If You Want To Do Something, Find A Way

 If You Don't Want To Do Something, Find An Excuse

I'm not sure where I read that statement, but I somewhat agree with the first statement and disagree with the second.  Let's take them apart:

"If you want to do something, find a way."  

I can agree with that statement as long as the "something" is doable.  I want to be a National Football League Quarterback, but I don't have the skills, the physical attributes nor the experience to find a way.  

I wanted to retire at sixty two so I had to find a way.  My wife and I saved our money.  We didn't buy cars, houses or stuff we couldn't afford.  We stayed in the same home for over twenty years.  We agreed to tighten our belt and spend less after I retired.  That's what I call finding a way.

If I wanted to be a Rocket Scientist, I could have found a way.  I have the brains.  I spent my career in computers.  What I don't have is the knowledge and the experience.  Knowledge comes from reading, teaching and experience.  I could spend my available hours reading and going to school.  I could take a low paying job getting coffee for a real Rocket Scientist.  Picking his brain, as I learn, could get me a little higher job in the field.  Years later I would get an even higher job and after many years I would be a Rocket Scientist.

You see, there is a difference in finding a way to do something and wanting to do something.  I believe I could be a Rocket Scientist, but I don't want it enough to spend the years I have left in my life getting there.  Also, I'm loving retirement, my guitar, the people I mentor, my wife, my dog, my time with my friends and my blogging.

If you decide you want to do something, you will find a way if:

• You have the skills.
  
• You have the mental capacity.
  
• You have the physical attributes necessary to make it happen.
  
• Most importantly, you have the strong desire to get what you want because getting it will improve your life, make you happier and put positive energy into your life.

"If you decide you don't want to do something, find an excuse."

I really don't agree with that statement.  My statement would be: "If you don't want to do something, don't do it."  If you really don't want to take your grandchildren for the weekend, don't do it.  That's right, tell your son or daughter you don't want to do it.  If they really want to have some private time without their kids, they "will find a way."  Also, they will be upset because you said no, but they'll still love you.

Making up some bullshit excuse is the wrong course.  "We have other plans that weekend" won't work.  What if they say: "that's OK dad, we can do it the next weekend."  Now you're trapped.  Are you going to say to them you also have plans for the following weekend?  They're not stupid.  It will hurt them more if you give them an excuse they know is bullshit then if you tell them the truth.

Don't cop out.  Just tell them the truth which is you really don't want to do it.

If you don't want to lend money to a friend or family member, don't do it.  If they get pissed off at you because you said no, so be it.  A true friend will understand.  A true friend will not ask for money because they know it might negatively impact their relationship with you.

Making up excuses to soften the blow is chickening out.  Excuses like: "I'd have to ask my wife and I'm sure she wouldn't go for it," I'll try to get the money - call me next week,"  "things are tight right now - maybe I can help you a month from now" will all be thought of as dishonest excuses.

Don't cop out.  Just tell them the truth which is you're not going to give them the money because you worked hard to get it and you know lending money is the best way to screw up a friendship.

People use excuses because they fear if they just say no they won't be liked.  Thinking you're doing it so you don't hurt the other person's feeling is bullshit and doesn't work.  They'll know your just making up an excuse.  Real people want the truth.  Real friends will respect you more if you tell them the truth.

Making up excuses so you won't feel guilty is not a way to run your life.  You're not guilty.  You're not doing anything wrong.  You know who you are and like yourself just the way you are.  Therefore, if they don't like you telling them your real feelings they're not the people you want in your life.

Lastly, never make excuses for yourself.  What I mean by that is, if you and others feel you should take that promotion, but you really don't want the stress, don't make up some internal bullshit excuse to yourself.  "I can't take it now because I'll disappoint my current manager,"  "I can't leave this project just now, I'm sure I'll get another chance later," "the people who work with me now will have to work harder if I leave."  These are just bad excuses for something you really don't want to do.

Don't cop out.  Tell yourself, your spouse and your family, I love my current job and I don't want the stress of the new job even if it give us more money.  

Please believe me, any decision you make for your happiness is a great decision.  Bullshit excuses are always bad decisions.