Word Of The Day - Negotiation

Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties, intended to reach an understanding, resolve point of difference, or gain advantage in outcome of dialogue, to produce an agreement upon courses of action, to bargain for individual or collective advantage, to craft outcomes to satisfy various interests of two people/parties involved in negotiation process. Negotiation is a process where each party involved in negotiating tries to gain an advantage for themselves by the end of the process. Negotiation is intended to aim at compromise.


MY TAKE:  After many years of successful negotiating, I agree with most of the definition above.  The part I don't agree with is "Negotiation is a process where each party involved in negotiating tries to gain an advantage for themselves by the end of the process."  I have found that the best result of a negotiation is when both parties end up even.  They may not have gotten all that they want or they may not have gotten more than the other party, but both parties can live with the outcome.


Most of us view negotiation as something between business people, labor unions and political parties (OH, if only Congress would understand the term negotiation instead of this term - "gridlock").  However, in fact, your life is a negotiation. 


While going through life you will find yourself negotiating with friends, family, spouse, children, others that in one way or another affect your life and even YOURSELF.


When you discuss with your friends what restaurant to have dinner, you are negotiating.  If you don't want to take charge of your life or care about your happiness, you don't negotiate with your friends - you just do what they want to do.  If you want to live a life of happiness, you will ask for what you want and negotiate from there. 


 If you want something from a friend (love, help, support, acknowledgment, etc.), you are negotiating. Don't expect all your friends to just give you what you want.  Don't expect the outside world to just give you what you want - even if you deserve it.  Most people put themselves in first position - as they should.  If you want to have happiness in your life, you should always love yourself just a little bit more than anybody or anything else in this world.  Therefore, for you and your friend to come out even (see MY TAKE above) requires a negotiation.


It's important (but, not mandatory) to be involved with and close with family.  Each person is as different as fingerprints.  We all have different wants and needs.  We all have different personalities. For some reason, family members don't see each other as they would see their friends.  They see themselves as people who hold the other family members to a higher degree then they do their friends.  You may prefer your friends to be good to you, but family members expect other family members to be good to them.  You may prefer your friends to give you what you want, but family members expect other family members to give them what they want.  Therefore, to be able to be involved with and close with family, you have to become an outstanding negotiator. As you get older you will realize It's worth the effort.


Do you negotiate with your spouse and children?  If not, they or you won't have a happy relationship.  Unhappy relationships (friends, family, spouse and children) leads to an unhappy life.  If you want to have a happy relationship with your spouse and children, you have to be willing to negotiate.  Remember, MY TAKE -  for your happiness, both parties need to come out even.  Tell them what you want, but be willing to negotiate the details.  Expect them to give up something they want, but be willing to bend on some of the things they believe are "show-stoppers."  Always remember, you want to have all the happiness you can get in your life.  The way to get it is to have a happy relationship with your spouse and children.  


The easiest one to understand is negotiating with "others that in one way or another affect your life."  Your contractor, your boss, your plumber, etc., etc. etc.  The only point I will make to you is to negotiate to "even" for both parties.  Don't hold on to the bone until you get what you want.  Don't try to feel superior because you got them to cave.  Don't go away from the negotiation knowing they are really unhappy with what they got out of the deal.  Please believe me you will lose in the long run - "what goes around - comes around."


It is not worth the stress to fight for every penny.  It is not worth it to make yourself unhappy just so you can say you won. It is not worth your happiness to know they wound up unhappy.  Happiness begets happiness - unhappiness begets unhappiness.  Be the source of happiness.


Lastly, you should be conscious of the negotiations that goes on inside yourself.  Yes, you do negotiate with yourself. Should I take this job, How much money should I ask for, should I tell my spouse I'm not happy with our relationship, should I try tough love with my son, who should I go to solve this problem.  I could go on and on.  The point is that having that negotiation with yourself is healthy.  The more you are in tune with yourself the better.  The goal is to end the negotiation with yourself knowing that you can live with the outcome. Ignoring the negotiation with yourself and just letting someone else make the decision will suck the happiness right out of you.


The bottom line is happiness.  The real goal of any negotiation is leaving with your happiness in tact or enhanced.  Remember the words I stated in a previous blog:

"IS WHAT I'M DOING OR ABOUT TO DO LEADING TO MY HAPPINESS!!!"