I'm Calling Bullshit

Yesterday friends of mine invited another friend to meet at a bar.  The friend sent a txt back saying: "I was at that bar earlier in the week and it's hot."  I'm calling bullshit!  First, I know he was at the bar earlier in the week, but he didn't drive the thirty minutes.  Second, it's hot all over southern California.  It's hot no matter what bar he goes to.  Lastly, what does hot have to do with it?  He gets into an air-conditioned car, drives to the bar, valet's the car and walks eight steps into the air-conditioned bar.

Why not just say: "I love you guys, but I don't feel like driving that far tonight.  I'll see you soon."  Simple answer, easy to understand and not bullshit.

A friend buys a fairly expensive dress, puts it on and asks you how does she look.  You say: it's nice."  or you say:  "I'm really not the right person to ask.  What do I know about expensive dresses."  I'm calling bullshit!  She looks horrible in that dress.  Why not say: "Hay girl, that dress makes your butt look you stuffed a sandbag down your panties."  Or you could be nicer and say: "you really don't look very good in that dress.  I'd take it back and get something better for less money."

Simple answer, easy to understand and not bullshit.

You go to an expensive restaurant and order the Chef Special.  It tastes like unseasoned mush.  It looks good, but it's tasteless.  The Chef comes over and asks: "how is your meal."  With a blank face you say: "it's nice."  I'm calling bullshit!  It's not nice.  It's not even good.  It's costing you a lot of money.  You're the customer.  

Why not say: "Chef thanks for stopping over.  Your food presentation is great, but my meal is bland and really not worthy of this great restaurant.  I'm sure the other menu items are fantastic, but  tonight's Chef Special is not very good."  

Now, you could have said: "Chef this meal sucks and I want my money back."  That's very direct, but the Chef is not your friend and it's not necessary to be so blunt to get your message across.  However, it is important to tell the Chef the truth - not bullshit.

Why do we play nice and not say what we really feel?  Why doesn't the person who you're giving your bullshit response, just say: "I'm calling bullshit!"  "I know you don't want to drive to the bar.  It's OK, another time."  "I'm calling bullshit!"  "I can see in your face you don't like my new dress.  Why not just say so - I'll still love you."  "I'm calling bullshit!"  "The fact you have hardly eaten your meal tells me you don't like it.  Why not just tell me what you think it's missing.  That way I can choose if I want to fix it so other customers don't get a bad meal.  Also, if you just said so, I would get you something else to eat."

Our answer is: "I don't want to hurt the person's feeling."  Again, I'm calling bullshit!  Giving a person honest feedback is the right thing to do.  It's information they need.  You have the power to say it in a way that won't get them to be defensive.  If they're a close friend, just tell them like it is - they'll still be your friend.

Saying you didn't want to hurt their feelings, is really about you being concerned they won't like you anymore.  Not wanting to create conflict is you not being secure enough to share your true feelings.  You know your friend will not leave you.  Even if they get pissed off because you said something they didn't want to hear, they will still be your friend.  If they do stop being your friend, they maybe it wasn't the friendship you thought it was.

Why do you care if you piss off the Chef?  You're the customer.  You're the one spending your hard earned money.  They won't throw you out of the restaurant.  They won't cause a scene.  The worst that will happen is they'll either make you something else or give you back your money.  Even if they don't do that, you'll just write it off as a bad experience and never go back again.

What's most important is you don't get the reputation of being a bullshitter. You not getting away with anything.  They know you're not telling them the truth.  They're not calling bullshit for the same reasons you're giving them bullshit.  

Stop the cycle today.  Tell the truth in a way that's not offensive.  Tell the truth in a way that they can hear you.  Telling the truth will set you free.  Telling the truth will get you to like yourself even more.  Liking yourself more is a big step to happiness.

Not telling the truth will create a negative inside yourself and it won't fool the person you're bullshitting.  They'll respect you more if you tell them the truth.  Respect is another major goal to happiness.

To the people who can't live with themselves unless they say something they don't really believe, I say:

I'm Calling Bullshit!!!