The second reason people have trouble finding happiness is:

"Fear of failure stops them from making decisions and making changes."

What is this fear of failure? Why, to some degree, do we all have it? How do I deal with this fear of failure and be OK making major decisions and major changes that will lead me to happiness?



What is this fear of failure? Fear of failure is not a today thing it is a future thing. We worry about making decisions or changes today because we don't know how it will affect us in the future. What if I decide to change jobs? Will I be successful? Will it make me happier? How will it affect my family and friends? If it doesn't work out, will the people who love me still love me? The same questions and concerns come into our heads if we make social decisions (like divorce) or business decisions.

The first thing I ask the people I mentor is: "what is the worst thing that could happen if you make this decision or this change?" Let's look at the future concerns stated above. What is the worst thing that might happen if your decision/change is not successful? Don't you trust yourself? You are going to put all of your effort to make it successful. You are the odds on favorite to make this a success. However, what if you're not? I will guarantee you will always have food to eat, air to breath, and shelter - everything else is cosmetic. Let me state that again: "you will always have food to eat, air to breath, and shelter - everything else is cosmetic."

How can I make that guarantee? Are you a legal citizen? Are you able to work? Do you have an education? If the answer is yes to those questions, then you will always have food to eat, air to breath, and shelter - everything else is cosmetic. When I go to home depot I see people that are not legal in this country and don't have an education. They are standing outside talking to and many times having fun with their friends while waiting for someone to give them a days work.

They are not rich nor do they have many of the cosmetic things that we take for granted, but they do have food to eat, air to breath, and shelter. They would like a better life, but they have friends and family that love them. Many of them are happy with the little they have - everything else is cosmetic. Therefore, if your decision or change is unsuccessful, YOU will survive, recover and make a better life for yourself.

Will this change or decision make me happier? Well, you're not happy now! If you were, you would not be making a major decision or change that you believe will make you happier. Soooo, what do you have to lose, take a risk, make that change, and/or make that decision. The worst that can happen is that you won't be any happier than you are now.

Always believe that you will survive - you won't die. Believe that you will recover and make other changes and/or decisions that will eventually lead to happiness.

How will it affect my family and friends? I truly believe that when you are happy the people around are happy - positive energy begets positive energy. When you are unhappy the people around you are unhappy - negative energy begets negative energy.

Be the source of positive energy. Focus on YOUR happiness first. Love yourself just a little more than any thing or any person in your life. My mother would call that attitude - selfish. However, what I have learned in life is that when I'm happy, I have so much more to give to all the people around me. Giving makes me and them happy.

If it doesn't work out will the people who love me still love me? This is when you really find out who wishes you well, who is your friend, and who loves you. I hope all your decisions go as planned, but should they not, that is when you will find out who is on your side. The people who love you love you just the way you are. The people who love you want you to be happy. Get rid of the ones that don't.

This is YOUR life not theirs. Living is not just getting through life. Living is getting the most out of life that is available to you. Your happiness is critical to you having a great life. Decisions and changes are difficult and risky. The more right decisions and changes you make will make you happier. No decision or change will never lead to the happy life you deserve. Take the risk - go for it. What's the worst that can happen.

Why, to some degree, do we all have this fear of failure? Your parents love you. They want you to be happy. Most of all, they want to protect you. Sooo, when you are growing up they say things like: "don't go into the street - you'll get hurt." "Don't put your hand in the fire you'll get burned." "Come to me for decisions because you are not old enough to make them." To some of us they are saying you are not good enough to make decisions or do things on your own. Some parents push harder than others and some of us take it harder than others.

Also, many of our parents are scared to make decisions or changes. They just go through life not focusing on their happiness. We watch that fear in them and some of us take it in more than others.

My parents put that fear of failure in me. They came through the early part of life when the great depression was happening. My father had a dead father and a sickly mother. He had to be the man of the family, at a young age, to support and protect his mother and three sisters. Living was really hard. Although he had food to eat, air to breath and shelter, every major decision was too scary. A NO decision was safer. he believed being happy was not the goal - survival was the goal.

I watched his fear and came out of it with most of it within me. He feared the future and I did also. I had no idea what the future would bring, but I feared it anyway. It took me years to truly understand that it was his fear not mine. I have a choice. I can fear the future or I can accept that I don't know what will happen so why assume it will be bad. I can trust myself that if the worst happens I will recover, make new decisions and create a happier life.

I fought so hard trying not be like him and angry with myself because I had this fear. Years later and with a great mentor, I realized the more I fought this fear the worse it became - "the more you resist the more he will insist." I had to accept this fear is inside me. I didn't put it there, but it does exist. The issue is what am I going to do about it. I decided to take the risks in life that would make me happy.

Two divorces were painful, however like my other post, three is a charm. Ellen is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I made many difficult decisions in the business area. Some made me happier and some did not. I recovered from the ones that didn't and pushed on to a happier business life. I still have that fear of failure with me all the time, however it does not stop me from pushing toward a happier life.

Life is great. It is worth living only if you decide to reach for the brass ring. YOUR happiness is in your control more than you think. You just have to put your fear of failure aside and take the risks in life that give you what you deserve - HAPPINESS!!!