Presence

Presence

Did you ever play a sport and could tell almost immediately who was the leader of the team?  Was that leader the coach?

Did you ever go to a party or join a group and could tell almost immediately who was the leader of the group?  Was he or she the life of the party or the designated group leader?

Did you ever join a new department in your company and could tell almost immediately who was the leader of the department? Was that leader the department head?

 
The answer to the first question in each paragraph is usually yes.  The answer to the second question in each paragraph is many times no. How could it be that the identified leader might not be the coach, group leader or the department head?  The answer is "Presence” — not who has the big stick or title of authority. 


There are many different definitions of presence in many different dictionaries. I like the definition I created: “Something the person who has it knows they have it deep inside their being.  The person who is in the presence (the other definition) of someone who has it can sense the presence in that individual.”  Kenny Felderstein

 
Not everyone can be a leader. Many don't want to become a leader. However, most people would like to think of themselves as someone who has a presence. Most people believe presence only comes from having the right kind of DNA or being brought up with parents who had a presence. I agree these traits can help, but they are not mandatory. Individual presence can be created.

 
My wife is one of the very few people who have a natural presence. Put her in a room full of people and everyone will flock to her. When we first starting dating I was waiting at the airport gate for her to arrive back from New Jersey where she was visiting her mother. In those days airport security was minimal and anyone could go straight to the gate to see their friends and loved ones coming off the plane.

 
When Ellen arrived, she was surrounded by the six people who were sitting close to her. They were talking and laughing with Ellen. They knew all about her and she knew all about them. In that five hour flight, these people treated Ellen like they had been friends for many, many years. Ellen has natural Presence! 

 
We all can't be like Ellen, but in my book "A True Leader Has Presence - The Six Building Blocks To Presence," I go into detail as to how anyone can create more presence than they already have. Below are a few actions you can take:

 
The more knowledge you have the better chance you will be perceived as a person with presence. To get that knowledge you first have to have life experiences. Just going through the motions of life will not give you the life experiences you will need to create a presence.  Just reading about life will not work either.  Life experiences come from living life to the fullest.

 
You have to attack life. You can't let life pass you by. Get out there and meet new people and learn from their experiences. Travel to different countries and learn about different cultures. Appreciate, absorb and use these life experiences to enhance your presence. Just having these life experiences won't do a thing unless you're willing to share them with others. The information you're sharing has to be real, not semi-real made-up bullshit. Bullshit is a presence killer.

 
The person in the room who has the most interesting life experiences will be thought of as someone who has a presence. 

 
Making mistakes is a building block toward presence. The more mistakes you overcome in your life the more knowledge you get and therefore the more presence you obtain. By overcoming mistakes you get to know yourself better. You get to trust yourself more. You get the feeling you can help others who make mistakes. These others will see you as someone with presence.

 
The better you listen the more knowledge you will gain.  “What counts is in the mind of the listener.  It doesn’t matter what you say — what matters is what they hear.” That's one of my few original quotes and comes from a realization I had in my early years of not being a good listener or a good communicator. 


Listening takes patience.  Listening requires you to be open minded.  Listening means you don’t shut the speaker out.  Listening means you don’t finish the sentence for them because you’re too impatient and you believe you know what they are going to say next.  Listening means you pay attention to all speakers even if you believe they aren’t as smart as you.  Accept that the least knowledgeable people sometimes say the smartest things and ask the best questions. 


Time is never on our side.  It’s hard to listen when the speaker is babbling.  Try to sift through the babble and get to the good stuff without shutting the speaker out.  Ask questions that might lead to the bottom line quicker.  Don’t say, “Stop talking and tell me what the bottom line is.” Instead say, “Your information is interesting, but I’m not sure I’m getting your point.”


After you think you know what the person is saying, test for understanding.  As I stated, “What counts is what is in the mind of the listener.” You’re the listener.  Therefore, testing for understanding is required because you might hear something different than what the speaker is trying to communicate.  The best way to do this is to repeat what you just heard, in your own words, back to the speaker.  Then you ask the speaker, “Is that the point you wanted to make?”


Your goal in listening is to find that golden nugget of information you might not have thought of yourself.  Every tiny golden nugget is information that will enhance your knowledge. Again, the more knowledge you can impart to others the more those people will see you as someone with a presence.


In my book about presence I list many building blocks that will enable anyone to have a presence. I just gave you one of those building blocks - Knowledge. Below are two of the other six building blocks that are critical to presence.


Confidence plays a significant role in presence.  People are attracted to people who have confidence.  Confident people like being with other confident people.  Less confident people want to be associated with confident people because they hope some of it will rub off on them. 


Boastful confidence doesn’t work.  You can say you’re confident all you want, but saying it doesn’t attract people.  People are attracted to internal confidence.  They can sense you believe in yourself. They can sense you know deep inside that you will get the task or project done on time with excellent quality.


When a confident person enters a room the people around him or her feel their confidence and therefore feel their presence. 


Personal presentation is another building block on the stairway to presence.  Personal presentation is about how you look, how you carry yourself and your physical presence.  I like to think of personal presentation as the outer shell or protective covering over the other building blocks of presence. 

Packaging knowledge, confidence and the well-made box of personal presentation will give you presence.  Adding a little DNA will take you from very good presence to outstanding presence. 


Your body can show how serious you are about a subject or task.  Your body can show happiness or sadness.  Your body can show anger and disappointment.  Your body can show your resolve and commitment. Your body can show confidence.  Make sure you use your body to show your presence.


Good posture is not only good for your health it’s important to your presence.  If you’re not born with good posture you have to work on it.  Ellen has to always remind me about my posture.  I have to think about it when I communicate to others — especially to a large audience.


Weight control is important to presence.  You don’t have to be a body builder.  You don’t have to be thin.  A little pot in your belly is OK.  A large pot in your belly is not OK.  If you have a bad body shape people will think, “If he or she can’t take care of their body why should I listen to them.” Having people focused on your poorly shaped body will make it tougher for them to let your presence through.


How you dress will have an impact on the way you are perceived.  People who are sloppy dressers will be looked upon by others as people who don’t take the time to care about themselves.  They will think, “If they don’t care about themselves, why should I respect them?”  If a sloppy dresser enters a room, people will be focused on his dress not on his presence.


I realize this is a lot to read and absorb. However, it is worth the time and energy to enhance your presence for one simple reason:

Happy people have the best chance of being thought of as someone with a presence. Unhappy people don't have any chance of being thought of as someone with a presence