My Eulogy

No one wants to think about dying even though we all know it's going to happen. It's never too early to write your eulogy. Writing it now defines your entire life. You may add or subtract information month after month or year after year, however you should write down your eulogy with the thought of your life ending right now.

I'm going to live until November 11, 2038. Writing my eulogy today will enable me to look deep inside and state the good and the bad of my life without holding anything back. I choose to let you all read my eulogy, but most of you will just put your eulogy into a special place to be updated on a regular basis and eventually read to everyone when you time comes.

My Eulogy  by Kenny Felderstein May 5, 2013

 

WOW what an interesting life I've had. I grew up in a neighborhood where everyone was friends. There was trust among us. We shared what we had. No one locked their doors. Neighbors would come and go into our homes and make themselves comfortable. We sat on our small porches and talked about life. Those who had a little more than others never bragged about it and we all were happy because they had a little more.

We truly cared for one another and were heartbroken when someone got sick or died. We were more than neighbors, we were family.

My mom and dad were beautiful people - honest to the core. They worked hard to support the family and loved me with all their hearts.  My mom was the hugger. My dad was not. However, I could see in his eyes how proud he was of me.

I grew up feeling safe, loved and had wonderful friends, neighbors who treated me with respect and fun. Money was not the issue of happiness. Loving and being loved was the reward.

The ten years (10 years old to 20) working with my father and mother in our little hamburger joint were some of the best years of my life. I got close to my father and enjoyed the respect he gave me for helping him make a living for the family.

At 17 while going to summer school (I just could not pass Spanish. My teacher once said to me: "How can I teach you Spanish when you don't know English") I met my first wife in summer school. She was from the other side of the tracks. Middle class is what they called it. She had friends that embraced me and treated me as they treated each other. Even though I had to take two busses to get to their neighborhood, it was worth the trip so I could see another side of life.

I used to believe that people with more money than I were not as happy as I. My middle class friends were just as happy as I and I had great fun being with them. I got really close to a few of them and became blood brothers with one of them. Back then being blood brothers was serious. Joey and I cut a small slit on our wrist and when the blood oozed out we held our wrist together until we were sure I had Joey's blood in me and he had some of mine in him.

These were great fun times. My career in computer programming was taking off and I had some spending money to do things with my new friends I couldn't afford before. Having a large number of friends who all had careers encouraged me to work hard to get to middle class status. The great thing was had I failed they all would still love and respect me for who I was.

All of my new friends were a few years older than I and by the time I was 20, they were getting married. At 20 I decided to do the same. My first son arrived a year and a half later. It got me a 3A status with the draft board and therefore I didn't have to go to Vietnam.

I was a known fantastic computer programmer and someone from NASA found me and offered me a programming job on the MOL (Moon Orbiter Landing) program. I was out of my mind with happiness. However, before I could accept the job, I got a call from the head of the project telling me the project was cancelled. That was a really sad day for me.

As life progressed, I became a manager and then director. More hours and more stress. My wife and I were not getting along. It was neither of our faults we just shouldn't have married so young and bring two sons into our life when we weren't ready. To this day I believe people should not get married and especially bring kids into their lives before that have spent enough time knowing who they were, what they wanted out of life and were on financial solid ground.

Prior to all this happening I had moved the family (for a better job) to Rochester New York, then back to Philly then out to California. Each move got me more money and bigger titles. However, I paid a dear price. Both my wife and I missed the great friendships and family we had back east. Not having that strong loving support group made our difficult marriage even harder.

These were not the happiest days of my life and it finally ended up in a bitter divorce. I did all I could to make the family feel secure and comfortable. I was an executive at Xerox Corporation, but all my disposable income went to the family. I was not bitter about it because I loved my boys and having the luxury of growing up with less and still being happy gave me the stability of knowing I would get through it.


I spent the next years making gains in business and sowing my oats. That's code for having affairs with every woman who would have me. I finally met my second wife. She was everything my first wife wasn't. We would travel all over. She got me to face many of my fears. She enabled me to test the creative side of my brain. However, things were still not right with me. I would be very happy about some things and very unhappy about others.

We knew the marriage was not working, but she gave me the most important thing any person could give another person - she encouraged me to get into therapy. I was a mess. I had every reason to be happy, but I wasn't. The stress in my life was magnified beyond what it should have been. I saw the future as bleak. When I first met Bob (my therapist) he asked me why I was seeing him and I stated: well Bob if everyone would stop treating me the way they are I wouldn't be here. Bob was glad I came to see him.

It took over a year with Bob before I realized how much control I had over my happiness. This realization enabled me to stop fighting with my second spouse and actually feel good about giving her everything she wanted out of the divorce. Yes, I was poor again, but I chose to be poor and happy instead of having more money and being unhappy. That breakthrough was the turning point of my life.

I was happy again. I was giving positive energy out to the universe. I was writing my first book. I fell in love with the best thing that ever happened to me, my wife Ellen.

These last 28 years have been unbelievable. I am so appreciative of my wonderful friends from back east and the wonderful new California friends I've been able to share my life with.

On this day of my death, my legacy is the love I have for all the people that have touched my life in a positive way. My legacy is all the love and respect I received from them. My legacy is my son, daughter-in-law and the two fantastic grandkids they have given me. My legacy is the difference I've made in people's lives. My legacy is the unbridled love I have for my wife Ellen and the strength, love and respect she has given me back. My legacy is my deep love for life that is now over, but never forgotten. My legacy is the happiness I've achieved and was able to give back to all the people who have crossed my path.

The only sad part of me dying is that I won't get to see all the positive energy still to come from Universe.  Thank you all for everything positive that has happened in my wild, crazy and happy life.

Don't be sad for me because I found true happiness in life. Use your emotions to create the best life for yourself because you deserve it..