Taking Charge of Your Career and Your Life Part Four
Part 4 Figure out how you can, not why you can't.
There are things that people always do to themselves. They put up barriers in front of them and all they think about is why something can't get done. Their first reaction is, I can't do this.
What is wrong with this picture? Rather than thinking about how they can do something they think about all the roadblocks in front of them that will stop them from doing something.. I am not saying the books you read, the things you see on video or the things you read in other's blogs that state you can do anything you put your mind to, is right. That's not realistic. You can't do everything you would like to do.
What I am saying is there are things you can do in your life. There are things you have control of in your life. Those are the things you can do. You need to think through what you are going to do and how you are going to do them.
The things you can do could be very tough. Some of them could be very, very painful decisions, but they are things you can do. The fact that many of these decisions are difficult and maybe painful, is why people stop thinking about how they can and focus on why they can not. Below, is a true personal example. It may be considered and extreme, However, if you can do something, for your happiness, that is extreme, then think about all the things you can do that are not as extreme.
At 40 years old I found myself in a very unhappy second marriage. I had a young boy who was in the hospital. I hated my job. I was in a woe is me mental situation. What could I do? I was frozen in my decision making. I just gave up. Sigmund Freud says, in these kind of situations you either flight or flee. I was in full flight. I was fleeing. I was out of here. Maybe I'll change my name, go to Florida or Hawaii, or something like that and just lay on the beach.
I just happened to be going to therapy at this particular time. Bob said: "why don't you write down the things you could do? The things you have control of doing?" What could I do about my situation? This was ridiculous. What could I possible do? My life was crap. However, I trusted Bob and wrote some things down. It took me a week, but I wrote some simple things down that I could do.
There are things that people always do to themselves. They put up barriers in front of them and all they think about is why something can't get done. Their first reaction is, I can't do this.
What is wrong with this picture? Rather than thinking about how they can do something they think about all the roadblocks in front of them that will stop them from doing something.. I am not saying the books you read, the things you see on video or the things you read in other's blogs that state you can do anything you put your mind to, is right. That's not realistic. You can't do everything you would like to do.
What I am saying is there are things you can do in your life. There are things you have control of in your life. Those are the things you can do. You need to think through what you are going to do and how you are going to do them.
The things you can do could be very tough. Some of them could be very, very painful decisions, but they are things you can do. The fact that many of these decisions are difficult and maybe painful, is why people stop thinking about how they can and focus on why they can not. Below, is a true personal example. It may be considered and extreme, However, if you can do something, for your happiness, that is extreme, then think about all the things you can do that are not as extreme.
At 40 years old I found myself in a very unhappy second marriage. I had a young boy who was in the hospital. I hated my job. I was in a woe is me mental situation. What could I do? I was frozen in my decision making. I just gave up. Sigmund Freud says, in these kind of situations you either flight or flee. I was in full flight. I was fleeing. I was out of here. Maybe I'll change my name, go to Florida or Hawaii, or something like that and just lay on the beach.
I just happened to be going to therapy at this particular time. Bob said: "why don't you write down the things you could do? The things you have control of doing?" What could I do about my situation? This was ridiculous. What could I possible do? My life was crap. However, I trusted Bob and wrote some things down. It took me a week, but I wrote some simple things down that I could do.
1. I could go through another painful divorce. I didn't want to do that again. Believe me it is not something I would prescribe to anybody and I did everything to avoid it, but I could go through another painful divorce. I could do that. I knew the outcome of that divorce would have me loose all my money, again. The thing my parents cherished the most, the thing that was so sacred was security. So I could give all that up again. I could do that. Was it going to be fun - no. Did I want to do it - no. However, I wrote it down because I could take control of my happiness. Yes, I could do that.
2. My son was 60 miles away from me. What could I do? Well, I could leave work at night four to five days a week. I could drive down to see him in the hospital. I could do that. I could give up my weekends to go see him. I could do that. Did I want to do that - no. Would I be giving up a lot of things that I wanted to do in my life - yes. However, I could do that.
3. In my job, I could walk into my boss and say: "I don't want to do this anymore. I hate being a program business manager. I want to go back into marketing." I could be risking my career. My boss could think I didn't want to work for him anymore and never let me get ahead. However, when I told him, he said: "Kenny, come on give me a break. You are a senior manager. You are going to have my job some day. What are you crazy? Why are you doing this?"
I said: "because I'm not happy." He said: "what does happiness have to do with it? I'm not happy. Think about your family. Think about the money. There are no senior jobs in marketing. You are going to wind up working for a Director. You are already a Director." I said: "I don't care. I'm good at marketing. I like doing that. I want to go back. I have already talked to Roger, (marketing director) and he would love to have me working for him." This was very foreign to my up the ladder oriented boss. This is not the way people think in American corporate business. I took a big risk because, I could do it.
I said: "because I'm not happy." He said: "what does happiness have to do with it? I'm not happy. Think about your family. Think about the money. There are no senior jobs in marketing. You are going to wind up working for a Director. You are already a Director." I said: "I don't care. I'm good at marketing. I like doing that. I want to go back. I have already talked to Roger, (marketing director) and he would love to have me working for him." This was very foreign to my up the ladder oriented boss. This is not the way people think in American corporate business. I took a big risk because, I could do it.
Sooo, I wrote three simple things down that I could do when my life was crap. I implemented all three of those things. They were tough, they were real tough. They were not fun. Even the one about changing my job. Believe me, when I walked around the hallways I knew people would be thinking: "I don't think Kenny asked for this demotion. I'm sure he must have done something that got him pushed back into marketing."
There were many things that I had to cope with, many things that were not fun. I wrote these things down and I implemented them for one reason - I could take control of my life and do something for my happiness. Where I thought there was no way out because my life was crap. Where I thought the only way out was to drop off the face of the earth, I fould three simple (but difficult) things that I could do to make me happy.
Although it took a year for my actions to jell, I got back into marketing and got happy again. A year later they promoted me up the chain again. My son got better, that was great. The divorce was tough, but when it was over I found the love of my life, Ellen and that was great, it is great and it will always be great.
I figured out how I could and stop believing I could not. That made me happy. Think about the choices you make in life. You have more control of your happiness than you think. You just have to stop being negative about what you can not do and be positive about what you can do. Doing so will make you happier.
There were many things that I had to cope with, many things that were not fun. I wrote these things down and I implemented them for one reason - I could take control of my life and do something for my happiness. Where I thought there was no way out because my life was crap. Where I thought the only way out was to drop off the face of the earth, I fould three simple (but difficult) things that I could do to make me happy.
Although it took a year for my actions to jell, I got back into marketing and got happy again. A year later they promoted me up the chain again. My son got better, that was great. The divorce was tough, but when it was over I found the love of my life, Ellen and that was great, it is great and it will always be great.
I figured out how I could and stop believing I could not. That made me happy. Think about the choices you make in life. You have more control of your happiness than you think. You just have to stop being negative about what you can not do and be positive about what you can do. Doing so will make you happier.
No comments:
Post a Comment