SWEATER

SWEATER

There are three kinds of fighting. Boxing is one, but I'm not going to talk about that. Military is another, but I'm not going to talking about that. The one I am going to talk about is what I call social fighting.  

Let me clear, I'm not talking about fist fighting. I'm talking about verbal, emotional and mental fighting. All three have a controlling element about them. Sometimes we fight to get our point across. Sometimes we fight because we're trying to defend ourselves. Sometimes we fight because we don't believe the person(s) we're fighting with is hearing us. Most of the time we fight because we want to control the situation.

My wife hates yelling. I yell when I get frustrated or defensive. I know I shouldn't do it, but, as a Philly boy, everybody yelled when I was growing up. The good news is we don't fight often and when we do it only lasts for a few minutes.

Ellen loves me a lot and I love her a lot, sooo, we know nobody is leaving anybody. There are no threats involved. We are soul mates for life. Therefore, what's the sense of an argument lasting longer than a few minutes - absolutely nothing!!

She also hates when I argue with a friend. Many times I don't realize I'm taking this argument too far. She came up with a plan that works most of the time. When she thinks I'm dragging this argument too long, she says in my ear "SWEATER." That may sound stupid, but, it gets me to back off, take a deep breath and realize the argument needs to stop. 

I realize now that I'm more mature, it no longer isn't that important who wins the argument. It's not worth the frustration or anger. I said what I needed to say. I know the other person heard me. If that person wants to hold on to the proverbial bone, let them. I realize now I can and most of the time should, stop the argument. 

Most of my adult life, I was the one holding on to the bone and where did it get me - nowhere!! All it did was make me unhappy. Happiness Is The Forgotten Ingredient In Life. I need to lose a few to keep me happy. I wish I could be like my friend Kenny. The second he sees an argument coming, he backs off. I, on the other hand, still fall off the turnip truck once in a while until Ellen says: "SWEATER."

Verbal fighting is the predominate form of social fighting. However, emotional and mental fighting is the most insidious. Walking around with negative body language because you're pissed off with the other person can sometimes hurt that person more than yelling at them. Not talking to them while your face shows its anger, can sometimes hurt that person more than yelling at them. 

There are many forms of verbal, emotional and mental fighting. Those of you who, fight, probably have used one of those forms to make a point, piss the other person off or take control. It's that "I know better than you" fight that is the most controlling. Using words like "you're stupid" really hurts because you're controlling the situation by name calling.

Walking around pissed off at the other person for hours (sometimes days) really hurts because your controlling the situation by emotional and mental torture. Getting others to join you in the fight is verbal, emotional and mental torture to the other person. That person feels ganged up on. To some people, it can feel like being raped.

If you've been reading my blogs, you know I stress that for your happiness, you should never let the outside world make you unhappy. You are in control of your happiness. If you really love yourself, their controlling words or emotional fighting should just roll off your back. You are in control of the fighting. You can always choose to not fight.

With that said, reading my blogs and doing what my blogs say isn't so easy. If you can't stop them from fighting and making you feel like shit, try your best to do what my friend Kenny does. If you are the one involved in a fight and you just are making yourself and the other person miserable by dragging it on, try:

"SWEATER"