People don't find the happiness they deserve for Four main reasons:

1. They don't know what they want.
2. Fear of failure stops them from making decisions and making changes.
3. Addiction (instead of preference) to money, security, ego and power limits their capability of finding happiness.
4. Pressures and expectations created by the outside world (your spouse, your friends, your boss, your commitments, etc.) becomes the reason you are not happy.

This blog covers reason one - "People don't know what they want." Future Blogs will cover the other reasons.

People just don't focus on what they want out of job, life and relationships. They just go through life not realizing how they got there. They wind up frustrated and unhappy not knowing how all this happened. Not being introspective, not taking a step back to evaluate where they are now, not thinking how they can change, and unwilling to change their life because they are afraid of the consequences leads they to the unhappiness state they are in.

When asked why did I become a lawyer they reply: "well my mother was a lawyer." When asked: "why did you get married they say:" "It was time, my girlfriend wanted to get married, all my friends are married, and my parents wanted grand children." When asked: "why did you take this job," they say: "security, money, a promotion, the power to control, my dad worked for this company, and it was the only job I could get." When asked: "why do you stay with this friend or wife/girlfriend" the say: "it's hard meeting new friends, my parents and friends like her, I'm not sure I can do better, I would have to leave the neighborhood to find new friends, my wife/girlfriend may be a pain in the ass, but the sex is great, and I can live with it as it is because changing it will be too painful."

STOP!!!! This is YOUR life. It's not your parents, friends, boss, wife, or girlfriend's life. What do YOU want? Do you want to go through life settling and accepting what the outside world gives you?

NOW is the time to collect your thoughts and be clear what you want. If you're not happy in your job - YOU can change it. Why take a promotion that will not make you happy. Why be in a profession that will not make you happy. Why work for a boss or organization that makes you unhappy. If you know what kind of job you want go for it (as long as it is reasonable and doable). You may have to turn down a promotion, ask for a transfer to a different department, change careers and start at a lower level, take less money, and lower your ego."

I was a senior executive in a job I hated. I asked for a transfer to marketing (my first love). My boss said; "Kenny, there isn't a senior job in marketing. You will have to take a demotion. You probably will have to take less money. Your going to replace me when I move on so why would you want to do this?" I said: "because I'm not happy doing this job."I asked him: "are you happy doing your job?" He said: "I don't have to be happy. The money is good, My wife likes nice things. I'm not going to tell my family and friends that I took a step down because I was unhappy."

That is when I realized that my transfer request was right. I did not want to be like him. The people (wife, friends, and family) who loved me, want me to be happy. If they didn't, then I needed to let them go. I took the demotion and went to marketing. I loved my job and my boss. Eventually, I wound up running marketing.

Now is the time to look at your personal relationships with wife, girlfriend, friends, and family. My first blog, "Three is a charm," tells how I went through two difficult divorces to find my love Ellen. We are together twenty seven years and they are the best years of my life.

If you are not happy with your wife, friends, or family, YOU can change it. Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, it will be an emotional disaster for both you and them. Yes, you will lose some friendships and some people will hate you. I had all those things happen to me. I survived. In time my life got better. People that I never thought of as dear friends, became my best friends. The people who loved me knew I was not happy and they wanted me to be happy. My kids who were upset, at the time, made a great life for themselves.

I'm not just talking about divorcing your wife. The same problems can happen when you leave your girlfriend, some friends and some family members. What good is it to have these people in your life if YOU are not happy. Life is so short. Before you know it, life will pass you by. I hope there is something more after this life, but we don't know for sure. This might be all we are going to get. Please make the most of it. Don't go through life unhappy because you don't want to deal with the problems change will cause.

Life is great if you life it. You should get all the happiness that is available to you - YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!