What About Me

What About Me

I was on the phone to my mother telling her I just decided to separate from my first wife. The first words out of my mother's mouth were: "what about my grandchildren?" The next words out of my mouth were: "WHAT ABOUT ME!" 

The phone went silent on the other end. My mother knew how unhappy I was in my marriage. She knew I had done everything to keep the family together. She knew this was going badly for years. She knew I would do everything to take care of the kids. However, she always saw me as invincible. I was the strong one in the family who could deal with anything. 

In the three words: "WHAT ABOUT ME," she realized I was not as strong as she thought. In those three words she realized I was venerable. In those three words she realized I was truly hurting inside. 

When the silence broke she said: "Kenny, I'm so sorry. I love you and know you've been dealing with this bad situation for a long time. All I can say is I'm sorry again for hurting you even more." I love my mother and knew she meant what she said. 

In the end everybody came out OK. My EX went on to have a rewarding career and married a great guy. My kids are doing great. My mother and I loved each other until she died at ninety.

Sooo, when was your last "WHAT ABOUT ME" moment? You probably have had many, but kept them inside. You probably have had many moments where you felt like the outside world has put you in second or third position. You probably think that when that happens I want you to stop keeping it inside and scream out: "WHAT ABOUT ME!" If you do, you're wrong.

"WHAT ABOUT ME" is a victim statement. "WHAT ABOUT ME" says others should feel sorry for you. "WHAT ABOUT ME" means you're not sure you can make a bad situation right. "WHAT ABOUT ME" states you don't have control of your happiness.

When I said: "WHAT ABOUT ME" to my mother, I felt every one of the things above. I know now I should have said to my mother: "Mom I know you're worried about the kids. I promise you I will make sure both my EX and my kids are OK. I just need to start a second chapter in my life so I can find real happiness. Mom I love you and I know you love me." 

I wasn't strong enough to make those statements back then. Are you strong enough to tell the outside world why they shouldn't treat you the way their treating you? Are you strong enough to love yourself even if they don't? Are you strong enough to focus on your happiness when they try to bring you down?

I can assure you that should I ever feel like a second class citizen again, I would never say:

"WHAT ABOUT ME"