Why Do Relationships End, Endure or flourish

The bottom line answer is happiness. However, we all know it's much more complex than that.  One thing is for sure. If a relationship is ending one or both parties are not happy. If a relationship is being endured one or both parties are not happy. If a relationship is flourishing both parties are happy.

BTW, I'm talking about all relationships not just married people. Friendships, family and employee relationships end, endure and flourish.

Relationships end for many reasons. I'm going to list just a few:

• The two parties grow apart as they get older. You are not the same person at 20 than you are at 30, 40, 50, etc. Some people have a very different view of life then the person they are having a relationship with. This is not a rare occurrence it's a natural evolution. One or both parties become, over time, unhappy with the way the other party views life.
  
  When this happens, the relationship has a chance to end in friendship if both parties realize and accept the differences in each other. However, what usually happens is one or both parties become angry and frustrated and use that excuse to force an end of the relationship. It's sad when that happens, because if they would just talk to each other about how they have become different, they might be able to end the relationship without any negative feelings toward each other.
  
• One or both parties stop trusting the other. Cheating does not have to mean that one party had sex with someone else. Cheating takes many forms. Stealing anything no matter how small is cheating your partner. Lying about anything is cheating your partner.
  
  By doing so your partner feels violated. By doing so, your partner no longer has the same amount of trust in the relationship. Losing trust marks the end of a relationship. It's very hard to end the relationship on good terms when trust is lost.
  
  Apologizing isn't good enough. Explaining why you cheated isn't good enough.  Even if you can come up with a fantastic reason why you stole, lied or cheated, the other party will always have in the back of their mind that you might not be trustworthy. Even if the other party accepts your reasons, over time that little person in the back of their mind is watching out for the next shoe to fall.
  
  The stress of that deep feeling eventually blows up in a fight and the downfall of the relationship. Both parties leave unhappy and rarely become friends again.
  
• Distance does not make the heart grow fonder. Distance is a relationship killer. A long distance relationship almost never works. A long distance friendship does endure. However, a relationship has many more expectations than a friendship.
  
  Being removed from your partner opens up many, many opportunities to destroy a relationship. As you are away, your view of life is changing in many more ways than it would change if you were at home. You're surrounded by new sights, new people, new culture, new entertainment and new options.
  
  In time you may look upon your relationship as something old that you don't want to go back to. You may be enticed to cheat because the distance makes you feel it's OK. The daily phone calls become boring because there isn't much new to talk about. Small white lies become the norm.
  
  When you do get back together again, the other party will know that something is different. This will create insecurity within them. They will then start asking more pointed questions and you will escalate the small white lies into full blown lies. The lying will eat at you because you do like or even love the other person, but you don't want to go back to the way things were before.
  
  It won't take very long for the relationship to fall apart. If you can hold on to the friendship while the end is coming, you're a star.
  
  BTW, although I might have overstated something's, I lived every one of these situation to some degree. I write what I know not what I think I know.

Relationships endure for many reasons. Here are a few:

Let me start by giving you Webster's definition of endure: bear - stand - suffer - tolerate - sustain - undergo. I'm going to focus on tolerate.

• Relations endure out of perceived need. I used the word "perceived" because I strongly believe we have the courage and control to change a relationship that is tolerated to one that either ends or flourishes.
  
  We endure a relationship because of financial need. We endure a relationship because of a need to keep the family together. We endure a relationship because of a need to have stability in our lives. We endure a relationship because of our need for security. We endure a relationship because going out on your own is just too scary. We endure a relationship because we don't have the confidence we can do better.
  
• Relationships endure because of the kids. It's OK that both of us are unhappy together because the kids come first. This never works out for the kids and their parents. Some people go their entire life unhappy, even when the kids are grown up because they got into this rut on false pretenses (the kids) and just can't get out of the rut.
  
• Relationships endure because we don't deserve happiness and feel trapped because we don't believe we have any control of our happiness.
  
  BTW, both my first wife and I endured our relationship because of the kids. It ended ten years later in divorce. I write what I know not what I think I know.
  

Relationships flourish for many reasons. Here are a few:

• Relationships flourish because we just love the shit out of each other. The relationships I have with my best friends and my beautiful wife is because I truly love them and I believe they truly love me back. It took me 40 years to fall in love and the glow in my heart just keeps getter stronger. A hug in the morning is one of the best feelings anyone can obtain.
  
• Relationships flourish because we are close friends. Friendship is something to cherish not assume. As I stated in my new book "Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient" (sorry for the plug) too many people use the word friendship loosely. A true friend is someone who is there for you. A true friend is someone who roots for you. A true friend is someone who wants you to be happy. This can only happen over a test of time. Make sure your relationship is flourishing because the person you're with is a TRUE friend.
  
• Relationships flourish because both of you are happy, get more happy when the other person gets more happy and because you will do everything you can to make them happy.
  
  BTW, I write what I know not what I think I know (just ask Ellen).
  

Happiness is the necessity for a relationship to flourish. A flourishing relationship brings happiness. If you get one or more flourishing relationships in your life you are truly one of the lucky ones.

Embrace the relationship and the happiness it gives you.