Losing A Child

Losing A Child

There are two ways to lose a child. The worst one is by death. The second one is by indifference. As a parent, losing a child by premature death must be a horrible experience. Children are supposed to outlast their parents. We all hope our children will be there for us when we get older. Not seeing their beautiful face when we are on our death bed is just so, so sad.

Losing a child by indifference also sucks. We try to create a happy family. We want to have a family where we all get together every Sunday (like the show "Blue Bloods"). For some of us that's just not in the cards. It could be because of divorce, having a major disagreement or for any unexplainable reason, the child doesn't care about you anymore.

I fall in the first and third category. After my first divorce, I lost my oldest son to his mother. My youngest son, who I had a good relationship for many, many years just decided to leave me in the cold. The part that frustrates me the most is I just don't know why.

When Father's Day comes you still hope for a card, a text or a call. However, when that doesn't happen, you tend to blame yourself for something you're not sure you did to make him or her indifferent to you.

I know this sounds awful, but is some way, losing a child to death is sometimes easier to deal with then losing a child to indifference when you just can't figure out why. 

Coming to grips with the death of a child takes a long time. However, if you still love life you carry on. If you still have a supportive family it can ease the pain. If you believe your child is going to a better place then you'll probably believe you will see that child in the future. If you have the internal strength to only focus on the good times you had with that child, you will be rewarded with positive energy for the rest of your life.

What do you do when you lose a child to indifference. Again, having a supportive family, or even just a supportive wife, makes it easier to deal with the situation. If you love life, you don't let that child stop you from living the best life you have left. You can also become indifferent to what's happening, but that's just not me.

My solution to losing a child to indifference is to realize that I'm a good person. Realize I did my best as a father and forgive myself for anything I might have done to create the situation. 

I have lost my two boys, but I haven't lost the great things I'm enjoying in life. I love my wife. I love my writing, I love my house. I love the neighborhood I live in. I love being retired. I love the great friends who I know love me. I even love the gym I go to three/four times a week.

What I can't do is let the loss of my sons take the happiness, I deserve in life, taken away from me. As painful as this may be, I suggest the people who have lost a child to death, feel the same about their happiness.

Happiness IS The Forgotten Ingredient In Life Even When Tragedy Happens