. The government took kids from their families. Husbands and boyfriends were drafted. The younger generations were pissed at the older generation because they didn't want to fight a war they didn't believe in. Teenagers and college students rebelled. The family unit was no longer important to them. They openly spoke out against their parents and their government.

This dramatic change in the family unit is happening today. Kids are more mobile and independent. Parents are working, traveling and having fun without their teenagers and the teenagers are glad to see them go. Their kids' family unit now consists of friends, gangs, cults, etc. Mothers and fathers are there for shelter, money and food. Very few families work to support each other anymore. Mom and dad do their thing and we do our thing.

Spouses don't stick together if they don't like each other. Grown-up kids live in distant locations from their parents. They have their own life to deal with and only occasionally do they call, email, text or see (rarely) their parents. 

The ones in their twenties and thirties that are still living with their parents are consider losers. They usually don't like their parents and don't appreciate what they are doing for them. The parents are bombarded by friends and relatives telling them to force the kids out of the house so they can make their own life. The parents are too weak and/or afraid to send them packing.

Sooo, is any of this situation a good thing? Kids living at home in their twenties and thirties - NO!! Families that stay in touch even if they are separated by many miles - YES!

The family unit living, breathing, eating and shitting together is no longer necessary. Except for a few counties in America and around the world, most families are apart by the time the kids are twenty. Independence is a good thing. Having the kids out of the house so the parents can do the things they couldn't do when the kids were around is a good thing. A Kid making their own life for themselves is a good thing.

Sooo, is there anything more important than family - YES! Loving life, being happy, being loved, being trustworthy and always doing the right thing (family or no family) are more important.

However, is there great value in families caring about each other - Yes! Is there great happiness when the spouses like each other, stay together and always hear from their kids - YES! YES! YES!