Emotional Rescue

What do you do when you realize a close friend, spouse or family member is an emotional wreck?  What do you want others to do when or if you are an emotional wreck?  The answer to the first question is the answer to the second question.


When I completed a year and a half of therapy/mentoring I felt like I had a gift.  I finally understood what was happening to me and the things I had to do and believe in to create a happier career and life for myself.  I was so happy I was on the right path, I wanted to help others to get on the same path.  It didn't work.


I knew what were the telltale signs of other people's problems with their happiness.  I could see it in their words, body language and outlook on life.  They were me before I had seen the light.  Their problems were my problems even though they acted them out differently than I.  All I wanted to do was give them the light I had received.  WOW was I wrong.


They didn't see me as a disinterested third party (like my mentor was to me).  They saw me as their friend, family or spouse.  They felt I was judging them.  They believed their problems were different then my problems.  They didn't believe I or anybody else could change their life.  They believed if the outside world would stop making them unhappy their life would be better.


Their position took me back.  I had something wonderful and wanted them to have the same.  Why would they feel this way?  I had to realize it didn't matter what I had or believed - what mattered was what they wanted out of life.  It didn't matter what I said - what mattered was what they heard.  It didn't matter that I wanted to help - what mattered was did they want help.


Once I came to this realization, I stopped trying to fix everybody.  Instead, I became a mentor to people who tried other solutions and still were not happy.  These people were not friends, family or spouse.  They saw me as a third party that only cared about their happiness.  I charged them a very small amount of money for the purpose of making sure they had a stake in their transformation.  The money was less than the cost of a tee shirt, but the act of writing me a check or handing me cash assured our relationship was professional.


After getting references from people I actually helped, the need to charge went away.  I decided I would only take on people who, I believed, I could help and who truly wanted to change the path they were on.  I also decided I didn't want this to become a business.  All I want to do is help people.  Seeing someone get it, overcome their problems and become a happier person puts a big smile on my face.  


I now realize that I'm doing this as much for my happiness as their happiness.  Listening to what they are going through is a clear reminder to what I went through.  They are actually helping me to never go back to the old Kenny.  


Watching them act out is extremely interesting to me.  No two peeps act out their unhappiness, frustration, anger and negative energy the same way.  However, what I have learned is the core of their problems is the same for all including me.  My focus is to get them to "see" the core issues that are holding them back.


If you know someone who is not happy with their life, don't talk - listen.  They need a shoulder to cry on.  They don't need anybody telling them what to do.  They don't need someone to judge them.  They don't need someone to say: "pull yourself man and just get over it."  They do need your positive energy.  They do need your understanding.  They do need you to tell them you love them just the way they are.


Pointing them to a disinterested third party when you believe they are ready to reach out for help, is a good thing.  My favorite place to go to is:

KenKenny.com