"Seeing" is Happiness

In my previous blogs I discuss how our addictions to money, security, power and ego negatively affects our happiness.  my blogs also state expecting the outside world to make you happy will, in the long run, never work.  The question is; where are these addictions and counting on "them" coming from?

There are two things going on inside most of us. One is a negative energy person that never feels good enough.  That person believes the future will be negative.  That person doesn't focus on what you have accomplished, he focuses on what you have failed. She does not want you to take risks because she believes you will fail.  He does not want you to make changes because she believes you will just make things worse.  He does not what you to make decisions because he believes you will make the wrong decision.

That person worries about things that have not even happened yet.  My parents worried all the time.  They always felt the future was something to be concerned about not something to look forward to.  I used to joke that if my parents hit the lottery they would start to believe that they got a bogus ticket and really didn't win.  I will say they got it honestly by growing up during the great depression.

Guess what, I got that negative energy person inside me from them.  However, any of us can get that person by growing up with negative energy(not just from your parents), by being in a traumatic situation (like an accident, a fire, death of a loved one, etc.) or a DNA personally trait that is susceptible to the negative stuff going around all of us all the time.

The bottom line is that negative person is "created" at a young age not born with it inside her.  We all have it to some degree.  Many of us are not affected by this person and can go on to a happy life.  Some of us don't get the happiness we deserve because of him.  I was one of those people.  I'll call this person "Negative."

The second person inside of us is someone that lives in the present.  That person doesn't worry about the future because he knows that we don't know shit about the future - hell, we don't even know what is going to happen while we are reading or writing this blog. That person believes she is good enough.  That person acknowledges his accomplishments.  That person can take a risk, make a decision and make a change because she believes it will lead to happiness.  I'll call that person "Positive."

For people like me, Negative controlled my life much of the time.  I wasn't happy within myself and felt the outside world had to make me happy.  I held back from creating my own happiness because I didn't believe I deserved it nor would I get it on my own. I started to believe that if I didn't do something soon, I was going to end up like my parents who just wanted to get through life happy or not.

This realization scared me more than mister Negative.  So, I pushed mister Positive to take some risks, make some decisions and make some changes.  Some worked and some didn't, but I survived.  Some were very painful (like two divorces), but I survived.

At the time I didn't realize there were two of me.  I was just running scared.  Too scared to take control of my happiness and yet too scared to not take control. At thirty nine I decided to see a therapist.  Bob help me "see" the two people inside me.  He also help me understand the affects Negative was having on my happiness.  He helped me "see" that positive energy begets positive energy and negative energy begets negative energy.  He helped me become the source of positive energy.

Why is "seeing" so important?  When you can "see" Negative acting out, you have a choice to make.  You can let him take control of your life or you can take a step back and say to yourself: "Negative is the past. I am the current and the future.  I have a choice.  I can believe his negative input or I can believe in myself and change things for the better.  I can trust that I will make the right decisions/changes and even if they don't work out, I will survive, move on and make better decisions/changes later.

By "seeing" mister Negative and acknowledging mister Positive, I will always focus on MY happiness.  Negative wants to stay in a small box because he believes that bad things will happen outside the box.  Positive wants out of the box because it's stopping him from creating a happier life.

"Seeing" was the hardest thing I ever accomplished. It took me over a year to "see."  The reason it is so hard is because Negative is insidious.  He comes out when you don't expect it.  She gives you a negative ZUTS (it means a sharp pain going through your body - I made the word up) when you try to do something different. 

For example, you want to change jobs.  Positive says that a different job will lead to happiness. However, before you can take action on a job change, Negative gives you a ZUTS and convinces you that you will fail, the next job will be worse, you will get fired, and then you will lose your family, your money and die).  That maybe an extreme, but a ZUTS can be that bad.  Because of the ZUT you decide to stay in the job you hate.

Negative will never go away.  You will have to live with him for the rest of your life.  He will continue to come out when you don't want him.  you can't stop her.  However, what you can do is accept her just the way she is.  You can realize that she is the negative past and you are the positive current and future. 

The best way to deal with him is like trying to stop a horse who is running out of control because he got spooked.  You have two choices with the horse.  Option one, you can pull up on the reins as hard as you can.  This option does not work. The harder you pull the more out of control the horse will become - the more you resist the more he will insist.  Option two works.  While the horse is running out of control, you stroke his main and talk comely into his ear.  As you keep stroking and whispering, the horse will eventually slow down and stop.

Don't try to stop Negative from affecting your life.  Instead "see" him for what he is and let Positive do his thing.

To this day I still get ZUTSs from Negative.  The difference is his negative energy does not last long.  Many time it last for just a minute and then Positive takes control.  For example: The guy behind you hits your car while you are stopped at a light.  Negative is all over you saying that your car is ruined, the insurance will blame you, you should beat up the guy who hit you, etc. etc.  If Negative controls your thoughts you will be upset for days - maybe even weeks.

If you can "see" Negative acting out, in less than a minute, Positive comes out and thinks: no sense in getting all worked up about this.  No matter how mad I am at this guy, I still have to get my car fixed.  It makes no sense for me to worry about what may happen (that dam future) because I don't know shit what is going to happen.  What I do know is that I need to get the information from this guy. call the insurance company, get my car fixed and move on.

Negative will spend days being angry - angry is negative energy.  Positive will be over it before he gets home - less stress is positive energy.

I CHOOSE TO BE THE SOURCE OF POSITIVE ENERGY.