Words That Hurt - Words That Heal

A child goes up to his sister, angry with her because she wouldn't let him play with her Transformer toy, and says: "I hate you - you BABY." The word baby is a very nice word. it usually brings a smile to your face. However, in the context of how this child used BABY, it's no different than him saying: "I hate you - you mother fucker."

I screwed up a project in business and my CEO, after reviewing the work, called me an AMATURE. Having many years in business and being an outstanding employee and executive, he couldn't have picked a better word to push my insecure button. Calling me an idiot, stupid or lousy would not have had the same effect.  The word AMATURE really hurt. If I had one year experience, I probably would have agreed with him and the word would not have hurt so much.

STUPID is a hurtful word if used in the right context. Nobody likes to think of themselves as STUPID. When someone makes a mistake it's OK to let them know they made a mistake and say don't worry about it we can fix it. However, saying: "what are you STUPID" really hurts.

Using the same word another way can be used as light hearted. "When it comes to driving directions, my husband is really STUPID." "I am so STUPID when it comes to anything electronic."

NIGGER is a very hurtful word. Any word that is used to describe a person's race or religion is very hurtful if used in a hurtful way. Calling someone a JEW, KIKE, CHINK, GOOK, REDNECK, etc. really hurts if said in a hurtful way. However, using the same words in a playful way (as long as the recipient is in on the joke), can get a laugh.

LOVE is a healing word. It's hard to use the word LOVE in a hateful way. Reminding someone who is having a bad day that they are still LOVED by you is very healing. Everyone on this earth wants to be loved. If for some reason they don't want to be loved, they are not a contributing entity to the Universe.

FORGIVE is another healing word. However, it has to be used in all honesty. "I FORGIVE you" means nothing if the other person believes you really don't mean it. However, giving someone a hug and saying "I FORGIVE you" is extremely healing.

PROUD is a happy healing word. Telling a son: "I'm so PROUD of you" has a big impact on their happiness. Telling a friend who has just passed the BAR: "you must be PROUD of yourself," enhances their self-image and that's both healing and happiness.

ASSHOLE doesn't hurt if you ARE and ASSHOLE and it doesn't hurt if you know you're not an ASSHOLE. I've used ASSHOLE as a healing word and I've used ASSHOLE as a word to remind someone they are not acting properly. If someone really is a giant ASSHOLE, they don't exist in my circle.  Bottom line is ASSHOLE is just a word with many, many meanings based upon how you choose to use it.

One of the smartest person I know, my ex CEO and President Jose, always said that words are important. They communicate a message and we should be conscious and considerate on how we use them.

A negative person uses words to hurt. A positive person uses words to help heal. A happy person takes a step back before they use a word. An unhappy person let's words just fall out of their mouth without thinking.

Take that extra step and think about the word you want to use to deliver a message. You can use a negative word if you want to get someone attention, but don't use that same word just to hurt someone. You can use a positive word to help someone, but you have to mean it.

OK all you ASSHOLES, make sure you know what words your saying and how it might affect the person you're saying it to.