Why Are We Attracted To Some And Not Others

Why Are We Attracted To Some And Not Others

I just got off the phone with my close friend Mohammad. He called me from Paris just to say hello. We haven't spoken for a few months and he just wanted to hear my voice and find out how I was doing. It was so great to hear from him and it got me wandering why someone so far away from me was such a close friend?

Mohammad had worked for me at my last company. I was his boss, but there was something about both of us that drew us close. That was over twelve years ago and we're still close friends (even though he moved to France). 

I had many other people who worked for me that I liked, cared for, respected and enjoyed their company. However, Mohammad was the only one who I befriended (and he befriended me) even after we were no longer working together.

I met my Ellen at the emotionally worst time of my life. I was going through a bad divorce and was not interested in getting involved with another woman. Then came Ellen! We were attracted to each other immediately. Why her?

Some scientists believe primates and humans give off something called Pheromones. This scent is picked up by others and if the scents are compatible with each other a bond is formed. Now, I'm not saying it's bullshit, but there has to be much more going on.

Then there is the other side of this blog. Why do some people put us off when we first meet them? You go to a party with thirty people and you start having conversations with some and ignoring or even repulsed by others. Why is this happening - I wish I knew?

Here is my list. If any of my readers think they know the answer please write me especially if I missed something on my list.

* Pheromones. I can't rule it out because scientists are very smart people. But, there must be other factors.

* Body language. When you first meet people you're sensitive to their body language. If it's inviting you're open. If it's standoffish you're closed.

*  Physical features. When you first meet people you can't help noticing there physical features. Do to the way you were brought up or the experiences you've had in life, certain physical features either attract you or make you want to run away. 

I've learned to not make a negative judgment until I have spoken to that person or seen them interact with others. Some people just can't do that. They won't take the time to listen or watch a person who has a physical feature that offends them. However, if there are physical features that attract us we want to at least see how they react to ourselves or others.

* The words that come out of their mouth. We are attracted to positive energy and we are not attracted to people who broadcast negative energy. We can tell by the words people use if they are kind, respectful, love life, self-aware, encouraging, engaging and hopeful.

We can tell by the words coming out of their mouth if they are boastful, hateful, not self-aware, need to always be right, see life as a challenge instead of an opportunity, love to complain, think others are out to get them, obnoxious and speak like they don't even like themselves.

* Their actions. Are they the life of the party or do they hide out in a corner and don't approach anybody? Do they talk to everybody or just trap someone in a corner and talk their head off. Do they embrace (high fives, hugs, etc.) the people they know at the party or just say a quick hello and go elsewhere.

Again I wish I knew the answer to the question:

Why Are We Attracted To Some And Not Others