Button, Button, Please Stop Pressing My Buttons

Button, Button, Please Stop Pressing My Buttons

Is there anyone out there who doesn't have any buttons? I didn't think so. We all have them to some degree or the other. What are your worst buttons? Who is the best at pressing your buttons?  I grew up with quite a few buttons. The worst one was feeling disrespected. I believe this specific button was created by me feeling not good enough.


My parents were hard working and family dedicated. One problem was my mother came from old school attitudes on the role of the mother in the family. To be specific, her role was to have children, take care of the children, cook and do what my father needed from her. She never drove a car. She never wrote a check. She never balanced a budget. That was my father's role.


My father was the rock of the family. He did everything my mother didn't. The problem was that even though my father was brilliant, he could only get work that required him to use his physical capabilities not his mental capabilities. That was OK because he was a well-built man. However, the physical work took its toll and his back became a huge problem. We couldn't afford an operation so he was in pain most of his years.


My sister was also brilliant, but she had social problems. She could take care of herself, but she was never there for my parents. Because of that she and I fought a lot because I had to be the good son to her bad daughter. 


Now, what the hell does all of this have to do with my button problem - everything! Sooo, there was my situation when I was eight years old:

• My father was the bread winner and he was in major pain with his bad back. I was scared shitless that he wasn't going to be able to take care of us. I had to be good enough to take care of the family. At eight that wasn't going to happen and I knew it.
  
• My mother was never taught the skills to make money and take care of us. I had to be good enough to take care of the family. At eight that wasn't going to happen and I knew it.
  
• My sister didn't want any parts of being responsible for the family. She was pissed off at my father because he wasn't rich and famous. I had to be good enough to take care of the family. At eight that wasn't going to happen and I knew it.

This feeling of responsibility without the capability of being able to perform, grew a huge "not good enough" button inside me. 

In some ways it was a good thing because I pushed myself to be successful. However, even though they all have passed away and even though I've had great success in business, that freak-en "not good enough" button will not go away. When I was challenged at work I got very angry and would try to defend myself to the death. When I was challenged at home, I would get angry and moody for many days.

When I went to see a therapist at 39 years old, I asked him to help me stop everyone from pushing my buttons.  He laughed and said the only way you're going to get over this is to believe this is your problem not theirs and to work hard at getting rid of your buttons. He was right, but, to this day, it's easier to say and very hard to do.

I'm 68 now and I've been able to get rid of almost all of my buttons except the "not good enough" button. It doesn't get pressed often, but, when it does, I still try to defend myself to the death. The biggest change in my behavior is that the anger and moody stuff only last for a few hours not days. I'm also able to step back and see what's happening to me. I'm also able to accept this is my problem not theirs and after I calm down, I do apologize to the button pusher.

OK, enough about me, what about you? Have you come to terms with your buttons? Do you realize reacting poorly to the button pushers are never going to make you happy? Have you done anything to find a way to either get rid of your buttons or at least not get as angry, frustrated or depressed when someone is has his finger on your button? 

My blogs are about happiness. Buttons are the antithesis of creating a happy life. We work hard to make a living. We work hard to raise a family. We work hard to generate good friends. We work hard to make us more attractive. We work hard at finding something that will make us happy. 

Now is the time to work even harder at minimizing the number and the pain of those freak-en buttons